VIDEO SUMMARY:
Vlogmas Day 17
A preset gone wrong
[DESCRIPTION: Tried to fix a present that went a bit wrong....]
She missed Friday's vlogmas... and is uploading on Sunday? Weird....
Starts off with eggs and a dog walk
She clips the annoying mic under her chin and her we go
"it's a bit of a not-much day today" she sniffs, "we're both at home today" and she don't look happy about it.
She's got a story for us, she whips out what was going to be Josie's Christmas present. She says she got it ages ago, and suddenly she's got a bit of an issue with it.
She got it of an IG advert, and it was personalized necklace in a "metal" font "like a Metallica kinda font y'know?"
She received it and she was a bit like "err... ok"
Basically it looks like it says Josh
And now she's like "I can't give this to her... it looks like it says Josh" - didn't she just stay she got this ages ago??
"I'm not here to bad mouth the company..... or get a response or whatever" (we all know the Josh Wood hair color saga Helen - you're not fooling anyone when you say that)
But she emailed them "HI THERE!! Uhm, I'm a *little* bit unsatisfied with my purchase.... uhm it's supposed to say Josie, but it looks more like Josh. And the response was like 'oh that's just the way it turned out' or they said it was just to do with the font and that's how it looks. And I, and I *POLITELY* replied saying 'I appreciate that but like if the font isn't compatible with the desired outcome, then I should have been told'.
I know it's customized... so it's tricky, but if you can't... if you can't... if it's like 'oh sorry, it doesn't really look like the word - we can't fulfill this order' that would have been GREAT to know. I sort of said 'oh......... well...... y'know... that's disappointing' and then THEY just STOPPED replying to ME! It iz wot it iz though....so we're gunna try and fix this. We're gunna try n fix it. Come on let's go"
Fildo has some tools and she's going to get him to use them.
She has got her another present "In case this fails" so there you go Josie, sounds like you're either get the
crappy IG advert present which has been hacked to pieces by Jelly Belly and Kirby Egg
OR you get the mystery back up one (which is probably another Helen DIY of the name Josie written on a bit of wood). Not both. Sucks to be you lol.
She did also warn Josie that something 'hilarious' happened to her present. And she doesn't know any Josh's who like metal.
"So I can't even give it to a Josh!" she chuckles away to herself.
She sits there and jump cuts herself saying how she doesn't know how she's going to do this.
"IT's SILVER as well!" says Helen, only just noticing.
Fil hands her some safety google.
Helen looks confused "Oh....... well, wot are YOU going to do????"
"Wot we gunn? HOW we gunna do that?" Says Helen,
"I fort you were.... you ad a plan..." says Fil
"Kinda do...." says Helen, "basically need to take some of the edge off" (let me guess with alcohol?)
"....and leave a little bit ta makes it look more like an E... like... make a pointy outie bit in da middle. But ugh... I just dunno"
"if it doesn't work... y'know... it's WASTED anyway because I can't give...." she shrugs before being interrupted by the Kirby EGG
"Just give it to her like that" Fil says in his boring monotone voice, and shows what he means out of shot of the camera. Well done Fil.
"Why can't you give it to her like that?" We have no idea what genius plan he came up with.
"coz it doesn't look it says Josie" Maybe Fil needs his eyes tested, "It looks like it says JOSH" scoffs Helga,
"I don't see how you're going to make that look like an E" says Fil, while Helen scrunches up her face at him.
They go on and on discussing which part of the necklace to take off, all out of shot still.
Helen debates whether to get a pen to draw a triangle on it.
"Do you want me to get a pen?" she asks Fil for permission,
"Wot like you wanna take like a groooove outta that?... that's gunna be 'ard" says Fil, already bested by a tiny bit of metal.
(You just know that if Maff was still around he would have carved out a wooden Josie named necklace with his chiseled 6 pack by now
but this old nan and grandad keep repeating the same
tit over to each other about how they don't know what they're doing)
"Does your Josh like metal? HUAAAAAH!!" Helen lets out a wheezy old man laugh,
and then jump cuts and turns into a fish face...
"oh god"
Now cut to the garage, Helen's holding the necklace and Fil's holding the dremel.
"Is there sparks gunna go everywhere?" asks Helga, and then keeps asking Fil what she should do, Fil doesn't give a
tit - he's spent too long away from COD and is desperate to go back so he just shoves the dremel towards the necklace
"Just hold it!" He replies. Seriously, what else was she thinking she had to do. Dumb moose.
"this is jewelry making at its finest!" she says. No, Helen... no it's reeeeeally not.
Now we spend a good portion watching Fil file down the tiniest bit of metal. This is fun.
He increases the speed and Helen screams.
Something's wrong with the dremel, but Mumbley Mumbleson is mumbling to his dremel so quietly, we can't hear.
More footage of him filing.
Cut to the kitchen now and she dangles the necklace "FAIL"
"we tried"
Now cut to her small shop shout out - and guess what? It's another shop that's GIFTED her. (The only way you get a shout out is if you send her free
tit)
She's got a illustration of her dogs from them and now she's framing it.
Fil the feeder interrupts her to bring her her tea and doughnut which she yells excitedly about
"WOT" she yells for no reason "I'm gunna eat mine, goodbye DARLIN"
She takes a bite "MMM!!! THAT'S A GINGERBREAD GLAZE!!!!" and now her and Fil are MMMMMing to each other again, back and forth.
Helen takes the biggest mouthful I've ever seen
And then talks with her mouth open.
Jump cut to the end of the small shop segment as she shows off her finished framed picture, I'm sure the store owner loved having her shout out interrupted by a gross face stuffing session.
She checks the picture... "Oh no Fil.... There's CRUMBS IN IT!!!!"
"....well it's not crumbs it's just...... bits from the frame"
She then shows us Josie's present - an Ozzy Osbourne print (probably also free as she's giving this shop a shout out too)
"I am gutted about that damn necklace"
Cut to the office where she's going to hang her new picture, says she's edited her vlog and how it's now liiiiive, and she's also had a band meeting (because that's still a thing)
She got this picture in February (maybe last year) and her mic is being smooshed so the sound quality is just soooo amazing right now.
Now we get to see her arse while she talks to herself and struggles to put up this picture.
Cut to dinner time and it's a GUSTO recipe! woo! She also shows off some "exciting" peanut butter she got sent.
She then complains about Fil's excuse that he has to try some crisps again because he forgot what they tasted like.
She then mentions about doing a donation to a food back (most likely after reading it here) but we know it's not the Sainsbury's basket because she already ate the pigs in blankets crisps...
She doesn't know which food bank she's going to do and "needs to look into it" - sure... just like she needed to "look into" the Lush anti-trans saga
Mentions that Asda has this trolley where you can buy food and put it in. (I dunno why that's a wild concept for Helen, as she buys food and puts it in a trolley at least 3 times a week - also those food banks at the exit have existed for so frigging long, how has she
only just noticed?!)
"cos obviously I got that stuff from Sainsbury's... and then I just felt a *bit* bad, cos I was like 'oh.... I don't... I don't really... so y'know... I'm gunna give...." notice how she couldn't even say that sentence fully
"and THEN!!!" she perks up, "I'm donated to the doggies as well today!!!" Because she went to Pets At Home and of course she noticed that donation trolley
She then says that Gusto were advertising on her email about donating food "I might have a look at that" yeahhhhh... we all know you won't.
"I gotta grate the carrot..." she says in a weird accent, followed by: "you touched ma bum"
"Did I?" asks Fil before yelling "TOUCH MYYYY BUM!"
We now get to see Helga's ham fists violently grate a carrot.
And Fil swoops in to teach her how to grate it properly
"aw fanks!" says Helga, proud that she learned how to grate a carrot for the first time - see guys she did learn a new skill during the pandemic!
"THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD COOK FIL!" says Helen, clearly trying to get out of doing a single thing
Fil then goes on about white bread and Helen is shocked that he's making himself a sandwich just before they're about to have dinner.
"I'M MAKING IT FOR WORK TOMORROW YOU DOUGHNUT!" Yells Kirby Egg.
"oh alright" says mum, still grating away.
"You doughnut" she repeats "I LOVE that insult!"
Fil's got the booze out and pours Helga a gin and tonic
And that's the end!
