Double-barrelled surnames

[lisa94xo]

My partner and I are getting married in December, and I'd really like to keep my surname as part of my identity in some way.
I love my surname; it's not a common one, and I like the way it flows with my first name (both are the same length). I also want to keep it for sentimental reasons.

Without giving too much away, my partner's surname is more commonly used as a female first name. I like it, it's nice, but I don't think it flows particularly well with my first name.
I do want to take his surname in some way, though - in my opinion, I feel like it ties us closer together as a family unit and will make things easier when we (hopefully) have children.

My question is, to all of you who have double-barrelled surnames or know those who do - how did you work out whose name to put first?
Does it ever prove an inconvenience (i.e. do people only refer to you as one part of the surname, etc.)? Does it complicate things when children are involved? (I think if we were to have children, they would just take my partner's surname).

It's such a big, personal decision and I want to get it right.
(I'm probably just overthinking it though, as usual!)

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Why don’t you just take his surname and then use your maiden name as a middle name? Rather than double barrelling the two last names.

 

[lisa94xo]

Why don’t you just take his surname and then use your maiden name as a middle name? Rather than double barrelling the two last names.

For some reason, I'd never even considered that as a possibility - that sounds like a great idea! Thank you. (We're eloping, so I can't talk to family or friends about this to bounce ideas off of.)

 

[The Devils Arse]

For some reason, I'd never even considered that as a possibility - that sounds like a great idea! Thank you. (We're eloping, so I can't talk to family or friends about this to bounce ideas off of.)

Betty to the rescue again! I really think there should be an "ask betty" sub section.

 

[Dot_Cotton]

My children are double barrelled because we aren’t married. It’s not really a hassle and my surname went first and dad’s second. Sometimes they get both surnames (like the doctors, school anything official) sometimes I just use their dads one if it’s for anything less official like signing into soft play. If I were you I would have your surname first because it’s already your surname then just add your husband’s surname.

 

[Penguinandthepinecone]

Ok, so I’ve got lots of experience in this. I was born in the early 80s and given a double-barrelled surname (with a hyphen) taking both my parents’ surnames. It was a lot less common then. My mum’s first, then my Dad’s. I was perfectly happy with it and never experienced any reason to dislike being double-barrelled. (My parents were and still are together).
As an adult I then became a teacher and just st work chose to go by Miss (my first part of the surname - my favourite of the two names). I just thought it was easier than students constantly using a long name.
When I married my husband I felt that my name was a massive part of my identity, so I kept my double barrelled name, but swopped my second part for his surname (which oddly were quite similar sounding anyway). At work all that happened was I went from ‘Miss’ to ‘Mrs’ but still used only the original first part of my name. My husband kept his name as it was.
Then I had two children and they were given my married double-barrelled surname, which is lovely that like me they will grow up with a hyphenated name. I guess it just feels normal to me.
But when I was pregnant with my second child I discovered that my husband was having two affairs whilst I was pregnant (I thought our marriage was happy and there was no reason or sign of unhappiness). Now that we are divorced/separated I am so so relieved that my children have my name, and that their identify matches mine. I didn’t have to change my name at work (that would have added to the upset and feeling that everything in my life was ripped away from me) and I don’t particularly have any desire to remove his part of my surname now as it’s important to me that my surname is exactly the same as my children. I just don’t like the fact (stigma) that some people will assume that my children are double-barrelled only because of a divorce…but that’s just me being hyper sensitive to an distressing situation that was not of my choosing. My advice would be to go with it!

 

[grumpycat]

I’m double barrelled. I used my maiden name first, then my husbands. The reason being, for 26 years it was my identity and I didn’t want to give it up, I wanted it tied to me somehow. My grandparents feel so proud too that I’ve kept it, as we have a large family.

I often get referred to by just my husbands name - because it’s the last I think people aren’t bothered by both bits which I find annoying but it’s really not the end of the world as I guess technically it is one of the names!

Our children only have my husbands name I didn’t feel the need for them to have my name exactly because it was my identity but I am pleased I still have one part of the same surname as them

 

[Rosie glow]

I got married 18 months ago and i was in two minds about having a double barrelled surname, I have an unusual maiden name which I really loved, my husband said he didnt mind but deep down I think he really wanted us to have the same name in the end I settled on taking my husbands name. Sadly we cant have children but if we did I would have definately used both surnames.

 

[Giggling Squid]

For some reason, I'd never even considered that as a possibility - that sounds like a great idea! Thank you. (We're eloping, so I can't talk to family or friends about this to bounce ideas off of.)

I am in the EXACT same position, planning an elopement… although with the name thing, my name is the common one, but it’s my dads name and he’s not here any more. We’re really not far into planning but I’m finding it really hard not being able to talk to anyone about it!

I am probably going to take his surname as my new surname, and make my maiden name my second middlename

 

[Nolongerjustalurker]

I would like to keep my surname when I get married but I do actually prefer my partners last name. I can’t do the middle name thing cos I already have a long first name and two middle names so it barely fits on official forms as it is I’m thinking if we ever have children I will use my last name as their middle names (it’s actually a male first name anyway)

 

[MrsI]

I know someone who had a double barrelled name (her mum and dads surnames) then she got married and kept the first part of her surname and double barrelled it with her husbands surname. Then when she fell pregnant he changed his surname by deed poll so they would all have the same surname.

 

[DCICassieStuart]

I kept my own name when I got married. I debated double barreling, but my name doesn't go with anything. As one of my friends said "Oh no. You sound like a firm of solicitors"

 

[Alexaj]

I have zero desire to swap out my surname for my partner's name and zero desire for our future children take his name only. Ideally we'd double barrell but he's really not keen on that idea. The compromise for now is that the baby will have my surname when (s)he's born and if we get married at a later date (we're engaged) that surname will go to a middle name and take his as the surname.

But to answer your actual question(!) it sounds a million times better using my surname first and his second. Just by sounding it out. With my sister is the opposite, her husband's surname sounds better first. In Spain, it's always the mother's surname first and the father's second AFAIK if that helps

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

I could never give my surname up, it's my name and I would never double barrel it with my partner's name either, we both have quite unusual surnames and put together it sounds like a French style of cooking. If you want to change your name, would you consider a contraction of both your names, thereby creating a whole new name, ie if your name was Cooper and his name was Thompson you could both be called Coopson or some such name?

 

[JoeBloggs]

I know a family who have made their own new surname, a mixture of the two. She did take his surname but they have rebranded as a completely new name. I think it’s cute and works well for them.