Helen Anderson #10 ASOS Binge, COVID Whinge and a Festive Minge

Status
Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
I definitely think she suits someone who would be up for doing stuff that she wants to more and one that doesn't just enable her crappy lifestyle habits and her awful behaviour and attitude, someone that will challenge her and force her to think tit i should get my act together or this great guy will leave me. idk if anyone watches rick and morty but this is the sort vibe i get from fil and helga to a certain extent lol
Even though Helen and Maff definitely weren't right for each other in a lot of ways, I think that Maff 100% falls into the category of "someone that will challenge her and force her to think". Helen seems to believe that love is the other person complimenting you all the time and never criticising you etc. But it's not that at all.

I don't think Mark ever cared much about Helen. I don't think Phil does now. Because, and obviously this is entirely my own interpretation from what Helen shows us, they never appeared/appear to give her constructive criticism or challenge her in any way. And she clearly isn't okay mental health wise and hasn't been since Maff left, and has also been doing dickish things throughout this whole pandemic. They just seemed/seem very passive towards her.

Sorry if I'm not making sense but I truly believe that out of the three of them, Maff is the only person who has genuinely cared about Helen. You can just tell that he always wanted the best for her from the way that he didn't blow smoke up her arse constantly. Love is about supporting your partner in every way, including if it means telling them some hard truths, calling them out on bullshit, helping them to grow as a person.
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 43
Even though Helen and Maff definitely weren't right for each other in a lot of ways, I think that Maff 100% falls into the category of "someone that will challenge her and force her to think". Helen seems to believe that love is the other person complimenting you all the time and never criticising you etc. But it's not that at all.

I don't think Mark ever cared much about Helen. I don't think Phil does now. Because, and obviously this is entirely my own interpretation from what Helen shows us, they never appeared/appear to give her constructive criticism or challenge her in any way. And she clearly isn't okay mental health wise and hasn't been since Maff left, and has also been doing dickish things throughout this whole pandemic. They just seemed/seem very passive towards her.

Sorry if I'm not making sense but I truly believe that out of the three of them, Maff is the only person who has genuinely cared about Helen. You can just tell that he always wanted the best for her from the way that he didn't blow smoke up her arse constantly. Love is about supporting your partner in every way, including if it means telling them some hard truths, calling them out on bullshit, helping them to grow as a person.
That totally made sense! I completely agree. I feel like Helen is expecting someone who will accept her as she is entirely and never have a problem with her. That just doesn't exist, especially in a relationship where one or more members have mental health issues. I get the impression that Maff was genuinely trying to make things work for them and stay together, but Helen couldn't take any feedback. She still seems to make out like he just up and left one day and it was a surprise. That's just not true, there were plenty of warning signs, even in the videos.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 27
Even though Helen and Maff definitely weren't right for each other in a lot of ways, I think that Maff 100% falls into the category of "someone that will challenge her and force her to think". Helen seems to believe that love is the other person complimenting you all the time and never criticising you etc. But it's not that at all.

I don't think Mark ever cared much about Helen. I don't think Phil does now. Because, and obviously this is entirely my own interpretation from what Helen shows us, they never appeared/appear to give her constructive criticism or challenge her in any way. And she clearly isn't okay mental health wise and hasn't been since Maff left, and has also been doing dickish things throughout this whole pandemic. They just seemed/seem very passive towards her.

Sorry if I'm not making sense but I truly believe that out of the three of them, Maff is the only person who has genuinely cared about Helen. You can just tell that he always wanted the best for her from the way that he didn't blow smoke up her arse constantly. Love is about supporting your partner in every way, including if it means telling them some hard truths, calling them out on bullshit, helping them to grow as a person.
It's interesting, Helen asked Maff to go interrailing - he said no. She went without him and that is what motivated him to propose - he missed her. I do think that Maff may have approached ideas with a NO but then Helen financed things she wanted to do without his help. I found it odd when Josie went with her to New Orleans and how Josie got used as dates in alot of situations when her partner's didn't agree to go along , no questions asked.
Maff and Helen would go to the gym together at night as Maff would go after work , soon she stopped doing that thing together. I think having that self care , body building goal would have been very positive for maff and she let that fuel her own body insecurities. There is a coordination of her looking her best , fashion and body wise and her being with Maff and she mentioned she felt insecure as he followed female fitness accounts. (Also remember when she downloaded tinder in their relationship? It was in a what's on my phone app video)

We all can agree that it's great that Maff for our of there , though we don't know the details of their fallout. Honestly it was brave of him to leavw, regardless she can't be alone and rushes into dating again & found Mark.

.. honestly mark was awesome , hot, had his own finical independence, lived on his own - he was a successful guy and .. AN ADULT.
He had friends, a job, his own place and I think Helen rushed things hoping to fill the whole of codependent lives that she expected from her marriage. Eventually Josie was pushed out, mark was pushed in but there was no room for him in her house, no spaces for him (he also worked out of town frequently.. I feel like we never really saw him)
So I can sort of see why Helen would like Phil as he isn't going anywhere! He came from nothing, he's reliant on Her, he's not disagreeing with her - he's nodding off but nodding along. Her joy of him wrapping her gifts kind of proved that he was ticking off the boyfriend boxes - on the other hand though when he had a few sips and forgot about the camera , just joking with Dani .. she was unhappy that he was speaking. You can tell she was looking at him like what are you doing. YET? Including all of this.

Helen has an issue with copdedendency ( I do too, I'm I'm CODA) she gets attached to one person at a time - then moves on. It was maff, than Josie, than mark, than grace and now it's Phil. She focuses on one thing. Oh well.

That totally made sense! I completely agree. I feel like Helen is expecting someone who will accept her as she is entirely and never have a problem with her. That just doesn't exist, especially in a relationship where one or more members have mental health issues. I get the impression that Maff was genuinely trying to make things work for them and stay together, but Helen couldn't take any feedback. She still seems to make out like he just up and left one day and it was a surprise. That's just not true, there were plenty of warning signs, even in the videos.
Remembwe when he got her a fish tank for Christmas and she didn't read or follow any instructions, didn't even think of hearing anyone's input and killed all the fish
 
  • Like
  • Sad
Reactions: 33
I’m sorry but is she leaving Lola and Dee in the washroom whenever she’s not in the house?? The vids she just showed on her story are from 8am and 8pm?
 
  • Like
  • Sad
  • Wow
Reactions: 23
Noooooooo I've always loved Brothers cider and now I'm sad they've gifted some to Helen :(
 
  • Like
  • Sad
Reactions: 12
I’m sorry but is she leaving Lola and Dee in the washroom whenever she’s not in the house?? The vids she just showed on her story are from 8am and 8pm?
I've noticed they're rarely in her vlogs anymore unless she's shown to be feeding or walking them. Never see them running around the house anymore, she mentioned when she got the new sofa she was gonna keep the living room door shut to make sure they don't go in. What a sad life to life as a dog :/ She doesn't care about them. She probably uses that #AD #GIFTED camera all day long as they're in the washroom
 
  • Like
  • Angry
  • Sad
Reactions: 26
I've noticed they're rarely in her vlogs anymore unless she's shown to be feeding or walking them. Never see them running around the house anymore, she mentioned when she got the new sofa she was gonna keep the living room door shut to make sure they don't go in. What a sad life to life as a dog :/ She doesn't care about them. She probably uses that #AD #GIFTED camera all day long as they're in the washroom
I wonder if any of her family or friends say anything to her about the dogs? I don’t have dogs but I think if I did and I wasn’t looking after them properly there are several people in my life who would say something. It makes me sad that not only does Helen treat them poorly, no one else in her life bothers to step in.
 
  • Like
  • Sad
Reactions: 19
Why are people gifting her press on nails when she gets hers done in a salon? Ughhhh!!!
 
  • Like
  • Haha
Reactions: 25
Did you guys read about the police in and around York? Fining people going from a tier 2 to a tier 3 to have a drink. Helen's lucky she didn't get fined for her 'essential' trip to the hairdressers.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 25
From the 19th -21st she went to the shops twice for '''''essentials'''', travelled to the middle of the city to meet 'people' as she says, had Josie and her partner over for a fire in the garden

'things aren't sort of the same this year but at least we can still sort of see people in some kind of nature' ummm, Helen, you won't be saying that for long because people like you are going to make Norfolk go into tier 3 or 4. Also spare a thought to those of us who aren't able to see people - people without gardens, or gardens only accessible through the house, people who have family in another tier, people who are already in tier 4

Edit - lol just listened to her speech about how its okay to be sad and something about how telling people at least its not worse devalues feelings

annnnnnd

She's going out again to town again!!! for stocking fillers!!! I thought she did all her christmas shopping last month????
 
  • Like
Reactions: 21
She’s so bleeping angry in the commentary bits. So funny 😂

“I didn’t want to be checking on comments.”

You mean you don’t want to have to read comments about what a dick you’ve been or have to be continually deleting comments of that type of nature all over Christmas. She’s the epitome of “ask for forgiveness not for permission”. Such a crappy way to behave.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 30
Did you guys read about the police in and around York? Fining people going from a tier 2 to a tier 3 to have a drink. Helen's lucky she didn't get fined for her 'essential' trip to the hairdressers.
It's a miracle (for her, anyway) she hasn't been caught with the sheer amount of rules she's broken but I think Norfolk suffer from a police shortage at the moment

Actually, my partner has applied to become a police officer in Norwich and has one last interview to get through then will be able to start his training. I can tip him off if Helens breaking the rules again 😉 She needs a wakeup call - wonder if its possible to report past behaviour? There is plenty of evidence online
 
  • Like
  • Haha
Reactions: 25
VIDEO SUMMARY:
Vlogmas Day #19 - 21
A little goodbye (for now)

[DESCRIPTION: A catch up and a goodbye.]

Similar dramatic Goodbye title to her last vlog before she went on her Scotland holiday. Nothing says "click me please I'm begging you" than putting GOODBYE in the title.

Starting off in her grandad's blazer and a bucks fizz in her hand because she's well excited for the next few days

1.JPG


She's already been to see Josie and exchanged gifts. She takes a sip of her drink and yells at the top of her voice "THAT'S SOOOO NICE!!!!"

We're having a recap over the last few days - because she's absolutely tit and can't even do vlogmas properly.

Yesterdays vlog was Friday's vlog. And she says it was a BARREL of laughs.... cut to flashback... wait??? why are we having a flash back?? You put out a bleeping whole video? We don't need to see this shite again 🙄

Oh she's putting in the "COG NI ACK" bit in again... because its THAT funny.

She was "in denial" about her hangover all Saturday... She finally admitted it at 1pm "OH WELL!" she shrugs. Im sorry.... what?? In DENIAL about a bleeping hangover???

She woke up to these messages from Danni-Howard-Baby!

2.JPG


And she pissed herself laughing.

Vlogmas is over for Helga for now, after this one there isn't going to be anymore videos for the next 4 days (yay!)

Here comes a recap before the festivities start:

Saturday we flash back to her wrapping up some dog toys and writing cards.

Now she's off out (surprise, surprise) because "We needed to get out.... so we gone to Waitrose" she laughs and sticks up a peace sign with her sausage fingers

3.JPG


Cut to home now, she had a nice time driving around, they even got logs for the fire. Goes on about being able to get rare nice things in Waitrose and that's why it's such a "treat" to go and every time she goes she HAS to get the Pecan Butterscotch Yum Yum.

She's unloading the "PAN CHETTA" and "CHORE REE ZO" some ice cream "SAWL TED CAROL MEL CART DOOR" which she's going to stick in the old freezer (she's smart)

(omg her voice is so grating, she sounds like Del Boy trying to be posh)

"NORMAL BREAD, TOM MART TOES, MACCA ROONEY"

She picks up a bottle and tries to show it to the camera, but the camera is still in denial about it's hangover and still can't bleeping focus.

She picks up a packet of "them fings dat Fil lykes" - again can't see cos of the auto focus.

"CHEEZUS FOR US MEEEESES"

and finally some "MINCED MEAT COZ I GUNNA MAKE SUM FESTIV FINGS"

Cut to the living room

"I FINK IM GUNNA MAKE THE FESTIVE MEENCED MEAT FINGS TAMORRO" Fil lets out a "yeah?" as Helga flops herself on the couch and wraps up in a couch duvet because she's ready for her "DISCO NAP".

She whines "OI DIANE GERROFT"

She lays down for her nap, and checks to see if her mic is in the right position - please don't let us hear her snoring, we're hearing her grunt and groan and gulp and breathing heavily as she rolls into the 'just right for a disco nap' position.

4.JPG


She debates whether to get changed later "I DO WANT TO LOOK A BIT NICER... AND WE'RE GOING OUT" ...going out again today... what a surprise.

She breathes really heavily.

Grandad Fil reminds her that she'll be outside so make sure to wear a coat dear.

Cut to a shot of her burgers and chips apparently she went to a roof top bar but we're not going to see any footage of that - we all know why we don't see any footage of her outings any more (she's a ruleeee breaker)

"YOU CAN GO THERE AND MEET PEOPLE."

Sunday morning was a lazy one. She watched the final episode of the Mandalorian

5.JPG


6.JPG


"COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!!!"

And now we get a flash back.

She's got the camera set up in the hallway, and she's calling Diane to come to her, but Dee's ignoring her until Helen annoyingly repeats her name over and over and over and over and over again - Dee goes up to her then runs away just as Helen's ham fists try and grab her.

"WHY DO THEY DO THAT???" maybe it's because you shut them in the tiny utility room all bleeping day Helen.

"LOLA. COME HERE" She demands the angel child to obay her. Lola walks off out of shot of the camera and far away from Helga.

"DEEDEE! LOLA! LOLA! LOLA! DEEDEE? ONE OF YOU COME HERE." They've both legged it now.

They finally come back in when Fil comes along. And she gets them ready for a walk.

Cut to this shot of them looking like they've been out drinking all night and slept on that bench.

7.JPG


"FIL, I ASKED THIS QUESTION TO DANNI ON FRIDAY..." oh god we're getting an interview now, "BUT IF ERRMM... MONEY AND SCIENCE WEREN'T AN ISSUE, WOT WOULD YOU HAVE FOR CHRISTMAS?"

...wut? Science??

"YEAH LIKE THERE WOZ NO FING AS MONEY OR SCIENCE, SO YOU CAN AV ANYFINK...... LIKE, I SAID........... I'D AV A DRAGON"

"So you can have fantasy stuff?"

"YEAH YEAH ANYFINK, SCIENCE DOESNT"

That's not bleeping science, that's fictional you dumb nut.

Fil says he wants a time machine, probably to go the time when it was Helgaless.

"A TIME MACHINE? WOT WOOD YOU DOOO?"

"errrr, like, back in time coz I like old stuff" Fil says, sounding like a 6 year old child.

Helen laughs "HAHAHAHA THAT'S A REALLY GOOD ONE!"

"See how, see wot fings were like"

"YEAH?"

"Or go forward in time and see wot fings are like"

8.JPG


"YEAH OKAY. YOU COULD GO FORWARD IN TIME N SEE WOT THE EUROMILLIONS NUMBERS WERE"

"yeah..... that's true" says Fil, "I'd be one of those, I'd go back in time and erm...... wiv a mobile fone - or like sumfik of the future - n be one of those weird people in all the conspiracy fotos where people are like 'the time machine's do exist because look at this foto of tha man, he's wearin a tombola hat that was only made from 1940 but it's 1912!!!"

Aim high Fil, don't wish to be able to stop Hitler or warn people about Corona - you wear that 1940s hat and pose for that 1912s picture.

.................................................... what even is this conversation right now????

Helen lets out a quick woodpecker laugh, while Fil demonstrates just how he'd pose for this picture

9.JPG


"I'd be like 'heyyyyy!'"

"THAT MAN'S GOT AN IPHONE 12!" Laughs Helga. "I'D GET A DRAGON EGG N I'D 'ATCH IT N BEEEE THE MUVA OF DRAGONS"

"Just one egg?"

"JUST ONE EGG, I ONLY NEED ONE DRAGON..... BECAUSE.... THERE'S NO.... THREAT FROM REALLY ANY OVA KINGDOMS N IM ALSO NOT TRYIN TA..... IT'S NOT GAME OF FRONES" .... funny it sounds like Game of Thrones.....

"BUT AVIN A DRAGON WOULD STILL BE KEWL. YOU WOULDN'T... I REALLY I DON'T REALLY KNOW WOT I WOULD DOO WIV IT THOUGH.... I COULD RIDE AROUND ON ITS BACK N FLY PLACES..... I WOULDN'T HAVE TO GET A PLANE ANYMORE...."

"would your dragon be able to breathe fire?"

(OH MY GOD)

"OH YEAH!!!!!"

"where would you keep it?" asks Fil.

"IN DER GARDEN"

Fil finds that highly amusing. "How would you clean up it's poo? There'd be BIG poos"

"Well I wouldn't poo in the garden, it would fly to.... "

"somewhere else?"

"SUMWHERE ELSE TO POO. OH LOOK A BASSET HOUND DERR DERRRR!!!!!" Helga gets distracted from Dragon shits. "PLEASE CAN I GET A BASSET HOUND?" she begs Fil.

She then says "YOU KNOW YOU NEVER LIVED WITH DOGS BEFORE?" I think Fil's fully aware of that Helga.

"HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW YOU LIVE WITH ME....?" 🤣🤣🤣

".....I AND NOW YOU LIVE WITH DOGS" 🤣🤣🤣

"I really like it" replies Fil

"HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL?"

"I really like it" repeats Fil

"YEAH?"

"Yeah."

"WOT WOT WOT ARE THE BENEFITS OF LIVIN WIV A DOG?" Diane barks, "ERRRRR DIANE!!!!!!!!" Yells Helga in the neck mic

"Errrm... they're just nice aren't they? They're just.... nice to av around"

"AND, HOW YOU NO FIL, YOU NO FIL LONELY WIV A DOG AROUND I DONT FINK... WELL I MEAN I DO..... BUT YOU DON'T AT THE SAME TIME"

This conversation right noooooow guys..... I just can't.

"DER 'OUSE WOZ 'ORRIBLE WEN DER NOT ERE LIKE IF I AV TA DROP EM OFF SUM WHERE TO BE LOOKED AFTA FOR DER NITE B4 GOIN AWAY I ATE IT"

"YOU DON'T REALIZE HOW OFTEN YOU LOOK FOR DEM WHEN THEY'RE IN DA 'OUSE LIKE YOU KNOW WHERE THEY'RE GUNNA BE" Yeah.... locked in the utility room

"LIKE SAY FOR EXAMPLE WHEN YOU GO TO THE TOILET..." oH mY goD

"....AND YOU JUST POP YER HEAD N SEE DEM IN DER BED.... LIKE WHEN THEY'RE NOT IN DA 'OUSE...." She starts digging a finger in her ear,

10.JPG


"YOU NOTICE, THEM, LIKE NOT BEIN IN ALL DER NOOKS N CRANNIES WHERE THEY NORMALLY 'ANG OUT"

11.JPG


She flicks the ear gold out into the wind.

FINALLY this conversation segment is over!!! Helga suggests they keep going on their walk, and the dogs start aggressively barking and run towards something behind the camera "OI! OI! OI!" yells Helga super high pitched as the transition to a new scene happens.

Back home now and she's making some lunch. She's getting the ingredients out (including a "coregey ett")

She's planning on cooking some mince pie "things" this afternoon as she's having Josie and her boyfriend popping over later (in the garden)

"cos you can meet people outside and that includes the garden! WHICH IS KEWL!"

Kirby Egg enters the room and Jelly Belly excitedly shows him what's in the bag of TREAAAAATS

She pulls out the box of roses, then rummages around and screams into Fil's and our ears "LOOK WOT I FOUND!!!!!!!!" Fil put his hand up to his ear

12.JPG


"SORRY SORRY SORRY!" she apologises, too late Jelly Belly, your boyfriend is now deaf because you found a bleeping TWIX bar.

On to the next thing - she got Fil two packets Jammie Dodgers

"No savory snacks?" says Fil, with such disappointment,

"...........I GOT...NO... NO. WOZ I SUPPOSED TO?"

"Well I like savory snacks...so...."

"OH. SORRY.... I WOZ IN CHOCOLATE MODE"

"I'm not complaining" says Fil, clearly complaining.

She's got Mint Chocolates for Christmas Day (I hope those were on the Spreadsheet Helga!!!)

More Terry's chocolate oranges because she's eaten them all.

A packet of After Eights "BECAUSE THEY WERE IN A PACKET!!!!"

"you literally went to town" smiles Kirby Egg, delighted with his score

13.JPG


Toblerones and milka come out

"OH I DID GO A BIT MAD DIDN'T I? SHITTTTTT!"

"You went bloody mental"

She keeps pulling out After Eights and Twix bars

"I I I I JUST GOT LOADS OF THESE, COZ.... I JUST DUNNO"

Her thinking was "what else are we going to do at Christmas? and we loooove chocolate. It will just bring us sooo much joy"

Wow... she has a major ED vibes here, this is sad to watch her making all these excuses and constantly feel like she needs to treat herself with food to make her feel better.....

Cut to her continuing to make the sandwich that we had all forgotten about after that shocking haul.

She's now making fancy mac and cheese with leek and onion and "chetta" in it. She's also going to be topping it all with Parmesan and chorizo

Maybe THIS should have been her "honest" what I eat in a day video...

She goes back to interviewing Fil about what his fav xmas song is. Fil doesn't know. Helen is going to tell us hers, but gets interrupted by chef Fil talking about his white sauce he's making.

Fil says if this doesn't go to plan, he'll be going to the corner shop. So potentially another trip out. Nice.

Cut to later. She's shoving the cooked mac n cheese in the microwave because it's too warm for the fridge.... (I dont think she knows what microwaves are for....)

Now onto the "mincemeat parcel things" She's telling us what she's doing by saying "I'm doing this, like that, so that, is like this, duck... no... tit.... is that right? Like that. I could put that on like this. Oh tit tit crappy tit head" I pray she NEVER gets her own cooking series.... duck me.

We can't see what she's doing because her giant fist is in the way

14.JPG


and now she's pouring loads of sugar on them to make them a bit sweeter

15.JPG


Cut to later and they're all burnt

16.JPG


Montage of her dishing up the Mac and Cheese for her, Fil, Josie and Ross

And of course we don't see any footage of that. We're back to present day Helen telling us how Josie and Ross came in to the garden and how they walked by the side of the house to get in (honest guv!)

She got to see them for a couple of hours and they excitedly exchanged gifts, it was soooooo nice, and she's glad that she can still see people in 'some kind of nature'.

Here we go.

Her heart REALLY goes out to all the people who have been affected this year - especailly by last min change of plans / 'rules'.

She says it's ok to be sad about it (thank you for your permission Helga)

"there will be POSITIVES out of this. And one of the main things being is hopefully gettin through this QUICKER. Uhm. And SAVING LIVES. So yeah, we gotta think about the positives" ....clearly you aren't thinking about the positives Helga, there's so, soooo many tested positives, but that doesn't seem to make you want to stop going out and stay home to save lives. "by all means, feel upset, feel annoyed, feel disappointed, because it IS time to see friends and family and...."

oh we've jump cut that speech.... now it's later........and she's off out to town again. Because she needs some last minute stocking fillers and needs to get some stuff to give to Ellie so she can make Fil's birthday cake.

"wont be long" she claims "in and out. Quick quick quick"

Shows herself walking around town awwwwing at everything Christmassy and how much she loves her town

Now she's back home

(funny she never showed herself going out for dinner with BEN and his fiance)

She's got a present for her PT as she's going there tomorrow.

She got soooo much stuff from the shop, there's no way this was a quick in and out shop like she claimed

She complains about her camera not focusing on her and fiddles her neck mic

She's going to drop off Ellie and Cooper's gifts tomorrow and she's sooo excited

Back to current Helen saying she's not going to upload for the next 4 days as it's going to be a crazy exciting time for her with going away for Fil's bday and then Christmas, and she doesn't want to upload and read through comments

Next vlog is on the 27th and it's going to be a super long one. Yay.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
  • Haha
  • Wow
Reactions: 38
VIDEO SUMMARY:
Vlogmas Day #19 - 21
A little goodbye (for now)

[DESCRIPTION: A catch up and a goodbye.]

Similar dramatic Goodbye title to her last vlog before she went on her Scotland holiday. Nothing says "click me please I'm begging you" than putting GOODBYE in the title.

Starting off in her grandad's blazer and a bucks fizz in her hand because she's well excited for the next few days

View attachment 356893

She's already been to see Josie and exchanged gifts. She takes a sip of her drink and yells at the top of her voice "THAT'S SOOOO NICE!!!!"

We're having a recap over the last few days - because she's absolutely tit and can't even do vlogmas properly.

Yesterdays vlog was Friday's vlog. And she says it was a BARREL of laughs.... cut to flashback... wait??? why are we having a flash back?? You put out a bleeping whole video? We don't need to see this shite again 🙄

Oh she's putting in the "COG NI ACK" bit in again... because its THAT funny.

She was "in denial" about her hangover all Saturday... She finally admitted it at 1pm "OH WELL!" she shrugs. Im sorry.... what?? In DENIAL about a bleeping hangover???

She woke up to these messages from Danni-Howard-Baby!

View attachment 356894

And she pissed herself laughing.

Vlogmas is over for Helga for now, after this one there isn't going to be anymore videos for the next 4 days (yay!)

Here comes a recap before the festivities start:

Saturday we flash back to her wrapping up some dog toys and writing cards.

Now she's off out (surprise, surprise) because "We needed to get out.... so we gone to Waitrose" she laughs and sticks up a peace sign with her sausage fingers

View attachment 356895

Cut to home now, she had a nice time driving around, they even got logs for the fire. Goes on about being able to get rare nice things in Waitrose and that's why it's such a "treat" to go and every time she goes she HAS to get the Pecan Butterscotch Yum Yum.

She's unloading the "PAN CHETTA" and "CHORE REE ZO" some ice cream "SAWL TED CAROL MEL CART DOOR" which she's going to stick in the old freezer (she's smart)

(my flat mate just said "omg her voice is so grating, she sounds like Del Boy trying to be posh"

"NORMAL BREAD, TOM MART TOES, MACCA ROONEY"

She picks up a bottle and tries to show it to the camera, but the camera is still in denial about it's hangover and still can't bleeping focus.

She picks up a packet of "them fings dat Fil lykes" - again can't see cos of the auto focus.

"CHEEZUS FOR US MEEEESES"

and finally some "MINCED MEAT COZ I GUNNA MAKE SUM FESTIV FINGS"

Cut to the living room

"I FINK IM GUNNA MAKE THE FESTIVE MEENCED MEAT FINGS TAMORRO" Fil lets out a "yeah?" as Helga flops herself on the couch and wraps up in a couch duvet because she's ready for her "DISCO NAP".

She whines "OI DIANE GERROFT"

She lays down for her nap, and checks to see if her mic is in the right position - please don't let us hear her snoring, we're hearing her grunt and groan and gulp and breathing heavily as she rolls into the 'just right for a disco nap' position.

View attachment 356896

She debates whether to get changed later "I DO WANT TO LOOK A BIT NICER... AND WE'RE GOING OUT" ...going out again today... what a surprise.

She breathes really heavily.

Grandad Fil reminds her that she'll be outside so make sure to wear a coat dear.

Cut to a shot of her burgers and chips apparently she went to a roof top bar but we're not going to see any footage of that - we all know why we don't see any footage of her outings any more (she's a ruleeee breaker)

"YOU CAN GO THERE AND MEET PEOPLE."

Sunday morning was a lazy one. She watched the final episode of the Mandalorian

View attachment 356897

View attachment 356898

"COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!!!"

And now we get a flash back.

She's got the camera set up in the hallway, and she's calling Diane to come to her, but Dee's ignoring her until Helen annoyingly repeats her name over and over and over and over and over again - Dee goes up to her then runs away just as Helen's ham fists try and grab her.

"WHY DO THEY DO THAT???" maybe it's because you shut them in the tiny utility room all bleeping day Helen.

"LOLA. COME HERE" She demands the angel child to obay her. Lola walks off out of shot of the camera and far away from Helga.

"DEEDEE! LOLA! LOLA! LOLA! DEEDEE? ONE OF YOU COME HERE." They've both legged it now.

They finally come back in when Fil comes along. And she gets them ready for a walk.

Cut to this shot of them looking like they've been out drinking all night and slept on that bench.

View attachment 356899

"FIL, I ASKED THIS QUESTION TO DANNI ON FRIDAY..." oh god we're getting an interview now, "BUT IF ERRMM... MONEY AND SCIENCE WEREN'T AN ISSUE, WOT WOULD YOU HAVE FOR CHRISTMAS?"

...wut? Science??

"YEAH LIKE THERE WOZ NO FING AS MONEY OR SCIENCE, SO YOU CAN AV ANYFINK...... LIKE, I SAID........... I'D AV A DRAGON"

"So you can have fantasy stuff?"

"YEAH YEAH ANYFINK, SCIENCE DOESNT"

That's not bleeping science, that's fictional you dumb nut.

Fil says he wants a time machine, probably to go the time when it was Helgaless.

"A TIME MACHINE? WOT WOOD YOU DOOO?"

"errrr, like, back in time coz I like old stuff" Fil says, sounding like a 6 year old child.

Helen laughs "HAHAHAHA THAT'S A REALLY GOOD ONE!"

"See how, see wot fings were like"

"YEAH?"

"Or go forward in time and see wot fings are like"

View attachment 356900

"YEAH OKAY. YOU COULD GO FORWARD IN TIME N SEE WOT THE EUROMILLIONS NUMBERS WERE"

"yeah..... that's true" says Fil, "I'd be one of those, I'd go back in time and erm...... wiv a mobile fone - or like sumfik of the future - n be one of those weird people in all the conspiracy fotos where people are like 'the time machine's do exist because look at this foto of tha man, he's wearin a tombola hat that was only made from 1940 but it's 1912!!!"

Aim high Fil, don't wish to be able to stop Hitler or warn people about Corona - you wear that 1940s hat and pose for that 1912s picture.

.................................................... what even is this conversation right now????

Helen lets out a quick woodpecker laugh, while Fil demonstrates just how he'd pose for this picture

View attachment 356901

"I'd be like 'heyyyyy!'"

"THAT MAN'S GOT AN IPHONE 12!" Laughs Helga. "I'D GET A DRAGON EGG N I'D 'ATCH IT N BEEEE THE MUVA OF DRAGONS"

"Just one egg?"

"JUST ONE EGG, I ONLY NEED ONE DRAGON..... BECAUSE.... THERE'S NO.... THREAT FROM REALLY ANY OVA KINGDOMS N IM ALSO NOT TRYIN TA..... IT'S NOT GAME OF FRONES" .... funny it sounds like Game of Thrones.....

"BUT AVIN A DRAGON WOULD STILL BE KEWL. YOU WOULDN'T... I REALLY I DON'T REALLY KNOW WOT I WOULD DOO WIV IT THOUGH.... I COULD RIDE AROUND ON ITS BACK N FLY PLACES..... I WOULDN'T HAVE TO GET A PLANE ANYMORE...."

"would your dragon be able to breathe fire?"

(OH MY GOD)

"OH YEAH!!!!!"

"where would you keep it?" asks Fil.

"IN DER GARDEN"

Fil finds that highly amusing. "How would you clean up it's poo? There'd be BIG poos"

"Well I wouldn't poo in the garden, it would fly to.... "

"somewhere else?"

"SUMWHERE ELSE TO POO. OH LOOK A BASSET HOUND DERR DERRRR!!!!!" Helga gets distracted from Dragon shits. "PLEASE CAN I GET A BASSET HOUND?" she begs Fil.

She then says "YOU KNOW YOU NEVER LIVED WITH DOGS BEFORE?" I think Fil's fully aware of that Helga.

"HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW YOU LIVE WITH ME....?" 🤣🤣🤣

".....I AND NOW YOU LIVE WITH DOGS" 🤣🤣🤣

"I really like it" replies Fil

"HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL?"

"I really like it" repeats Fil

"YEAH?"

"Yeah."

"WOT WOT WOT ARE THE BENEFITS OF LIVIN WIV A DOG?" Diane barks, "ERRRRR DIANE!!!!!!!!" Yells Helga in the neck mic

"Errrm... they're just nice aren't they? They're just.... nice to av around"

"AND, HOW YOU NO FIL, YOU NO FIL LONELY WIV A DOG AROUND I DONT FINK... WELL I MEAN I DO..... BUT YOU DON'T AT THE SAME TIME"

This conversation right noooooow guys..... I just can't.

"DER 'OUSE WOZ 'ORRIBLE WEN DER NOT ERE LIKE IF I AV TA DROP EM OFF SUM WHERE TO BE LOOKED AFTA FOR DER NITE B4 GOIN AWAY I ATE IT"

"YOU DON'T REALIZE HOW OFTEN YOU LOOK FOR DEM WHEN THEY'RE IN DA 'OUSE LIKE YOU KNOW WHERE THEY'RE GUNNA BE" Yeah.... locked in the utility room

"LIKE SAY FOR EXAMPLE WHEN YOU GO TO THE TOILET..." oH mY goD

"....AND YOU JUST POP YER HEAD N SEE DEM IN DER BED.... LIKE WHEN THEY'RE NOT IN DA 'OUSE...." She starts digging a finger in her ear,

View attachment 356902

"YOU NOTICE, THEM, LIKE NOT BEIN IN ALL DER NOOKS N CRANNIES WHERE THEY NORMALLY 'ANG OUT"

View attachment 356903

She flicks the ear gold out into the wind.

FINALLY this conversation segment is over!!! Helga suggests they keep going on their walk, and the dogs start aggressively barking and run towards something behind the camera "OI! OI! OI!" yells Helga super high pitched as the transition to a new scene happens.

Back home now and she's making some lunch. She's getting the ingredients out (including a "coregey ett")

She's planning on cooking some mince pie "things" this afternoon as she's having Josie and her boyfriend popping over later (in the garden)

"cos you can meet people outside and that includes the garden! WHICH IS KEWL!"

Kirby Egg enters the room and Jelly Belly excitedly shows him what's in the bag of TREAAAAATS

She pulls out the box of roses, then rummages around and screams into Fil's and our ears "LOOK WOT I FOUND!!!!!!!!" Fil put his hand up to his ear

View attachment 356904

"SORRY SORRY SORRY!" she apologises, too late Jelly Belly, your boyfriend is now deaf because you found a bleeping TWIX bar.

On to the next thing - she got Fil two packets Jammie Dodgers

"No savory snacks?" says Fil, with such disappointment,

"...........I GOT...NO... NO. WOZ I SUPPOSED TO?"

"Well I like savory snacks...so...."

"OH. SORRY.... I WOZ IN CHOCOLATE MODE"

"I'm not complaining" says Fil, clearly complaining.

She's got Mint Chocolates for Christmas Day (I hope those were on the Spreadsheet Helga!!!)

More Terry's chocolate oranges because she's eaten them all.

A packet of After Eights "BECAUSE THEY WERE IN A PACKET!!!!"

"you literally went to town" smiles Kirby Egg, delighted with his score

View attachment 356905

Toblerones and milka come out

"OH I DID GO A BIT MAD DIDN'T I? SHITTTTTT!"

"You went bloody mental"

She keeps pulling out After Eights and Twix bars

"I I I I JUST GOT LOADS OF THESE, COZ.... I JUST DUNNO"

Her thinking was "what else are we going to do at Christmas? and we loooove chocolate. It will just bring us sooo much joy"

Wow... she has a major ED vibes here, this is sad to watch her making all these excuses and constantly feel like she needs to treat herself with food to make her feel better.....

Cut to her continuing to make the sandwich that we had all forgotten about after that shocking haul.

She's now making fancy mac and cheese with leek and onion and "chetta" in it. She's also going to be topping it all with Parmesan and chorizo

Maybe THIS should have been her "honest" what I eat in a day video...

She goes back to interviewing Fil about what his fav xmas song is. Fil doesn't know. Helen is going to tell us hers, but gets interrupted by chef Fil talking about his white sauce he's making.

Fil says if this doesn't go to plan, he'll be going to the corner shop. So potentially another trip out. Nice.

Cut to later. She's shoving the cooked mac n cheese in the microwave because it's too warm for the fridge.... (I dont think she knows what microwaves are for....)

Now onto the "mincemeat parcel things" She's telling us what she's doing by saying "I'm doing this, like that, so that, is like this, duck... no... tit.... is that right? Like that. I could put that on like this. Oh tit tit crappy tit head" I pray she NEVER gets her own cooking series.... duck me.

We can't see what she's doing because her giant fist is in the way

View attachment 356906

and now she's pouring loads of sugar on them to make them a bit sweeter

View attachment 356907

Cut to later and they're all burnt

View attachment 356908

Montage of her dishing up the Mac and Cheese for her, Fil, Josie and Ross

And of course we don't see any footage of that. We're back to present day Helen telling us how Josie and Ross came in to the garden and how they walked by the side of the house to get in (honest guv!)

She got to see them for a couple of hours and they excitedly exchanged gifts, it was soooooo nice, and she's glad that she can still see people in 'some kind of nature'.

Here we go.

Her heart REALLY goes out to all the people who have been affected this year - especailly by last min change of plans / 'rules'.

She says it's ok to be sad about it (thank you for your permission Helga)

"there will be POSITIVES out of this. And one of the main things being is hopefully gettin through this QUICKER. Uhm. And SAVING LIVES. So yeah, we gotta think about the positives" ....clearly you aren't thinking about the positives Helga, there's so, soooo many tested positives. "by all means, feel upset, feel annoyed, feel disappointed, because it IS time to see friends and family and...."

oh we've jump cut that speech.... now it's later........and she's off out to town again. Because she needs some last minute stocking fillers and needs to get some stuff to give to Ellie so she can make Fil's birthday cake.

"wont be long" she claims "in and out. Quick quick quick"

Shows herself walking around town awwwwing at everything Christmassy and how much she loves her town

Now she's back home

(funny she never showed herself going out for dinner with BEN and his fiance)

She's got a present for her PT as she's going there tomorrow.

She got soooo much stuff from the shop, there's no way this was a quick in and out shop like she claimed

She complains about her camera not focusing on her and fiddles her neck mic

She's going to drop off Ellie and Cooper's gifts tomorrow and she's sooo excited

Back to current Helen saying she's not going to upload for the next 4 days as it's going to be a crazy exciting time for her with going away for Fil's bday and then Christmas.

Next vlog is on the 27th and it's going to be a super long one. Yay.
I absolutely love your recaps but now she's blocked me, I feel I need to stop checking here because the woman is an absolute bleep and really pisses me off. I'll probably check in now and then because I'm nosey as duck but if I don't before Christmas, I hope everyone has a good one, following the rules in the knowledge that bellends like Helen are the reason we can't see our family.
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 38
Status
Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.