Domestic violence (may be triggering for some)

[via iPhone safari?]

Sorry nothing to do with Mrs H
Hubby been out to watch boxing comes in 3 hours later than he said he would
Massive argument once again and he slapped me and bit me on the forehead
He’s never done it
I’m now hiding downstairs with the kids
I’m so upset I can’t even function I don’t know what to do
Worst thing about it we are at family’s so I can’t even leave or do anything about it

 

[Porkiepies]

It’s hard because although we argue, we over pointless things never anything too major and we never end the day on a negative we always sort it out! I won’t make excuses for his behaviour at all but he suffers with PTSD which is worsened when he drinks and he was with some old school friends who are quite into drugs etc who he never sees so I wonder what else was in his system.
he’s staying up there with his sister for a few days and is coming back home Tuesday before he goes back away to work. Just makes it easier so we can both clear our heads and then work out how we are going to move forward from this.

You've done the right thing. In my experience I stayed time and time again and said it was because of his PTSD, his military life and pressures. I've now left after I was exhausted walking on eggshells around him and his abuse got worse. I thought I was being patient when all I was doing was accepting the behaviour.
You can only do what you feel is best, I do recommend talking to Women's Aid, they can help you and offer advice about the best way forward.

 

[Serena]

You said "massive argument once again" and "hes never done it". I'm assuming from this that you've argued but he hasn't been violent. It will escalate from here and you know it
Please be strong.

 

[via iPhone safari?]

Thank you ladies, I took the kids and left with them. Drove 3 hours back home in the middle of the night and left him there. ive had phone calls from him and his family to check up on me and see what’s going on. I’ve just said I need space to think about it all.
Weve argued but he’s never been violent! It really shocked me!

 

[Fish-in-the-Sea]

You need to be very brave and call the police and someone you trust to help you. It's hard. I know it's hard, and if you can't do it now, start making plans. Call Women's Aid, start pulling yours and your kids important documents together. Get some money put aside...in other words plan for if you need to leave in a hurry. I have been there. If nothing else I can be a listening ear if you need one xxxx

 

[NoFlora]

Hey ladies,
I’m a friend of hers, saw her today and she’s in the process of deleting her account (for now she reckons) she introduced me to tattle!
she asked me to message this thread and say thanks for the support. She’s unfortunately now going through a very messy separation and she’s in hospital due to something very horrible that happened. She said I can say but I don’t want to right now. She’s deleted her account and all media for her own sanity right now.
But she pointed me to here, to say on her behalf
“You horrible Trolls, you’re the nicest bunch she’s met”

I agree

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

This isnt meant horrible and I know your in a horrid situation but please also think of your children, all of you deserve better.

I was brought up in a family with domestic violence, the abuse I witnessed and also received will never leave me and I now have PTSD. It's been 18 years and I still have nightmares and flashbacks.
And although I have PTSD I would never lay a finger on another person or use it as a excuse to do something.

Did you tell his family what he did?

 

[TheWitchIsBack]

It’s hard because although we argue, we over pointless things never anything too major and we never end the day on a negative we always sort it out! I won’t make excuses for his behaviour at all but he suffers with PTSD which is worsened when he drinks and he was with some old school friends who are quite into drugs etc who he never sees so I wonder what else was in his system.
he’s staying up there with his sister for a few days and is coming back home Tuesday before he goes back away to work. Just makes it easier so we can both clear our heads and then work out how we are going to move forward from this.

I’m so sorry to read what’s happened to you and I’m glad you’re back home and safe.

I know relationships are complicated and are so much more difficult to explain to anyone outside them but please believe me when I say you cannot sacrifice your own personal safety and well-being for someone’s else’s. PTSD is a cruel illness and so difficult to deal with but that does not give him carte Blanche to put you in a state of fear. If his drinking exacerbates his symptoms and you’re questioning whether he’s taken other substances than this is beyond your remit as a wife.

Please look after yourself and put you and your kids first. If he truly wants to fix the damage he’s caused he needs to do that, not you. Take care

 

[Alwayspoor]

Sorry nothing to do with Mrs H
Hubby been out to watch boxing comes in 3 hours later than he said he would
Massive argument once again and he slapped me and bit me on the forehead
He’s never done it
I’m now hiding downstairs with the kids
I’m so upset I can’t even function I don’t know what to do
Worst thing about it we are at family’s so I can’t even leave or do anything about it

I'd wake them up, it's his shame, you need looked after

 

[lollipops91]

Sorry nothing to do with Mrs H
Hubby been out to watch boxing comes in 3 hours later than he said he would
Massive argument once again and he slapped me and bit me on the forehead
He’s never done it
I’m now hiding downstairs with the kids
I’m so upset I can’t even function I don’t know what to do
Worst thing about it we are at family’s so I can’t even leave or do anything about it

Your family or his?
If yours tell them an kick his ass out, if his an you can/is safe for you to do so take your kids an just leave.
No one should have to go through that, as a previous poster said it will escalate from here. There is plenty of help available to victims of domestic violence please seek it should you need it.

 

[NoFlora]

I’ve been here
it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do but phone the police
that gives you a tiny bit of breathing space
then phone women’s aid
they will do everything to help you and the kids
get legal advice-you shouldn’t legally have to be the one that leaves

i promise that if you ‘let it go’ now he will do it again
i promise that when you make the break itll be the hardest thing you’ve ever done but it will be the best

if you want to message me I’ll help in any way I can-I stayed with a man that broke me-it was an one off’ and ‘not my fault’
dont be me-I lost years of my life I’ll never get back

sending much love-you will get through this-but please phone the police
its the least he deserves

She’s sought legal advise and we are all helping her to get through it.
she’s more worried at the moment that her “husband” if we can call him that at all hasn’t been seen since Xmas, no replies and nothing from him.
it’s just sent her over the edge right now!
But we are persevering on and she’s doing really well.
I have a house that I rent out but I’ve given them notice to move out so hopefully by the time she’s out and well she will have somewhere to go which we will help and fund until she can get sorted.
I can see why she turned here though, you’re all lovely.
im glad to be apart of this site.

 

[xPinkxLadyx]

Sorry nothing to do with Mrs H
Hubby been out to watch boxing comes in 3 hours later than he said he would
Massive argument once again and he slapped me and bit me on the forehead
He’s never done it
I’m now hiding downstairs with the kids
I’m so upset I can’t even function I don’t know what to do
Worst thing about it we are at family’s so I can’t even leave or do anything about it

You need to do what’s best for the kids. Get in contact with DA charity but please, don’t contact Part Time Working Mummy.
I’ve never been there thankfully but you need to leave.

 

[Vera Stanhope]

I really hope you're ok. xxx
I've been through this with my first husband and believe me, whatever he says today about it not happening again and how sorry he is - don't believe him because he will do it again.

 

[mrsX]

Sorry nothing to do with Mrs H
Hubby been out to watch boxing comes in 3 hours later than he said he would
Massive argument once again and he slapped me and bit me on the forehead
He’s never done it
I’m now hiding downstairs with the kids
I’m so upset I can’t even function I don’t know what to do
Worst thing about it we are at family’s so I can’t even leave or do anything about it

At family's or not. You can absolutely leave with the kids. You can ring the police.
Please keep yourself and your kids safe x.

 

[my_escape_from_the_ads]

Please write down everything that happened.
Sit down and talk to your husband. That would be idea if you could do that but you would need to be strong and not feel threatened. So, this is 100% better done with a third party. When I wanted to end my marriage with my ex, I booked us an appointment with Relate. I was able to speak freely as there was a third party present who sort of supervised the discussion, and he wasn’t able to talk over me and bully me telling me I was wrong. Have to say I wish I had done that years before, maybe our marriage would have survived but it was too late by then. I wish you well. NO ONE deserves to feel unsafe. X

 

[NoFlora]

She’ll be thrilled! Unfortunately due to her mental health she was sectioned. The kids are with her mum and I’m helping her with the school runs as they are in the same school.
Her husband hasn’t been seen since Christmas and it just ruined her!
she’s got a good network now and we are all rallying in to help! She’s been reading the threads today on my phone and she’s been howling! She said please just remember the DM your dad?? Whatever that means!
I’ll pass on the love and I’m sure when I can visit again she’ll need to read through the many threads we are creating!

I’ll keep you updated on here anyway if I can? Not sure if it’ll be deleted when her account goes?
but anyway I’ll let you know! She’ll be back with a bang I’m sure x

 

[Sarah honeysuckle]

Sorry nothing to do with Mrs H
Hubby been out to watch boxing comes in 3 hours later than he said he would
Massive argument once again and he slapped me and bit me on the forehead
He’s never done it
I’m now hiding downstairs with the kids
I’m so upset I can’t even function I don’t know what to do
Worst thing about it we are at family’s so I can’t even leave or do anything about it

Stay strong lovely. I agree with all the other ladies above. You can leave. He doesn’t own you and you need to keep yourself and your kids safe. Much love xx

 

[F the dust.]

She’s sought legal advise and we are all helping her to get through it.
she’s more worried at the moment that her “husband” if we can call him that at all hasn’t been seen since Xmas, no replies and nothing from him.
it’s just sent her over the edge right now!
But we are persevering on and she’s doing really well.
I have a house that I rent out but I’ve given them notice to move out so hopefully by the time she’s out and well she will have somewhere to go which we will help and fund until she can get sorted.
I can see why she turned here though, you’re all lovely.
im glad to be apart of this site.

What an amazing friend you're too! X

 

[Serena]

Sorry nothing to do with Mrs H
Hubby been out to watch boxing comes in 3 hours later than he said he would
Massive argument once again and he slapped me and bit me on the forehead
He’s never done it
I’m now hiding downstairs with the kids
I’m so upset I can’t even function I don’t know what to do
Worst thing about it we are at family’s so I can’t even leave or do anything about it

You need to wake someone up. He needs to go. You did nothing wrong!!! And if it's not the first time you already know it won't be the last. Be strong.
What would you want your kids to do in your position?
Thinking of you

 

[Bec3007]

I have PTSD and I would never dream of laying a finger on anyone. Mental health isn’t an excuse for violence. I’ve been there where it’s happened the first time, you clear the air and ‘it’ll never happen again’. Please please please do not believe that. What has happened to you is potentially the start of a downward spiral of abuse. Leave now with your children and stay safe. You deserve better and they deserve a happy mother. I hope you’re okay x