Grief and Christmas

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Yesterday was a long day and my heart hurts.

My friend died almost three years ago just before christmas.

If I’m being honest I already don’t have a lot of friends, the people i’m closest to now are actually my 3 siblings and another person I meet up with every two weeks or so.

What triggered this current crying session is a someone new that i’ve met four times now saying “we’re friends now” and he literally spent the whole of the two hours yesterday that I was with him building my non existent self esteem up.

New person reminds me of the old person. The last conversation I had with my old friend who passed away was him telling me that “he was proud of me, that i had blossomed like a flower and that i would go far”.

Christmas just reminds me of things I don’t have.

I’m already in therapy and have been for a while.
 
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My mil and step mum both died a few weeks after Christmas (2020 &2021). I found last Christmas really hard, first Christmas without mil & missing all the little things we would have done and said in the run up & on the day.
Hoping to go away this year because sitting and feeling rubbish just makes everything worse. It was mil favourite time of year and now it just seems so sad and pointless. Plus she never got to meet my little one who was born 5 weeks after she passed. So lots of happy first mixed with sadness.
 
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My mil and step mum both died a few weeks after Christmas (2020 &2021). I found last Christmas really hard, first Christmas without mil & missing all the little things we would have done and said in the run up & on the day.
Hoping to go away this year because sitting and feeling rubbish just makes everything worse. It was mil favourite time of year and now it just seems so sad and pointless. Plus she never got to meet my little one who was born 5 weeks after she passed. So lots of happy first mixed with sadness.
I’m sorry for your loss and do hope you manage to get away this year It’s also the expectation that it’s the most wonderful time of the year for everyone. I haven’t felt that in a while since I was 6 or 7.
 
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