Friends' kids

[skvallertant]

Disclaimer - hoping that this will come across as intended... relatively lighthearted!

I don't have kids, but I'm at the stage in my life where I'm having to seriously consider whether to have kids (early 30s). I adore my nieces and nephews and my friends' kids, but sometimes I don't think they (the parents) get how exhausting it is spending time with, or because of the Covid situation, Skyping with someone else's kids?!

As a favour to some very good friends, I've been babysitting this week as I work from home at the moment and it isn't a constant stream of work, so it is kind of doable, whereas they are in lines of work where they can't WFH.

I am EXHAUSTED, but I haven't had so much as a thank you. All I hear is "well, Skvallertant, don't have kids! Hahahaha". It's not just that they're exhausting, it's also the different ideals in parenting styles. The fact I'm not their parents means that it's difficult to discipline/know what's okay for the kids to do, eat, when to sleep etc. (I would never smack them or anything just to make that clear). To use an example, today the kids were picked up at 10pm and I was basically admonished by my friends for their 2 and 3 year old kids being asleep when they came to collect them.

I don't want to read this back because it's likely going to be nonsensical I've been juggling writing and translating documents with taking care of their kids for 3 days, so I'm pretty beat... Don't think I want kids.

Sorry for the potential incoherence again, but can anyone relate?

 

[Pink waffles]

You need new friends

 

[Fenella]

It’s different when they’re you’re own.

but if someone else is looking after my kids, I’m nothing but grateful as long as no one is hurt or been in danger- anything else is ok by me!

 

[Happy35]

I had my son Very young, so am a grandparent whilst my friends have children 10 and under in most cases So I do help them out, also look after my niece and nephew and granddaughter on the condition my house my rules. I don’t smack or punish etc but I do tell them off if not to my rules, no back chat, no fighting or jumping on the furniture etc. I have made it clear I am happy to help out if I can but it is favour, if they want someone to follow their requests in full to hire a nanny.

 

[skvallertant]

I had my son Very young, so am a grandparent whilst my friends have children 10 and under in most cases So I do help them out, also look after my niece and nephew and granddaughter on the condition my house my rules. I don’t smack or punish etc but I do tell them off if not to my rules, no back chat, no fighting or jumping on the furniture etc. I have made it clear I am happy to help out if I can but it is favour, if they want someone to follow their requests in full to hire a nanny.

I think that the problem is that I love the kids unconditionally; they're toddlers.. they're sooo much fun and they're learning about the world. I never get angry at them, because they're great kids, but if this situation is to happen again, I think I'll have to have a serious chat with the parents about expectations. I used to be a nanny and the kids know me really well, so that's why my friends asked me to care for them this week. I don't want to take all the blame for it* though, just because I used to be a nanny and have a lot of experience caring for kids.. I have a totally different job now and I'm doing them a massive favour. As every childcare worker will tell you, 'it's not the kids, it's the parents.' Kind of different when you love both parties though haha.


*it.. parents being disgruntled because the kids were asleep at way past a reasonable time for a toddler.

This wasn't as lighthearted as I thought!!! sorry, everyone! Edits due to spelling going to hell.

 

[Happy35]

Haha, good luck, I started off softer than I am now, I have my niece, nephew and granddaughter every weekend so treat them like my own now and they know what they can get away with. My friends children go get away with more as they are occasional guests but I still have limits.
i also love having children around me and even though I am stricter than some of my friends they keep asking to come back .

 

[skvallertant]

Haha, good luck, I started off softer than I am now, I have my niece, nephew and granddaughter every weekend so treat them like my own now and they know what they can get away with. My friends children go get away with more as they are occasional guests but I still have limits.
i also love having children around me and even though I am stricter than some of my friends they keep asking to come back .

I'm not sure if I'm soft or if I'm just calm! The one time I think I've been kind of mean was when my niece, at around the age of 7, picked up a cactus that I had repeatedly warned her not to touch. I told her that I didn't feel sorry for her while I was tweezing out the needles.

 

[Happy35]

You are probably just calm with having been a nanny - nothing wrong with being as accommodating as you can be though as long as youR kindness isn’t being taken advantage of .

 

[Trixabellee9393]

Yeah that’s a bit rude if someone who isn’t the parent has ur children it’s normal to realise that the toddler or child will act differently there out of routine and so are you as ur not the parent who is used to putting them down every night ... I babysit for my friends 2&8 year old a few weeks back I managed to get the 2 year old asleep and the 8 year old was still watching you tube at 10 when mom got back but mom didn’t care as she was just happy I had gone to the effort of having them.

 

[TJ90]

I look after one of my friends little girl from time to time and she’s always so grateful. Even if all the child has eaten is wotsits and yoghurt, whether she’s slept or not.
I think for someone to have a moan is a bit rude when you’ve looked after their child.
I’m not too strict but if they’re doing something deliberate that they know they shouldn’t be doing then they get told.

 

[birdiefly246]

I think that the problem is that I love the kids unconditionally; they're toddlers.. they're sooo much fun and they're learning about the world. I never get angry at them, because they're great kids, but if this situation is to happen again, I think I'll have to have a serious chat with the parents about expectations. I used to be a nanny and the kids know me really well, so that's why my friends asked me to care for them this week. I don't want to take all the blame for it* though, just because I used to be a nanny and have a lot of experience caring for kids.. I have a totally different job now and I'm doing them a massive favour. As every childcare worker will tell you, 'it's not the kids, it's the parents.' Kind of different when you love both parties though haha.


*it.. parents being disgruntled because the kids were asleep at way past a reasonable time for a toddler.

This wasn't as lighthearted as I thought!!! sorry, everyone! Edits due to spelling going to hell.

Wait so the parents were annoyed that you'd put their kids to sleep? That's weird!

I don't have kids but have always wanted them. I don't know how many I want, I flit back and fourth all the time. Sometimes I just want 2 other times I want 4. Can't stand the noise though! Other things I'm worried about are playing. I hate playing imagination games with kids. I don't want to pretend to be the patient while we play doctor Maybe that's different when it's your own!

 

[Sparks]

Not sure why the parents were annoyed that the kids were asleep when they picked them up so late. If I would pick my kids up that late I would assume they are passed out on the sofa. And I would be glad because an over tired child is hell! I think the parents should be more thankful that you are doing them a massive favour!

 

[MissyAnon]

It is way more exhausting looking after other people's kids. With your own you know where in the house they're safe, what they can be trusted doing for 2 mins while you have a wee or make a cuppa, you can listen to their longggg stories half-assed if you're knackered, basically you can be a bit lazy sometimes! Maybe the word should be relaxed not lazy. When I look after my nephews, I'm constantly watching them, they get allllll the toys out because they're new to them, follow them about to make sure they're not getting up to no good, theres no 'yeah in a second!' it's just more comfortable and chilled with your own I guess and it's ok to flop on the sofa for cuddles and a film when you need it.

 

[ChloChlo]

It is very different with your own.

I find kids are like farts. You like only your own.

Other peoples I find I have to put tremendous effort into it and seriously I find talking to other peoples children on the phone for instance or having to babysit them like watching paint dry. I really wish I was one of those warm, Mrs Honeysucklesque women who enjoy baking, making models out of old toilet tubes and can get right into a game of I-Spy but that just isn't me no matter how hard I try.

Your friend sounds like a tit and very ungrateful.

 

[dressagediva]

Your friends sound really ungrateful.

I'm not someone who loves children at all, and feel very uncomfortable around them, I find it so hard to talk to my friends' kids/babies and my heart sinks when they bring them along to stuff... I'd much rather meet up with my friends and get to talk to them and catch up properly, but it rarely happens with some of my friends. It's hard.

 

[Sparks]

I find kids are like farts. You like only your own.

Best explanation EVER!!! And so true

 

[Eltonjohnsflorist]

I’ve never looked after anyone else’s kids, and certainly wouldn’t do so whilst trying to wfh! How can you get your work done?

 

[skvallertant]

I’ve never looked after anyone else’s kids, and certainly wouldn’t do so whilst trying to wfh! How can you get your work done?

With difficulty! I don't think I'll try it again!