Having a third child

[petitspois]

I had two and contemplated three and am very very glad I stuck with two. Obviously my opinion but I think three takes you into a new level of needing new cars, houses etc.. and even things like meal prep are harder as so much is in a pack of four.

 

[Telly Fanatic]

I would stick at two...

get a puppy or kitten lol

 

[Rivluk9]

We had an accidental 3rd and honestly it turned our cushty little life upside down. Feeling overwhelmed and like there isn't enough of me to go around has caused severe depression. I look at people around me with only 2 kids and their lives look so much easier. Also we had to buy a new car and new house as ours was tiny, both of which are a huge financial burden. Basically I'm here to say if you're on the fence, get off and enjoy what you have!

 

[Kim Mild]

I read that deciding factor is the answer to the question ' do you like chaos?'

I have 3 , but I had a large gap , so it’s a one and a 2.

 

[Shak]

I have an 8, 7 and 3 year old. Our third is definitely harder work than the two older were. I sometimes look at my friends who only have 2 and feel they have it so much easier. The baby stage was fine with the 3rd, the toddler stage has been physically and mentally draining to the point it's made me quite ill. She's a bad sleeper and is in our bed every night. The 3 siblings have a good bond though and I feel it's getting slightly easier now she's almost 4. I think if you have plenty of help/grandparents etc then it's not so bad.

 

[Kim Mild]

I have an 8, 7 and 3 year old. Our third is definitely harder work than the two older were. I sometimes look at my friends who only have 2 and feel they have it so much easier. The baby stage was fine with the 3rd, the toddler stage has been physically and mentally draining to the point it's made me quite ill. She's a bad sleeper and is in our bed every night. The 3 siblings have a good bond though and I feel it's getting slightly easier now she's almost 4. I think if you have plenty of help/grandparents etc then it's not so bad.

I agree, life was easier when I had two. My 3rd likes to make everything hard work , too, they have that sort of personality.
We don't have family help either.

 

[odetotheseaweed]

Delighted to see this thread pop up as I'm in the same boat. Searching and reading for stories from other women in the same boat has helped but still can't make up my mind!

Do it

 

[Savewaterdrinkgin]

I have 3 age 15, 12 and 9 months! I always wanted 3 and I’m so glad I went for it. Despite the age gaps it’s been lovely doing it again and the older 2 love having a baby around. I always think you regret not doing something more than you’d regret doing it so if it’s what you want go for it!

 

[Peepynose]

Hello!
Mum of 2 here who is contemplating having a third. My head knows two is probably the right number for us (logistics, family life, working, childcare, car and house) but I can’t shake this feeling of wanting to have a third. It’s just my husband and I, we don’t have a support network or family support nearby and we are (just about) managing with two and juggling family life. I do wonder if a third could tip a the balance.
Looking for advice and to hear from people who have had three and also who have stuck at two too. Thank you!

 

[Stimpii]

I was only ever having 2 children. Had 2 boys. Partner always wanted a girl and we were constantly asked when we were having a girl. Always said we weren’t having anymore.

Ended up having a lockdown accident, baby turned out to be a girl. It’s like she was meant to be and I wouldn’t change anything now.

I didn't find going from 2-3 hard as you already have routines going. It is harder practically tho. Most things are based on families of 4.

 

[Izzyt88]

I’m currently having this dilemma. My two are currently 6 and 4 and I always imagined having three kids in total but found having two (especially at toddler ages) harder than I thought. Now my youngest is about to start school and they’re both much more independent so I’m in a catch 22 - I feel like I have a little bit more freedom back for the first time in 6 years and I should just appreciate it but that’s what also makes me feel like I could now cope with that third child.

Maybe it’s partly because I feel like I’m running out of time - I’m 36 and wouldn’t be able to TTC for another year due to medication I’m on, so I wouldn’t get pregnant until age 37 at the earliest (I know it’s also likely that it could take much longer so I could be older than that). On the one hand I feel like I’d be ‘too old’ by then with a big age gap from my older two, but I also think that could be a benefit to the hypothetical baby - I’d be a more experienced mother with more time and patience due to the older 2 being a bit more independent!

Sorry for the brain dump, I’m just glad I’m not the only one who has this dilemma!

 

[Nocomment20]

Delighted to see this thread pop up as I'm in the same boat. Searching and reading for stories from other women in the same boat has helped but still can't make up my mind!

 

[LittleMy]

I’m currently having this dilemma. My two are currently 6 and 4 and I always imagined having three kids in total but found having two (especially at toddler ages) harder than I thought. Now my youngest is about to start school and they’re both much more independent so I’m in a catch 22 - I feel like I have a little bit more freedom back for the first time in 6 years and I should just appreciate it but that’s what also makes me feel like I could now cope with that third child.

Maybe it’s partly because I feel like I’m running out of time - I’m 36 and wouldn’t be able to TTC for another year due to medication I’m on, so I wouldn’t get pregnant until age 37 at the earliest (I know it’s also likely that it could take much longer so I could be older than that). On the one hand I feel like I’d be ‘too old’ by then with a big age gap from my older two, but I also think that could be a benefit to the hypothetical baby - I’d be a more experienced mother with more time and patience due to the older 2 being a bit more independent!

Sorry for the brain dump, I’m just glad I’m not the only one who has this dilemma!

Are you me? I swear I could’ve posted this myself

I would love another baby and feel like I could manage it now that my two boys are school aged but there are just so many other factors to consider. We’d need a bigger house, bigger car etc. Also both of my sons are autistic which seems to be genetic and I won’t lie it’s only now that things are getting a bit easier (my youngest was a difficult toddler). My family think I’m mad for considering it but I can’t help how I feel. We’re still very much undecided.

 

[raspberryjuice]

@odetotheseaweed ive tracked her down

We vote have a third xx

 

[Peepynose]

Well, have you decided yet? Still undecided here

I’m settling more on the side of the fence of sticking with two but I still get the odd wobble of ‘could we do it all again and have a third?’
I genuinely think my hormones/ovaries are having a panic because I’m approaching 40 and there’s not loads of time left. Hope you can reach a decision that’s right for you and your family x

 

[odetotheseaweed]

I’m not very helpful because I was very much “two and done” when I was pregnant with the second, and nothing changed after he was born. I’m happy with two, when they were still smaller, if you could have guaranteed I’d have a girl, I would have considered having a third but probably still would have ended up sticking with two.

I think if you want a third and your partner is open to it, then I’d go for it! I don’t know anyone that’s been unsure, gone for it and regretted it. Do it, do it, do it (and soon so you can be pregnant with me and @raspberryjuice)

 

[MrsLucas]

I have 3 girls 15, 8 and 2 . It's wild and my god so bloody hard butttt it's also so lovely and special. They all have the most beautiful bond most of the time. I was adamant I was only having 2 but got caught and I wouldn't change it for the world. Our third and final baby is what we didn't know we needed. Yes obviously financially if you need a bigger house, bigger car, etc but if you can do it go for it. Having a big family is so special seeing them all together playing is priceless and so precious . I am defiantly 3 and done now .

 

[ada-lovelace]

I’ve two with a a two year gap and ever since my second was about 1 I’ve known I never wanted any more. I do have one of each so I don’t know if that came into play in me being so sure, not that it matters of course what genders you have. I actually had a termination back in January after falling unexpectedly pregnant and I did of course go back and forth for a while but ultimately I knew deep down I didn’t want any more and I don’t regret it for a single second although it was really bloody hard and I do still feel guilty. I guess it’s different for everyone but I think when you’re done you just know in your heart.

 

[Nocomment20]

Hello!
Mum of 2 here who is contemplating having a third. My head knows two is probably the right number for us (logistics, family life, working, childcare, car and house) but I can’t shake this feeling of wanting to have a third. It’s just my husband and I, we don’t have a support network or family support nearby and we are (just about) managing with two and juggling family life. I do wonder if a third could tip a the balance.
Looking for advice and to hear from people who have had three and also who have stuck at two too. Thank you!

Well, have you decided yet? Still undecided here

 

[Izzyt88]

Are you me? I swear I could’ve posted this myself

I would love another baby and feel like I could manage it now that my two boys are school aged but there are just so many other factors to consider. We’d need a bigger house, bigger car etc. Also both of my sons are autistic which seems to be genetic and I won’t lie it’s only now that things are getting a bit easier (my youngest was a difficult toddler). My family think I’m mad for considering it but I can’t help how I feel. We’re still very much undecided.

Oh wow, yes I have the same concerns regarding the house, car, childcare etc, even down to the fact my 6 year old son is currently on the pathway for a potential ASD diagnosis and like you say, there’s a massive genetic factor with this! Our families would be shocked if we had another child (my partner can be persuaded haha) but like you said, I can’t help how I feel.

I’ve heard so many people say that they just knew when they were ‘done’ and I’ve never felt that way!