Family loyalty, etc

[watermelon sugar]

I think in certain situations - say like, my Mum is quite a toxic person and has put me through a lot of hell basically, my partner has been through some with me and seen first and foremost how cruel and evil she can be, he slags her off. Sometimes I don’t like it but I understand cos he’s seen how much pain she’s put me through. I won’t cut her off though cos she’s my Mum. He will slag her off though, Not to her face though which i appreciate.

anyone else though, I don’t like it. My partners mum knows little bits of bobs of what my mum has been like and she tried calling my mum a bitch. I said, that’s not your place to say that. And she didn’t do it again. I think if someone is ranting about it they should just listen for sure, especially if they don’t know the person directly. Only reason my partner calls her (to me and me only) is cos he’s seen what she can be like, as she’s been quite toxic to him also

 

[1001 others]

Hmmm, interesting ...

In an ideal world, I think those being confided in should just listen and not pass judgment about the situation.

Personally, I find it frustrating when the person being confided in does more than listen - either they say that they actually see the other party's point, or they add their own fuel to the fire by slagging off the original topic of conversation.

If it's a minor aggrievement that's affected you - something you're likely to get over and make amends later with the person - hearing someone else slag them off can steer you towards finding more things to be annoyed about; and/or it can make you see that person making the judgment, in a negative light - you might start questioning what they have to do say about you behind your back.

 

[justheretoread99]

Definitely depends on the situation.

My best friends mother is a nasty person. Treated her horribly during her childhood and teen years. She was never physically abusive, but very emotionally abusive. I’ve seen and witnessed lots of it. My friend basically had to fend for herself when she started secondary school, get a job at 15, make her own meals as a child, do her own food shopping, fund her own driving lessons at 17, bought her own car and moved out at 18.

I have no qualms in telling her what a piece of shit her mother is whenever she’s having a vent/rant/been upset by her.

If a friend was ranting about a family member who I’d never met, I’d never slag them off but lend an open ear.

 

[Sketchy]

Agree with everything you've said, 1001.

The main reason I'm asking is because I was visiting a friend, and during the conversation her husband started slagging off her sister - tbh I was a bit shocked, but even more shocked that my friend seemed to think this was perfectly ok. And it got me thinking as to how common - or not - this might be.

I'd never let anyone slag off any of my family, I just wouldn't allow it. I can say what I like but well dare anyone join in!

Definitely depends on the situation.

My best friends mother is a nasty person. Treated her horribly during her childhood and teen years. She was never physically abusive, but very emotionally abusive. I’ve seen and witnessed lots of it. My friend basically had to fend for herself when she started secondary school, get a job at 15, make her own meals as a child, do her own food shopping, fund her own driving lessons at 17, bought her own car and moved out at 18.

I have no qualms in telling her what a piece of shit her mother is whenever she’s having a vent/rant/been upset by her.

If a friend was ranting about a family member who I’d never met, I’d never slag them off but lend an open ear.

That's something I meant to add - my friend and her sister always had a really good relationship, which was why I was so surprised she didn't seem to care about her being talked about in such a mean way.

 

[Sketchy]

I know some of our family - siblings/parents, etc, get on our nerves at times and we all like (NEED!) to maybe vent and have a rant at times, usually to our nearest'n'dearest, let's face it - but is it out of order when partners, or even friends, actually join in and start slagging them off too? Or should they just listen, nod their head sympathetically and let you rant on and get it off your chest?

Any comments or experiences on this much appreciated.

 

[DuckDuck]

Quite the opposite. My sister is a cunt and my mother a narc peice of shit . I'm in therapy for those 2 , mainly my mother.
People that * know * them thinks they're fucking saints and can't speak highly enough .
I spoke to my narc mother for the first time 2 days ago since dec 19th 2020 , talked about herself as usual , until I dropped in i was in therapy, out come the * why what's the matter * faux concern . She literally has no idea / doesn't care . She even asked me to go round hers to clean her oven !
Not a fucking clue and it always tips me over to reach for the nearest bottle after I've spoken with either