Holidays with friends when you have a boyfriend

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Hello!

my best friend is going through a bit of a rough patch with her long term boyfriend as he turned around and said he is unsure how he feels about her but thinks it is due to Covid and not being able to do things etc. We are meant to be going on holiday next year (cancelled from this year) and the following year to Florida! It’s been our dream since we were 10 years old and we are both now in a position where we can go!

She approached his Mother as she was upset in how he was being etc where his Mother said to ask him how he felt about her going to America. He said it was fine and that he knew it’s been in the pipe like for years etc. Since this though his Mother has now said about 3 times that she shouldn’t go on holiday with anyone but him because she is in a long term relationship!! His Mother has now said this so many times she is having doubts thinking he lied when asked etc! I personally don’t think it is and his Mother is just jealous and she doesn’t have a best friend and had no body to go away with etc but I feel she’s almost now brainwashed her!? He knows I’m so laid back on holiday and just want a laugh and to spend time with my friend, I never look to pull etc so he has nothing to worry about in that sense

I could probably cope with next year not happening but not Florida!! I know her relationship is more important than a holiday, but a holiday just under 2 years away is not a reason for someones feelings to change after all these years surely? Because it’s been a plan since we are 10, now we are in our late 20’s it would cause a massive move and there isn’t a reason to cancel, it’s cause of his bloody mum!!

Any advice?? Thank you!!
 
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Sweet Jesus! Please tell your friend not to listen to his mum on this topic as she is going to be incredibly biased towards her son and isn’t involved in the decision making. If the boyfriend is unsure about his feelings and has said that then your friend should do whatever the hell she likes and it sounds like the two of you could have an amazing dream holiday together. Just my tuppence worth! ☺

In addition I’m happily married and have gone on multiple holidays with friends and left my husband behind - friends should always be a priority I think x
 
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Sweet Jesus! Please tell your friend not to listen to his mum on this topic as she is going to be incredibly biased towards her son and isn’t involved in the decision making. If the boyfriend is unsure about his feelings and has said that then your friend should do whatever the hell she likes and it sounds like the two of you could have an amazing dream holiday together. Just my tuppence worth! ☺

In addition I’m happily married and have gone on multiple holidays with friends and left my husband behind - friends should always be a priority I think x
Thank you!! Really appreciate it!
I said what you said about his Mother being biased etc and she said the more his mother says it’s did her just lie! Said she asked some others and they did their partner would say it’s fine and then be funny with them after!
 
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Tell her to run from them both. Imagine having her as a mother in law 😱

Relationship or not, you are free to go on holiday with your friends if you want to. Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you dedicate yourself only to them. And if that’s what is being asked of your friend I would have serious concerns about this fella (and his ma is a whack job)
 
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Please tell her to not listen to his mum!!

I am in a long term relationship during which I have gone on many holidays abroad with my mates; LA being one of the trips. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it and perfectly healthy for a relationship.
 
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The only time I think I can see where the mother in law is coming from... is if you have children together, and you spend all of your disposable income and annual leave on going away with friends, leaving your children and husband without any money left for a family holiday. Otherwise, I don’t see the issue at all.

If I’m being honest from what I’ve read, I can see the relationship ending soon anyway, don’t let your friend cancel your trip because of a man who ‘isn’t sure how he feels’.
 
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The only time I think I can see where the mother in law is coming from... is if you have children together, and you spend all of your disposable income and annual leave on going away with friends, leaving your children and husband without any money left for a family holiday. Otherwise, I don’t see the issue at all.

If I’m being honest from what I’ve read, I can see the relationship ending soon anyway, don’t let your friend cancel your trip because of a man who ‘isn’t sure how he feels’.
He said he wants a baby but he also doesn’t want to touch her so... currently no kids involved!
 
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I've been married over 25 years and for at least 20 of them I've always had weekends away with girlfriends (even when my 3 kids were small) ... several times a year.... the longest I've been away is a week with my sister to Tenerife and have also been on 4/5 night trips with the girls every year.... Hubby also goes away for long weekends with his friends.... we have weekends away together and holidays abroad and UK together also...... it's all about trust and having time apart - just because you're in a relationship or married doesn't mean you should be joined at the hip.....

If the holiday isn't for another 18 months/2 years and their relationship sounds a bit rocky I can't see it lasting the distance if they aren't happy now....... as long as you're not going to be out of pocket I'd keep the booking till the last possible time you can before you have to pay anymore......

Also..... it's nothing to do with the MIL really - he's a grown adult he should be making his own decisions (or they should as a couple).......
 
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Definitely nothing to do with his mum and 2 years is long time away in a relationship, for a long lasting friendship it’s nothing. Your friend needs to do what makes her happy and not make plans around a guy who doesn’t know how he feels without his mums opinion to help him
 
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Partner giving friend a hard time about going on hol with friend sounds borderline coercive/controlling behaviour to me. No idea why that would be a problem at all.
 
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That’s so strange, I know some couples are joined at the hip and don’t go on holiday without each other, but I don’t see anything wrong with separate holidays.

my partner goes fishing with his dad and other male relations for a week every year and I sometimes go away with my mum for a week in a Spain and then a weekend away. Neither of us is bothered and we are happy that we have separate lives too.

although, I do remember when my partner moved to a new job in 2018, I had a holiday to Spain with my mum booked for the September and a holiday with him booked for the November. It was the middle of the summer and we were talking about holidays in his mum’s back garden and we were talking about me going to Spain with my mum, when his mum turned around and quite snootily said, “well maybe you could try and fit in a holiday together before then.” To which I replied, “we have a holiday in November and we can’t go on any more because he’s changed jobs and doesn’t have any annual leave after going fishing and having our November holiday.” It just really annoyed me how it was okay for him (her son) to go fishing every year, but she was getting snotty about me going away with my mum? MIL’s can be witches from hell.
 
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Just because you are in a relationship it doesn’t mean you stop being you. I’ve been with my husband for 14 years and we have 3 children and yet I make sure I get away with friends at least once a year - and it works both ways. He goes away with his friends at least once a year. As long as there is trust in a relationship, you should be able to do separate things.

That being said, my mother in law is very similar. Me going away with my friends is abandoning my children but for my husband it’s to relax. Take no notice of her and go and enjoy the holiday!
 
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I have a long term BF and I have 2 very very best friends. One my age (C) and one a few years older (A). I have known one for 18 years and the other 15 years. All three of us have become very best friends as we have a big shared interest (keep horses together) these girls mean the world to me! For a few years C and I would holiday to her grandparents in France for a week (without OH, he drops us at the airport and has flown us there (Commercial pilot)). A break for us both and to be looked after by her grandparents which is so lovely of them!
A and I have done trips away (she doesn't like flying) but she has been single up until 2 years ago where she met a great guy!
Now next year is C and my 30th Birthday and we are planning a road trip and want A to come. A said her OH was unsure how he felt about he coming for 2 weeks. I went and spoke to him, told him our rough plans and basically said i have known her for so long its been a bit of a dream to holiday with my best mates, carefree and enjoying the sights, sounds, smells, food and each others company. He felt bad that he shut it down quite so soon and understands. So our planning is underway and both My OH and As OH are told of our plans and asked for opinions.

Maybe you can talk to him?
 
I have a long term BF and I have 2 very very best friends. One my age (C) and one a few years older (A). I have known one for 18 years and the other 15 years. All three of us have become very best friends as we have a big shared interest (keep horses together) these girls mean the world to me! For a few years C and I would holiday to her grandparents in France for a week (without OH, he drops us at the airport and has flown us there (Commercial pilot)). A break for us both and to be looked after by her grandparents which is so lovely of them!
A and I have done trips away (she doesn't like flying) but she has been single up until 2 years ago where she met a great guy!
Now next year is C and my 30th Birthday and we are planning a road trip and want A to come. A said her OH was unsure how he felt about he coming for 2 weeks. I went and spoke to him, told him our rough plans and basically said i have known her for so long its been a bit of a dream to holiday with my best mates, carefree and enjoying the sights, sounds, smells, food and each others company. He felt bad that he shut it down quite so soon and understands. So our planning is underway and both My OH and As OH are told of our plans and asked for opinions.

Maybe you can talk to him?
Thank you!

things is I think he is fine with it!! It is his Mother who has now said 3 times to my friend about it! She said maybe she is right in a way cause it’s a lot of money etc and it’s not him involved
 
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Thank you!

things is I think he is fine with it!! It is his Mother who has now said 3 times to my friend about it! She said maybe she is right in a way cause it’s a lot of money etc and it’s not him involved
No his mother is completely wrong. It isn't 1920 ffs, women don't need to have a Male chaperone wherever they go. A relationship does not mean,you lose all of who you are. I'd tell her to just ignore her snide remarks.
If her partner says he is fine and seems to be, then take it at face value.
It sounds like there may be other issues anyways, so they may not last. I'd encourage her to keep those plans tbh. Not in a pushy way, but in a "who's to say where we will be in 2 years" type of way.
 
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Thank you!

things is I think he is fine with it!! It is his Mother who has now said 3 times to my friend about it! She said maybe she is right in a way cause it’s a lot of money etc and it’s not him involved
If its her money its her problem? i think its quite sad that MIL interfere like this.

Also flip it- how would his mum feel if he went away with his mates? Completely different I can assure you!
 
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Personally if I were you, I'd be wary of booking a holiday away with her in case she changes her mind at the last moment. Last thing you need is to be left in the lurch and having to cancel possibly loosing money etc. I'd play it by ear but not book anything until very last minute and look at other options for yourself regarding a holiday companion.
She may be using MIL as an excuse because she's too scared to say to you she no longer wants to go. Have you thought about that? If she really wanted to go then shed be saying this strongly to you and telling MIL to back off/mind her own business wouldnt she?
 
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Omg how is that even an issue. Hope your friend gets a grip and doesn't stitch you up. I leave my partner and kids to go on girls holidays and he happily (used to before he was depressed) do the same. We encourage it. I'll be off to Tenerife next year for a girls holiday
 
Is there definitely nothing more to it? Does the mother usually get involved to this extent?
Is your friend maybe scared he'll break up with her if she goes since he's said he's not sure about being with her?