Please help. Sorry this is so long. I need a bit of perspective on this that isn't from me, my mum or my best friend who are all obviously going to side with me.
So for ages all I've wanted is to own my own home. I'm very lucky that I have 2 amazing children. 1 of which is 6 months.
We do have a fair sized deposit 48k. Some of this is savings, I've recently inherited 8 thousand and the remainder is being given by partners parents and will come out of partners inheritance. We started looking oct 18. Saw a couple of houses. 1 in the area that I live in now which is in an extremely expensive part of the town i live in. So it was a 2 bed that was priced at 250000. But decided the kitchen was too small and there was issue with the garden being leasehold from the parish church. Next viewed big 3 bed in cheaper area but garden would have cost at least 10k just to get acceptable. So we didn't go for it. My partner commutes 50 mins each way by car so didn't want to add to that by going in the opp direction to other areas. Ok so I reluctantly accepted that. Then I got pregnant. In April a family member put their house up for sale and they would have sold it to us for under market value so we would have had equity from the get go. The house needed a lot of work but was liveable to do over years and has massive potential to add a double extension. But he wouldn't go for it for the sake of 10 mins on his commute. I was promised when I got pregnant that he would apply for every job going and have a new job closer to home by the time out baby was born. He applied for 1.
I accepted this to a degree as I thought he would find something eventually. My pregnancy was awful j was sick and had spd throughout. I also had diabetes and was on insulin every meal and morning and evenings so I was exhausted looking after my son and working too so at the weekend my partner would usually have out son all day on a Saturday even though I'd offer him breaks etc and tell him not to take him and I'd manage as by this time I could tell there was something not right he was just so moody all weekend huffing and puffing all the time. Fast forward to my baby coming along after a hideous pregnancy where I felt nothing for her which was a strain on my mental health I fell straight in love and couldn't love my girl more if I tried.
My partner was a bit off on his pat leave wanting to play on his pc all the time calling it his holiday which pissed me off more than words and to be honest made me dislike him. He went back to work and when he came home I would put my son to bed I'd come down he'd be on his phone and baby in her bouncer totally different than with our son. I didn't say anything though. We went on holiday with his family and whenever I came back from playing with our son or going to the loo eye he would have palmed the baby on his sister and just didn't seem interested at all. Cue a week or so later he called me at work crying he'd just had a meeting with his boss who told him his work has gone downhill. Long story short over the next week he basically had a nervous breakdown and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. He's been off work for 4 months and has now gone back on a phased return. A lot went on in those 4 months and I was always supportive even though it's left it's Mark on us him threatening to kill himself in front of our son and stuff. My son now has early years intervention as it has impacted him and left him quite anxious and that can come out as disruptive. So I've been dealing with that as well as my partner and the loss of my grandfather who I loved dearly. Helping my mother through that as well as other family issues she's had for the past 2 years. I feel a bit wiped now.
Anyway sorry for waffling I felt like those details were important and somewhat cathartic for me. So the last piece of the puzzle is apparently buying a house is one of my partners anxiety triggers and he just doesn't seem willing to see how much buying a house means to me and the kids as I have seen a 2 bed on our road for sale that could easily be made into a 3 bed which my dad could do for us and just in our budget but I feel he wants to shut it down and was on about looking at houses in another town 20 miles away with 3 busses to our town a day I don't drive and would have no one out there I'd be up there with 2 kids and no support. I love where we live have loads of friends my son does too and is going to be going to the best schools in our town. Am I out of order for wanting this and feeling that my partner is wrong? Please help sorry this is so long. I just don't know what to do.
So for ages all I've wanted is to own my own home. I'm very lucky that I have 2 amazing children. 1 of which is 6 months.
We do have a fair sized deposit 48k. Some of this is savings, I've recently inherited 8 thousand and the remainder is being given by partners parents and will come out of partners inheritance. We started looking oct 18. Saw a couple of houses. 1 in the area that I live in now which is in an extremely expensive part of the town i live in. So it was a 2 bed that was priced at 250000. But decided the kitchen was too small and there was issue with the garden being leasehold from the parish church. Next viewed big 3 bed in cheaper area but garden would have cost at least 10k just to get acceptable. So we didn't go for it. My partner commutes 50 mins each way by car so didn't want to add to that by going in the opp direction to other areas. Ok so I reluctantly accepted that. Then I got pregnant. In April a family member put their house up for sale and they would have sold it to us for under market value so we would have had equity from the get go. The house needed a lot of work but was liveable to do over years and has massive potential to add a double extension. But he wouldn't go for it for the sake of 10 mins on his commute. I was promised when I got pregnant that he would apply for every job going and have a new job closer to home by the time out baby was born. He applied for 1.
I accepted this to a degree as I thought he would find something eventually. My pregnancy was awful j was sick and had spd throughout. I also had diabetes and was on insulin every meal and morning and evenings so I was exhausted looking after my son and working too so at the weekend my partner would usually have out son all day on a Saturday even though I'd offer him breaks etc and tell him not to take him and I'd manage as by this time I could tell there was something not right he was just so moody all weekend huffing and puffing all the time. Fast forward to my baby coming along after a hideous pregnancy where I felt nothing for her which was a strain on my mental health I fell straight in love and couldn't love my girl more if I tried.
My partner was a bit off on his pat leave wanting to play on his pc all the time calling it his holiday which pissed me off more than words and to be honest made me dislike him. He went back to work and when he came home I would put my son to bed I'd come down he'd be on his phone and baby in her bouncer totally different than with our son. I didn't say anything though. We went on holiday with his family and whenever I came back from playing with our son or going to the loo eye he would have palmed the baby on his sister and just didn't seem interested at all. Cue a week or so later he called me at work crying he'd just had a meeting with his boss who told him his work has gone downhill. Long story short over the next week he basically had a nervous breakdown and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. He's been off work for 4 months and has now gone back on a phased return. A lot went on in those 4 months and I was always supportive even though it's left it's Mark on us him threatening to kill himself in front of our son and stuff. My son now has early years intervention as it has impacted him and left him quite anxious and that can come out as disruptive. So I've been dealing with that as well as my partner and the loss of my grandfather who I loved dearly. Helping my mother through that as well as other family issues she's had for the past 2 years. I feel a bit wiped now.
Anyway sorry for waffling I felt like those details were important and somewhat cathartic for me. So the last piece of the puzzle is apparently buying a house is one of my partners anxiety triggers and he just doesn't seem willing to see how much buying a house means to me and the kids as I have seen a 2 bed on our road for sale that could easily be made into a 3 bed which my dad could do for us and just in our budget but I feel he wants to shut it down and was on about looking at houses in another town 20 miles away with 3 busses to our town a day I don't drive and would have no one out there I'd be up there with 2 kids and no support. I love where we live have loads of friends my son does too and is going to be going to the best schools in our town. Am I out of order for wanting this and feeling that my partner is wrong? Please help sorry this is so long. I just don't know what to do.