How do you keep the spark in a relationship?

[Noname12345]

How do you keep the spark in a relationship?

How long have you been with your partner? Have you got kids? What do you do to keep love and romance alive?

 

[Boredinstagrammer29]

I think affection is the biggest key, intimate moments seem to do it for us rather than big ‘sparks’, we’re not passionate. We hold hands a lot and cuddle. I have been asking to go somewhere fancier for valentines/my bday so I get to put on a dress and heels as I don’t feel sexy day to day or hiking on the weekends lol we’ll see if that helps (him seeing me dolled up)

no kids together one year

 

[Sp20191]

I find the ‘romance’ comes and goes, we are really happy but not always being romantic, we are happy to just be together sitting on the sofa watching tit tv!

We’ve been together almost 15 years and have 2 kids (7&10)

Also at this point romance comes in different forms....like him bringing me breakfast in bed, or changing the head of the toothbrush for mine so it’s one less thing to remember, feeding the dog etc etc, it’s not the big gestures for us it’s the small everyday ones that mean the most x

 

[Boredinstagrammer29]

I find the ‘romance’ comes and goes, we are really happy but not always being romantic, we are happy to just be together sitting on the sofa watching tit tv!

We’ve been together almost 15 years and have 2 kids (7&10)

Absolutely! We went out for dinner last night and was excited to on our way home and get into bed. Fell asleep cuddling before 12 lol

 

[SunshineDreamer]

I’ve been with my husband about 12 years in total now and we have three children (two 3 year olds an a 7 month old) and I find the most romantic things are the little things he does without thinking. He works long shifts and he’ll come home and cover me with a blanket or leave me and the kids little notes before he goes to work. Yesterday he took our son to Borough Market and came back with flowers for me and our girls, just because.

 

[Orange Creme]

I've been with my husband for 12 years and we have 3 children. We are the best of friends but I find that sometimes the romantic spark can come and go for no apparent reason. Acts of kindness and laughing together about something are good to get back on track I find.

 

[Noname12345]

We've been a couple for 3 years and living together for 1,5 yrs. Before we moved in together, we used to go on "dates" in town. It was usually after work, but it was nice to go out.
Unfortunately, stress at work got worse, my anxiety kicked in and I don't like going out. My other half loves socialising with others and enjoys meals out. Our social life is one thing we argue about a lot.

Between busy work, his education, my anxiety and everything else, it feels like we start drifting apart.

At least we are affectionate towards each other.

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

We've been together 10 years, married for 7, have two children 6&4, one of which has a few health issues.

There's no sexual spark anymore, that desire to ravish him at every chance has long gone but there are still moments when I look at him and think "I love you" also "your a nob"

He makes me a cup of tea every morning or atleast gets the kettle on and my cup ready, he can tell when I'm struggling and will take over without saying anything. When I'm doing the weekly shop I will pop in treats for him and snacks for his work commute.

For us it very much is the little things, neither of us like grand gestures.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Snapchat for sending teasing pics/nudes while apart.
Lots of sex.
Playful banter.

I was with my ex for 14 years and we never lost the spark I just grew up and wanted to move on.
I’ve only been with my new lad for 8 months.

 

[judsmum]

I’ve been with my husband since I was 17, so 20 years now. We’ve been married for 15 years.
We have one son who took a lot of money, injections and heartache to get!
There is very little romance in this house and that’s fine by us. I don’t want little gestures, or bunches of flowers, or to be told how fantastic I am. I want someone to hug me when I’m sad, call me a nobhead when I’m being a nobhead, someone to back me up when perhaps I’m maybe not in the right. I want someone who knows his way around my body, not someone who’s constantly in awe of it. I want him to not be bothered when I fart in front of him, who isn’t remotely fazed by the sight of a period when I change my sanitary wear in front of him. I want someone where a conversation flows without thought, not one where I have to pretend I have a degree. I want someone who loves me without restriction and without condition. And I have that. We keep the spark by ever evolving together. Whether that be with our interests, our bodies which are not what they once were and our combined history.

 

[Riggs]

I think it’s important to try to always show you care and appreciate the other person. No matter how small the gesture they can mount up and help out a lot in every day life.

Also have sex even if you are too tired or ill as it keeps that closeness there. Hardest part is coming to terms with the fact (all going well) this is the only person you will be having sex with for the rest of your life. So keeping things fresh and exciting forever is a tough ask so make sure to compromise wherever you can and always cater for your partners needs as well as your own. You can’t be selfish if you expect this person to stay with you forever.

 

[Noname12345]

I think it’s important to try to always show you care and appreciate the other person. No matter how small the gesture they can mount up and help out a lot in every day life.

Also have sex even if you are too tired or ill as it keeps that closeness there. Hardest part is coming to terms with the fact (all going well) this is the only person you will be having sex with for the rest of your life. So keeping things fresh and exciting forever is a tough ask so make sure to compromise wherever you can and always cater for your partners needs as well as your own. You can’t be selfish if you expect this person to stay with you forever.

It's hard to have sex when your body isn't responding...

 

[diygirl40]

It's hard to have sex when your body isn't responding...

Sex isnt the be all and end all.

 

[Orange Creme]

I dont think someone who is too ill to have sex should have sex

 

[Bec3007]

I think it’s important to try to always show you care and appreciate the other person. No matter how small the gesture they can mount up and help out a lot in every day life.

Also have sex even if you are too tired or ill as it keeps that closeness there. Hardest part is coming to terms with the fact (all going well) this is the only person you will be having sex with for the rest of your life. So keeping things fresh and exciting forever is a tough ask so make sure to compromise wherever you can and always cater for your partners needs as well as your own. You can’t be selfish if you expect this person to stay with you forever.

I’ll be dammed if I have sex when I’m unwell. I’ve been unwell today, my other half has done most of the housework and played with our child while I couldn’t. I fell in love with him for a lot of reasons, not for his dick or sex everyday of my life. If you get to a stage in a relationship where you feel like you have to have sex, that relationship needs to end. That’s so unhealthy and very unrealistic expectations!

 

[Sabbie]

I’ll be dammed if I have sex when I’m unwell. I’ve been unwell today, my other half has done most of the housework and played with our child while I couldn’t. I fell in love with him for a lot of reasons, not for his dick or sex everyday of my life. If you get to a stage in a relationship where you feel like you have to have sex, that relationship needs to end. That’s so unhealthy and very unrealistic expectations!

Don't be so selfish! Poor guy has been working all day and needs that closeness even though you feel like tit.

That was a joke, BTW before anyone gets upset. Hope you feel better soon, @Bec3007

 

[judsmum]

Also have sex even if you are too tired or ill as it keeps that closeness there. Hardest part is coming to terms with the fact (all going well) this is the only person you will be having sex with for the rest of your life. So keeping things fresh and exciting forever is a tough ask so make sure to compromise wherever you can and always cater for your partners needs as well as your own. You can’t be selfish if you expect this person to stay with you forever.

Having sex when you’re tired or ill isn’t going to do anything to create a fulfilling sex life, it’s going to make it dull and monotonous because you can’t really be arsed and who wants half arsed sex?

 

[Riggs]

It's hard to have sex when your body isn't responding...

That’s something different entirely of course.

Sex isnt the be all and end all.

Of course not and many get by without it but thread creator asked how WE keep the spark alive.

Don't be so selfish! Poor guy has been working all day and needs that closeness even though you feel like tit.

That was a joke, BTW before anyone gets upset. Hope you feel better soon, @Bec3007

Didn’t state illness was either way why assume it’s always one sided? My wife and I have an active sex life and she’s the one that doesn’t stop even when she’s ill even though I’ve told her to slow down and go to sleep. She definitely wouldn’t take me being ill as an excuse to turn it down if she wanted it either that’s for sure. On many occasion she’s gave it me in the neck for (in her eyes) turning her down when I believe she’s not well enough.

Having sex when you’re tired or ill isn’t going to do anything to create a fulfilling sex life, it’s going to make it dull and monotonous because you can’t really be arsed and who wants half arsed sex?

After 12 years and 3 kids I would take any and all sex over none.

 

[Orange Creme]

That’s something different entirely of course.



Of course not and many get by without it but thread creator asked how WE keep the spark alive.



Didn’t state illness was either way why assume it’s always one sided? My wife and I have an active sex life and she’s the one that doesn’t stop even when she’s ill even though I’ve told her to slow down and go to sleep. She definitely wouldn’t take me being ill as an excuse to turn it down if she wanted it either that’s for sure. On many occasion she’s gave it me in the neck for (in her eyes) turning her down when I believe she’s not well enough.



After 12 years and 3 kids I would take any and all sex over none.

I think your initial post came across like you were saying to force yourself to have sex even if you're too ill. Perhaps that's not what you meant....

 

[judsmum]

That’s something different entirely of course.



Of course not and many get by without it but thread creator asked how WE keep the spark alive.



Didn’t state illness was either way why assume it’s always one sided? My wife and I have an active sex life and she’s the one that doesn’t stop even when she’s ill even though I’ve told her to slow down and go to sleep. She definitely wouldn’t take me being ill as an excuse to turn it down if she wanted it either that’s for sure. On many occasion she’s gave it me in the neck for (in her eyes) turning her down when I believe she’s not well enough.



After 12 years and 3 kids I would take any and all sex over none.

well iv got to 20 years, 7 pregnancies and one child and never nobbed when I’ve been poorly! To be honest, I’m married to the worlds worst poorly person - I’d rather shag Sloth than my husband when he’s ill.