Dating after lockdown #35 Merry-go-round indeed - I'd like to get off!

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How long does everyone think is too long to not be in contact with someone you're in a relationship with when they've been out the previous night drinking?
I mean, that depends on the kind of relationship obvs, but I'd like a text when they came home. It's not about clingyness, more about safety (even more so if I'm dating a woman, but I expect it from men too). But I'm a worrier, I even ask my friends to text me when they are safely home after we have a night out/party together. The next morning, I'd probably just send a message to see how they are feeling, maybe a joke about hangover? And they can answer whenever they wake up/are recovered enough to chat
 
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I mean, that depends on the kind of relationship obvs, but I'd like a text when they came home. It's not about clingyness, more about safety (even more so if I'm dating a woman, but I expect it from men too). But I'm a worrier, I even ask my friends to text me when they are safely home after we have a night out/party together. The next morning whatever, I'd probably send a message to see how they are feeling, maybe a joke about hangover?
I got a text 12 hours after asking for a 'I got home' text saying he forgot and he's home and then nothing for 5 hours, which is so uncommon for us. It's not like I'm the only one that asks for updates at night either, I send him my location and he watches my live locations and texts me when I've been out, he also brings it up if I haven't been talking as much as usual throughout the day.
I'm trying to be cool about it, I haven't text him since he messaged me this morning and i replied, but I'm also thinking that 6 months is a long time for a man to have put up with me already and this is usually how the slow fade starts
 
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How long does everyone think is too long to not be in contact with someone you're in a relationship with when they've been out the previous night drinking?
I can't work out if I'm being silly and clingy
I think it depends on so many different factors. I know when I have a hangover (or at least many moons ago when I did) I'd spend the day in bed with a bottle of lucozade and a sick bucket. Texting anyone wouldn't be on the cards.

I think it's reasonable to check in and see if they're feeling ok if it's less communication than normal. You've got every right to put your own worries to rest.
 
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I’m not meaning to sound blunt, but surely it makes sense to just text him instead of overthinking…
 
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I got a text 12 hours after asking for a 'I got home' text saying he forgot and he's home and then nothing for 5 hours, which is so uncommon for us. It's not like I'm the only one that asks for updates at night either, I send him my location and he watches my live locations and texts me when I've been out, he also brings it up if I haven't been talking as much as usual throughout the day.
I'm trying to be cool about it, I haven't text him since he messaged me this morning and i replied, but I'm also thinking that 6 months is a long time for a man to have put up with me already and this is usually how the slow fade starts
That would annoy me too. Just message him and tell him?
 
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If I see another “unhappily married man” on tinder…. The app somehow can flag my instagram in my bio but can’t flag words like these in bios and remove them, or the fake name or the lack of pictures.
Just proves they don’t care about safety at all.
I do report them, I’m not on tinder but the other apps I’m on, if they say anything like that I report.
I was speaking to a guy recently seemed fined until he constantly started referring to his child as a little tit for keeping him up. Told him at three years old unfortunately that can be expected maybe you should have put something on it 🙄.

At this point, I can see myself being single for a long time. Constantly got the ick!
 
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I do report them, I’m not on tinder but the other apps I’m on, if they say anything like that I report.
I was speaking to a guy recently seemed fined until he constantly started referring to his child as a little tit for keeping him up. Told him at three years old unfortunately that can be expected maybe you should have put something on it 🙄.

At this point, I can see myself being single for a long time. Constantly got the ick!
Honestly same.

I just know my “person” is not on the apps. It’s exhausting. I’ve reported the same guy multiple times and keep seeing him. Joys of a small Irish dating pool… :cautious:
 
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he also brings it up if I haven't been talking as much as usual throughout the day.
If he brings it up when you don't talk much, I think it's okay for you to send him a text to see what's up without sounding clingy!
I do think you are overthinking a bit (though your annoyance is understandable!), maybe it's because it's getting 'serious' and you said your exes used to not treat you very nicely: Are you fearing that the other shoe will drop soon? Like it was 'too good to be true' kind of feeling (sorry, don't want to play the armchair therapist, just an observation, hope it's not rude 😅 )
From your comments, he seems a decent guy and you seem to care for him deeply. So my advice would be to just tell him and, hopefully, he will listen and not do it again (or at least gives you a headsup if he doesn't handle hangover well). If he doesn't take your feelings into consideration on that type of situtations, then you can reevalute your relationship (is his 'carelessness' a dealbreaker, are you too different etc)
 
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Honestly same.

I just know my “person” is not on the apps. It’s exhausting. I’ve reported the same guy multiple times and keep seeing him. Joys of a small Irish dating pool… :cautious:

Same, tbh but I’m a single parent my children are in my care fulltime I don’t have support to be able to just go an meet people like you normally would, so knowing this, and I know I’d be lucky to find anyone decent 🤣 but I get lonely so I use the apps to just pass time have some decent conversations (thats rare though!)
 
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Much love to everyone finding life hard right now. I think the time of year generally doesn't help either.

I know I'm a lot older than most of you and at a different life stage but I feel really quite flat and joyless at the moment.

My job bores me (and the office politics is off the scale at present), I spend my whole week waiting for the weekend and then when it arrives I end up doing nothing (even though my to do list is miles long). I've had Covid for the last couple of weeks which hasn't helped but although I'm finally feeling physically well, mentally I'm just meh. I don''t even know what it is I want to do, just that I'm not happy ☹

I think I need some sort of kick up the arse but I don't know where to even begin, so it's easier to do nothing.
If you give me a kick up the arse I’ll give you one. I feel like I make plans to get some jobs on my to do list done but never seem to get anywhere with it. I wanted to get some stuff done yesterday after work but just had an afternoon nap instead. I was absolutly knackered and needed the nap but still feel guilty for it, even though it meant I got up early today and went out for a nice 7 mile dog walk. Something I never would have done with my ex as he was a lazy bastard and couldn’t even manage a 1 mile dog walk without have it to sit down.
 
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If he brings it up when you don't talk much, I think it's okay for you to send him a text to see what's up without sounding clingy!
I do think you are overthinking a bit (though your annoyance is understandable!), maybe it's because it's getting 'serious' and you said your exes used to not treat you very nicely: Are you fearing that the other shoe will drop soon? Like it was 'too good to be true' kind of feeling (sorry, don't want to play the armchair therapist, just an observation, hope it's not rude 😅 )
From your comments, he seems a decent guy and you seem to care for him deeply. So my advice would be to just tell him and, hopefully, he will listen and not do it again (or at least gives you a headsup if he doesn't handle hangover well). If he doesn't take your feelings into consideration on that type of situtations, then you can reevalute your relationship (is his 'carelessness' a dealbreaker, are you too different etc)

Well I'd like to say it's am incredibly correct observation you made! I feel exactly like it's all going a bit too well, suspiciously well. I do sometimes feel like i shouldn't get too happy because he'll realise he could have his pick of pretty much any woman. He does reassure me in his own ways without me asking and he does tell me I'm beautiful every day but I've gained a lot of weight recently which has knocked my confidence, when I confided in my cousin that I was pregnant last year she said she could tell and that's definitely stuck with me as I'd only just found out and I'm not any smaller now so I don’t really understand what he's attracted to at the moment


He has had hangovers before and stayed in contact so that's what the panic was over today. I do try very hard not to make it his problem when I feel needy or panicky but I did say I was pissed off by it and he did apologise sincerely and made a lot of effort tonight to win me back round (yes it worked)
 
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If you give me a kick up the arse I’ll give you one. I feel like I make plans to get some jobs on my to do list done but never seem to get anywhere with it. I wanted to get some stuff done yesterday after work but just had an afternoon nap instead. I was absolutly knackered and needed the nap but still feel guilty for it, even though it meant I got up early today and went out for a nice 7 mile dog walk. Something I never would have done with my ex as he was a lazy bastard and couldn’t even manage a 1 mile dog walk without have it to sit down.
A 7 mile dog walk is an excellent level of activity and very much not doing nothing so I'm not convinced you need an arse kicking! 😂
Funnily enough I was thinking about my ex being a lazy tit today, when we first met we often went on long walks but then he decided his back was too bad to walk for longer than 15 mins so that was the end of that (any walks we did go on after that were typically punctuated by me trying to find him somewhere to sit down/ him complaining).
It's funny you know, reading Eddydarling's update (which I was so pleased to see, I'm always rooting for you and MrTinder ☺) I genuinely can't remember my Ex ever making any effort to win me round. His usual get out was to say we were both at fault 🙄 honestly the more time that passes I am increasingly unable to remember any positives from our relationship 🤷‍♀️
 
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This year marks the first year in a very long time where I'm not dreading Valentine's Day. I am not in a relationship because I haven't found anyone worthy of me. That's all. There's nothing wrong with me, I just haven't found my match yet.
Last week I was at a social event of a family member when an older male acquaintance suddenly turned to me and asked me why I didn't have a partner, and if I needed his help looking for someone as he wildly gestured at the crowd around us and looked at me with pity in his eyes. At first I felt SO embarrassed, but soon that embarrassment turned into pure rage and hatred towards him. How dare this old lunatic diminish my worth because of my relationship status? I got so mad, I told him to go F himself and told him we're not in the Middle Ages anymore. I got a bit dramatic and yelled at him that a woman does not need a partner to be worthy and that I felt sorry AF for his wife (because he treats her like tit).
I've decided to adopt this mentality for the rest of my life.

I have played the dating game: I downloaded the apps, made myself look presentable and desirable, had conversations, went on dates, (even laughed at jokes when they weren't funny and wore uncomfortable lingerie) and it just hasn't worked out yet. Perhaps it will, perhaps it won't, but overall I am so done with punishing myself over not succeeding in this particular area of life. I am so done with people being punished and made to feel less than others because they haven't found a partner.
So, if you are reading this and are in a similar situation to me, I hope you too find the grace to be kind to yourself. The most important relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself and I hope you treat yourself with the same kindness you bestow onto others. Happy Valentine's Day this Wednesday everyone! I am going to treat myself, and I suggest you all do the same.

 
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This year marks the first year in a very long time where I'm not dreading Valentine's Day. I am not in a relationship because I haven't found anyone worthy of me. That's all. There's nothing wrong with me, I just haven't found my match yet.
Last week I was at a social event of a family member when an older male acquaintance suddenly turned to me and asked me why I didn't have a partner, and if I needed his help looking for someone as he wildly gestured at the crowd around us and looked at me with pity in his eyes. At first I felt SO embarrassed, but soon that embarrassment turned into pure rage and hatred towards him. How dare this old lunatic diminish my worth because of my relationship status? I got so mad, I told him to go F himself and told him we're not in the Middle Ages anymore. I got a bit dramatic and yelled at him that a woman does not need a partner to be worthy and that I felt sorry AF for his wife (because he treats her like tit).
I've decided to adopt this mentality for the rest of my life.

I have played the dating game: I downloaded the apps, made myself look presentable and desirable, had conversations, went on dates, (even laughed at jokes when they weren't funny and wore uncomfortable lingerie) and it just hasn't worked out yet. Perhaps it will, perhaps it won't, but overall I am so done with punishing myself over not succeeding in this particular area of life. I am so done with people being punished and made to feel less than others because they haven't found a partner.
So, if you are reading this and are in a similar situation to me, I hope you too find the grace to be kind to yourself. The most important relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself and I hope you treat yourself with the same kindness you bestow onto others. Happy Valentine's Day this Wednesday everyone! I am going to treat myself, and I suggest you all do the same.

 
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This year marks the first year in a very long time where I'm not dreading Valentine's Day. I am not in a relationship because I haven't found anyone worthy of me. That's all. There's nothing wrong with me, I just haven't found my match yet.
Last week I was at a social event of a family member when an older male acquaintance suddenly turned to me and asked me why I didn't have a partner, and if I needed his help looking for someone as he wildly gestured at the crowd around us and looked at me with pity in his eyes. At first I felt SO embarrassed, but soon that embarrassment turned into pure rage and hatred towards him. How dare this old lunatic diminish my worth because of my relationship status? I got so mad, I told him to go F himself and told him we're not in the Middle Ages anymore. I got a bit dramatic and yelled at him that a woman does not need a partner to be worthy and that I felt sorry AF for his wife (because he treats her like tit).
I've decided to adopt this mentality for the rest of my life.

I have played the dating game: I downloaded the apps, made myself look presentable and desirable, had conversations, went on dates, (even laughed at jokes when they weren't funny and wore uncomfortable lingerie) and it just hasn't worked out yet. Perhaps it will, perhaps it won't, but overall I am so done with punishing myself over not succeeding in this particular area of life. I am so done with people being punished and made to feel less than others because they haven't found a partner.
So, if you are reading this and are in a similar situation to me, I hope you too find the grace to be kind to yourself. The most important relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself and I hope you treat yourself with the same kindness you bestow onto others. Happy Valentine's Day this Wednesday everyone! I am going to treat myself, and I suggest you all do the same.

msc - you are (as always) an absolute legend 💙

i’m just repeating this in bold so that i can imprint it in my own brain;

overall I am so done with punishing myself over not succeeding in this particular area of life. I am so done with people being punished and made to feel less than others because they haven't found a partner.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
 
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Absolutely me too. I wasn't even aware it was Valentine's until I read this thread so I must be making progress! 👏
 
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This year marks the first year in a very long time where I'm not dreading Valentine's Day. I am not in a relationship because I haven't found anyone worthy of me. That's all. There's nothing wrong with me, I just haven't found my match yet.
Last week I was at a social event of a family member when an older male acquaintance suddenly turned to me and asked me why I didn't have a partner, and if I needed his help looking for someone as he wildly gestured at the crowd around us and looked at me with pity in his eyes. At first I felt SO embarrassed, but soon that embarrassment turned into pure rage and hatred towards him. How dare this old lunatic diminish my worth because of my relationship status? I got so mad, I told him to go F himself and told him we're not in the Middle Ages anymore. I got a bit dramatic and yelled at him that a woman does not need a partner to be worthy and that I felt sorry AF for his wife (because he treats her like tit).
I've decided to adopt this mentality for the rest of my life.

I have played the dating game: I downloaded the apps, made myself look presentable and desirable, had conversations, went on dates, (even laughed at jokes when they weren't funny and wore uncomfortable lingerie) and it just hasn't worked out yet. Perhaps it will, perhaps it won't, but overall I am so done with punishing myself over not succeeding in this particular area of life. I am so done with people being punished and made to feel less than others because they haven't found a partner.
So, if you are reading this and are in a similar situation to me, I hope you too find the grace to be kind to yourself. The most important relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself and I hope you treat yourself with the same kindness you bestow onto others. Happy Valentine's Day this Wednesday everyone! I am going to treat myself, and I suggest you all do the same.




Yes!!!! Well done to you!! This has made my day! 💜💜💜
 
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Last week I was at a social event of a family member when an older male acquaintance suddenly turned to me and asked me why I didn't have a partner, and if I needed his help looking for someone as he wildly gestured at the crowd around us and looked at me with pity in his eyes.
I had something similar but with friends this past weekend as I was the only single one at a dinner party 😬 The irony is that none them inspire me to 'settle down', all their relationships are pretty depressing when you know them and their 'history'...(I wasn't daring enough to make a scene though, just ignored the passive-aggressive comments and played with their cats lol). TBH maybe it's a sign to make friends with more single people :unsure:
 
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This year marks the first year in a very long time where I'm not dreading Valentine's Day. I am not in a relationship because I haven't found anyone worthy of me. That's all. There's nothing wrong with me, I just haven't found my match yet.
Last week I was at a social event of a family member when an older male acquaintance suddenly turned to me and asked me why I didn't have a partner, and if I needed his help looking for someone as he wildly gestured at the crowd around us and looked at me with pity in his eyes. At first I felt SO embarrassed, but soon that embarrassment turned into pure rage and hatred towards him. How dare this old lunatic diminish my worth because of my relationship status? I got so mad, I told him to go F himself and told him we're not in the Middle Ages anymore. I got a bit dramatic and yelled at him that a woman does not need a partner to be worthy and that I felt sorry AF for his wife (because he treats her like tit).
I've decided to adopt this mentality for the rest of my life.

I have played the dating game: I downloaded the apps, made myself look presentable and desirable, had conversations, went on dates, (even laughed at jokes when they weren't funny and wore uncomfortable lingerie) and it just hasn't worked out yet. Perhaps it will, perhaps it won't, but overall I am so done with punishing myself over not succeeding in this particular area of life. I am so done with people being punished and made to feel less than others because they haven't found a partner.
So, if you are reading this and are in a similar situation to me, I hope you too find the grace to be kind to yourself. The most important relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself and I hope you treat yourself with the same kindness you bestow onto others. Happy Valentine's Day this Wednesday everyone! I am going to treat myself, and I suggest you all do the same.

Never a truer word said, I LOVE THIS!! Let's be more @MsCurly ❤
 
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