Fake friends

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I

idkiwi

Hi all,

Just wanted some advice on a situation I'm going through.

Here's the jist, last year I got a new job and started working with these 2 guys on the same day, we hit it off and they were best friends, and they introduced me to their friend group and I made friends with them all including this one girl, let's call her A. When A and I first met we didn't exactly hit it off because of group dynamics and other issues I won't get into here.

After a few weeks however we wound up being very close, telling each other lots of personal things and hanging out all the time, she'd ring me up and we'd have hour long calls etc, go on nights out as a group go for meals and all that nice stuff.

A few months ago she started going out with one of the boys which caused quite a few problems. The friend group is pretty devided now over it and it won't be the same.

I had a few problems of my own in February and found since then she's just ditched me for her new man and another girl she made friends with recently. I'm pretty hurt as I saw her as my best friend but she hasn't hardly contacted me and I see her on insta hanging round with people without me including the new girl and I guy I have a history with. It's left me feeling pretty hurt and used. I even house sat for her over Christmas and looked after her pets. I felt like I was being replaced when the new girl came along and now I know I was right. We're all in out early to late 20's and it feels like petty stuff!

I feel like calling her and explaining how hurt I am but I can't see us going back to friends after. I just think she needs to realise her actions have hurt others including me.

Thanks x
 
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squarebutton

squarebutton

Sounds like you don’t wanna be friends with her again due to how she’s treated you so what you’re looking for is probably closure which is totally normal. She’s probably one of those people that moves from one person to another all the time. I’ve had friends like that.
Theres no harm in texting or calling her - you’ve got nothing to lose and it’ll get the feelings you’re holding out your system x
 
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I

idkiwi

Yeah, I guess you're right I really have got nothing to lose, she hasn't reached out to me at all whatsoever. I think lockdown is bringing out the worst in some people!
 
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R

Raininvain

I'd just leave it and concentrate on other friends and family. People come and go in life and don't always behave how we would wish. Calling out friends rarely works and its doubtful shes bothered about hurting you. I'd just forget her.
 
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I

idkiwi

I've given it some thought over the last few days and I've decided I'm not going to contact her at all about it. I don't think she's self aware enough to think about my feelings and no one else in the group has bothered with me either.
Yeah it hurts and it's left me feeling lonely, used and down about myself but it's just another life lesson.. I've had friends come and go before.
Hopefully I can find better friends when lockdown ends, if there's anything worth updating on I'll let ye know x
 
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S

Suzesnooze

idkiwi said:
I've given it some thought over the last few days and I've decided I'm not going to contact her at all about it. I don't think she's self aware enough to think about my feelings and no one else in the group has bothered with me either.
Yeah it hurts and it's left me feeling lonely, used and down about myself but it's just another life lesson.. I've had friends come and go before.
Hopefully I can find better friends when lockdown ends, if there's anything worth updating on I'll let ye know x
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Interesting that you saw her as your best friend after such a short amount of time. That’s not a best friend. You will know when you truly have a best friend. I’ve been friends with my best friend for over 40 years.

I’m sure you will make more friends and find ones that will stand by you and be there for you, that’s a true best friend x
 
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A

Anti-Jonses

I listened to an amazing podcast the other day and said to stop being hurt by people we need to stop having expectations of them. Basically your projecting your ideas of what is right onto someone and if they don’t comply you feel hurt. I know it sounds really difficult as I have been where you are but I feel lately if I have less expectations of people and realise things aren’t so black and white it helps. Xx
 
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I

idkiwi

Suzesnooze said:
Interesting that you saw her as your best friend after such a short amount of time. That’s not a best friend. You will know when you truly have a best friend. I’ve been friends with my best friend for over 40 years.

I’m sure you will make more friends and find ones that will stand by you and be there for you, that’s a true best friend x
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To be honest she put the best friend tag on us first, she was constantly going on about how what I good friend I was to her compared to other people she's known longer and she was encouraging my to cut out other people out of my life. I have BPD and I'm not close to any family and don't have many friends that want to hang out etc it's usually chatting through social media so I guess I just enjoyed the company and attention, she made me feel important and wanted x

Anti-Jonses said:
I listened to an amazing podcast the other day and said to stop being hurt by people we need to stop having expectations of them. Basically your projecting your ideas of what is right onto someone and if they don’t comply you feel hurt. I know it sounds really difficult as I have been where you are but I feel lately if I have less expectations of people and realise things aren’t so black and white it helps. Xx
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Ooh what podcast was that? Wouldn't mind checking it out thanks ☺
 
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