So, I've read through every single comment back to #1 over the last few days brought on via intense lockdown boredom. I've had a great time, even though I oscillate between quite liking Gabby's content and finding it beige and repetitive.
Nobody asked for it but my opinion is this: Gabby has chosen a career that allows for her hermitry and anxiety to be left unchallenged, and to control her life/project a sanitised version of it out to the masses in order to seek validation (and it even pays her bills!). The constant working on her body/diet/make up etc is the same thing. She wants to be perfect, because if she's perfect, then she won't have to worry about the emotional pain of dealing with bullying/inadequacy or made to feel so by said bullies. It's an ego trap - the desire to feel special. I will go more into this in a bit...
Regarding her high level of introversion: Someone high on the introversion scale would not want to be a west end actress/singer. In reality, they wouldn't want to be anywhere near it. Too draining! So why that dream? She has a good voice, a talent, and wishes for the praise and validation it may bring. Gabby's dream of being on the west end is fantasy-enactment of being special, focused on, and expressing her inner self to the world as powerful. We all have those fantasies in one way or another, she's not bad or unique for wanting this. Gabby wants to be special because special means focus and attention in a positive way which will compensate for the damage done by bullying. Special also means you have power, and if you have power, you can judge and punish those deemed below you if you so wish (the bullies). She is an INFJ in MBTI, this is a very common personality trait in INFJ - the judgemental juxtaposed with the painfully sensitive. With power may come a feeling of safety and safety is the key word here. Anxious people often do not feel safe, people who hermit a lot stay in to stay safe. People who don't socialise very often don't feel safe around others and avoid judgment...
This is all quite interesting because in avoiding the therapy and work of radical self-acceptance and challenging her anxiety/past having to deal with horrible bullying and self-esteem issues resulting from that, she has created a life in which now the wider world has become her bully (...these forums/threads are the evidence. No judgment! Just ...that's what it is). She repeats the same cycles, strives hard for perfection and her idealised fantasy of life, and refuses to accept herself as a normal human being since she was - and now is as an adult - constantly rejected and judged for being so whenever someone spots a plate left on a bin lid or a cat litter tray that may need a little clean. Ultimately, she gives up on any project or theme of the moment because it's hard to keep going what is inauthentic. Striving to be perfect is exhausting on multiple levels, most people don't keep this going and the ones who do often become pathologically driven (you see this in certain ED's, compulsions etc).
Gabby self-sabotages due to trauma from childhood bullying in the most incremental phases of self-identity development; a lot of people do. I wonder how many people in these threads have been bullied, and that's why they dislike her to the level of committing life-wasting minutes to such a discussion. Possibly indulging in 'hating' what they perceive to be as a weaker version of themselves back in the day and projecting those uncomfortable feelings onto her...
She's judgemental, for sure. Why? Because she is extremely critical and judgemental of herself, more so than anyone else could ever be. And because her inner dialogue is that way, she thinks it's normal to project that outward. Chicken and egg. She's lives a large chunk of her life online, and due to the constant barrage of love/hate messages, that's how her inner model of herself will be right now. She's also judgemental because she's rejecting every imperfection, because if she doesn't, in any small way she allows it that may allow her to be linked to imperfection. This can present in tiny ways as just rejecting an 'ugly' AC character, but it's indicative of a larger problem and why she may experience anxiety.
When you read through the comments, she can't do wrong for doing right: every which way she's damned. But she's in the wrong career, in my opinion. This is a career that serves the worst elements of herself and serves the ego. It binds her to a trauma loop which she cannot escape and allows more of that negative energy from people to come in peppered with the positive and validatory opinions. The childhood becomes the teenager becomes the adult. The average person on the street doesn't have a forum full of people who enjoy hating them... must play havoc with the mind. Regarding her social life/friends - something I've noticed is that she primarily talks to her mum. She only trusts her mum, because everyone else has most likely been snide or untrustworthy in some sort of way, or perceived to be so by her (any little criticism activates panic alarms and chemicals in the brain that signal fight or flight. She is very sensitive to criticism as it triggers memories of emotional pain from bullying). Her mum loves her unconditionally no matter what state she is in (of course she does, she's her mum!). She receives authentic, unconditional love from mum and that is a person she can be herself with without having to worry about backstabbing or emotional pain. It is safety-seeking behaviour which may also be the lack of partner (or she may just not bloody want one!). Gabby is young to want children on her own with IVF/sperm donation (which is what she's said in her vlogs). I guess, if she has kids alone, she doesn't have to trust another person or have input from anyone else that may be critical or end in emotional disaster. It always seems like she's trying to balance her desires and her perceived inadequacy/trust issues.
Gabby is ultimately a sweetheart, I think. She should allow herself to be herself, let go of trying to make herself feel safe from judgement. I think she lashes out or is rude sometimes/gets involved with things she probably shouldn't etc, but how many others do that? Most! I think she deals with anxiety and trying to be the best version of herself the best way she knows how which is pretty good compared to a lot of people. She should practice Stoicism, and not caring about both the positive and negative comments coming her way and just learn to be. Self-acceptance is key, here. Not very money-spinning when you have a business built on selling an idealised version of a young and free 20 something but heyho.
~I really enjoyed these threads. You're all a witty bunch! Made this lockdown feel a lot less tedious the past few days ^_^ ~
she needs to do a ebook on how dalogna coffee cured me.
