This is going to make me sound awful. I know it is, I’m sorry. Please hear me out.
i have struggled to make friends all my life and about seven years ago i made a friend online. I don’t know her IRL, just online, but we text. We have always had a fairly full on relationship which I have tried to pull back on in the past. we talk pretty much every day, morning and evening Aside from work or school.
recently this friend has had a death in the family. I have reached out to her, given condolences/soothing words - but constantly there have been messages from her. Some just say ‘hi’ and how she needs me to be there for her. Which I have replied to as normal. Sometimes though when I don’t reply (when I am trying To sleep) the messages get more intense and desperate saying she wants to kill herself to be with the deceased family member and is so depressed etc. now I don’t mean once, I mean this will be consistently through the night and into the next day. I’ll reply and she is quiet for a while and then it goes on.
I don’t mean I don’t expect her to NOT message me or not magically not grieve. But it is literally, I wake up to loads of messages and go to sleep to them too. Not just through text but twitter, Facebook etc (if I don’t respond on text). And because I don’t physically know her I can’t go to give her a hug like I want, all I can give is words and they just don’t feel like enough, you know? And I don’t know, I find it hard to deal with myself. I can’t sleep at night for worrying she’s going to do something awful but if I decide not to reply to her for a while I can’t sleep either because i feel like if she did something to herself it would be MY fault for not talking to her.
I don’t know what to do or what to say to her, I almost feel like I’m grieving myself seeing all of these messages. Seriously, am I a prick? Am I awful? I was in tears last night over it. I can’t sleep.
...I feel so stupid now I’ve written it down.
it’s ridiculous isn’t it. How do I do this. Without turning into an anxious mess myself. 
i have struggled to make friends all my life and about seven years ago i made a friend online. I don’t know her IRL, just online, but we text. We have always had a fairly full on relationship which I have tried to pull back on in the past. we talk pretty much every day, morning and evening Aside from work or school.
recently this friend has had a death in the family. I have reached out to her, given condolences/soothing words - but constantly there have been messages from her. Some just say ‘hi’ and how she needs me to be there for her. Which I have replied to as normal. Sometimes though when I don’t reply (when I am trying To sleep) the messages get more intense and desperate saying she wants to kill herself to be with the deceased family member and is so depressed etc. now I don’t mean once, I mean this will be consistently through the night and into the next day. I’ll reply and she is quiet for a while and then it goes on.
I don’t mean I don’t expect her to NOT message me or not magically not grieve. But it is literally, I wake up to loads of messages and go to sleep to them too. Not just through text but twitter, Facebook etc (if I don’t respond on text). And because I don’t physically know her I can’t go to give her a hug like I want, all I can give is words and they just don’t feel like enough, you know? And I don’t know, I find it hard to deal with myself. I can’t sleep at night for worrying she’s going to do something awful but if I decide not to reply to her for a while I can’t sleep either because i feel like if she did something to herself it would be MY fault for not talking to her.
I don’t know what to do or what to say to her, I almost feel like I’m grieving myself seeing all of these messages. Seriously, am I a prick? Am I awful? I was in tears last night over it. I can’t sleep.
...I feel so stupid now I’ve written it down.

