Drifting apart from friends

[Barbie2020]

I’m sorry if there is any threads similar to this. Does anyone else feel like this? Especially after this year? So I don’t have loads of friends just a handful of girls who I catch up with every couple of months but speak regularly online and things.

I’ve had a bad year with depression and I feel like I’ve distanced myself from people. I don’t go on Instagram anywhere near as much and don’t really feel like texting people because I have nothing interesting to say. I hope when things are back to normal and we can see each other it will just go back to how it was but for now I feel like I don’t really care. I just like to be on my own at the minute.

I’m getting married next year and having a few bridesmaids and feel like I wish I’d only had my sister now. It’s so hard to keep in touch with people when you’re an awkward person.

I know I’m rambling but just wondering if anyone else feels like they are in weird situations with friends this year or if anyone has cut ties with friends?

 

[Onepotatotwopotato]

I think I'm sort of the opposite, I only have one friend and she's definitely drifting away from me and I know I'm becoming less and less of a priority for her and I have no idea how to fix it or how to sort it.
Another side of things I guess!

 

[Barbie2020]

I think I'm sort of the opposite, I only have one friend and she's definitely drifting away from me and I know I'm becoming less and less of a priority for her and I have no idea how to fix it or how to sort it.
Another side of things I guess!

It’s horrible feeling that way! This is one of the reasons I feel like I can’t be bothered with my friends. I always feel like I’ve been the friend who they saw if their other friends weren’t available. It really tore away at my confidence wondering if I value a lot of people way more than they value me and would upset me. Now i just feel for my own sake it would be better to accept just having friends through my bfs friends. I’ve got a good family and class my sister as my best friend it’s not like I’m completely lonely. Just feels like a lot of effort to try and stay in touch with people who don’t seem interested. It’s always mainly me that goes to visit friends or arrange to meet up so i am fed up of it being one sided. Time will tell after this year I guess

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I’ve been brutal and cut out so many people this year, one I had known for over 15 years.
I simply put myself over them and their pettiness. My friend of 15 years was never happy with the people in my life and one day a switched flicked and I was done.

On the flip side I’ve also met some amazing people this year.

 

[Linda La Hughes]

While feeling sorry for myself over lockdown i’ve realised that my friends are more aquaintances due to the fact that my 3 year old doesn’t know any of them

My oldest friend splits her time between Ireland & Barbados so its not her fault she isn’t around. My other friend takes in any waif & stray and ends up being taken advantage of but will always brush me off to spend time with them. My other friends 1 doesn’t give a tit about my daughter, doesn’t even ask after her and the other is lovely but we never see her.

It makes me really sad as i remember being close to my friends kids and loving them like nephews. I have a big family so i’m never alone but i do feel lonely.

 

[MrsJones83]

My oldest friend hasn’t made contact since 2018. I’ve sent birthday and Xmas cards and pressies, but she’s not acknowledged them and not even met my youngest child.

I have a handful of people I chat to via social media, but actually lockdown has shown me that I don’t really have any friends and it’s very lonely. I think it’s why I miss my family so much, we’re very close.

 

[Esme]

I feel the same about this year and friends. I had a baby last summer and made so many mum friends going to groups and activities. Having it all stop and the social side of things immediately cut was really a struggle for me especially in lockdown 1. Although there is the occasional message with one of the mums I met at a group, the other mum friends I had have just completely disappeared one of them seems to be having huge issues with her boyfriend, they’re happy and unhappy constantly and she never really replies to my messages properly anymore so I’ve stopped messaging her at all. Another friend forgot our daughters 1st birthday, which is fine as everyone has a lot on and I always think better late than never so wouldn’t have minded if she’d just said it late. As we don’t share her online there was no reminder but said friend had only asked a few weeks earlier for the exact birthday date, said they had a present and asked for a weekend we could meet at the park for a catch up/to give us the present. I didn’t hear from her and I messaged after the birthday in reply to her message sent prior to the birthday. I mentioned that my daughter had been shy around my family at first on her birthday (the first time we had seen anyone for months due to lockdown) but she’s never replied or contacted me since. If she’d replied and said oh my goodness I totally forgot, I’d have understood but it’s just been left? It’s now been 4 months

The friends I had before baby and don’t have babies themselves are also quiet. We just have nothing in common and there’s nothing to discuss as nothing is going on really.

As for the family side of things. That’s also not great. Husbands family live long distance and make little effort. One sibling in law is in a new relationship and buying a house and seems to have forgotten we exist, my messages go unread for days/weeks and replies are rare or minimal. Before this all happened we were best of friends. Other sibling in law is even worse. Never ever asks after us but often messages about tv shows. When they both had their children me and husband made so much effort! Always visiting them, messaging, getting photos and videos sent to us etc. Now we have a child ourselves they can’t seem to show the same interest or care. My family are local and great but obviously not seeing them due to lockdown and tier restrictions is hard so messages and photos are all we can do.

I just feel so alone and isolated, and like everyone we had around us has forgotten we exist. I’m not one to chase or beg for attention so just accept I’m not important to them but I don’t want my daughter growing up like this. I always wanted her to have a fun, vibrant life full of fun and trips and making memories with friend and cousins. Part of me thinks it’s this year and the situation but then equally you should make more of an effort if you care about people? We regularly video call people etc and have regular contact with certain people but it’s an effort being made on both sides.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

The problem is often times we create issues why there might be none. Early last year I thought one of my friends had just cut me out of her life. I was trying to think what I have done, might have said ( I can be very inappropriate with my humour etc) but for the life of me didn't know.
I ended up managing to track her brother down on FB and contemplating to message him and ask, I felt like such a stalker. Good thing I did! She was in a coma! She'd been extremely ill and I hadn't known.
Luckily she is fine now but it goes to show we sometimes over think. Like the OP also pointed out she doesn't feel like contacting people at the moment and that has nothing to do with them.
Friendships can be difficult and often time feel like a bereavement when they come to an end, especially if you weren't expecting it.

I would love one or two really close friends but since I moved to the UK I have really struggled. I am socially awkward until I know people better but at the same time British people can find me blunt, which is the norm in SA where I'm from. I used to have a big circle of friends back home so it's been an adjustment to having to spend a lot of time by myself. Also we don't have children so it's not easy or natural to meet new people.

 

[littlepup]

This year has been really hard. We locked down March, had a vulnerable person at home so I didn’t see anyone for ages, then I became pregnant so even when things opened or others were bending the rules I stayed isolated. I can’t go out drinking anyway which was a lot of what our social life centred around. I’ve gone from seeing people from my group at least 3 weekends a month to once in May & once in July. Been for dinner a few times with a couple of them but otherwise haven’t seen anyone. They’ve not really seen me pregnant at all.
My ex is still part of the group but had been keeping a bit of a low profile, since I’ve been out of it, he and his gf have gotten really involved and she’s now new bff with everyone. As much as I say good for them, we’ve all moved on, admittedly that irks me. Almost not only forgotten but replaced.

My life will be changing completely with a baby coming along, I won’t be out drinking or going away every weekend anyway but I’m really sad that I haven’t been around my friends for so long and that they couldn’t share in or make a connection with my pregnancy/baby. I feel as though had things been normal I’d have still had a bit of a connection but it’s been so long now it’s kind of hard to even get back a ‘place’ in the group for times when we do have a night off.
Plus, I’m too cynical, I’m crap at making new friends, the idea of ‘mummy friends’ doesn’t appeal.... I’m struggling to see where I can fit socially now.

No advice there at all but it feels cathartic to write it down. As much as I wouldn’t wish it on anyone It’s almost comforting to feel like I’m not the only one who’s struggled. Perhaps way more people than it feels like are feeling this way and it’ll gradually come together again x

 

[LittleMy]

I’ve been cut out of my friendships in recent years. I don’t have anybody other than my husband to confide in about stuff. I noticed it mostly changed when I became a mum and our lives all went in different directions, and I sort of expected it, sad as it is to admit. I’m also a very awkward, introverted person and I have a long history of depression so it doesn’t bother me as much as it probably should. If I dwell on it longer than I care to, I overthink it and that’s when I feel hurt, but I’m too busy these days to care. I’ve been through some really tough times in the last couple of years and nobody bothered to check in on me. It speaks volumes really, so I don’t expect anything from anyone now. I’ve never found making friends easy to begin with and my children keep me plenty busy.

 

[Barbie2020]

I’ve been upset quite a few times because friends have ignored me but are on social media going out with their other friends all the time (obviously not in lockdown). I think if it wasn’t for social media I’d be quite happy in my own little world and it wouldn’t bother me as much. I’m an awkward person too and I find it so difficult to make friends. I used to get so sad thinking people didn’t care about me as much as I cared about them but I’ve got to the point where I think why should I be bothered anymore? Just a shame when you’ve been friends for a long time! It’s sad that so many of us feel the same way it definitely feels better to let it all out though. I bet there’s so many people feel like this especially after this year.

 

[Esme]

I do think a lot of people must feel similar to what has been posted here. I think a lot of the time especially in the U.K. there is still the stiff upper lip and the “everything is fine” even when it isn’t. The impact lockdown has had on people’s wellbeing (socially, mentally, emotionally and physically) is huge. I think there will be repercussions from this year for a long time. We also felt that when lockdown was lifted in the summer we continued to be cautious (we wanted to only meet outside and socially distance) but a lot of people didn’t care for that, so that was another issue.

It does feel good to get it out and talk about things and it’s comforting to know other people feel the same even though it’s devastating.

The thing I find the hardest is when I take my daughter for a walk or for a swing in the park, if she sees other children, she gets so excited and will look at them and crane out of the buggy for a longer look or to look back it breaks my heart every time.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I think this year has highlighted perspective for a lot of people. It’s given them a chance to focus on what’s important and what’s not. They’ve also spent a lot of time with their families, I definitely noticed I heard a lot more from my single friend who lives alone this year than anyone else.

If you don’t want them as your bridesmaids, be honest. If this year has taught us anything it’s to do what you want and be happy!

 

[Fizzwhizz2020]

I feel the same. All my friends have kids and busy family lives. I have a partner but we don’t live together so I’m on my own a lot, which I’m ok with. But none of them have ever text to see how I might be. They just talk about how tired they are home schooling etc etc. Which is fine, and all say they want to come see me when this is over for a rest. It’s hurtful, so I’ve distanced myself too. They’ve never been on their own so have no idea what it’s like. It’s a double edged sword. But they’re your friends and I’m sure it will get back to normal when you see one another x

 

[Trixabellee9393]

I feel the same , I’m a massive hermit and this year has only made it worse. I know feel like I have no friends at all. I’m not close to anyone it’s horrible all I do is go to work then straight home!