Do you believe in relationship breaks?

[kimberlyc]

I’m not sure if I’ve posted on the right topic here but I need some advice with my relationship. I know nobody can tell me what to do over the internet but I’m conflicted at the moment with my relationship.

For some background, I have been with my partner for 5 nearly 6 years now and we have one child together. But recently I’ve been feeling like the relationship isn’t going anywhere and I often feel like I just want to be alone. It feels like we lead separate lives and our only comment interest is our son. We don’t spend much time together after work - he spends most evenings on his games console talking to his friends and I spend my evenings pottering around doing odd jobs/watching TV in another room.

Surely there is more to life than this? It all just seems so samey at the moment, there’s just no excitement and I feel fed up. I don’t know what to do

 

[Scorpihoe]

Have you tried talking to your partner? Lockdown is hard at the moment and is causing a strain on relationships. I know it’s difficult but maybe speak to him and see how he feels! If you’re truly unhappy and don’t see the relationship going anywhere then I would say leave.

But I don’t think “breaks” solve anything. You’re just delaying the same issues you have with the relationship/each other. It’s better to talk the issue out, I think. Consider if you did go on a break, what would you do? Would you move out? Would he? When do you decide when the break is over? And is this stable for your son if he comes back and then there’s another break? I think talk to your partner first and see how you feel

Sorry I don’t mean to sound harsh, I know it’s difficult at the moment

 

[cheapwetham]

To echo @Scorpihoe, after a year of on and off lockdown it's not a surprise that people are feeling this way.

Talk to your partner, have you asked whether you could both prioritise a bit more together time in the evenings? Communication and talking it out would be less likely to cause animosity than suggesting a break. Taking a break is all very Ross and Rachel from friends, but what impact would that have on your child?

You also say you don't see the relationship going anywhere, I'm sorry if I'm reading this very literally but you've been together 6 years, live together and have a child - where else are you hoping it would go?

If it's down to wanting excitement and more quality time together, that's up to you guys to make that happen. If there's more to it than that, and you can't work it out together by talking, what will having a break achieve apart from drawing out the inevitable?

 

[WilmaHun]

I think it's really difficult to judge because obviously with being in lockdown at the moment, there really isn't a lot you can do outside of the home together. I would try speaking to your partner and see how he feels?

My partner, similar to yours, enjoys being on his console talking to friends, which I don't mind but I do ask him that we have at least 1 night a week just us, no consoles, phones aside so we're not spending the entire time whatsapping friends, just enjoying each other. We tend to spend that 1 night watching films, finding a series, the other week we spent it putting up a TV unit (we ended up having a really good time though, music on which we both like, singing, dancing, joking whilst doing it). Sometimes we will cook a meal together and eat it up the table rather than in front of the telly so we actually have to talk to one another. Perhpas you could try suggesting something similar?

It is really hard at the moment but that doesn't mean your relationship should suffer. Try and find things to do with eachother.

To answer your question, I personally don't believe in breaks. You either work at it, or give up. I always feel like if I were to have a relationship break, I'd struggle to get over it. Wondering what he did during that time, was he considering anyone else, or contacting anyone else etc. I also don't really know what they achieve other than testing the waters to see if you like being apart - when you get back together the underlying issues will still be there as you haven't worked at them.

Definitely try talking to him. You've been together a long time and have a child together - there must be something there worth fighting for.

 

[AllSeeingEye123]

I don't think a break works. If a relationship feels it needs one I think it's done. You have the break, get back together and it's likely old issues will show themselves again at some point, so trying to save it is just kicking the can down the road for another day.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

They are never good imo.
You take a break, try again and it’s rarely the same. I feel like it just prolongs it.

Fix it without a break if you can.

 

[DanaScully]

I think lockdown is getting to most people's in relationships in quite similar ways. I felt the same with my ex partner; we lived in the same house but we were like ships passing in the night.

Communication is important before thinking about a break or ending the relationship. You don't mention whether you've talked to him about how you're feeling. Let him know and maybe agree to do some things together uninterrupted a couple of times a week?

 

[HumphreyB]

I dont believe in breaks.

I think alot of couples can reach a point where one or both might question their relationship. Life can be boring at the best of times. We all need to work, raise kids, cook food. All the usual crap that eats into our time. We typically balance that with some fun times, a hobby, meals out/ trip to the cinema. But right now we are all stuck staring at the same 4 walls with only the mundane tasks to see us through the day.

It sounds like you and your partner have slipped into a bit of a rut. I think you should arrange maybe at the weekend to get your son to bed, order some nice food in and ask him can you guys take a time out to chat. That you have something on your mind. Or you could write him a letter if you felt that would be more impactful.

Ultimately you all deserve to be happy and if that's apart so be it. But before you make that decision I think you should exhaust all over avenues.

 

[Kim Mild]

I don't believe in breaks . It's all or nothing. What if one decides on a break to decide what they want and they other realises they prefer being on their own ?

 

[CherryBakewell]

I don’t understand relationship breaks, everyone I know who has done them have just ended up breaking up after a little while. To me it just seems like they are delaying the inevitable. Lockdown has had an effect on everyone’s relationship in some way I think, I know in my own we’re both bored, fed up and we take that frustration out on each other at times. I think it sounds like you need to have a proper conversation with your partner about how you feel and maybe have some quality time just the two of you without any distractions and that might help.

 

[silkytoes]

I don't believe in breaks. The people I know who have asked for them in their relationships only did so because they wanted to end things completely but felt guilty or whatever. They went off and slept with other people and left the other person hanging on thinking there was still a chance when there wasn't. I think it was crueller than just ending things outright.

Honestly what you've described is just lockdown life like other people have said. I think my relationship has gone through periods of being a bit like that but we'd then talk about it and make some time to do stuff together. You can get back from that.