Housemate moving boyfriend in

[Bleurghgram]

I share a three bed flat with two girls. Due to covid, I’m currently spending 90% of my time living and working from my boyfriends house as it’s much bigger and I have a room to myself to use as an office. I probably stay in the flat one night a week. This is likely to change in March, as my boyfriend will have to leave his house, so I’ll be back to living and working here full time. We have an agreement that our partners can be here 3 or 4 nights a week, so he’ll be with me roughly half the time. Housemate number 1 has only just moved in, but for personal reasons hasn’t stayed even one night in the flat yet as far as I’m aware. This will change after Christmas and she’ll be spending all of her time here. Before this, ex housemate had a similar arrangement to me where she was spending 90%
of her time at her boyfriends.

Housemate 2 has had the place to herself since the beginning of lockdown 2 and during that time has started seeing someone new and had him staying here with her pretty much all of the time. This doesn’t bother me when neither me or housemate 1 are around but she’s now asked whether he can move in permanently.

The flat isn’t big enough for 4 people. The kitchen is in the living room and there’s only one bathroom. I’ve lived here longer than housemate 2 and I feel that with so long having the place to herself she’s forgotten what it’s like to have 3 people coming and going - plus potentially 3 partners. And to be honest, I don’t want to live with a couple. It’s not what I signed up for and comes with all kinds of dramas

The trouble is that I feel unreasonable for saying no at a time when I’m barely here. I feel like I’m standing in the way of something good for her just because it’ll be bad for me in a few months time.

Tldr, am I being unreasonable for not wanting my housemates boyfriend to move in?

 

[Bgr101]

I share a three bed flat with two girls. Due to covid, I’m currently spending 90% of my time living and working from my boyfriends house as it’s much bigger and I have a room to myself to use as an office. I probably stay in the flat one night a week. This is likely to change in March, as my boyfriend will have to leave his house, so I’ll be back to living and working here full time. We have an agreement that our partners can be here 3 or 4 nights a week, so he’ll be with me roughly half the time. Housemate number 1 has only just moved in, but for personal reasons hasn’t stayed even one night in the flat yet as far as I’m aware. This will change after Christmas and she’ll be spending all of her time here. Before this, ex housemate had a similar arrangement to me where she was spending 90%
of her time at her boyfriends.

Housemate 2 has had the place to herself since the beginning of lockdown 2 and during that time has started seeing someone new and had him staying here with her pretty much all of the time. This doesn’t bother me when neither me or housemate 1 are around but she’s now asked whether he can move in permanently.

The flat isn’t big enough for 4 people. The kitchen is in the living room and there’s only one bathroom. I’ve lived here longer than housemate 2 and I feel that with so long having the place to herself she’s forgotten what it’s like to have 3 people coming and going - plus potentially 3 partners. And to be honest, I don’t want to live with a couple. It’s not what I signed up for and comes with all kinds of dramas

The trouble is that I feel unreasonable for saying no at a time when I’m barely here. I feel like I’m standing in the way of something good for her just because it’ll be bad for me in a few months time.

Tldr, am I being unreasonable for not wanting my housemates boyfriend to move in?

She shouldnt be moving him in. Could you move to your boyfriends full time or get somewhere together ?

 

[The Dowager]

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, explain to her that whilst you appreciate you’re not around much at the moment you will be fairly shortly, and so you feel it’s right that you all stick to the original agreement.

Yes there’s the space issues you mention, but the living with a couple issue is the big one for me. It changes the dynamic of a home fundamentally, and isn’t fair unless everyone is fully onboard.

 

[under the ivy]

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. When I first got with my ex, he lived in a house with his best friend who then decided to move in his girlfriend - whenever I was round it was like there was 2 couples in the house, got a bit awkward sometimes.

In short, maybe just be honest with her or get a place with Your boyfriend if you feel comfortable enough.

 

[JoeBloggs]

She probably isn’t allowed under your tenancy anyway. He would need his own agreement or he is a sitting tenant.

I agree that you are not being unreasonable. The same thing happens to me in a house share of 4, but she didn’t ask. When we asked her not to have him stay all the time sheets snuck him in, it was an awful time.

Regardless of how often you are there, you pay your share of the costs so you have an equal say.

 

[Raininvain]

No they need to be getting their own place.
I'd just tell her it wasn't on and the flats too small etc. I once shared a flat with a friend and she moved her boyfriend in and it was absolutely really awful. They would be having a candlelight supper whilst I was trying to make my tea or put a wash on. Also if you came back from work early or something they would be having a shag in the lounge!. Couples need their own places full stop.

 

[Babyyoda88]

I share a three bed flat with two girls. Due to covid, I’m currently spending 90% of my time living and working from my boyfriends house as it’s much bigger and I have a room to myself to use as an office. I probably stay in the flat one night a week. This is likely to change in March, as my boyfriend will have to leave his house, so I’ll be back to living and working here full time. We have an agreement that our partners can be here 3 or 4 nights a week, so he’ll be with me roughly half the time. Housemate number 1 has only just moved in, but for personal reasons hasn’t stayed even one night in the flat yet as far as I’m aware. This will change after Christmas and she’ll be spending all of her time here. Before this, ex housemate had a similar arrangement to me where she was spending 90%
of her time at her boyfriends.

Housemate 2 has had the place to herself since the beginning of lockdown 2 and during that time has started seeing someone new and had him staying here with her pretty much all of the time. This doesn’t bother me when neither me or housemate 1 are around but she’s now asked whether he can move in permanently.

The flat isn’t big enough for 4 people. The kitchen is in the living room and there’s only one bathroom. I’ve lived here longer than housemate 2 and I feel that with so long having the place to herself she’s forgotten what it’s like to have 3 people coming and going - plus potentially 3 partners. And to be honest, I don’t want to live with a couple. It’s not what I signed up for and comes with all kinds of dramas

The trouble is that I feel unreasonable for saying no at a time when I’m barely here. I feel like I’m standing in the way of something good for her just because it’ll be bad for me in a few months time.

Tldr, am I being unreasonable for not wanting my housemates boyfriend to move in?

No you’re definitely in your right to feel this way. Her and her partner should look for a place themselves.

 

[Countrybumpkingirl]

So this would be going against the tenancy agreement as his name is not on the original agreement and the landlord would have a nightmare if say she left but he decided to stay as he would be allowed to stay in occupation. We always tell Landlords never to allow it but instead to issue a new tenancy agreement. The landlord won't be keen because it will cost them to have a new agreement drawn up. Plus with that many people you start becoming a HMO and then laws get even more complicated and they need a licence.
Give me a shout (I am chartered surveyor who used to specialise in property management and lettings) if you need any advice etc I am happy to help

 

[Phoenix Lazarus]

Also if you came back from work early or something they would be having a shag in the lounge!.

 

[Bleurghgram]

Thanks all for your advice I stayed away from Tattle over Christmas but I read it all and really appreciated your replies.

I spoke to her again and said that regardless of any logistical reasons, I didn’t want to live with a couple and would not change my mind. I also reminded her that we’d all agreed on 3/4 nights for partners and that I do expect her to respect that. She took it well and is going to start looking for somewhere for them to live together from March when my situation changes and I’m back at the flat full time.

I did stay there for about 2 weeks over the Christmas break and he was there every single day, most of the time in the shared space I was low-key fuming but it didn’t seem worth the negative energy of me making a big deal out of it knowing I was only really there for a short amount of time. C’est la vie for now I guess!