Hoarding

[Suzesnooze]

My husband is a hoarder. I hate it. As time goes on he accumulates more and more crap. He is very possessive of his possessions that can be something as small as a screw!

He had a bad childhood. Hoarding is often linked to childhood and the person losing something or having something taken away from them. Not going into details but this is true for my husband. It's not an excuse at all but to him they are HIS possessions. Don't get me wrong, it pisses me off but if I suggest throwing bits out or if I do, he goes ballistic. All my friends say I enable him and they're right but I can't see a way out of it...it's just a big problem in our relationship. Occasionally he will admit he needs to have a clear out and he'll sort a few bits out then just leaves it again. It's a form of OCD.

For anyone finding themselves becoming a bit of a hoarder I would suggest knocking it on it's head as it only gets worse over time and like a poster has mentioned, it's often left to children to clear it all out in the end.

 

[Razzledazzle30]

My mum and dad were serious hoarders. They kept a large silver cross pram in their bedroom. Because it was the pram they used for me. They still had that pram when I was in my 30's. They kept furniture they had from their first home. When we moved out. All bedrooms were filled with their stuff. They said they couldn't throw/give away memories. It's a nightmare to live with hoarders. I can't explain why they did this but it was very stressful to live with it. I have moved home 7 times. I don't hoard anything. I am really ruthless with clothing. I give away to charity shops and also TK Maxx give up clothes for good. I was so scared I would become like my parents. Today I've been bagging up clothes for charity. I have kept my daughters first soft toy. (Barney). Also her first build a bear. I just have a very small cupboard for memories. The one thing I wish my parents had kept were my school achievements. I would love to have them. Certificates and medals and trophies. These items they didn't keep. This is what I can't get my head around? This to me was something to keep. Also my school photos. My dad kept all his fishing mags and loads of other mags/books. They had a whole wardrobe filled with them. Wardrobe unit. Three wardrobes in total. My mum also hoarded tin food cans. Incase of emergency. The food cupboards were full of bake beans/chopped tomatoes and tinned fruit I do do this myself

You never know.....your school certificates may be in amongst the magazines etc?

Hoarding is a strange phenomenon...there’s not been a great deal of research behind it as yet but there is some (did a little digging as part of my degree.... but am by no means an expert in any way ). The story of the Collier brothers in New York fascinates me.

There are some great youtube accounts with hoarding recovery stories, not sure if I’m allowed to mention?? But a hoarders heart and TJ’s ways have come on leaps and bounds & have some really good insights too.

 

[chocolate choux]

I have similar issues, have improved a lot but am far from perfect and find it still creeps back up on me if I’m not vigilant

It’s worth picking your battles. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having three tubes of toothpaste in the cupboard unless you mean that you buy three at a time too often and have tens in stock. If that’s the case, try limiting the overall number you allow yourself to have at one time. Reason that even in the worst case scenario, three items will last you weeks/months. Honestly unless you have a cupboard full of extras then I wouldn’t worry about this aspect too much as even some minimalists keep a stock of things that can be used up

It’s the more permanent and useless things that need to be tackled. I assume your university notes are not useful to you anymore. Why are you still keeping them? Is it just a case of never getting around to it, or of being too attached? Exploring these feelings will help you come up with answers which in turn will help you heal and be able to throw them out

Take it one area at a time. It’s tempting to jump from area to area but doing that will make you feel more chaotic and stressed. It will also make it harder to focus on your progress

I’m not a minimalist (yet!) but have found minimalism really helpful with regard to moving on from hoarding. I’d recommend minimalist books / media even if that’s not your goal as it’ll help you change your mindset and relationship with stuff. Personally I’m not a huge fan of Marie Kondo and her method but a lot of people are. I really liked Fumio Sasaki’s book Goodbye, Things. Also Margareta Magnusson’s The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning. The Minimalists have a Netflix documentary and podcast (not a fan but again, a lot of people are). On YouTube I like A Small Wardrobe, The Messy Minimalist, The Minimal Mom, Darci Isabella. All such different people with different lifestyles, yet they all sing the praises of owning less

If it’s an option and you think you’d benefit, maybe it would be a good idea to look into therapy? I don’t mean to sound dismissive recommending books and YouTubers - my issues are deep rooted and stem from childhood too, so I understand that it’s not that easy. But in the absence of professional help, books and YouTube have had such a positive impact on my mindset

 

[NeighbourhoodWatch]

I'm having a dilemma with my old baby stuff, to keep in the attic or get rid. My current thought, and this might help you is what's the point of holding onto stuff I'm not using when somebody could get use out if it. Also about the toiletries I tend to always buy shampoo when the bottle is halfway done so I dont run out, it always lasts way longer, we mustn't be alone.

 

[Rosie878]

My husband is a hoarder. I hate it. As time goes on he accumulates more and more crap. He is very possessive of his possessions that can be something as small as a screw!

He had a bad childhood. Hoarding is often linked to childhood and the person losing something or having something taken away from them. Not going into details but this is true for my husband. It's not an excuse at all but to him they are HIS possessions. Don't get me wrong, it pisses me off but if I suggest throwing bits out or if I do, he goes ballistic. All my friends say I enable him and they're right but I can't see a way out of it...it's just a big problem in our relationship. Occasionally he will admit he needs to have a clear out and he'll sort a few bits out then just leaves it again. It's a form of OCD.

For anyone finding themselves becoming a bit of a hoarder I would suggest knocking it on it's head as it only gets worse over time and like a poster has mentioned, it's often left to children to clear it all out in the end.

I truly believe it stems from childhood too. I know/have known a couple of people who were serious hoarders and their weight was a big issue too. I wonder if that’s linked with being scared of having something taken away from you. I find it very interesting from a psychological point of view. There was a show on channel 5 about it with Mandy Saligari (celebrity therapist) a while ago.

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

Hey! I’ve been watching extreme hoarders and I’ve noticed some tendencies of my own. I also find that in this day and age it’s so hard to get rid of things, things are so accessible so you just amass lots. I’ve got boxes from when my parents moved from a house we lived for 20 years untouched, all my university things lecture notes etc and just feels like so much stuff.

I also have a worry of running out of things, so if I’m getting toothpaste I’d get 3 same with shower gel etc. Which I think may have stemmed from my family sometimes not having enough money when I was younger. We would never go without but I was always too scares we would.
Anyone feel the same or have any tips on how to reduce hoarding.

 

[cosmo girl]

My mum and dad were serious hoarders. They kept a large silver cross pram in their bedroom. Because it was the pram they used for me. They still had that pram when I was in my 30's. They kept furniture they had from their first home. When we moved out. All bedrooms were filled with their stuff. They said they couldn't throw/give away memories. It's a nightmare to live with hoarders. I can't explain why they did this but it was very stressful to live with it. I have moved home 7 times. I don't hoard anything. I am really ruthless with clothing. I give away to charity shops and also TK Maxx give up clothes for good. I was so scared I would become like my parents. Today I've been bagging up clothes for charity. I have kept my daughters first soft toy. (Barney). Also her first build a bear. I just have a very small cupboard for memories. The one thing I wish my parents had kept were my school achievements. I would love to have them. Certificates and medals and trophies. These items they didn't keep. This is what I can't get my head around? This to me was something to keep. Also my school photos. My dad kept all his fishing mags and loads of other mags/books. They had a whole wardrobe filled with them. Wardrobe unit. Three wardrobes in total. My mum also hoarded tin food cans. Incase of emergency. The food cupboards were full of bake beans/chopped tomatoes and tinned fruit I do do this myself

 

[Tor88]

I’m a bit of a hoarder with sentimental things but once a year at least I have a big clear out. Get rid of clothes, toiletries etc that I won’t use or have gone bad. I don’t stockpile really but end up with a load of stuff from Christmas. As I’ve moved into my own home I’m slowly realising there’s things I haven’t touched or seen since I moved in and therefore they can go. I think a big sort out at least once a year is a good start

 

[Kim Mild]

I think it's so easy to keep everything just in case or because you feel you should ( sentimental reasons or because they belonged to family) . After having to clear out my parents house ( who weren't what I'd call hoarders , but they had a lot of stuff) I'm determined to be more minimal. It's super hard because Iive with people with hoarding tendencies

 

[Love_hate_small_town]

Hey! I’ve been watching extreme hoarders and I’ve noticed some tendencies of my own. I also find that in this day and age it’s so hard to get rid of things, things are so accessible so you just amass lots. I’ve got boxes from when my parents moved from a house we lived for 20 years untouched, all my university things lecture notes etc and just feels like so much stuff.

I also have a worry of running out of things, so if I’m getting toothpaste I’d get 3 same with shower gel etc. Which I think may have stemmed from my family sometimes not having enough money when I was younger. We would never go without but I was always too scares we would.
Anyone feel the same or have any tips on how to reduce hoarding.

I heard somewhere that it often can be traced back to an event such as someone dying. It sounds like in your case it was your parents moving from your childhood home which must have been difficult even if you were an adult by the time it happened. I sometimes think about how I’d feel if my parents moved from my childhood home. Even though I live in a different country now I think I’d find it really unsettling. If it bothers you you should try and trace the root of it.
I find it really hard to let go of baby stuff. I have to do it really quickly and not think about it too much. I let myself keep a few bits that each child wore a lot. It’s so hard!