Depression

I’m looking for advise / people’s experience with depression. I’ve always struggled with mood swings, down moods but since I had my second child 18 months ago, my mood has been consistently low. I’m absolutely exhausted most days, angry all the time, just really down.
sometimes think my kids would be better off without me, must be such a terrible mum to be around (would never act on it just feel that way). I’m short tempered, moody, snappy, don’t enjoy anything. I’ve put on 2 stone in 2 years and don’t want to leave the house.
Does anyone else have experience feeling like this? What did you do? Did it get better?

Hey, I’m really sorry you’re feeling so low. I don’t have kids (which must add a whole other level of emotions / complexity!) but I have struggled with depression on and off for the last 10 years.

It sounds like such a trope, but the only way I can manage is with consistency/ routine. There are days I don’t want to get out of bed (and some days I can’t) but generally being consistent with myself / my schedule keeps me afloat.

It sounds like you’re in the depths of it so start small. Do something every day for a week and see if it lifts your mood. It can be anything - hoovering every day, showering every day, brushing hair / teeth (whatever), going outside for a 10 minute walk consistently. Try focusing less on the emotions (ie don’t think ‘why am I doing this when I don’t feel anything’) and focus on the doing.

I know that sounds easier than it will be to do but your mind is a powerful thing!

Also, have you spoken to a dr? Antidepressants may help you.

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon

GiftedNotFree said:

Hey, I’m really sorry you’re feeling so low. I don’t have kids (which must add a whole other event of emotions / complexity!) but I have struggled with depression on and off for the last 10 years.

It sounds like such a trope, but the only way I can manage with consistency/ routine. There are days I don’t want to get out of bed (and some days I can’t) but generally being consistent with myself / my schedule keeps me afloat.

It sounds like you’re in the depths of it so start small. Do something every day for a week and see if it lifts your mood. It can be anything - hoovering every day, showering every day, brushing hair / teeth (whatever), going outside for a 10 minute walk consistently. Try focusing less on the emotions (ie don’t think ‘why am I doing this when I don’t feel anything’) and focus on the doing.

I know that sounds easier that it will be to do but your mind is a powerful thing!

Also, have you spoken to a dr? Antidepressants may help you.

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon

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Ahh thank you, that’s great advise. I’ll aim for trying to do a 20 minutes walk each day.

I think having children makes you have to do the things you don’t want to, but I just hate feeling this way. Everything’s a chore and I just want to be the best me i can be for them.

I’m going to contact my doctor, I just hate telling people how I feel. Do anti depressants work?

Hi, I’m sorry that you are feeling this way. I also suffer from mental health issues, not depression, I suffer from anxiety so I literally overthink everything, panic and worry about everything, even if it’s the smallest most stupid thing ever. I also struggle to leave my house.

My employer has ignored me raising my mental health to them before my return from maternity which has made my anxiety flare up again. And to be honest it was already starting to get bad again with the pandemic, they have just made it worse.

I would strongly recommend you speak to your GP, I am actually on meds used for both anxiety and depression called sertraline. I was on it a few years ago and my gp has put me back on it this week I personally find that it does help me stop worrying as much, that I won’t nitpick over the smallest things and issues that seem big actually become a lot smaller. It does take a few weeks I found to kick in and you need to ensure that it is being taken every day. I know people can be against medication but I found it helps me.

I also had CBT therapy a few years ago; your GP could refer you to this as it helps rewire your brain in a way through different exercises to view situations and things in a different and more positive way. You could also be referred to a counsellor to talk through anything that may be bothering you. Sometime even the smallest worry can eat away at us.

You will feel more like yourself again, definitely. If you need to talk, please message me, I am a good listener!

Have you phoned your GP? Give them a call & let them know how you are feeling & they will possibly refer you to speak to a counsellor. Hope you feel better soon

Hi, Im sorry you feel like this. I did too after my son was born, struggled for a year before seeing the doctor. I was given low dose antidepressants which just even out my mood and you are better able to cope with things. Once my mood evened out I was offered CBT etc. I think seeing your doctor is a good idea (I saw a female who was lovely) and just talking to family/friends, getting outside etc all help too. Please don't suffer any longer xx

I've been diagnosed with depression since I was 14. I did therapy for 4 years and stopped 8 weeks ago. I still have down days and moments, but I've learnt to not be so hard on myself. Last week one my best friends was coming over to do daily walks with me another almost daily calls. You need extra support right now and that doesn't make you a terrible mother at all.

Can you contact your GP? Do you have anyone you could talk to?

Newer GP's are quite savvy about Psychological Disorders now, as they have to take a "masterclass in mental health" as part of their training. Going to your GP is a good first step if you're not sure about what you need (pills, or therapy, or both), however if you think you might benefit from Psychological Therapy, you don't have to go through your GP, you can self refer to Primary Care Psychological Services (IAPT=Improving Access to Psychological Therapies). You'll be assessed there, and offered treatment if appropriate. Treatment in Primary care can be anything from Computer Based Self Help, Bibliotherapy (self help books, not the Bible ), Group Work, or 1:1 therapy. If your difficulty is more complex, then you might be referred to Secondary Care Psychology, where you will be able to have therapy without the same restrictions on the length of treatment as Primary Care. Secondary Care Psychology is an area that helps people with more complex issues that might need a bit more time spending on it, especially things such as childhood sexual abuse, which Primary Care won't treat. Also if someone carries a degree of risk, you might see them referred to SC fairly quickly. Primary Care's remit is for recent onset, straight forward to treat difficulties.

Treatments modalities differ from service to service, but usually, it would be predominantly CBT and Counselling in PC, possibly brief psychodynamic work, and EMDR (an amazing treatment for PTSD and Trauma), but in SC, you might also see Psychoanalytical, Psychodynamic, Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapy (the top tier of delivery of CBT), Art Psychotherapy, Gestalt Therapy and even Dance and Movement Psychotherapy.

There is always help out there, and you don't have to suffer alone. Ring your local Mental Health team if worried about yourself or others, and they will help (Google "Single Point of Access").

Also, if you're ever worried that you might be at more imminent risk, you can contact your GP, your Out of Hours GP, The Samaritans, or you can present at A&E-you might find yourself assessed by what's called the Psychiatric Liaison Team. There is an emphasis on managing risk in the community, rather than admitting people, so please don't worry about men in white coats. If the risk necessitates an admission, it would always be that it's obvious to all concerned that that person can't keep themselves safe at home, or lacks insight into their illness sufficient enough to pose a risk.

Resources that might help:


"Overcoming Depression" (Paul Gilbert): The Overcoming series covers most difficulties, and the authors are usually the world leaders in treating that particular difficulty.

Doratheexplorer said:

I’m looking for advise / people’s experience with depression. I’ve always struggled with mood swings, down moods but since I had my second child 18 months ago, my mood has been consistently low. I’m absolutely exhausted most days, angry all the time, just really down.
sometimes think my kids would be better off without me, must be such a terrible mum to be around (would never act on it just feel that way). I’m short tempered, moody, snappy, don’t enjoy anything. I’ve put on 2 stone in 2 years and don’t want to leave the house.
Does anyone else have experience feeling like this? What did you do? Did it get better?

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I’m so sorry you feel like this. Let me tell you - this was me, 2 years ago. In the first year of my baby’s life I got lower and lower. I got to the point where I hoped the car would crash so I could just close my eyes and not have to be alive anymore. I booked a doctors appointment. It was hard. You just go in there and they ask you some questions and tell you if you’re likely to be depressed or not. They suggested medication or counselling. The NHS counselling list is far too long when you’re living day to day wondering if you still want to be alive anymore. I had private counselling sessions once a week for 3 months and it honestly changed everything for the better.

Please know, you can do this. You are worth it. You are capable. You don’t know me but I’m telling you, you can scrape your way back out of this hole x

Im really sorry you are going through this.

My experience with mental health is im diagnosed as having BPD, Bipolar 2, auditory hallucinations, anxiety etc etc. At the moment im currently experiencing a manic/high episode following a really bad depressive episode that began over xmas and ended a couple of weeks ago.

My personal experience with my GP and doctors surgery is not a positive one, but i dont want to scare you as im sure not all doctors are the same as mine and you should seek help if you feel you need it.

Im on a mixture of meds and im 34 now and it was only in 2020 that i found the right meds for me. I have tried almost all anti depressants going and its absolutely not a one size fits all. So if you get prescribed them and you dont feel they are working or you are having side effects then you should defo go back to your doctor. I need my medication, but i understand others dont like taking meds. For me, i find a mix of meds and talking therapy the most beneficial for me. And without my meds, plus the support of my psychiatrist i would be dead by now.

It sounds like a cliche but the best thing i ever did was get rid of facebook/ most of my social media. Also, i try and eat well and exercise. Trust me ive been there when im depressed and the last thing i want to do is exercise, and i can easily spend all day in bed. But when im feeling positive i try and do as much exercise as possible.

Mental health is just as important as physical health.

Sending lots of love to you xxx

Hey,

I’m really sorry you are feeling this way. Well done for speaking out, the worst thing you can do is keep it in.

I have struggled with mental illness for most of my life and only in the last few years have I learnt to cope and make positive changes. The first thing to do, make an appointment with your GP and say everything you have said in your OP. They will talk with you and may offer antidepressants and should refer you to the MH services. I believe they may offer you cognitive behavioural therapy.

if you find yourself feeling like you are at risk, do go to A&E where you will be able to speak to the psychiatric liaison team and they can make a plan with you to move forward.

As for things you can do as self help, firstly, you need to identify things that may have played a part in your low mood. Has something happened? Are there a number of things? Covid certainly hasn’t helped people’s mental health. Write down anything that may have played a part, maybe mind map it?

Are there things you want to change about your life? Do you have any goals for the future? Again, mind map it as it can help you identify things to look forward to.

I completely understand not wanting to leave the house, when I am depressed, I don’t want to but it is actually the worst thing you can do. Do you have a garden or balcony? Make time every day to sit outside and read or do some gardening or listen to music. If you can, push yourself to go out for a walk. Fresh air, exercise and increasing your fitness will all help your mood. Trust me, it does. I am taking up running again, I have to drag myself out but once I’m out I stick my headphones in and I’m off and I feel great for it. Could this be something you could do?

also, have a look into mindfulness. I find it so helpful, there are many exercises but one I like to do is lay down, close my eyes and then focus on breathing in and out. Once I’ve done that, I focus on my feet and how the feel, tensing and relaxing the muscles in that area. Then work up to your calfs, your thighs, your butt, your stomach and work all the way up to your head.

I know it probably sounds crazy and a lot of effort but the more you practise, the easier it gets and I find that afterwards, I’m more relaxed with a clearer head.

make sure you practise some self care every day. Make time to do your hair, make up, nails or a face mask etc. Even if it’s only 10 minutes a day to start with.

you have to care for yourself before you can take care of others.

maybe keep a gratitude and affirmation journal? Just write down one thing for each everyday and a positive quote? It’s hard at first and feels like a chore, but doing these helps you to get into a positive mindset.

I’m sorry, I know this is really long winded and you may not find anything of help right now but I want you to know that you are not alone and you can always reach out on this forum.

take care of you x

I would love to know if you lovely people think I have depression. Don't worry I'm fine. Quite a happy girl normally. I think I have it and every so often it gets bad.
Not good at explaining properly how I feel to others say a doctor. I try to and it doesn't sound so bad. I do have anxiety was diagnosed. Was hard to explain how I feel to him. I'm not going to a doctor about depression it's just I really suspect it.

Long story. Sorry. Bit of back story.

My father was horrible to me my whole life.
I was a lovely smiling child. Never caused trouble. He just hated me for some reason.
He beat me. He always called me when I was a older child a good for nothing ugly looking cunt. See I have lots to say but I find it hard to explain the seriousness.
I grew up and I would write the words on my arm to remind myself what I'm worth.
I would write in pen "useless, good for nothing etc. It's been a few years and I don't do that anymore. I feel that I have ptsd really from what I went through and probably depression. He tried to get rid of me and my siblings a couple of times. We're all grown up now. I'm like 30. I'm the oldest and I felt I had to protect my siblings. I still can't hold back tears when I remember wrapping my two younger sisters in my arms and them crying terrified and trying to keep them calm. My father threatening us.

I think of myself as being useless. If someone asked me to describe myself before I would say. I can't even think of good words to say. I think it's so bad that the depression is deep down in me. I can be perfectly happy but still depressed under it all. I honestly wouldn't care if a car hit me.
I don't really care about what I eat. I try and eat meals. I don't think to care about my self and eat healthy food. I just eat whatever I can. If its all junk. I don't think I deserve good food. I love salt. I put piles of all salt on all my salt and add lots morei mean a ton of salt. I just don't care. Don't care if it harms me.


I've had two really bad days this month where I had no energy at all. Yesterday was one. Just I had nothing left in me.
I was trying to wash a plate at the sink and I had to put my weight on the sink counter to hold myself up. I just couldn't. It took all my energy to drag the cloth across the plate.
I feel better today.

Lately anytime I go down some steps I feel shaky in myself. Could be my anxiety. It feels like I'm going to fall. I've been going down really slow like a old granny
My legs aren't shaking but I feel like shaky in myself.

It's so hard for me to try and explain serious stuff like this. In my head I know what I want to say. It doesn't come out then when I write it or want to speak to someone about it.
It doesn't sound all that big a deal.

I think I have ptsd from what I went through when I was younger. Now depression.
Just like to know what others think. If u think I do. Lots of horrible stuff went on with my father. I was feeling v emotional yesterday but ok today.

I do often still say to myself, you're worthless you're a ugly good for nothing looking cunt.
I do have a boyfriend so mustn't be too bad.
I am quite a positive happy girl. Always try and have a happy day. Sometimes this all comes to the surface. Would you say I have ptsd.?

Also I've been feeling like I'm just so tired.
I feel bad for saying that with all the doctors and nurses who are truly tired saving lives during the virus.
I'm 30 and I am just so tired. I haven't got much left in me. I can't imagine going on another 30 years. I just think I've been through so stress and fear in my 30 year life so far that it's taken it's toll on me.

Thank you so much. Means the world to me anyone who reads or replies. I won't harm myself. I really do feel I have ptsd.
I like to know others opinions. Not very good at explaining things myself. If u have any questions please just ask

Thank you

Continued from my post up above. The time to edit ran out on me.

Also I tried to swallow a load of pills one night many years ago now but I called my boyfriend and he helped me.

I've held my hand under a scalding boiling water tap like twice.
I would look in the mirror and say to myself. You're worthless. You're good for nothing.

My father would say to me "I'd be better off dead"

Anyway that's just some extra information.
I really think in myself I have ptsd.
I also feel like what right have I to think that. Not sure.

Thanks so much for reading

Sweetgirl89 said:

Thanks so much for reading

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I personally think you have a lot of trauma, and growing up in an unsafe environment as a child will change the way your brain develops. Pain like trauma at the end of the day is still trauma and pain. it doesn't have to be compared to someone's experience and fobbed off with not being enough of a big deal. It's all not okay. Early abuse will change our perception of ourselves. I also get super drained easily. You are not the things your father said to you. I think for a real diagnosis you will need to see someone who has been trained.

Can you book a GP appointment or self refer yourself ?

There's also a lot therapists who will see you for a lower fee if you have a lower income. I used to pay £40 a session (It went up to £44.50 after jan) when my old therapist's London fee was normally £70/£60 (evening/daytime) .

I know people who didn't go every week and spaced out their sessions every 2-3 weeks. At the moment I'm paying £30 a session online for my youngest sister and she's moved to every two weeks after we started weekly just to being with.

Thanks you so much for replying.i just started crying reading your reply. I'm ok. I hate going to doctors. I only went cause I had to. Don't think the doctor believed me all that much before.

I have a hard time thinking good things of myself now. Why would he say it if it isn't true.. I really believe deep within myself I am truly worthless I am that affected by it.

Thank you. I've just always wanted to say that out loud or write it.

Years ago I had a part time job in a supermarket stocking shelves. I was let go.
I think cause I was very slow. The thing is I kept thinking I'm worthless and useless. It made me very slow and shaky and nervous.
Not v good at the job.

Any time someone asks me to do something I think I'm useless. Why ask me.
I was with my sister one day and she asked me would I just hoover this little area like hallway.

In my head I'm thinking but I'm useless why ask me. It's a little thing to do. I think I'm useless at everything.

Might be silly but if I can manage to clean a floor or just make the bed I feel like it's a little achievement for me. Feel a little proud that I managed to do something.

@Sweetgirl89 Definitely talk to your GP and get a referral. It really sounds like some therapy would help with your self-esteem and processing your trauma. You Matter. You deserve to feel good about yourself and feel proud of your achievements.

If you want to start small, Give us a Shout provides mental health support via text: https://giveusashout.org/

mindlessness said:

@Sweetgirl89 Definitely talk to your GP and get a referral. It really sounds like some therapy would help with your self-esteem and processing your trauma. You Matter. You deserve to feel good about yourself and feel proud of your achievements.

If you want to start small, Give us a Shout provides mental health support via text: https://giveusashout.org/

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Thank you for being supportive and lovely. Means a lot. I'll have a look into it.

Hi everyone, hope everyone is doing ok. I have been suffering depression anxiety for many years more than I realised. And I’ve had panic attacks that used to wake me during the night to the point I would be pacing the street in the snow. I had no idea what they were for a long time and literally thought I was about to have a heart attack every time. To be honest they got so bad in the end I used to wish I would just have a heart attack and die. Anyway I have recently had a new manager at work and after years of me being allowed set shift patterns due to this he has decided I am No longer allowed to do this. I have had to attend a flexible working interview where I ended up crying and totally humiliating myself. The manager just looked through me and either doesn’t understand is uncomfortable or doesn’t care. I spilled my soul to only find out that the filing cabinet was left open and I think other staff have read my interview notes. I’m so angry and so upset I was forced to open up and told it would be confidential but clearly it is not now. I haven’t said anything as I do not want to cause any more trouble or get the managers back up anymore than I have already done. To add my next door neighbor hung herself the same week and I’m literally obsessed with it I can’t stop googling her Twitter account and researching suicides and hanging. I just can’t wrap my head round the fact she is dead just like that, car still on the drive and I can’t stop looking at it. I just feel like quitting and yelling at the manger about all my problems and how much of a struggle life is for me and many many others I’m so stuck I don’t know what to do but really feel like the manager has zero empathy or understanding of mental health issues and I’m so soo sick of being judged and having to explain myself and having to answer to someone anymore.

I'll be ok my father somehow thought raising a child in an abusive way and putting them down and treating them horribly would raise a healthy child.
Later on when me and my siblings got older if we weren't being the way my father wanted he would say what is wrong with you's, ya's all be better off dead.

Sorry I didn't turn out to be a normal person you asshole (my father). When you beat and put down a person amd make them want to die you're not going to raise a healthy child.

See even what he did to me I get the blame for it. He never harmed my siblings just me. I protected them.

He touched me sexually when I was 5yrs old.
He would beat me and kick me. Grab my head and smash it off the wall again and again but I would fight back.

He tried to kill me and siblings many times.
We were scared to death. Every time I just think he gave up. Until the next time.

We were all young children never caused trouble. Happy to go outside and play.
One day he came home and just ordered us into the car said he was going to get rid of us. He was driving like a maniac.
Never stopped at lights or anything. Don't know how we didn't crash.
My sisters and brother were v young and terrified crying their eyes out. I wrapped them in my arms and holding them trying to calm them. Later on he brought us back home. He just said he'll get rid of us another day. That memory will stick in my mind, always.

I hope you's can see what a evil bastard he was.

I remember too one sunny day I was going outside to play and I was smiling happy.
My father looked at me and said "what have you got to smile about you ugly looking cunt"
Next time when I was going out to play and I passed by him I made sure not to smile and he said "why don't you put a smile on that face you miserable cunt"

So you see couldn't win. Miserable bastard.
I was only seven. Speaking to his eldest child like that. I was always such a happy child despite being treated horribly. When I was older people would say you always know it's me cause I have a lovely big smile.
My father soon wiped that away.
I don't think I'll ever get that real happy smile back. Even after all that I am still a happy person and I do smile fuck him!

Sweetgirl89 said:

I'll be ok my father somehow thought raising a child in an abusive way and putting them down and treating them horribly would raise a healthy child.
Later on when me and my siblings got older if we weren't being the way my father wanted he would say what is wrong with you's, ya's all be better off dead.

Sorry I didn't turn out to be a normal person you asshole (my father). When you beat and put down a person amd make them want to die you're not going to raise a healthy child.

See even what he did to me I get the blame for it. He never harmed my siblings just me. I protected them.

He touched me sexually when I was 5yrs old.
He would beat me and kick me. Grab my head and smash it off the wall again and again but I would fight back.

He tried to kill me and siblings many times.
We were scared to death. Every time I just think he gave up. Until the next time.

We were all young children never caused trouble. Happy to go outside and play.
One day he came home and just ordered us into the car said he was going to get rid of us. He was driving like a maniac.
Never stopped at lights or anything. Don't know how we didn't crash.
My sisters and brother were v young and terrified crying their eyes out. I wrapped them in my arms and holding them trying to calm them. Later on he brought us back home. He just said he'll get rid of us another day. That memory will stick in my mind, always.

I hope you's can see what a evil bastard he was.

I remember too one sunny day I was going outside to play and I was smiling happy.
My father looked at me and said "what have you got to smile about you ugly looking cunt"
Next time when I was going out to play and I passed by him I made sure not to smile and he said "why don't you put a smile on that face you miserable cunt"

So you see couldn't win. Miserable bastard.
I was only seven. Speaking to his eldest child like that. I was always such a happy child despite being treated horribly. When I was older people would say you always know it's me cause I have a lovely big smile.
My father soon wiped that away.
I don't think I'll ever get that real happy smile back. Even after all that I am still a happy person and I do smile fuck him!

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Iam so sorry you have been through this. There is a thread on here titled 'NARCISSISTIC PARENTS'. I think you would benefit from reading in there as a few of us have opened up about our parents- it certainly helped me understand one of the reasons im so fucked up now is because of my dad and he is the reason i have BPD, i also think my dad had undiagnosed mental health issues and i was the poor sod who it was passed on to.

Are you still in touch with your parents? My dad is dead now, and tbh i dont miss him at all.

No one deserves to go through what you have been through, and none of it is your fault. It breaks my heart to read about the abuse others have been through. It does sound like you have PTSD. I would also say, you are very good and articulate at writing all this down so why dont you write it all down before you go to the doctors and then you can give the doctor your note (if you dont feel like you can talk). xxx

Book said:

Hi everyone, hope everyone is doing ok. I have been suffering depression anxiety for many years more than I realised. And I’ve had panic attacks that used to wake me during the night to the point I would be pacing the street in the snow. I had no idea what they were for a long time and literally thought I was about to have a heart attack every time. To be honest they got so bad in the end I used to wish I would just have a heart attack and die. Anyway I have recently had a new manager at work and after years of me being allowed set shift patterns due to this he has decided I am No longer allowed to do this. I have had to attend a flexible working interview where I ended up crying and totally humiliating myself. The manager just looked through me and either doesn’t understand is uncomfortable or doesn’t care. I spilled my soul to only find out that the filing cabinet was left open and I think other staff have read my interview notes. I’m so angry and so upset I was forced to open up and told it would be confidential but clearly it is not now. I haven’t said anything as I do not want to cause any more trouble or get the managers back up anymore than I have already done. To add my next door neighbor hung herself the same week and I’m literally obsessed with it I can’t stop googling her Twitter account and researching suicides and hanging. I just can’t wrap my head round the fact she is dead just like that, car still on the drive and I can’t stop looking at it. I just feel like quitting and yelling at the manger about all my problems and how much of a struggle life is for me and many many others I’m so stuck I don’t know what to do but really feel like the manager has zero empathy or understanding of mental health issues and I’m so soo sick of being judged and having to explain myself and having to answer to someone anymore.

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I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now and the next door neighbour situation sounds very triggering. You really do need extra support.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to start looking and applying for a new job role.

Just in case. This charity is still offering email and telephone support. Mon - Friday