Family and friends visiting newborn during Coronavirus

[Donutlover]

I'm soon due to give birth and I'm worrying about how to deal with family and friends when it comes to visiting at home.

My instinct is to keep everyone away but I think I'm being unreasonable and selfish? What would you do or have you done in this situation? Hubby has suggested asking closest family to self isolate before they come but I just can't trust that they will do that, plus it's also a big ask and impractical for some of them. Would find your opinions really helpful as I can't really discuss it with anyone.

 

[Lolarose19]

Good luck! My little one is 7 weeks. We haven't allowed anybody to visit. Apart from my parents when they looked after my daughter whilst I was in labour. (they had self isolated) It's so difficult and I'm scared my son and family members will never have the same bond my daughter and family have. But it's for the best and will make it more special when it's time.

 

[Uninfluenced]

My little one was born just before lockdown, family haven't seen her since

 

[Bec3007]

Keeping your child safe and yourself is not selfish or unreasonable. I can’t imagine what it’s like having a baby during all of this but what I do know is kids have the rest of their life to see/meet family members. Sadly a baby isn’t an excuse to break social distancing rules. Enjoy your little one in your own safe bubble.

I have a toddler who asks for family daily, it breaks my heart that none of us can see them but I’d rather not see them for a few months than never again.

 

[Gardengrower81]

I'm soon due to give birth and I'm worrying about how to deal with family and friends when it comes to visiting at home.

My instinct is to keep everyone away but I think I'm being unreasonable and selfish? What would you do or have you done in this situation? Hubby has suggested asking closest family to self isolate before they come but I just can't trust that they will do that, plus it's also a big ask and impractical for some of them. Would find your opinions really helpful as I can't really discuss it with anyone.

I think your instinct is the right way to go. A friend gave birth recently and her parents stayed with her for a week to help look after her other child but they had self isolated really strictly for weeks beforehand (about 5 weeks as she ended up overdue!) . Advice from midwife was no other family or friends to visit.

I know it's hard but surely your family and friends will understand? Nobody would want to put a newborn at risk?

 

[Death2unicorns]

Why would you put your newborn at risk by having people round, it’s against the lockdown rules anyway so that should be your answer, it really will not affect that baby at all that they didn’t get to meet family until they were a few months old, they only really need their mother in the early days

 

[JoeBloggs]

It’s not selfish at all. I think most grandparents have met their new grandchildren though glass over the last few months.

As others have said, perhaps just grandparents if they isolate completely for two weeks before but I would refuse anyone else, they will have to cope with glass or FaceTime for the saftey of you and the baby.

 

[Aabbcc]

BIL had a baby in April and I believe his mum visited to see the baby through the window and that’s it. We have only seen pictures.

In my view, (potentially) 6 months of no contact is nothing to a baby, they won’t remember this at all. The worst is not having the family support and getting that chance to have a break. I would not be able to live with the guilt if I knew something that was avoidable caused an issue.
But what I would say is that you and your OH need to be on the same page.

I had a baby in February and I had major anxiety when this started over contact etc as he was only 6 weeks old. OH still works although I’d class it as low risk, so I’ve had to make peace with that. But I said I didn’t feel comfortable with having stepson visit for the foreseeable just because it’s another entry point and he has two siblings who’d visit their dads (who the mum said were high risk, don’t know what they do though) so that would increase to 3 potential entry points. OH agreed but it lasted 4 weeks before he ignored how I felt and his son came to visit. Whilst I understood why, it very nearly ended our relationship because he claimed he was on the same page and he’d say one thing but then do another.

 

[Mickey19]

It’s against the rules and not worth the risk to your newborn who will have a very low immune system. Please don’t risk it x

 

[Donutlover]

Thanks everyone, think I'm just going to have to be firm.
It's just difficult with closest family, hopefully they will understand, but even if they don't I won't lose sleep over it if it means the baby is safe.

 

[Ladymuckx]

As a midwife I’m going to put a different spin on it...embrace the distance! It’s time for you to bond as a little family and as hard and upsetting as it will be not having family and friends around especially at such a wonderful time for you all, it is most definitely beneficial to new parents. Pre COVID I would encourage new mums to ‘pull up the drawbridge’ to take that time out and not have visitors over for a little while. You don’t need to entertain them, make cups of tea, feel the need to clean up. You can stay in your pjs, sleep when baby is sleeping, cuddle your baby without passing them around and just get to know one another. If you do decide to meet with family I suggest to do it when you feel up to a little social distancing walk. That way it can strike the balance of them meeting your baby but limiting contact. Plus, when you’re ready for peace you can go home rather than forcing through the visit because they don’t want to leave. Enjoy your little bundle when they arrive xx

 

[Meh]

My BIL and his Mrs had their first baby early March and we’ve not met her yet. It’s sad but we 100% support this and wouldn’t have it any other way. She won’t remember this absence for the first 6m-1year-whenever. But the guilt if something happened to her would be unbearable.

Definitely NOT selfish for keeping folk away. If anyone pushes this issue THEY are being extremely selfish as it’s only their wishes they are thinking of. Not yours, your babies or anyone else they may spread to.

Thanks everyone, think I'm just going to have to be firm.
It's just difficult with closest family, hopefully they will understand, but even if they don't I won't lose sleep over it if it means the baby is safe.

Wise decision.

My mum once said these words to me in reference to protection of a newborn baby “f*ck offending people. You don’t get a second chance with a small baby that age; they are that vulnerable it is life or death. and the feelings of some adults doesn’t come into it”

Said in different non covid context but that always stuck with me. It’s true; keep your baby safe and to heck with anyone’s hurt feelings. Seriously!

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

Maybe see what the lockdown guidelines are when you give birth, things may off changed by then. Good luck with it all and enjoy those precious new born snuggles with no disturbances, im kinda jealous!