Dealing with an awful sister in law

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This was my initial thoughts- I just didn’t know if I looked like a bit of a witch running to the aunts for back up. I don’t want it to cause a family drama. Honestly when it went around the rumour mill last year I asked then what I should do and they told me to keep it. I told her that when she came over but she was very pressing saying how she doesn’t think it would be wrong for me to hand it over there and then etc. I’m not a confrontational person and I felt very awkward sat in my house knowing it was within my reach but it just didn’t feel right.. I’m not sure if that’s because I let the wrong feelings cloud my judgement though

edit to add: I understand it might look like handing over the ring would eliminate any family drama. But I actually think it will kick start an argument with the aunts about how spoilt and entitled they think she is....🤪


So she said something along the lines of one day just the two of them were at Nans. Nan was going through her box and SIL said she liked it so it was just a nice memory that day and Nan said she could have it.
Well it’s your husband’s family and there is no reason he shouldn’t have a ring from his nan for his wife 🤷🏼‍♀️ Nothing stopping him from bringing that up either if you decide to keep it. I was given my husband’s grandmothers ring shortly after we married and I immediately asked if they were sure his sister didn’t want it. She doesn’t wear jewelry and this ring is really really nice and worth a lot so I had to make sure.

It’s very tempting just to hand it over so she leaves you alone and avoid drama. But it’s likely she’s gonna bring drama anyways for other things if this is such an issue for her. You just have to decide if that’s what you really want to do. How important it is to you and how important she is to you.
 
It’s very tempting just to hand it over so she leaves you alone and avoid drama. But it’s likely she’s gonna bring drama anyways for other things if this is such an issue for her. You just have to decide if that’s what you really want to do. How important it is to you and how important she is to you.
It’s hard to say. As I said above I never expected anything so I can’t say I’d have lost sleep if it wasn’t given to me. However, when given to me I was fairly emotional- and when the explanation came alongside it made sense. I don’t wear it regularly don’t get me wrong. I’ve worn it on special occasions though. Again I wouldn’t lose sleep if I gave it over, but I would be sad about it I think. By all means if I die tomorrow she can have it.
I can’t say she’s massively important to me. When she text asking if she should come over I was a bit shocked as she hasn’t ever asked me if she could come over the entire time we’ve lived here. I wouldn’t say we’re friends but we’re friendly when I see her. I don’t socialise with her outside of family events. Her and my husband don’t really see eye to eye which probably doesn’t help.. mainly because he finds her rude/spoilt/entitled. Again I feel like he sees through her. When I told him everything he couldn’t see even a fraction of it from her point of view.
 
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It’s hard to say. As I said above I never expected anything so I can’t say I’d have lost sleep if it wasn’t given to me. However, when given to me I was fairly emotional- and when the explanation came alongside it made sense. I don’t wear it regularly don’t get me wrong. I’ve worn it on special occasions though. Again I wouldn’t lose sleep if I gave it over, but I would be sad about it I think. By all means if I die tomorrow she can have it.
I can’t say she’s massively important to me. When she text asking if she should come over I was a bit shocked as she hasn’t ever asked me if she could come over the entire time we’ve lived here. I wouldn’t say we’re friends but we’re friendly when I see her. I don’t socialise with her outside of family events. Her and my husband don’t really see eye to eye which probably doesn’t help.. mainly because he finds her rude/spoilt/entitled. Again I feel like he sees through her. When I told him everything he couldn’t see even a fraction of it from her point of view.
hahaha keep it! If your husband can't even see it from her point and the aunts are the same, it's probably just her being greedy!
 
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My opinion hasn't changed with the context. It doesn't matter if she's spoilt, rude, entitled etc she still sounds like she's grieving. My nanna died a couple of years ago and if my aunt (because she didn't like me for whatever reason) gave a sentimental piece of jewelry (that I knew my nanna wanted me to have) to someone who married into the family, I'd be pretty peeved. By not giving it to her, you're taking sides already and it doesn't seem fair. People who aren't very nice can feel pain and loss just as keenly as anyone else.
 
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Just resurrecting this thread as my sister in law has bloody done it again. She's been being quite friendly recently, texting me often (mainly to talk about herself but at least she's making an effort). I've been keeping her at arms length but being polite all the same.

Anyway, she asked me what I'd call my little boy if I had one (I'm desperate for children but the time isn't right, I've also had a few health issues which have slowed things down -she knows that.) I told her exactly what it would be, and said reason being both my grandads were called that, so were their Dads so would want to carry the name on. I thought she was just making friendly chit chat. She is pregnant so I should have known her intentions but I didn't even think.

Low and behold, today she's sent me a picture of a personalised pram blanket and the name embroidered on is the name I told her I'd call my child. At this point I'm thinking she just does these things for a reaction. I shouldn't even be angry as I'm not pregnant, so I can't stop people using that name but I feel like she's done it maliciously. Boyfriend thinks I'm overthinking it but at the same time said "well when it is our turn we'll just use that name anyway" :cautious:
 
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Just resurrecting this thread as my sister in law has bloody done it again. She's been being quite friendly recently, texting me often (mainly to talk about herself but at least she's making an effort). I've been keeping her at arms length but being polite all the same.

Anyway, she asked me what I'd call my little boy if I had one (I'm desperate for children but the time isn't right, I've also had a few health issues which have slowed things down -she knows that.) I told her exactly what it would be, and said reason being both my grandads were called that, so were their Dads so would want to carry the name on. I thought she was just making friendly chit chat. She is pregnant so I should have known her intentions but I didn't even think.

Low and behold, today she's sent me a picture of a personalised pram blanket and the name embroidered on is the name I told her I'd call my child. At this point I'm thinking she just does these things for a reaction. I shouldn't even be angry as I'm not pregnant, so I can't stop people using that name but I feel like she's done it maliciously. Boyfriend thinks I'm overthinking it but at the same time said "well when it is our turn we'll just use that name anyway" :cautious:
I'm so sorry to hear that! You were right to keep her at an arms length and its clear she's done this on purpose. What a horrible person!
 
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Let’s just hope when the baby is born they got the gender wrong and it’s a girl 😂

she sounds awful, you have every right to be upset or angry. I would just try and distance yourself, continue to be polite but just from afar!
 
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Just resurrecting this thread as my sister in law has bloody done it again. She's been being quite friendly recently, texting me often (mainly to talk about herself but at least she's making an effort). I've been keeping her at arms length but being polite all the same.

Anyway, she asked me what I'd call my little boy if I had one (I'm desperate for children but the time isn't right, I've also had a few health issues which have slowed things down -she knows that.) I told her exactly what it would be, and said reason being both my grandads were called that, so were their Dads so would want to carry the name on. I thought she was just making friendly chit chat. She is pregnant so I should have known her intentions but I didn't even think.

Low and behold, today she's sent me a picture of a personalised pram blanket and the name embroidered on is the name I told her I'd call my child. At this point I'm thinking she just does these things for a reaction. I shouldn't even be angry as I'm not pregnant, so I can't stop people using that name but I feel like she's done it maliciously. Boyfriend thinks I'm overthinking it but at the same time said "well when it is our turn we'll just use that name anyway" :cautious:
God she just sounds like an awful person. I think you are right - she seems to be deliberately doing things to provoke a reaction from you. I’d be really careful from now on in engaging in any kind or “friendly” chat with her; you know she’s not being genuinely friendly and she’s just trying to get information out of you to use against you in this way. I’d honestly just keep your responses to her to the absolute bear minimum and don’t give her any ammunition you know. For example when she asked you about baby names I’d have literally just replied with “no idea, haven’t thought about that” and leave it at that.
 
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God she just sounds like an awful person. I think you are right - she seems to be deliberately doing things to provoke a reaction from you. I’d be really careful from now on in engaging in any kind or “friendly” chat with her; you know she’s not being genuinely friendly and she’s just trying to get information out of you to use against you in this way. I’d honestly just keep your responses to her to the absolute bear minimum and don’t give her any ammunition you know. For example when she asked you about baby names I’d have literally just replied with “no idea, haven’t thought about that” and leave it at that.
This. She is firing loaded questions at you to give her the ammunition to use against you later. Don't give her the ammunition. Don't engage any more than you have to. Short, curt, one or two word answers.

Yes
No
Maybe
Not sure
Who knows?

She sounds like she's constantly fishing. Don't get caught on the hook.
 
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Oh my word, what a tool. Boyfriend thinks you're overthinking? I'd suggest boyfriend has his head stuck in the sand.
 
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My partner and I have been together 7 years. His Mum, dad and brother are absolutely lovely. His sister on the other hand (4 years older than me and him) can be really awful to me. She has three children by three different men, she does not work, she's currently at college studying some early years learning thing in the hope of becoming a primary teacher. I have no children, I work full time and I am studying a degree in my spare time. I've never once judged her for her situation, I am always nice to her, I treat her kids to gifts, sweets etc all the time. I try really hard. For some reason though she constantly feels the need to undermine me, criticise me and just be downright rude. Some examples:

- You've got quite fat thighs for a skinny girl haven't you?
- Don't you think after 7 years you should have kids?
- Do you actually see yourself getting a degree?
- Have you got any friends? I don't think you've really got anyone have you?
- One or two of your cousins have got fat haven't they?
- I don't know why you've got a car on finance, bit silly if you ask me considering you want a mortgage (nobody asked for her opinion and the reason I financed a car is because the clutch went in mine, I work over an hour away and desperately needed one - not that I should have to explain!!)
- I wish you'd change your hair style, I absolutely hate fringes.
- You dress quite plain really, there's nothing about you that stands out.
- My least favourite - "You need to hurry up if you want children or your kid will be the odd one out cos the rest are grown up. It's weird that you've got to your age without having had any yet considering how long you've been together" - to add some context to this one, I'm 25 which I don't consider old to not have kids!!
- You'd think he'd at least want to marry you or have kids after all this time, wonder what's putting him off.

it's really starting to get me down, every time she comes around I literally want to leave. I live in fear of what she's going to say next! How would you tackle this? They're all just really hurtful things I would never dream of saying to anybody! When she says them I always just go quiet and don't answer as she's one of those who can't be argued with.

ETA: I've expressed to my partner numerous times, and at times have cried to him, about how awful she can be. His response is always "you know what she's like, she'll never change, just learn to ignore it, I have".
She is a bully, and her family have clearly allowed her to be if they all have the same attitude as your partner. Next time she starts in on you tell her that if you wanted her opinion on anything you would ask her, also tell her to not visit you unless she is invited. Easy to say, but it will be hard to follow through. Good luck, you should not have to learn to ignore her rudeness.
 
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Just resurrecting this thread as my sister in law has bloody done it again. She's been being quite friendly recently, texting me often (mainly to talk about herself but at least she's making an effort). I've been keeping her at arms length but being polite all the same.

Anyway, she asked me what I'd call my little boy if I had one (I'm desperate for children but the time isn't right, I've also had a few health issues which have slowed things down -she knows that.) I told her exactly what it would be, and said reason being both my grandads were called that, so were their Dads so would want to carry the name on. I thought she was just making friendly chit chat. She is pregnant so I should have known her intentions but I didn't even think.

Low and behold, today she's sent me a picture of a personalised pram blanket and the name embroidered on is the name I told her I'd call my child. At this point I'm thinking she just does these things for a reaction. I shouldn't even be angry as I'm not pregnant, so I can't stop people using that name but I feel like she's done it maliciously. Boyfriend thinks I'm overthinking it but at the same time said "well when it is our turn we'll just use that name anyway" :cautious:

You should have told her you wanted to call it Kevin or Barry or something 😂 she sounds awful!!! If you don’t have much to do with her I’d still call your own baby that when the time comes.

Just don’t tell her anything anymore she sounds horrible and I’m sorry you have to put up with that 😢
 
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If you don’t have much to do with her I’d still call your own baby that when the time comes.
Definitely this and when the family ask ‘oh how come you chose the same name as SIL’ I would 100% say ‘well SIL knew I was going to use this name as it’s been in my family for years, we had a whole conversation about it, so really she’s picked the same name as me :)’ set the record straight. Let people know what she’s done.
 
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That’s would really upset me, I’m so sorry she’s done that to you. This is exactly something my sister in law would do!
 
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Wow that is so nasty. It just shows what type of person she is deep down. It should be a really happy time for her but instead she’s more concerned about baby names you like so she can steal them. It sounds like she is massively insecure when it comes to you and jealous of you. That doesn’t make it any easier for you though 😔 just try and rise above her carryon. She is only showing herself up!!!!!
 
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She sounds like a really nasty piece of work. Your partner needs to speak to her- she’s his sister and it’s his responsibility. If it were your sibling, he’d expect you to sort it out. I’m really sorry about the baby name, it obviously means a lot to you and that’s a really spiteful act. Until your partner resolves the problem, I’d advise giving her as wide a berth as you can for your own sake because she’s clearly upsetting you and that’s horrible.
 
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She’s an absolute asshole. 🙁 she’s a manipulative piece of tit. I’m done giving her chances and keeping up appearances for the sake of keeping peace in the family, so so done.

she had an argument with a family member (other half’s cousin). I was not present when it happened. I’m not particularly close to the cousin but always friendly and polite. Anyway, SIL text me about the argument she’d had. Asking my opinion. Slagging the cousin off to me. Asking me to text the cousin defending her! I simply replied “I really don’t want to be involved, I understand youre upset by the situation but I wasn’t present, I don’t know what happened other than the short run down you’ve given me. I don’t want to be seen as taking sides nor Do I want to be involved, please can you leave me out of it?”. I thought this was a reasonable and fair thing to say.

Next thing I know I have MIL on the phone telling me “ you need to apologise for the way you spoke to her” “why you getting an attitude with her”
I was stunned. I sent screenshots of the convo to MIL to prove i did nothing wrong. SIL then phones me “why you trying to turn my own mum against me”
WTF!!!!!
she’s not right in the head, I’m sure. im so upset and I don’t even know why I let her get to me. My other half called SIL and MIL telling them to leave me out their bullshit. Gave them some home truths. SIL turns round and says “she’s manipulated you too to turn against me!” he hung up. Shes awful.
 
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