Family Arguments

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Just after some advice, don’t want to go into too much detail on here but a family meal over Xmas turned into a huge argument with me telling 3 members of the family to F off. It’s not like me I don’t normally have arguments I’m normally pretty quiet and well behaved but let’s just say someone wound me up so much I exploded! I even stormed back into the room and that’s when I started shouting off!!
not sure how to deal with it now, the family are people I don’t see all the time but feel quite upset over the whole thing. Anyone been through any thing similar?!
 
Over 2 years ago I had an argument with family (sister and brother in law) I no longer speak to them. Also stopped speaking to my brother and his wife 4 years ago. Feel much better for it as I never really saw these people except at family gatherings and special birthdays etc. I avoid going to parties etc if they will be there as I don't need them bringing me down anymore.
 
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Ah I’m sorry to hear that. It’s so hard isn’t it. I’m dreading the next big occasion like a wedding
 
Don’t let it drag on, if you can contact them and clear the air (clear the air it doesn’t mean saying you’re sorry and it doesn’t mean saying they’re sorry) do it, but if you screamed at them and you now regret how you dealt with it maybe make contact and say for the sake of the rest of the family it’s best you all put it behind you.

life is too short, but it’s too short for regrets, you don’t need to offer them anything but it’s bugging you enough to set up a thread?
So for your sake do what you can to put a lid on it and let it go, you can then be civil to them and hold your head high if anything ever happens them 🤷‍♀️


Anyone been through any thing similar?!
yes, I watched one family member say goodbye to another in an A&E cubicle, they hadn’t spoken for years. I know some who missed out on saying goodbye and I know they regret it, You might not be close to these family members but it’s really not worth the time you’re putting into being upset or angry with them. Let it go, contact them to make peace for the sake of everyone in the family and let it go.
 
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I used to find it hard when it first happened, now it doesn't affect me. Do you feel you were in the wrong telling them to F off?
 
My sister in law had a huge argument with my husband once. She got drunk and just went on and on about all the things he had done that she felt were unfair to her and his brother! His brother was extremely embarrassed. What was annoying is the next morning she said 'I can't remember what I said but I've been told to apologise'. I felt it was a cop out saying she couldn't remember. We accepted her apology but to be honest, that was years ago and it's never been the same since but luckily we don't have to see much of them.

I think if you like the family members then apologise but if they annoy you and you don't particularly like them then just leave it and probably by the next time you see them, it will have blown over.
 
My SiL was an absolute nightmare when she was marrying my brother ( he's 21 years older than me). I was 17 when they married and full of teenage attitude and she practically forced me into being her bridesmaid . She demanded I wear these horrific shoe/boot type things (think white witches boots you wouldn't be far off) in July , I tried my best to reason with her and compromise by suggesting I could wear a nice peair of sandles after the formal part (photos etc etc) but she was full on bridezilla and flipped . At that point I told her I had never wanted to be her bridesmaids anyway she could shove it .
She or my my brother don't speak to me for almost 10 years after that happened. It was only when I had my little boy she swallowed her pride and sent me a bunch of flowers .
She's got form though , now she won't speak to my mum 🙄
I so wish I had a close family , am envious of everyone who has a client relationship with siblings etc. No real advise to offer 😪
 
There are several ways you can look at it. One never speak to them again and let family functions be awkward or smooth things over.

I agree with what somebody else said that clearly it bothers you enough to start a thread about is so you most probably would like to resolve it.

Phone them up or send them a text and just apologise for shouting (you don’t have to apologise for disagreeing) Make sure you practice what you want to say so things don’t escalate again.

I’m naturally a pacifist as I don’t like arguing but if I feel somebody is pushing me too far I put my foot down. However I find it easy to apologise as am a forgiving person and don’t hold on to things. And that is my other advice once you’ve agreed to let it go, really LET IT GO. Don’t think about it or mention it again.

It is normal to argue especially with family so it’s important to learn how to deal with it
 
I can’t text them I don’t have any of there phone numbers, I could contact them via Facebook but I’m so scared of everything kicking off again. I don’t want to go into too much detail on here but basically a distant cousin threatened my dad and because this was before a lot of my family turned up so there wasn’t any witnesses so to speak. That’s why I kicked off, my sister sat in tears, my parents left, my dad was shaken up. There believing his side of the story and I now look like a witch for “ruining “ a family event, even though I’m normally the most placid type person and my family know this. I’ve never kicked off before and I think that’s why I’m so upset over this. It’s completely out of my character to do this, in fact when I told my best friend what had happened she thought I was winding her up as she couldn’t believe I would be outspoken like this. I think seeing my elderly father get threatened by a man in his 20’s triggered a switch and I let loose so to speak.
I am extremely upset over this and feel like the family has been broken. I’m so upset as well that people don’t seam to believe how threatening this guy was, I think that’s why it’s getting to me so much.
 
If anyone’s needs to apologise I would say it was the man in his 20,s... he should have a bit more respect for your dad.... I wouldn’t apologise to him... I would go round to your parents and talk to them... ask them there advise....
if you do apologise to the others I would say I’m sorry I shouted but not of the words I spoke...
maybe you could create a group chat with the others.. you could air your point of view.. don’t retaliate with a response... just tell them the whole situation..... good luck 😉
 
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We don't speak to my Father in law, and haven't done so for nearly 5 years. It happened just after my Mother in law died. He sends our children money for birthdays, Easter and Xmas. We do the same back and write thank you cards too. My husband said that his dad had never been a true father to him and as far as he's concerned he's lost his dad as well as his mum (she passed in 2014). 2 of our children don't remember him and often ask when they receive a card from him "who is Grampy?". Its very sad as he misses out on so much. If he ever shows up at our house i will gladly invite him in, my husband has no intention of ever seeing his father. To make matters worse my hubby is an only child, if it wasn't for my family he wouldn't have anyone.
 
oh I’m so sorry, it’s horrendous isn’t it. 😥
We don't speak to my Father in law, and haven't done so for nearly 5 years. It happened just after my Mother in law died. He sends our children money for birthdays, Easter and Xmas. We do the same back and write thank you cards too. My husband said that his dad had never been a true father to him and as far as he's concerned he's lost his dad as well as his mum (she passed in 2014). 2 of our children don't remember him and often ask when they receive a card from him "who is Grampy?". Its very sad as he misses out on so much. If he ever shows up at our house i will gladly invite him in, my husband has no intention of ever seeing his father. To make matters worse my hubby is an only child, if it wasn't for my family he wouldn't have anyone.
 
Now you've explained more then I definitely wouldn't apologise. The person who threatened your father needs to apologise.
 
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Now you've explained more then I definitely wouldn't apologise. The person who threatened your father needs to apologise.
Thank you, it’s hard not wanting to write everything on here. I’m still so upset by it all but I guess I will have to just get on with it.
 
I don’t think it’s a case of saying sorry on either side, I mentioned earlier we had similar issues in the family.
And strangely enough it’s a similar story to yours in that way, words were said in anger that should never have been said to the (now passed) family member.

I don’t speak to that family member anymore, they never got to say goodbye to the person who’s not with us now (I’m trying not to go into detail and this is hard 🤣)

I don’t think you need to apologise to your cousin (who sounds like a scumbag)
But I do think you need to make amends with the others who are hurt and angry, you feelings might have been valid but how you expressed them wasn’t.
I’m not having a go at you but if you caused a scene and that upset everyone, you need to own your part in that.

don’t concentrate on scummy cousin and work on the relationships with everyone else who’s hurt because you probably do own them an apology.
 
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I know I need to apologise to the other people as that wasn’t fair, however only some are on Facebook messenger, I suppose I could set up a group message? I don’t quite know what to say, I think I’m worried I will make matters worse. Ah I’m hopeless in situations like this. It’s just not in my nature to be outspoken or angry especially telling people to F off. Maybe apologise then disappear off Facebook for a bit so they can’t contact me back. See I’m a chicken who’s not used to confrontation!!
 
After some advice! (Sorry it’s a long one)

My partner fell out with his sister/mum last year - long story short my sister in law didn’t have a relationship with her Nan (from dads side) and unfortunately she passed away last year and my sister in law kicked off because she didn’t find out about her passing until the next morning (she passed away during the night), they gave her a space for the funeral instead of the nans close friend going and she didn’t turn up until it had finished so missed it. Also my MIL chose to not message my partner to say she’s sorry to hear about his nan or ask if he’s okay because she didn’t want to upset my SIL by asking/consoling him.

My MIL didn’t bother getting him anything for his birthday which due to covid was the day of the funeral and the reason was because he’s difficult to buy for.

Since this they’ve not spoken and we had a strong relationship with our niece and nephews and since covid we’ve hardly seen them over the last year. We spoilt them for Christmas, Easter etc because we love to and they are our only niece/nephews we have.

They were due to stay when the rules relaxed over Christmas, they could stay but we were td weren’t allowed to leave the house with them (we wanted to take them to the park) and then this got cancelled when the rules quickly changed again.

Anyway now the rules are relaxing next Monday, I messaged my SIL to ask if the kids wanted to stay over (they have done many occasions previously) and she never replied.

I’ve been speaking normally with both my MIL & SIL throughout the whole thing and not getting involved in the situation. It’s just upsetting that the kids are now being involved and it’s ruining our relationship with them as we can never see them. I generally don’t know what to do, I’ve offered to pick them up and drop them back the next day so there’s no awkwardness but she doesn’t even reply.

I don’t know what else to do, we just want to spend time with a our niece and nephews instead they think we don’t care, when that’s not the case.

She’s organised a belated 1st birthday party for the youngest boy who’s birthday was in December (we went over and did the right thing in December and dropped his presents off and saw him at the door), and I again gave her another two dates for them to stay if they are free and she replied asking if we are coming to the party which we’ve said we aren’t because we don’t want any arguments to be started and also a few family members aren’t going because they are busy and my FIL isn’t invited nor this family even though he tries to make an effort to.

So now it’s turned into well if we aren’t coming to the party then we can’t see the kids, I’m just going around in circles and feel like giving up now it’s the same every time I ask.
 
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After some advice! (Sorry it’s a long one)

My partner fell out with his sister/mum last year - long story short my sister in law didn’t have a relationship with her Nan (from dads side) and unfortunately she passed away last year and my sister in law kicked off because she didn’t find out about her passing until the next morning (she passed away during the night), they gave her a space for the funeral instead of the nans close friend going and she didn’t turn up until it had finished so missed it. Also my MIL chose to not message my partner to say she’s sorry to hear about his nan or ask if he’s okay because she didn’t want to upset my SIL by asking/consoling him.

My MIL didn’t bother getting him anything for his birthday which due to covid was the day of the funeral and the reason was because he’s difficult to buy for.

Since this they’ve not spoken and we had a strong relationship with our niece and nephews and since covid we’ve hardly seen them over the last year. We spoilt them for Christmas, Easter etc because we love to and they are our only niece/nephews we have.

They were due to stay when the rules relaxed over Christmas, they could stay but we were td weren’t allowed to leave the house with them (we wanted to take them to the park) and then this got cancelled when the rules quickly changed again.

Anyway now the rules are relaxing next Monday, I messaged my SIL to ask if the kids wanted to stay over (they have done many occasions previously) and she never replied.

I’ve been speaking normally with both my MIL & SIL throughout the whole thing and not getting involved in the situation. It’s just upsetting that the kids are now being involved and it’s ruining our relationship with them as we can never see them. I generally don’t know what to do, I’ve offered to pick them up and drop them back the next day so there’s no awkwardness but she doesn’t even reply.

I don’t know what else to do, we just want to spend time with a our niece and nephews instead they think we don’t care, when that’s not the case.

She’s organised a belated 1st birthday party for the youngest boy who’s birthday was in December (we went over and did the right thing in December and dropped his presents off and saw him at the door), and I again gave her another two dates for them to stay if they are free and she replied asking if we are coming to the party which we’ve said we aren’t because we don’t want any arguments to be started and also a few family members aren’t going because they are busy and my FIL isn’t invited nor this family even though he tries to make an effort to.

So now it’s turned into well if we aren’t coming to the party then we can’t see the kids, I’m just going around in circles and feel like giving up now it’s the same every time I ask.
so it’s your SIL that’s the problem here? She’s the one not responding to your messages and making it awkward about seeing her children? And where is your partner in all of this? Does he want to sort things out with her and to move on from it??
 
Yep, my SIL is the problem, she’s making it awkward for us to see her children. My partner at the moment doesn’t want to sort things out with her but for the sake of the children when we do go over to drop birthday, Christmas etc presents off he will be civil with her so it’s not uncomfortable for the kids.

But the other issue is my SIL and MIL have been bitching and moaning about the situation in front of them and the last time we went over the oldest nephew wouldn’t talk to us or even say hello he just said go away. (He’s 11).

They’ve stayed at ours many times and we just want them over again to spend time with them after not seeing them properly over the last year.




so it’s your SIL that’s the problem here? She’s the one not responding to your messages and making it awkward about seeing her children? And where is your partner in all of this? Does he want to sort things out with her and to move on from it??