My mother left the marital home and left my father to raise me and my 2 siblings entirely on his own from when I was nearly 12 years old after he discovered she was having was having an affair. She had very little to do with us. Sparsely dipping in and out of our lives through put the years whenever she deemed fit. Her new boyfriend was the centre of her world, she was once awarded a large sum of money and lavished herself and him in expensive designer clothes and took him on holidays. They went for weekends away, stadium events, etc. But often left me rolling tissues up to use as sanitary towels and wearing clothes other kids made fun of. However she wasn't in the best frame of mind and suffered from immense past trauma, in and out of mental hospitals, until as I reached my late teens she was diagnosed with cancer. I forgave her. The man she cheated on my father with remained by her side the entire time, she went into Remission and we became quite close. There was a blip when I proudly announced I was pregnant for the first time, she wasn't pleased and told me that she wasn't old enough to be a gran yet and I should put the puppy me and my then new husband had bought together first and abort the baby! I was so hurt but understood she was upset she was unable to have children with her partner. She warmed to the idea of becoming a nan eventually and we became close, the best of friends infact but seemed completely oblivious as to why and expressed her hurt at the fact I announced I was pregnant for the second time to my grandma first and not her. No matter how close we were, there was always the undenying feeling that her boyfriend always came first no matter what. I ended up with the father of my third child, it was a very controlling relationship, not long after her cancer came back. He was very violent and prevented me from seeing all of my family with an iron fist. My biggest regret is not having the balls to walk away from that toxic relationship at that time, put my fingers up, say a big "duck him" and saw more of my dying mother. Rather than the ocassional sneaky, covert, fly by visit. I remember my mum in the stages of dying, was being tended to by her home help nurses. She grabbed me by the wrist and looked at me so helplessly in the eye, told me she didn't want to die and begged me to help her. That is one of my last memories. I saw her the day before she passed away too and she had no idea who I was, only recognising her mother, siblings and best friend she had since childhood. It was mothers day the next day and I knew my ex husband would take an issue with me going up to the hospital rather than spending it at home with my children, so took up her flowers the day before while I knew my ex was busy. She was also being christened that day at the wishes of her family and died the early hours mother's day. I was the last in my family to be informed. My ex denied me of owning my own phone, my family had got through to him, but he had withheld the information that my mother had died for several hours.
Her death made her toxic family 10x more toxic. They have all been at eachothers throats ever since. It's quite sad to know the finger pointing, guilt tripping, one-upmanship and gatekeeping of her goes on relentlessly, a decade on. My siblings choose to have nothing to do with them. I, on the other hand am more tolerating of them. I wish I wasn't. Her sister in particular creates an overwhelming feeling of dread, just talking to. I have no idea why I put myself through it.
fabulous, so I’m not suffering with this just curious to chat to other people that either did “make amends” with theirs or have done the same as me and how they feel x years on! x
