@Hauxwell So sorry to hear you were turned down for adoption - it’s horrible to start the process and get your hopes up then not get where to want to be.
I’ve spoken on here before about my journey with adoption I know hand on heart it is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life…and that’s before the adoption was even final!
Emma definitely could not cope with the invasion into every corner of her life - emotional baggage you’ve hidden for years, grief you’re not over, financial history etc. The extremely intense scrutiny would finish her off and she’d become extremely defensive. This actually happened to someone I know and they had to end their journey as the social workers knew they wouldn’t cope with the intensity of parenting an adopted child if they couldn’t cope with the revolving door of social workers before the child even comes home.
Then if Emma ever got on to parenting an adopted child there is literally no way she’d cope with that either. I absolutely love my son more than anyone on this earth but parenting him is toughest job I’ve ever had. He was removed from birth family straight from hospital so he didn’t experience any violence, abuse, neglect etc but the trauma and loss is still so intense for him and he struggles round the clock on a daily basis. We have to have regular meetings with various professionals to discuss his care needs and it mentally and physically breaks me at least once a week.
To get through adoption, you need to be very strong and Emma is the polar opposite of this. She would not be able to provide the stable emotional base that a child from trauma needs.
Any child who goes through the adoption process will always carry trauma with them - regardless of if they were relinquished at birth or lived with an abusive family or any other situation - and it affects them for the rest of their lives. I really don’t think Emma could cope with any level of trauma for a child at all … she can’t even cope with her own!