Harassment

FunkyMonkey · Oct 9, 2020

Hi everyone
A couple of months ago I posted about my daughters nightmare boyfriend who she had broken up with several months previously but who was (at that point successfully) trying to worm his way back in to her life.
the great news was she saw the light and got rid. Shortly after she met a lovely boy and they are getting on really well.
she has just let me know that the previous lad is now harassing her. She has him blocked on everything but he persists in finding ways to contact her (latest is transferring her small amounts of money with messages in the notes field). They broke over a year ago and he has been on her case ever since in various ways, for example last September he hacked in to her Snapchat account.
It’s really creepy. He also knows where she lives. Her housemates and her friends are understandably very worried and I think as a joint effort we have persuaded her to contact the police.
Can anyone tell me what is likely to happen when she does that? Will they be in a position to do anything? Is there anything else she should do? She’s not engaging with him at all and she is screen shotting everything, I’ve also asked her to make sure she’s not in the house in her own.

tskiry56 · Oct 9, 2020

Hello @FunkyMonkey it sounds like your daughter has definitely done the right thing. The police should be able to offer the best advice. But having kept all the evidence it sounds like there is a good chance your daughter can apply for a restraining order and given the the severity of texts etc he could be charged with harassment.

I have been in a similar situation my ex partner abused me for years when I ended the relationship he then continually sent me messages, constantly phoned me, threatened self harm etc.
In the end I couldn’t take it anymore and went to the police and he was charged with ABH and I had a restraining order for 2 years.
Last year I had this extended and it is indefinitely.
The police are there to help. I hope your daughter is ok.

Tui · Oct 9, 2020

That sounds really scary. Transferring money to put messages in the notes field is just bizarre and fucked up behaviour. Good on your daughter for contacting the police. I’d hope with that story they will take it seriously

FunkyMonkey · Oct 9, 2020

tskiry56 said:
Hello @FunkyMonkey it sounds like your daughter has definitely done the right thing. The police should be able to offer the best advice. But having kept all the evidence it sounds like there is a good chance your daughter can apply for a restraining order and given the the severity of texts etc he could be charged with harassment.

I have been in a similar situation my ex partner abused me for years when I ended the relationship he then continually sent me messages, constantly phoned me, threatened self harm etc.
In the end I couldn’t take it anymore and went to the police and he was charged with ABH and I had a restraining order for 2 years.
Last year I had this extended and it is indefinitely.
The police are there to help. I hope your daughter is ok.

I’m so sorry you have gone through this. She is okay, she’s very upset but thankfully is moving with resolve. Thank you x

Tui said:
That sounds really scary. Transferring money to put messages in the notes field is just bizarre and fucked up behaviour. Good on your daughter for contacting the police. I’d hope with that story they will take it seriously

Thank you. I hope so too! I know it’s just crazy isn’t it. I’ve just got off the phone to her bank and it sounds like it’s illegal use of a bank account so that’s more weight to it x

whats the tea christine? · Oct 9, 2020

Sounds like a restraining order is required and the little messages accompanying bank transfers will be spot on evidence for showing the creepy lowlife levels he will stoop to in order to maintain un-wanted contact
I hope your daughter is able to have this addressed in a timely manner by the police, as that type of behaviour would creep anyone out

slabber · Oct 9, 2020

This is awful, your poor daughter.
In my experience the Police weren't overly helpful and just directed me to a solicitor to obtain a non-molestation order/restraining order. Although that way, it was sorted within a week so definitely worth it - I was granted an emergency non-molestation order lasting a month which was later extended for 2 years. If the behaviour continues after this is put in place, the Police can do more I think.
I hope it gets sorted soon. Best wishes

judgejohndeed · Oct 9, 2020

slabber said:
In my experience the Police weren't overly helpful and just directed me to a solicitor to obtain a non-molestation order/restraining order. Although that way, it was sorted within a week so definitely worth it - I was granted an emergency non-molestation order lasting a month which was later extended for 2 years. If the behaviour continues after this is put in place, the Police can do more I think.

This happened to me too and the police said the same. To be fair, they did actually send someone round to speak to him, and after that he stopped. The next step would've been a non-mol for me but fortunately it didn't get that far.
OP speak to the police and see if they'll send someone round. Don't know how old he is but my ex was late 20s (embarrassing for him) and a police visit stopped it immediately.

Raininvain · Oct 9, 2020

I've had this was a neighbour recently and an ex friend in the past, both who thought it was acceptable to harass me in the street. The neighbour I think has some type of dementia that the rest of the family cover up. Both times the Police told them straight to stop it off or else and that was that.I hope your daughter gets it sorted out.

FunkyMonkey · Oct 9, 2020

Small update- she has reported it to the police who initially said they would visit her on Sunday but have escalated to tonight. They seem to be taking it seriously. Thank you so much everyone xxx

judgejohndeed · Oct 9, 2020

FunkyMonkey said:
Small update- she has reported it to the police who initially said they would visit her on Sunday but have escalated to tonight. They seem to be taking it seriously. Thank you so much everyone xxx

Hope she gets sorted. I missed the part about Snapchat - she must be terrified. My ex kept logging into my emails and stuff and it was awful. Really feel for her.

BegDavis · Oct 9, 2020

FunkyMonkey said:
Hi everyone
A couple of months ago I posted about my daughters nightmare boyfriend who she had broken up with several months previously but who was (at that point successfully) trying to worm his way back in to her life.
the great news was she saw the light and got rid. Shortly after she met a lovely boy and they are getting on really well.
she has just let me know that the previous lad is now harassing her. She has him blocked on everything but he persists in finding ways to contact her (latest is transferring her small amounts of money with messages in the notes field). They broke over a year ago and he has been on her case ever since in various ways, for example last September he hacked in to her Snapchat account.
It’s really creepy. He also knows where she lives. Her housemates and her friends are understandably very worried and I think as a joint effort we have persuaded her to contact the police.
Can anyone tell me what is likely to happen when she does that? Will they be in a position to do anything? Is there anything else she should do? She’s not engaging with him at all and she is screen shotting everything, I’ve also asked her to make sure she’s not in the house in her own.

I would make sure your daughter starts a log of every incident and reports this to the police. There may be enough evidence to hand him a harassment PIN notice and they can keep a log of these incidents. Woman’s aid provide some helpful advice in relation to stalking and harassment- take a look at their website. If there is threat or danger police can add a marker on the address so that if there are 999 calls she can be flagged up for more urgent police response.

I hope police are able to help, good luck x

FunkyMonkey · Oct 9, 2020

I can’t thank you all enough for your help, sincerely xx

Upintheair83 · Oct 9, 2020

I really hope she’s ok and this stops soon, how utterly terrifying for you all. As someone else said, ensure she keeps a log of any contact or anything like that.
I really hope he just gives up and gets bored
sending Love xx

Begborrowsteal · Oct 9, 2020

I remember reading about this. I hope she gets the right help & support!

Raininvain · Oct 10, 2020

Was this the man who kept threatening to kill himself when she tried to finish with him? Hope things are much better from now on for her after the Police have been.
Someone I used to work with, previously worked for a big UK company and her boyfriend was a very, very senior manager and he hacked into her email and sent all her friends and work colleagues weird emails trying to make out it was her and cause trouble. Obviously they knew it was him straight away. So its not just younger, inadequate types who do this.

FunkyMonkey · Oct 10, 2020

Raininvain said:
Was this the man who kept threatening to kill himself when she tried to finish with him? Hope things are much better from now on for her after the Police have been.
Someone I used to work with, previously worked for a big UK company and her boyfriend was a very, very senior manager and he hacked into her email and sent all her friends and work colleagues weird emails trying to make out it was her and cause trouble. Obviously they knew it was him straight away. So its not just younger, inadequate types who do this.

Yes- that’s the one. Bless you for remembering.
it’s actually really scary how many fruit loops there are out there.
Police was pushed back to 3pm this afternoon, so relieved it’s happening fairly quickly.

heretoreaditall2019 · Oct 10, 2020

I’m so sorry your daughter is going through this It’s fab the police seem to be taking it seriously, but it might be worth her getting in touch with https://paladinservice.co.uk/ too - they help victims of stalking navigate police / courts etc, and there are resources online like web safety etc that she might find helpful. It might be good for her to turn two factor authentication on for all her socials - it’s just an extra layer of security so they have to text you a code to your phone to log in on a new device, like a bank would. It means he can’t log in on his stuff x

FunkyMonkey · Oct 13, 2020

Hiya, just thought I’d update those who kindly responded to this, you all made me feel much less alone and helped me stay calm!
Daughter was visited by the police on Saturday afternoon. It was a really young officer which she was glad about as he understood when she was explaining things that had happened involving Snapchat etc. He took a statement and asked lots of questions. Yesterday (Monday) morning she received a text from the police saying that they had rang him and advised him to stop contacting her which he has agreed to. So, really hoping and cautiously optimistic that this is an end to it all and she can get on with her life- and he can too.
thanks again guys xx

HeatherSan · Nov 2, 2022

Sexual harassment is the most important issue of our time, which you need to pay special attention to; my daughter is 11 years old and likes to make videos for TikTok. Recently I noticed that she stopped using social networks, and then we talked; it turned out that adult men regularly write to her with intimate offers. My husband and I have already turned to digitalforensics.com to find this person. Besides, I understand that my daughter needs a psychologist. And I think it's terrible that this is possible in our world.

Harassment

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