Dating/Sex Disasters.

[Sabbie]

My ex use to make me get up immediately after sex to clean myself up. He is the only person I've been with, so I never knew if that's normal or not ?!

It’s perfectly normal to clean up after but it’s NOT normal for a man to make you do something immediately. He can fuck right off. Glad he is an ex. Get up when YOU want to, not when a bloke tells you to. Please don’t think it’s normal for a man making you do anything. It’s not.

 

[kelly123]

Shaming someone for their penis size. You're cool...

Stable stud is that you?

 

[LouBug19]

What happened to the bag?

I think I waited until he fucked off and put it down bathroom sink, no spillage so that's ok.

On the subject of dating (this might be a long one) I had THE most awkward date once. We met on tinder and he looked nice in his photos, we agreed to meet at starbucks and I when I was approaching him he looked completely different and had quite a reseeding hairline (which in my 20s was a big deal). Went inside and he said 'oh I don't like tea or coffee" and I was thinking omg me too, hot chocolate always and he ordered a water... A fucking water at Starbucks. Sat down and we are polar opposites, he stated he hated drunk people, hated drunk calls and looking after them and I was like mate, I'm the queen of being drunk and making phonecalls. We left and i thought thank god that's over, he then asked where I was going and I said Tesco for some bits and he then stated his bus stop was that way, ok fine. He then follows me around Tesco (in my hurry I picked up linguine instead of spaghetti, the horror) and whilst I was at checkout I had a text from him asking if he could kiss me so I ignored it. Stepped outside and he asked if i had checked my phone and I was like FFS. Luckily my bus was coming and it was one he couldn't get. Ended up ghosting him.

 

[YetAnotherObsessionx]

The 'cum run' to the toilet is a thing right?

It definitely is a thing! Men in my past have just popped their pants back on as if nothing needed doing, probably just a quick wipe in the loo there was a guy at my uni who wiped it on the curtains next to his bed!

 

[youRjokingHunz]

Lost my virginity to the local wannabe stable stud! This fella waa good looking, drove a car at 17, was riding horses and generally loved himself.. so he had the pick of the girls it seemed at the yard, I was coming of age, and was clearly
Catching his eye… he asked me out.. I’m delighted and can’t belive my luck.. but am very bloody naive , this Toad, picks me up.. and basically takes
Me home to his..
we go to his bedroom.. few kisses quickly turn into him stripping off at the same time..

My brain.. OH MY GOD ITS HAPPENING!! Im
About to become a women!!

next thing he’s naked.. reaching for
His supply of rubbers!! Small
Mercy’s..
He’s now trying to WANK. His tiny penis into life to fit into this Jonny.. whilst APOLOGISING for how small it is..
I’m mortified and have no idea what to say, as he sits and furiously works this poor choad into action..

he then climbs on top, pumps around me, no idea if he enters me.. I genuinely didn’t feel anything , possibly he fingered me.. was unpleasant and felt more like a probe..

It somehow ended… and I was brought home..

I could barely look at him again.. horrified he was the owner of a small child’s penis…

Looking back, he was clearly a Roid user and had given himself a fucking maggot in exchange for biceps ..

I didn’t attempt sex again for 2 years….

 

[Zulkraa]

Wonder if sex disaster/nasty memes are tolerated?

Spoiler: Meme

 

[cryptix]

Getting back to my story of the driving instructor I remember he did up my arse and after my first encounter of anal sex and it going seriously wrong with an ex (think poo explosion) I was wiping my arse on a leaf just check I hadn't shit everywhere....we were outdoors so I wasn't sure haha he sees me and goes are u wiping ur arse on a leaf
---
But the first time i did it,i was 19 i had met a guy who was 44 yeah i know pedalo vibes who I was with for 6 years before finally realising what a controlling manipulative freak he was,he took me by surprised literally and I was thinking this anal it isn't that bad actually and then the next minute there was such a overwhelming smell of poo...oh god even though this is a anon forum I'm mortified typing it lol.i ended up having to have a bath and him washing me like a baby my god....

 

[Zulkraa]

We were sharing bad sexual experiences at work and one woman said she was doing the deed and after wards he left the room. He then came back and shoved a cucumber up her it was freezing cold as he had just taken it out of the fridge - also she wasn’t expecting anything like that. We (including her) were laughing and found it hilarious, but looking back now I have to ask where the hell was the consent to do that?!

 

[LouBug19]

Awww I can't even cope writing it down on here lol It obvs didn't put me off I've done it twice since lol but after a certain point I'm like wondering if I've shit myself lol

I've always said your bum hole is an exit not an entrance and my vagina is an entrance not an exit. That's how I intend of living my life.

 

[Sir Lancelot]

Shaming someone for their penis size. You're cool...

If someone is strutting around as the king of the world, as this young man was, but then when it comes down to the action he falls apart because he can't perform and then left the young woman in question traumatised and conflicted about whether she was to blame or if he was just a wanker who hadn't yet realised there is more to sex than just trying to shove something inside her, then yeah. It was a fun story that was shared.

Sheesh.

 

[HelloStereo]

Anyone had to backdoor a date ?
As in climb through a toilet window
Or pretend you’re going wee etc and just not return

No. I would never do that because I know I'd hate it if it happened to me.

I usually stay for a couple of drinks and call it a night, and if they ask for another date afterwards say "thanks but no thanks."

Leaving someone sitting there wondering where you have gone only to be informed you've left is just awful behaviour. The only times I think it's justified is when you're feeling unsafe or they've significantly misrepresented themselves.

 

[LouBug19]

I probably have a lot of stories I could share but I would look like a slag

 

[LouBug19]

Oh we looked like right slags in there
Go on I’m all ears

Well... Walked home doing the walk of shame wearing shorts and my top inside out in the middle of winter. Another time I went via Tesco and some kid asked his mum why I was wearing a dress in winter..

This one I planned on taking to the grave but I had been seeing a guy for a while and he had stayed over and asked to go for a shower. He was in there for maybe 2 mins and my bladder suddenly went 'you need to pee' and I couldn't pee Infront of him so I held it in for as long as possible but it seemed to drag so I had to pee in a carrier bag. Don't know if he ever knew because I hid it away but can't remember seeing him again....

 

[youRjokingHunz]

Looking down on the likes of you would be worth it.

listen I can’t help that your sensitive about fellas with small dicks!
you need to come to terms with the fact that some men have small ones and are a huge disappointment to females!! Trying to get their nubbins to work…

also who died and made you king of the small cocks?

 

[HelloStereo]

One time I farted doing the deed and we both started to laugh, he got carried away and accidentally headbutted me and I got a nosebleed .

 

[AllSeeingEye123]

Verifying Device

I would say that's a sex disaster

 

[Aemee00]

It makes me laugh when a guy won't go near your mouth because he's cum in it - like I've literally just had my mouth around your D and let you cum in it it's almost a bit insulting that you won't go near my mouth now

I had an ex who had a thing for that - kissing after a bj or going down there after sex. Never really thought anything of it - each to their own and I've been with guys who had much weirder kinks

 

[Zulkraa]

As a man the accidentally head butting your lady as you're on top is a real fear for me. Sometimes in missionary position especially when I've been holding myself up on my arms for a while I get the shakes a little (think similar to when you're doing a plank) and I fear at any moment they'll give way and I'll just collapse down on her haha. Thankfully it's never happened so far but ladies let me tell you missionary position can be hard work for us guys!

That will be why some men are 2 pumps and a squirt

 

[LouBug19]

Thought I would create a thread as I couldn't find one for anyone to share their funny or awkward at the time dating or sex lives.

For me one of the most awkward moments was when I been on a date and slept with a guy and one day I was sent to another shop for my work. Someone came in and started talking to me and I was being polite and talking back. Once he left I realised who he was and safe to say I never heard from him again

 

[Sir Lancelot]

I feel we need to balance things out so I dated someone once and it was like throwing a TicTac down a well...