Hey guys, I hope you're all keeping well.
I've just come on here for some advice to see if I'm overreacting or not.
My friend (female) has been with her boyfriend now since February of this year. Met online.
He lives in the next city so she has to catch the train to see him, and vice versa. I've met him a few times.
Over the past couple of months (just before lockdown came in effect again) I've noticed weird things shes told me about him. Namely, his behaviour towards his male friends. Hes gotten drunk a few times and (he lives in a shared house as he is at uni) taken all of his clothes off and walked in the living room stark naked. (Btw my friend wasnt there when this happened) he then proceeds to sit on his male friends laps and has also walked in naked to his male friends room whilst stark naked too.
Of course I could be naiive as I'm a female and never had had a male partner so I dont know if this is just a guy thing.
Anyway, he reckons it was just drunk fun but things get more suspicious. When him and my friend go out, she notices he checks out both men and women constantly when they walk by. He also has referred to men as "sexy" before. (Again means nothing in the grand scheme of things, anyone can find anyone "sexy" without being sexually attracted to them, if that makes any sense.)
However, shes disclosed to me, (I'm gonna try and make this at least detailed as possible as although this is anonymous I feel awful for her.) Their sex life isnt great. He is very selfish in the bedroom and have only attempted P-V sex twice, the last time he couldn't become physically aroused so they gave up. I've asked to ask him if he has sex anxiety or is asexual but he reckons he isnt and just is worried about "doing something wrong".
Another thing is how he acts towards me is pretty strange. So I'm bisexual and on a few occasions me and my friend have shared a bed through convenience (when we've stayed at our other friends house). Nothing has ever happened between us as A. She is completely straight. B. I'm talking to someone. C. I've never saw her in "that way". He says things to her like "oh I bet shes done stuff to you in your sleep." "Oh she MUST fancy you as she likes women." Then says "only joking". But this has been on multiple occasions. I've told her if he wants to talk to me about any concerns he can, I can fully explain to him what it's like to not be straight and that I dont fancy everyone I see on the planet. Lol.
Also on another occasion she showed me a video at his friends party where someone was filming him without him knowing and he leaned in to kiss this guy who quickly backed away. He reckons it was a joke but he looked pretty pissed off in the video after the other guy walked away.
I'm not saying hes gay but I'm pretty sure hes bi, even to some small degree and feels very closeted. My friend agrees and has brought it up several times to him, to which he says "I'm not gay". We are not saying that though!! I've been there myself - in denial and it does eat away at you. Even if hes bi and genuinely loves her this part of him exists and he needs to accept it, just like I did. Hes not being authentic to himself.
It's now getting to the point where shes getting upset about it. Theres more stuff that's happened unrelated to this that has really made me dislike him.
Or are me and my friend just overreacting?
Love to hear your thoughts.
I've just come on here for some advice to see if I'm overreacting or not.
My friend (female) has been with her boyfriend now since February of this year. Met online.
He lives in the next city so she has to catch the train to see him, and vice versa. I've met him a few times.
Over the past couple of months (just before lockdown came in effect again) I've noticed weird things shes told me about him. Namely, his behaviour towards his male friends. Hes gotten drunk a few times and (he lives in a shared house as he is at uni) taken all of his clothes off and walked in the living room stark naked. (Btw my friend wasnt there when this happened) he then proceeds to sit on his male friends laps and has also walked in naked to his male friends room whilst stark naked too.
Of course I could be naiive as I'm a female and never had had a male partner so I dont know if this is just a guy thing.
Anyway, he reckons it was just drunk fun but things get more suspicious. When him and my friend go out, she notices he checks out both men and women constantly when they walk by. He also has referred to men as "sexy" before. (Again means nothing in the grand scheme of things, anyone can find anyone "sexy" without being sexually attracted to them, if that makes any sense.)
However, shes disclosed to me, (I'm gonna try and make this at least detailed as possible as although this is anonymous I feel awful for her.) Their sex life isnt great. He is very selfish in the bedroom and have only attempted P-V sex twice, the last time he couldn't become physically aroused so they gave up. I've asked to ask him if he has sex anxiety or is asexual but he reckons he isnt and just is worried about "doing something wrong".
Another thing is how he acts towards me is pretty strange. So I'm bisexual and on a few occasions me and my friend have shared a bed through convenience (when we've stayed at our other friends house). Nothing has ever happened between us as A. She is completely straight. B. I'm talking to someone. C. I've never saw her in "that way". He says things to her like "oh I bet shes done stuff to you in your sleep." "Oh she MUST fancy you as she likes women." Then says "only joking". But this has been on multiple occasions. I've told her if he wants to talk to me about any concerns he can, I can fully explain to him what it's like to not be straight and that I dont fancy everyone I see on the planet. Lol.
Also on another occasion she showed me a video at his friends party where someone was filming him without him knowing and he leaned in to kiss this guy who quickly backed away. He reckons it was a joke but he looked pretty pissed off in the video after the other guy walked away.
I'm not saying hes gay but I'm pretty sure hes bi, even to some small degree and feels very closeted. My friend agrees and has brought it up several times to him, to which he says "I'm not gay". We are not saying that though!! I've been there myself - in denial and it does eat away at you. Even if hes bi and genuinely loves her this part of him exists and he needs to accept it, just like I did. Hes not being authentic to himself.
It's now getting to the point where shes getting upset about it. Theres more stuff that's happened unrelated to this that has really made me dislike him.
Or are me and my friend just overreacting?
Love to hear your thoughts.
