I’ve never been in that situation so I don’t really know what to recommend. It’s easy for us to say you should end it, stay away from him etc. Please get some advice from a professional.
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It’s hard because although we argue, we over pointless things never anything too major and we never end the day on a negative we always sort it out! I won’t make excuses for his behaviour at all but he suffers with PTSD which is worsened when he drinks and he was with some old school friends who are quite into drugs etc who he never sees so I wonder what else was in his system.
he’s staying up there with his sister for a few days and is coming back home Tuesday before he goes back away to work. Just makes it easier so we can both clear our heads and then work out how we are going to move forward from this.
You've done the right thing. In my experience I stayed time and time again and said it was because of his PTSD, his military life and pressures. I've now left after I was exhausted walking on eggshells around him and his abuse got worse. I thought I was being patient when all I was doing was accepting the behaviour.
You can only do what you feel is best, I do recommend talking to Women's Aid, they can help you and offer advice about the best way forward.
This isnt meant horrible and I know your in a horrid situation but please also think of your children, all of you deserve better.
I was brought up in a family with domestic violence, the abuse I witnessed and also received will never leave me and I now have PTSD. It's been 18 years and I still have nightmares and flashbacks.
And although I have PTSD I would never lay a finger on another person or use it as a excuse to do something.
Did you tell his family what he did?
I was brought up in a family with domestic violence, the abuse I witnessed and also received will never leave me and I now have PTSD. It's been 18 years and I still have nightmares and flashbacks.
And although I have PTSD I would never lay a finger on another person or use it as a excuse to do something.
Did you tell his family what he did?
Please write down everything that happened.
Sit down and talk to your husband. That would be idea if you could do that but you would need to be strong and not feel threatened. So, this is 100% better done with a third party. When I wanted to end my marriage with my ex, I booked us an appointment with Relate. I was able to speak freely as there was a third party present who sort of supervised the discussion, and he wasn’t able to talk over me and bully me telling me I was wrong. Have to say I wish I had done that years before, maybe our marriage would have survived but it was too late by then. I wish you well. NO ONE deserves to feel unsafe. X
Sit down and talk to your husband. That would be idea if you could do that but you would need to be strong and not feel threatened. So, this is 100% better done with a third party. When I wanted to end my marriage with my ex, I booked us an appointment with Relate. I was able to speak freely as there was a third party present who sort of supervised the discussion, and he wasn’t able to talk over me and bully me telling me I was wrong. Have to say I wish I had done that years before, maybe our marriage would have survived but it was too late by then. I wish you well. NO ONE deserves to feel unsafe. X
Are you ok? I've been thinking of you after reading what happened xx
I’m so sorry to read what’s happened to you and I’m glad you’re back home and safe.
I know relationships are complicated and are so much more difficult to explain to anyone outside them but please believe me when I say you cannot sacrifice your own personal safety and well-being for someone’s else’s. PTSD is a cruel illness and so difficult to deal with but that does not give him carte Blanche to put you in a state of fear. If his drinking exacerbates his symptoms and you’re questioning whether he’s taken other substances than this is beyond your remit as a wife.
Please look after yourself and put you and your kids first. If he truly wants to fix the damage he’s caused he needs to do that, not you. Take care
I have PTSD and I would never dream of laying a finger on anyone. Mental health isn’t an excuse for violence. I’ve been there where it’s happened the first time, you clear the air and ‘it’ll never happen again’. Please please please do not believe that. What has happened to you is potentially the start of a downward spiral of abuse. Leave now with your children and stay safe. You deserve better and they deserve a happy mother. I hope you’re okay x
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
You've been so strong asking for help here and for also leaving your family to go back home. Please do reach out to a charity like Women's Aid, even if you do decide to stay in the relationship. Having that objective, expert support will be so valuable.
All the best with whatever you decide x
You've been so strong asking for help here and for also leaving your family to go back home. Please do reach out to a charity like Women's Aid, even if you do decide to stay in the relationship. Having that objective, expert support will be so valuable.
All the best with whatever you decide x
I hope you're okay. Just to echo what everyone else has said, you need to put yourself, your children and your safety first. Utilise your support system and charities available to you.
Sadly this isn't the first instance I've heard of DA where the person suffers from PTSD as a result of military service. I completely understand that MH is no joke but this doesn't justify abusive behaviour in any way.
I hope you get the support you need and are able to move forward and do what is best for yourself and your children.
Sadly this isn't the first instance I've heard of DA where the person suffers from PTSD as a result of military service. I completely understand that MH is no joke but this doesn't justify abusive behaviour in any way.
I hope you get the support you need and are able to move forward and do what is best for yourself and your children.
You did the right thing for you and you’re children. If this is the first instance, and you truly believe it was a one off due to PTSD I would suggest you seek out some counselling, either for your husband and together where you can both express how you feel without it turning judgemental/confrontational.
Through work I’ve seen too many people leave it to the point there is no going back (and I truly believe people can change if they want too) but actually leaving on that night was quite possibly the hardest thing you could do and you’re incredibly strong for doing it.
Take care
Through work I’ve seen too many people leave it to the point there is no going back (and I truly believe people can change if they want too) but actually leaving on that night was quite possibly the hardest thing you could do and you’re incredibly strong for doing it.
Take care
You’ve done amazing getting away from the situation Xx
How are you doing today? Are you ok?
Hey ladies,
I’m a friend of hers, saw her today and she’s in the process of deleting her account (for now she reckons) she introduced me to tattle!
she asked me to message this thread and say thanks for the support. She’s unfortunately now going through a very messy separation and she’s in hospital due to something very horrible that happened. She said I can say but I don’t want to right now. She’s deleted her account and all media for her own sanity right now.
But she pointed me to here, to say on her behalf
“You horrible Trolls, you’re the nicest bunch she’s met”
I agree
I’m a friend of hers, saw her today and she’s in the process of deleting her account (for now she reckons) she introduced me to tattle!
she asked me to message this thread and say thanks for the support. She’s unfortunately now going through a very messy separation and she’s in hospital due to something very horrible that happened. She said I can say but I don’t want to right now. She’s deleted her account and all media for her own sanity right now.
But she pointed me to here, to say on her behalf
“You horrible Trolls, you’re the nicest bunch she’s met”
I agree
Hope she has a speedy recovery and finds her happy ending, glad she has good friends to supply her through this xx
Can you tell her she has our full support
sending her lots of love and I hope eventually she is much happier and settled! XSending lots of love and thank you for updating us. Xx
She’ll be thrilled! Unfortunately due to her mental health she was sectioned. The kids are with her mum and I’m helping her with the school runs as they are in the same school.
Her husband hasn’t been seen since Christmas and it just ruined her!
she’s got a good network now and we are all rallying in to help! She’s been reading the threads today on my phone and she’s been howling! She said please just remember the DM your dad?? Whatever that means!
I’ll pass on the love and I’m sure when I can visit again she’ll need to read through the many threads we are creating!
I’ll keep you updated on here anyway if I can? Not sure if it’ll be deleted when her account goes?
but anyway I’ll let you know! She’ll be back with a bang I’m sure x
Her husband hasn’t been seen since Christmas and it just ruined her!
she’s got a good network now and we are all rallying in to help! She’s been reading the threads today on my phone and she’s been howling! She said please just remember the DM your dad?? Whatever that means!
I’ll pass on the love and I’m sure when I can visit again she’ll need to read through the many threads we are creating!
I’ll keep you updated on here anyway if I can? Not sure if it’ll be deleted when her account goes?
but anyway I’ll let you know! She’ll be back with a bang I’m sure x
I’ve been here
it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do but phone the police
that gives you a tiny bit of breathing space
then phone women’s aid
they will do everything to help you and the kids
get legal advice-you shouldn’t legally have to be the one that leaves
i promise that if you ‘let it go’ now he will do it again
i promise that when you make the break itll be the hardest thing you’ve ever done but it will be the best
if you want to message me I’ll help in any way I can-I stayed with a man that broke me-it was an one off’ and ‘not my fault’
dont be me-I lost years of my life I’ll never get back
sending much love-you will get through this-but please phone the police
its the least he deserves
it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do but phone the police
that gives you a tiny bit of breathing space
then phone women’s aid
they will do everything to help you and the kids
get legal advice-you shouldn’t legally have to be the one that leaves
i promise that if you ‘let it go’ now he will do it again
i promise that when you make the break itll be the hardest thing you’ve ever done but it will be the best
if you want to message me I’ll help in any way I can-I stayed with a man that broke me-it was an one off’ and ‘not my fault’
dont be me-I lost years of my life I’ll never get back
sending much love-you will get through this-but please phone the police
its the least he deserves
She’s sought legal advise and we are all helping her to get through it.
she’s more worried at the moment that her “husband” if we can call him that at all hasn’t been seen since Xmas, no replies and nothing from him.
it’s just sent her over the edge right now!
But we are persevering on and she’s doing really well.
I have a house that I rent out but I’ve given them notice to move out so hopefully by the time she’s out and well she will have somewhere to go which we will help and fund until she can get sorted.
I can see why she turned here though, you’re all lovely.
im glad to be apart of this site.
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