Pet death - Dealing with the inevitable

[Lunamoon22]

I had some news from family recently that our beloved first family dog might need to be put down soon.

He’s a very old boy and I know he’s lived a very good life, and I thought I accepted the news at the time - but have found as time’s gone on I can’t help but have these overwhelming moments where I can’t stop crying.

I feel a bit stupid grieving already because our boy is still here... but the thought that one day soon it’s going to have to happen and the thought of it actually happening is hard to deal with and I’m having anxiety attacks just thinking about it.

I have always had this weird thing about the whole death thing anyway and try not to think too much about the inevitable... but this is hitting me hard.

I just wondered if anyone had any advice on how to deal with these things?

 

[Lolly505]

Aw, I'm really sorry to hear that. It's a tough situation because it is like losing a member of the family but we can't exactly talk to our pet and rationalise it either.

I'm not a professional but I've experienced it both first and secondhand, but honestly the best thing you/your family can do is just to make sure they're happy and comfortable wherever possible. Obviously can differ by dog/situation, but if you can (and it's okay with the vet, etc), maybe consider taking them to places they like, giving them a few extra special treats, even just talking to/spending time with them while they're here. It might sound cliche but it can really help to focus on the happy memories.
I always now associate chicken nuggets with a friend's older dog, who sadly passed from cancer, because he loved them but obviously wasn't allowed them very often. So when he got sick, he spent his last few months happily munching nuggets (often after treatment) and we always remember him still doing excited tippy taps at seeing a McNuggets box (and our photos/videos of that) than just him being ill.

I do hope you're doing okay. I'm sure your dog knows you all love him very much

 

[Facehugger]

Bless you it's always so hard when this happens but it is the inevitable and it's never easy. Have a hug from a fellow dog lover X
We had to have our old lab PTS, he was 15. The hard thing was the front end was still like a puppy, but his back legs were going & he couldn't control them or his functions any more. I knew when the time was right, spoiled him to bits the week before, gave him as many cuddles as he wanted, then laid on the floor with him holding his head to my chest while the vet did the necessary.

Broke me for weeks but I knew he'd had the best life and that I'd done the best thing any pet owner could do for their friend at the end, at least we CAN do that kindness for them, unlike when people are very ill.

I said no more dogs, never again. Here I am 10 years later with a massive 6 year old boy who has filled a space that was so empty, you honestly will come through it and it will get easier as time goes on. I think the fact you know it's coming is what is making it so hard right now. Xx

 

[Platinumbarbie]

Omg,im in a similar situation with my 11 year old shihtzu,I can see her deterioration just over the past few weeks,I cant bear thinking about what is coming,it is literally breaking my heart,I dont know how I will cope without her,I have had relatives pass away that haven't even come close to how devastated I will be to lose my dog

 

[Platypusfattypus]

I've had to make the decision to pts a few times but I've always found that the decision has made itself. They just weren't happy and no longer living the life they were so it was a relief to be able to do something to help them. It wasn't easy but it was the right thing and that helped massively.

 

[Upintheair83]

I had some news from family recently that our beloved first family dog might need to be put down soon.

He’s a very old boy and I know he’s lived a very good life, and I thought I accepted the news at the time - but have found as time’s gone on I can’t help but have these overwhelming moments where I can’t stop crying.

I feel a bit stupid grieving already because our boy is still here... but the thought that one day soon it’s going to have to happen and the thought of it actually happening is hard to deal with and I’m having anxiety attacks just thinking about it.

I have always had this weird thing about the whole death thing anyway and try not to think too much about the inevitable... but this is hitting me hard.

I just wondered if anyone had any advice on how to deal with these things?

I’m so sorry to hear this. And don’t feel silly for feeling this way just because it hasn’t happened yet. It’s probably just the start of you getting your head around it and you are allowed that. Of course you will be heartbroken because our pets are family. All I can say is that no one is ever ours for keeps, everyone even animals have to leave us, and even though it sounds cliche and naive, but be thankful you’ve had that time with him and he’s been part of your life. You’ve been blessed. Maybe, as another poster suggested, spend extra special time with him and treat him if you can, say your goodbyes in a special way and treasure those moments and let him know he isn’t alone.
I wish I could give you a hug and tell you that you will be ok.
Just allow yourself to feel these things and allow the feelings to come when they do, and accept them as your grief. It sounds like he’s had a lovely and happy life and I’m sure he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way than being with you and tour family. You’ve made your dogs life very happy and that’s something to be proud of and to hold on to.
Grief is always the price we pay for loving- but god it’s worth it. God bless and sending you lots of love xxxx

 

[Lunamoon22]

Thank you @Lolly505, @Facehugger, @Platinumbarbie, @Platypusfattypus and @Upintheair83 for all your replies, I really deeply appreciate it

I decided to go over and spend more time with him today. It’s such a weird feeling. He’s got the vets tomorrow as he has a suspected tumour - so it’s just a waiting to see what the options are and the decisions my family will have to think about then. But he does seem happy and comfortable at the moment, we sat in the garden watching him enjoying the sunshine which was really nice

Omg,im in a similar situation with my 11 year old shihtzu,I can see her deterioration just over the past few weeks,I cant bear thinking about what is coming,it is literally breaking my heart,I dont know how I will cope without her,I have had relatives pass away that haven't even come close to how devastated I will be to lose my dog

Totally the same! I feel like I’ve dealt with human deaths better than this.

 

[Kandy floss]

Being upset about it beforehand is normal!

I had my 13 year old dog put to sleep almost 3 years ago, and I’d been dreading it daily for around 3-4 months prior because I just knew it would happen soon and the thought made me cry.

When it suddenly came it was a quick decision as he started having seizures and after a few we couldn’t watch anymore knowing one would take him from us and let him go peacefully at home.

It was horrendous, but hopefully you’ll know when he’s ready and take comfort that you were doing what’s right for him, even though it hurt you so much.

I now have a 2 year old chocolate lab who’s helped to heal me so much and I already dread losing him. They are so so special. I hope you get to spend lots of time with your boy

 

[Facehugger]

Thank you @Lolly505, @Facehugger, @Platinumbarbie, @Platypusfattypus and @Upintheair83 for all your replies, I really deeply appreciate it

I decided to go over and spend more time with him today. It’s such a weird feeling. He’s got the vets tomorrow as he has a suspected tumour - so it’s just a waiting to see what the options are and the decisions my family will have to think about then. But he does seem happy and comfortable at the moment, we sat in the garden watching him enjoying the sunshine which was really nice



Totally the same! I feel like I’ve dealt with human deaths better than this.

Bless you, you're welcome, and not alone in how you are feeling X enjoy every minute you can just now and take one day at a time. He will know when the time is right too, it's very strange, I can't explain it properly. My old lad just kept cuddling up & licking me, he wasn't usually so fussy but got ever so clingy. And on the dreaded day found the strength in his legs to jump into the car, whereas for weeks before that I'd had to lift him in. It's like he knew and was telling me it's fine Mum, come on, I need to go.

Hope you can stay strong and make sure you keep coming back to here to chat xx

 

[MaxieMoo]

I feel for you. You have to be selfless and do what is best for them despite the fact that you know it will break your heart. When our cat became so unwell they said we could take her to a specialist and they would do various tests etc (she had some internal bleeding but they couldn't be sure why). I knew it would have been selfish to put her trough that. The vet was very kind. Between us we decided that putting her to sleep was the kindest thing. It was a Saturday morning (emergency appointment). They said they would keep her until Monday and she would go to be cremated. I went out of my absolute mind over that and refused. The vets managed to reach the owner of the crematorium who agreed we could take her straight away. My husband and I drove there with her body. I told her over and over how loved she was. It was one of the worse days of my life. It was 9 years ago and I still miss her so so much.

She was an ex feral cat. We gave her the best life. Even at the end we did everything right by her. I take comfort from that but the loss doesn't ever really go away for me.

Sending you strength and a huge hug. It's ok to feel like this xx

Grief is always the price we pay for loving. So very true x

 

[Facehugger]

I feel for you. You have to be selfless and do what is best for them despite the fact that you know it will break your heart. When our cat became so unwell they said we could take her to a specialist and they would do various tests etc (she had some internal bleeding but they couldn't be sure why). I knew it would have been selfish to put her trough that. The vet was very kind. Between us we decided that putting her to sleep was the kindest thing. It was a Saturday morning (emergency appointment). They said they would keep her until Monday and she would go to be cremated. I went out of my absolute mind over that and refused. The vets managed to reach the owner of the crematorium who agreed we could take her straight away. My husband and I drove there with her body. I told her over and over how loved she was. It was one of the worse days of my life. It was 9 years ago and I still miss her so so much.

She was an ex feral cat. We gave her the best life. Even at the end we did everything right by her. I take comfort from that but the loss doesn't ever really go away for me.

Sending you strength and a huge hug. It's ok to feel like this xx

Grief is always the price we pay for loving. So very true x

Cats are no different to dogs, unless you factor in that half the time they bloody decide who they want their caregivers to be! Only when you've been the chosen one do we really feel appreciated

My friend went on holiday and I was supposed to look after her 10 year old cat for a week. Well, she fell in love with my son and refused to leav, on pickup day, she hid in his wardrobe. My friend worked full time & to cut a long story short, we ended up keeping the cat as there was no shifting her.

We had her another 8 years, then she lost all her weight and her back legs failed, she couldn't get to her tray or anything, poor old gal. So, the vet came out. She was here 2 hours while son gave her food, cuddles, and till he was ready for the job to be done, she'd have stayed longer if we'd wanted. We've put her in her favourite corner of the garden. Honestly, they bloody break your heart at times don't they x

 

[Definitelyme]

We’ve had a lot of dogs, and lost a lot. Most recently we got our oldest girl out down (3 weeks ago) and it really came from nowhere. She deteriorated very rapidly and it was a matter of days. My biggest love was oput to sleep while I was travelling, I cried for days and days afterwards almost solidly, and for months after that I cried every night (I was 23 btw, not a kid).

Dogs are a loved one. A part of your family. And you grieve them as a very real loss, because they are. The only tip I have is spend as much time together as you can before he goes, and when he does, let yourself feel it all. Don’t try and minimise it because he’s “just a dog”.

 

[MaxieMoo]

Cats are no different to dogs, unless you factor in that half the time they bloody decide who they want their caregivers to be! Only when you've been the chosen one do we really feel appreciated

My friend went on holiday and I was supposed to look after her 10 year old cat for a week. Well, she fell in love with my son and refused to leav, on pickup day, she hid in his wardrobe. My friend worked full time & to cut a long story short, we ended up keeping the cat as there was no shifting her.

We had her another 8 years, then she lost all her weight and her back legs failed, she couldn't get to her tray or anything, poor old gal. So, the vet came out. She was here 2 hours while son gave her food, cuddles, and till he was ready for the job to be done, she'd have stayed longer if we'd wanted. We've put her in her favourite corner of the garden. Honestly, they bloody break your heart at times don't they x

How lovely, cats choose their owners. It took a few years before we got another cat. I said never again but then this little rescue cat stole our hearts. Fast forward six years and he rules the roost. Wakes me at 5am to let him out the front door despite having a cat flap. We pander to his every whim. We are merely his slaves. I think the inevitable loss can make pet ownership so difficult. Animals rely on us humans and the ultimate decision at the end is so gut wrenching. The joy they bring us is worth it but my heart goes out to everyone facing the ultimate sacrifice. Making the end so peaceful and making them feel safe and loved is key. Much love to everyone going through this. I know how tough it is xx

 

[Facehugger]

How lovely, cats choose their owners. It took a few years before we got another cat. I said never again but then this little rescue cat stole our hearts. Fast forward six years and he rules the roost. Wakes me at 5am to let him out the front door despite having a cat flap. We pander to his every whim. We are merely his slaves. I think the inevitable loss can make pet ownership so difficult. Animals rely on us humans and the ultimate decision at the end is so gut wrenching. The joy they bring us is worth it but my heart goes out to everyone facing the ultimate sacrifice. Making the end so peaceful and making them feel safe and loved is key. Much love to everyone going through this. I know how tough it is xx

Bless you, you're so right. We have another cat, well she chose us as well. A different friend (and I use that term loosely now) was going on holiday. Her cat had given birth to 2 kittens the week before, she was going to leave them at home and juyyst get a neighbour in to feed the mother.

I said no way, and took the box containing mum cat and the 2 babies to mine for a week. By the time the woman came back, I'd decided I was keeping one kitten (as every time I picked her up to clean her bum she sucked my little finger) I'd found a home for the other and the mother as well. When I told her, she didn't seem to care, so thank god I did!

She's 10 now and such a loveable girl. She wants treats, she gets treats. She likes a Sunday dinner & sits waiting for the scraps to be put in her bowl, she's so funny.

 

[MaxieMoo]

Bless you, you're so right. We have another cat, well she chose us as well. A different friend (and I use that term loosely now) was going on holiday. Her cat had given birth to 2 kittens the week before, she was going to leave them at home and juyyst get a neighbour in to feed the mother.

I said no way, and took the box containing mum cat and the 2 babies to mine for a week. By the time the woman came back, I'd decided I was keeping one kitten (as every time I picked her up to clean her bum she sucked my little finger) I'd found a home for the other and the mother as well. When I told her, she didn't seem to care, so thank god I did!

She's 10 now and such a loveable girl. She wants treats, she gets treats. She likes a Sunday dinner & sits waiting for the scraps to be put in her bowl, she's so funny.

Fancy looking after my cat while I'm on holiday . I could do with a few weeks off the 5am starts . I always connect with animal lovers. I always judge people by how much they love their pets.

 

[Facehugger]

Fancy looking after my cat while I'm on holiday . I could do with a few weeks off the 5am starts . I always connect with animal lovers. I always judge people by how much they love their pets.

I wouldn't mind at all. If people can't be kind to animals then they're not worth much in my book x

 

[Hulahoopsfromthe80s]

Honestly talking has helped me. We lost one of our boys 18 months ago. Its still heartbreaking.

Although tonight kid 3 (age 7) had a book from school were the dog died, all of us in tears book is going back tomorrow we cant cope with it sod reading it 3 times, kid 3 is now cuddled up with me heartbroken about how he misses him
We do still have the dogs brother so he's helped abit but im not sure how longer will have with him

 

[MaxieMoo]

I think with animals it's about the vulnerability and how much they rely on us. I remember as a child our much loved elderly cat was PTS on Christmas Eve. I had presents in my sack from him and that was my first experience of loss / grief. I still feel upset just writing that now and it was 35 years ago.

 

[Gembo]

The loss of my cat was harder than the loss of my parents. I didn’t have a close relationship with them to be fair and I think the reason my cat meant so much to me was because I had her from when I was 14 and I felt like she was my family. Her death devastated me, I can still cry if I think about her too much. The day after she died we took her to be cremated and waited to bring her home, her ashes are in a little cat casket and have been on my pillow since that day. She slept on my pillow every night it was her favourite spot. Its been over a year and a half now and I can’t bring myself to move them even though I sometimes bang my head I know it’s probably not normal but it brings me comfort and it’s in my wishes to be buried with her
My heart goes out to you all, it is their vulnerability and how we are responsible for them that makes it so hard xx

 

[MaxieMoo]

The loss of my cat was harder than the loss of my parents. I didn’t have a close relationship with them to be fair and I think the reason my cat meant so much to me was because I had her from when I was 14 and I felt like she was my family. Her death devastated me, I can still cry if I think about her too much. The day after she died we took her to be cremated and waited to bring her home, her ashes are in a little cat casket and have been on my pillow since that day. She slept on my pillow every night it was her favourite spot. Its been over a year and a half now and I can’t bring myself to move them even though I sometimes bang my head I know it’s probably not normal but it brings me comfort and it’s in my wishes to be buried with her
My heart goes out to you all, it is their vulnerability and how we are responsible for them that makes it so hard xx

The grieving process takes time. It's different for everyone. It's helps you feel close to her and that's ok. I kept my cats little casket in a wicker basket in my bedroom for a while. It contained her ashes and her favourite toys. Eventually I was able to move it when the time felt right. It meant I loved her no less but it felt ok. It's now in the bedroom next door tucked away safely. Whatever feels right for you is what matters. In time you may feel able to do that. Her little soul will still be close to you.