Don’t know what to do😢

[Sha384]

I am with my partner 20 years and I guess in the past 3 years things have just taken a turn for the worst..
I got sick with cancer 2 years ago which ended up me having to have a breast removed

I ate my way through the treatment I guess u would say and gained about 5 stone

we haven’t had sex in nearly 6 months
When I bring it up he gets mad and basically says it’s all I’m my head

He doesn’t touch me kiss me anymore
Never complements me or never takes any notice of me.,
Am I been unfair by wanting some attention I’m so unhappy it really starting to effect my mental health

what do I do? Do I leave I’m just stuck and don’t know where to go too

 

[Wikki]

You’re not being unfair at all, it’s completely normal to want some love and attention, especially after you’ve been through so much. Have you any friends or family near you that you could perhaps stay with so you could both have some thinking space? Xx

 

[dancingqueen5678]

You're not being unfair. You've been through a lot. Could it be maybe that he's suffering depression or anxiety? It's been a tough couple of years for the both of you. Is he stressed about work or money? Family issues? All of that can make you lost in your own head and not think of other people. Do you think maybe seeing a marriage counsellor would work?

 

[Alex_Jones]

I am with my partner 20 years and I guess in the past 3 years things have just taken a turn for the worst..
I got sick with cancer 2 years ago which ended up me having to have a breast removed

I ate my way through the treatment I guess u would say and gained about 5 stone

we haven’t had sex in nearly 6 months
When I bring it up he gets mad and basically says it’s all I’m my head

He doesn’t touch me kiss me anymore
Never complements me or never takes any notice of me.,
Am I been unfair by wanting some attention I’m so unhappy it really starting to effect my mental health

what do I do? Do I leave I’m just stuck and don’t know where to go too

Not being unfair at all. Being neglected is undermining you and your health, so you need to do something about it, I would suggest. But what is your decision. Be strong. You only live once, and life is to short to be miserable and wasted. Good luck.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I am with my partner 20 years and I guess in the past 3 years things have just taken a turn for the worst..
I got sick with cancer 2 years ago which ended up me having to have a breast removed

I ate my way through the treatment I guess u would say and gained about 5 stone

we haven’t had sex in nearly 6 months
When I bring it up he gets mad and basically says it’s all I’m my head

He doesn’t touch me kiss me anymore
Never complements me or never takes any notice of me.,
Am I been unfair by wanting some attention I’m so unhappy it really starting to effect my mental health

what do I do? Do I leave I’m just stuck and don’t know where to go too

You are not being unfair at all.
You have been through so much, a cancer diagnosis & treatment plus having a mastectomy are huge, life changing things to deal with, and it’s only 2 years ago so it’s still all very raw id imagine. Of course it’s going to have had an impact on your body, your mental health and on your relationship.
Your husband will too have been going through a lot off the back of your diagnosis, treatment and all the changes that have happened in both of your lives.
can you sit down together and just talk - not specifically about sex to begin with, but about everything- will be open up to you about how your diagnosis has been for him? I think that’s the key - opening up an intimate dialogue about everything first, unpacking it all and starting to work through it. Tell him, calmly, that you love him and you are still keen to be in a physical relationship with him and ask how he feels - allow him to tell you how he feels and allow yourself to be honest with him, about how his actions make you feel.

 

[inkypinkyponky]

When i have faced similar troubles in my relationship i have written my husband a letter. I try to focus mostly on my feeling rather than let emotion get in the way and i don't ask him to propose a solution. I just ask he sit quietly and read what i have to say without emotion getting in the way. But try and be brutally honest if you can about how his behaviour or actions make you feel.
We then can talk and he knows everything i feel without him naturally interjecting. I find the helps him think about my feelings and put himself in my shoes which isn't always natural to him. He then tends to naturally offer a solution or commitment if i feel something really does need to change. And then all being well i do see a change in how he behaves towards me or generally. It also encourages him to open up and talk
I hope this makes sense just wanted to share a way to communicate that i find really helpful.
I really do know how you feel and sometimes you just have to be super honest about everything and lay out how bad you feel etc to work through troubles.
I hope you have manged to have a talk and he understands

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I am with my partner 20 years and I guess in the past 3 years things have just taken a turn for the worst..
I got sick with cancer 2 years ago which ended up me having to have a breast removed

I ate my way through the treatment I guess u would say and gained about 5 stone

we haven’t had sex in nearly 6 months
When I bring it up he gets mad and basically says it’s all I’m my head

He doesn’t touch me kiss me anymore
Never complements me or never takes any notice of me.,
Am I been unfair by wanting some attention I’m so unhappy it really starting to effect my mental health

what do I do? Do I leave I’m just stuck and don’t know where to go too

How are things going??