Honeymoon money as a present - how much would you give?

[Barbie2020]

There is too much pressure these days. I didn’t ask for anything on our invitations as we didn’t really expect anything and were just happy people wanted to come to the wedding during Covid. I’ve had a few invitations for weddings with tacky poems about money in and they make me cringe they really might as well just say give me money.

Even though we didn’t ask for anything we got loads of money and presents, I was shocked. Grateful but really wouldn’t have expected it. Give what you can afford. She doesn’t really deserve friends if she’s going to witch about how much money people give her. There are way too many bridezillas who think the world revolves around them.

 

[Tilly Kister]

This is a really tough one. We too asked our guests for money and that was only because of pressure from my husband, I too believe it’s a crass thing to do and I still wish we hadn’t done it.
It depends how much money you have invested in the wedding, have you planned the hen do? Had to buy your own dress/makeup? These are all things to take into consideration xxx

I'd have given you a gift, love. And it wouldn't have been "a bit of tat" as one poster here so charmingly described the standard of taste she expects of her own social circle. I would have taken great trouble to choose something which I knew you'd love and would want to keep for many years.

I'm sat here right now looking at some of my own wedding gifts. A lovely rosewood desktop writing set which my darling old Aunt proudly told everyone at the reception "Only cost ten quid at auction!" A pair of pewter candlesticks from my husband's Grandparents. They had received them for their own wedding over sixty years before. They weren't in a position to get a showy gift so they had given us something that was more precious than anything money could buy. I remember weeping in awe as we opened them, knowing how much they treasured those candlesticks and what their willingness to pass them onto us meant. It meant they had accepted me as one of their own.

My daughter now has a hand carved camphor laurel chest to store her linen in, which was given to us by my best friend from school days. She died of cancer 15 years ago but she's still here, caring for us, making sure our linens & blankets are safe from being eaten by moths and silverfish. Two crystal vases sit on the mantelpiece. They have held many blossoms over the years. Some of them purchased at posh florists and rather grand. But many more were bedraggled dandelions and nearly blown roses, picked by childish hands on rambles. Both the flowers and the vessels were given with much love and have long brightened our home with the light from it.

Will any of these people sit, in 20 or 30 years time, pointing to the pound notes they were so thirsty for and say "Oh that was from....and when she gave it, I knew I was loved."?

 

[prozacprincess]

I don’t give anything but a card but then I’m a tight witch who goes to weddings under duress

 

[Sheabutter]

I'd have given you a gift, love. And it wouldn't have been "a bit of tat" as one poster here so charmingly described the standard of taste she expects of her own social circle. I would have taken great trouble to choose something which I knew you'd love and would want to keep for many years.

I'm sat here right now looking at some of my own wedding gifts. A lovely rosewood desktop writing set which my darling old Aunt proudly told everyone at the reception "Only cost ten quid at auction!" A pair of pewter candlesticks from my husband's Grandparents. They had received them for their own wedding over sixty years before. They weren't in a position to get a showy gift so they had given us something that was more precious than anything money could buy. I remember weeping in awe as we opened them, knowing how much they treasured those candlesticks and what their willingness to pass them onto us meant. It meant they had accepted me as one of their own.

Call me old fashioned but I don't give a damn how commonplace it's become to ask for money instead of wedding gifts. It's a rude, crude, crass and tacky thing to do. They'd be getting a toast rack or a set of candle sticks off me & if they didn't like it they could shove both the gift and the "friendship".

I cannot

 

[Norfolking Good]

I think £50 is probably enough as a gift, but as others have said I find it rather tacky to ask for cash at a wedding.
Guests usually have to travel, often get a hotel plus a new outfit so it’s not a cheap thing to attend anyway. I really object to being asked to pay for someone’s honeymoon, if you can’t afford it save up, don’t expect the guests to pay.
When we got married we explicitly stated the only gift we wanted was for you to be present (I avoided the cheesy poem) and most just gave a card but a few chose to give a gift, which was kind.

 

[gobblegobble95]

I'd have given you a gift, love. And it wouldn't have been "a bit of tat" as one poster here so charmingly described the standard of taste she expects of her own social circle. I would have taken great trouble to choose something which I knew you'd love and would want to keep for many years.

I'm sat here right now looking at some of my own wedding gifts. A lovely rosewood desktop writing set which my darling old Aunt proudly told everyone at the reception "Only cost ten quid at auction!" A pair of pewter candlesticks from my husband's Grandparents. They had received them for their own wedding over sixty years before. They weren't in a position to get a showy gift so they had given us something that was more precious than anything money could buy. I remember weeping in awe as we opened them, knowing how much they treasured those candlesticks and what their willingness to pass them onto us meant. It meant they had accepted me as one of their own.

My daughter now has a hand carved camphor laurel chest to store her linen in, which was given to us by my best friend from school days. She died of cancer 15 years ago but she's still here, caring for us, making sure our linens & blankets are safe from being eaten by moths and silverfish. Two crystal vases sit on the mantelpiece. They have held many blossoms over the years. Some of them purchased at posh florists and rather grand. But many more were bedraggled dandelions and nearly blown roses, picked by childish hands on rambles. Both the flowers and the vessels were given with much love and have long brightened our home with the light from it.

Will any of these people sit, in 20 or 30 years time, pointing to the pound notes they were so thirsty for and say "Oh that was from....and when she gave it, I knew I was loved."?

See your gifts were lovely and will stand the test of time . I have obsessive compulsive thoughts so the idea of having mismatched pieces make me physically sick - so yeah it’s tat to me. My family and friends who are coming to the wedding (we are having a small wedding due to COVID) understand and I’ve made it perfectly clear we don’t want physical gifts . My grandma has said she will get us vouchers for date days, my parents are gifting money for our honeymoon , my sister has said she will gift us a day trip whilst on our honeymoon. Friends have said they will gift money so we can extend our trip. To me memories are way more precious that a photo frame or some dinner plates that I wouldn’t use. If people hate giving money (it seems to be a old fashioned view) then we are more than happy with a card that’s sent with love.

 

[Sea]

£50 -£100 as very good friend.

Personally I don't like the wedding gift lists or requests for any presents but I suppose it's better than 10 toasters from Argoose...I do think honeymoon £ requests are tacky, that's just paying for someone's holiday.

It's quite enjoyable reading through the gift list and getting an insight into someone's taste or lack of.

 

[Happy35]

I usually give £50, I am happy to give money for something they want or a holiday rather than a present. I would usually spend the same amount on a present anyway.
I think most people now have what they need before they get married so have no need for actual wedding gifts. I honestly can’t remember the last time I bought an actual wedding present.

 

[FakeSmile]

I have no qualms in giving money or vouchers towards a honeymoon. I’d much rather give knowing that it’s to be enjoyed in some way. I do around £50 for a wedding.

To the poster with her writing set and candle sticks - I guess it’s own personal taste. I wouldn’t have known what to do with either of those gifts.

 

[Annecdote]

Someone I classed as a best friend got married in 2018. For context it was a small wedding abroad with only close family and friends. Me and my partner were invited and spent a few quid getting there etc. We gave £100 in a card before we went and I was happy with that.
Fast forward to 2019 another best friend (same friendship group) got married, again abroad. I got married last year, both of us didn’t even receive a card from the person we gave money to. I would rather have received a lovely card rather than nothing at all.

But to answer your question I’d give what you can afford with words in a card that mean something and if they’re you’re friend they wouldn’t even think twice about what someone gives.

 

[Pinkii]

Very mumsnetty answers on this thread in regards to gifts rather than money

 

[Suzesnooze]

Am I the only weirdo? I didn't mention gifts AT ALL on my invitations but told my inlaws and family to spread the word that no gifts were necessary, we just wanted people there.

Same. We had quite a small wedding and said we didn’t want gifts just happy they could come to the wedding which was on a week day so a lot of guests had to take the day off work.

But we did still get some gifts and some gave money because I don’t think they were comfortable coming empty handed.

I’m not a fan of when people ask for money towards their honeymoon etc. We didn’t even have a honeymoon! I’m also not a fan of people spending an absolute fortune on their wedding.

My friend got married a few years ago and asked for money and then moaned about the small amount most guests gave!

 

[avabella]

Same. We had quite a small wedding and said we didn’t want gifts just happy they could come to the wedding which was on a week day so a lot of guests had to take the day off work.

But we did still get some gifts and some gave money because I don’t think they were comfortable coming empty handed.

I’m not a fan of when people ask for money towards their honeymoon etc. We didn’t even have a honeymoon! I’m also not a fan of people spending an absolute fortune on their wedding.

My friend got married a few years ago and asked for money and then moaned about the small amount most guests gave!

I had a friend (and I use the term loosely) who not only put some crappy poem in her invites, but a PAYPAL link to send the money to!!!

 

[Bitofthebubbly]

I’ve been thinking about this and I think gift registry’s are worse and more beggy than asking for money even though they are more socially acceptable. Usually the registry is at John Lewis or somewhere equally as unaffordable and you end up spending £50 on a bleeping gravy boat. Giving money is better because you have more control over how much you give, rather than trying to find what ever is on their list that is within your budget, and they can make better use of the money and probably wouldn’t spend it all on a gravy boat.

One couple I bought a registry gift for have now divorced so who knows what happened to my gift.

 

[Captainmouse]

I’ve been thinking about this and I think gift registry’s are worse and more beggy than asking for money even though they are more socially acceptable. Usually the registry is at John Lewis or somewhere equally as unaffordable and you end up spending £50 on a bleeping gravy boat. Giving money is better because you have more control over how much you give, rather than trying to find what ever is on their list that is within your budget, and they can make better use of the money and probably wouldn’t spend it all on a gravy boat.

One couple I bought a registry gift for have now divorced so who knows what happened to my gift.

That is not strictly true, I got married a long time ago with a list at John Lewis, we had stuff for less than a fiver upwards. And we only got one of everything, not multiple toasters etc and all cutlery, crockery towels etc matched. Free delivery all gift wrapped

 

[FakeSmile]

Gift registries are becoming more obsolete now anyway because a lot of couples live together before the wedding so will have everything that they need for the home.

 

[bellinibobble]

I’ll forever cry about the octopus shaped wine bottle holder I saw on a registry once.. gives me PTSD even now

 

[avabella]

I had a friend (and I use the term loosely) who not only put some crappy poem in her invites, but a PAYPAL link to send the money to!!!

Apologies for quoting myself but I've just remembered that this same person also had a gift registry and it had stuff like winter jackets on it LOL

 

[Littlemisadoughnut]

I think I’m going to go with £100… she is my oldest friend but a huge snob (I say that only partially with love ) and does have a bit of a tendency to think she’s above me (gets it from her mother and trying to impress her well off fiancé!) I know in my heart of hearts that whatever I give probably won’t be enough, she does seem to look down on me and will assume my amount is tight no matter what it is glad the common consensus seems to be that will be enough! We are paying to travel to the destination, and myself and another bridesmaid split the cost of her hen do between us (was just us 3, was super small as in raging COVID times)

thank you so much for the advice! I’ll jump back on and let you know how she reacts…

 

[dotiedot]

A large sum is expected at Irish weddings isn't it? My brother's wife is Irish and I've been to a few weddings over there and from what I've seen it looks like €150-€200 is the sort of standard amount.

Yeah on average €100 per person, because its seen to be covering your meal cost plus an added gift. When I was maid of honour, myself and my partner gave €350. I know different places have different traditions though.