You’re so right. He doesn’t even deserve the bin. He needs the whole skip
Dating after lockdown #24 they're participation trophies at best
- Start date
-
- Tags
- Dating Threads
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
I need to get this out because I feel ASHAMED and like, potentially need some advice.
So I’m now happily in a relationship which is the important part here. My past hoe behaviour, however, is catching up with me
I hooked up with a guy, let’s called him Doctor, back in March. Weird as duck, liked the whole idea I was a nurse way too much. Never saw him again and I was FINE with that. Messaged me a couple of weeks after, literally wrote boring sexts and that was that. I’ve since met someone who’s not weird or into that tit, and not in healthcare. Best thing I could have ever done.
He messaged again a week ago (after he last messaged in April - like I had forgotten about this man LOL) and something has been unsettling me like who just randomly gets back in touch 5 months later. Like I did my due diligence last time but apparently not enough because DOCTOR HAD A WHOLE ASS LONG TERM GIRLFRIEND. Like when I say years, easily 4+
The disgusted woman in me really thinks I should contact the girlfriend and inform her that Doctor is a waste of space and she can do so much better but equally they don’t live near me, I’m unlikely to ever get surgery at the hospital he works in and he’s very unlikely to fall unconscious and need critical care at the hospital I will be going to work at. So can I just ignore this, let her find out her boyfriend is a twit on her own especially because I don’t need someone domestic tit in my life? It was only ever supposed to be a random hook up anyway?!
Also my friend is also telling me I told you so here and BOY DID SHE TELL ME SO. Doctors, don’t date, hook up or marry them. They’re all arrogant twats.
So I’m now happily in a relationship which is the important part here. My past hoe behaviour, however, is catching up with me
I hooked up with a guy, let’s called him Doctor, back in March. Weird as duck, liked the whole idea I was a nurse way too much. Never saw him again and I was FINE with that. Messaged me a couple of weeks after, literally wrote boring sexts and that was that. I’ve since met someone who’s not weird or into that tit, and not in healthcare. Best thing I could have ever done.
He messaged again a week ago (after he last messaged in April - like I had forgotten about this man LOL) and something has been unsettling me like who just randomly gets back in touch 5 months later. Like I did my due diligence last time but apparently not enough because DOCTOR HAD A WHOLE ASS LONG TERM GIRLFRIEND. Like when I say years, easily 4+
The disgusted woman in me really thinks I should contact the girlfriend and inform her that Doctor is a waste of space and she can do so much better but equally they don’t live near me, I’m unlikely to ever get surgery at the hospital he works in and he’s very unlikely to fall unconscious and need critical care at the hospital I will be going to work at. So can I just ignore this, let her find out her boyfriend is a twit on her own especially because I don’t need someone domestic tit in my life? It was only ever supposed to be a random hook up anyway?!
Also my friend is also telling me I told you so here and BOY DID SHE TELL ME SO. Doctors, don’t date, hook up or marry them. They’re all arrogant twats.
@okeydokey.. im just repeating what others have said but please don’t let this guy worm his way back in when he gets bored of his weekend benders. Someone who can lie about being in hospital can lie about anything - it reminds me of my narc ex & believe me, you want to be as far away from a man that’s capable to lying about such things. Never mind the blatant disrespect for you & your feelings.
@monicalewinsky it’s a tricky one because I’d want to know if I was the girlfriend however you’d have to be prepared for getting blamed/not listened to/getting tit from him or both of them. I would probably just block him or if you wanted to say something to him I’d let him know that you know he has a girlfriend & if he contacts you again you’ll tell her.
@monicalewinsky it’s a tricky one because I’d want to know if I was the girlfriend however you’d have to be prepared for getting blamed/not listened to/getting tit from him or both of them. I would probably just block him or if you wanted to say something to him I’d let him know that you know he has a girlfriend & if he contacts you again you’ll tell her.
Hey lovely ladies, I’m feeling a little sad and yet again disappointed. I’ve been chatting with a really lovely guy, lots in common, good chat, similar history with our exes. We met for a date a couple of weeks ago, just a drink, but it went so well. 3 hours of constant chat, was last ones in the restaurant etc. We both agreed we wanted to meet again, lots of chat for another week and we had a second date last weekend. We played mini golf and had a drink, again was fun, felt comfortable with him, lots of chat and a little kiss which was great. Carried on chatting this week, both said we want to see each other again, liked the kiss etc. We both have kids and he has his for a little over a week next week while his ex has a holiday and I have my kids now, so there was a clash with childcare and we knew we couldn’t have the third date for a couple of weeks. I had a child free night last night and mid week I asked him if he’s free and he said he’s not which was a shame but fine with me. W’ve been chatting a lot, he was out Friday night and was still messaging me, said he really wants to kiss me again and we planned our third date. He wanted me to go to his and he was going to cook, I was excited for this. I didn’t hear much from him yesterday, I checked in with him asking if he’s hungover and had a good night out etc. Knowing he had plans last night I left him alone but I suspected he might be on a date with someone else. He messaged me half hour ago saying this …
“Hey, listen, I don’t think I’m ready to get into anything right now. I don’t want to mess you around or lead you on etc, and I certainly wouldn’t just not say anything. Sorry if this is a bit of a surprise but I need to figure a few things out at the mo.”
Do I believe him? Was he dating someone else the same time as me? Which I know people do but I really thought he was better than that. He seemed like a lovely, old school gent. I just replied back saying wow, that did come as a surprise and I’m disappointed. Told him that I hope he figures out what he needs to. I feel quite sad about this, but I’m annoyed with myself for getting my hopes up.
I give up!
“Hey, listen, I don’t think I’m ready to get into anything right now. I don’t want to mess you around or lead you on etc, and I certainly wouldn’t just not say anything. Sorry if this is a bit of a surprise but I need to figure a few things out at the mo.”
Do I believe him? Was he dating someone else the same time as me? Which I know people do but I really thought he was better than that. He seemed like a lovely, old school gent. I just replied back saying wow, that did come as a surprise and I’m disappointed. Told him that I hope he figures out what he needs to. I feel quite sad about this, but I’m annoyed with myself for getting my hopes up.
I give up!
You hit the nail on the head for me. That’s what I literally want to avoid. But if it was me I’d also want to know if my boyfriend was pond scum. And considering I knew nothing until today, I’m not prepared to put up with blame for something I knew nothing about. Ain’t my fault the man is cheating scum. I’ll probably just block and leave it alone. And hope and pray the girlfriend never contacts me randomly on facebook! Pretty sure I didn’t give him my last name anyway
The reason doesn't matter, block and ignore
@monicalewinsky, I can imagine he’s quite manipulative and would be able to worm his way out of it if you told his gf. I’d do as @IGiveUp22 suggests. State that you know and then block him. There’s nothing positive that can come from it. Also, there’s no reason for you to feel ashamed. You didn’t know. Why do we women, carry all the shame for these crappy men and their brass necks?! My ex messaged me last year to say he couldn’t stop thinking about me etc. meanwhile his gf now fiancée was pregnant with his child. I beat myself up for it, but I’d done nothing wrong and neither have you.
@Noseymama18, my heart goes out to you. What a rubbish situation. Sounded like he was already leading you on already if he knew he wasn’t ready. We never completely know what else is going on the background but it seems there always is
@Noseymama18, my heart goes out to you. What a rubbish situation. Sounded like he was already leading you on already if he knew he wasn’t ready. We never completely know what else is going on the background but it seems there always is
Last edited:
@monicalewinsky I echo what others have said, just block and that's him gone from your life. You've done nothing wrong and unfortunately in these situations 9 times out of 10, it's "the other woman"/the messenger who get the blame and hurt and anger. Rarely does anything good come of it, she will probably forgive him anyway as it seems most women do. And I guarantee he will have done it with multiple women too. The truth eventually catches up with them
@Noseymama18 That really sucks, and I'm sorry that things aren't gonna progress with this guy. It really hurts when this happens. As for maybe he was dating someone else, you're never gonna know, so I know it's easier said than done, but don't try to find a reason. You'll probably never know why he's called time on it.
@Noseymama18 That really sucks, and I'm sorry that things aren't gonna progress with this guy. It really hurts when this happens. As for maybe he was dating someone else, you're never gonna know, so I know it's easier said than done, but don't try to find a reason. You'll probably never know why he's called time on it.
@Noseymama18 I feel you will be very vulnerable to this one if you're not strong enough to say fine, block & heal. He could return in the future. I suppose it's true he has been upfront about it but nevertheless it's painful to accept.
@monicalewinsky I don't think you should feel in any way responsible for educating a woman you don't know that her bf is a slimy duplicitous creep. Ignore the fucker and enjoy your life free of him. Musing on karma makes sense though!
@monicalewinsky I don't think you should feel in any way responsible for educating a woman you don't know that her bf is a slimy duplicitous creep. Ignore the fucker and enjoy your life free of him. Musing on karma makes sense though!
Last edited:
Similar thing happened to me and I conacted the girlfriend. It went down BADLY. She didn't believe me, I was painted as this jealous homewrecker and he lost his tit at me, so many messages and phoning me up going off on one. He was very cruel. He said something like "I can't believe you'd do this to me, my mum has cancer and you're pulling this tit". Like what?? I knew none of this. Not my fault. But I wouldn't do it again. They stayed together for a bit then split anyway.I need to get this out because I feel ASHAMED and like, potentially need some advice.
So I’m now happily in a relationship which is the important part here. My past hoe behaviour, however, is catching up with me
I hooked up with a guy, let’s called him Doctor, back in March. Weird as duck, liked the whole idea I was a nurse way too much. Never saw him again and I was FINE with that. Messaged me a couple of weeks after, literally wrote boring sexts and that was that. I’ve since met someone who’s not weird or into that tit, and not in healthcare. Best thing I could have ever done.
He messaged again a week ago (after he last messaged in April - like I had forgotten about this man LOL) and something has been unsettling me like who just randomly gets back in touch 5 months later. Like I did my due diligence last time but apparently not enough because DOCTOR HAD A WHOLE ASS LONG TERM GIRLFRIEND. Like when I say years, easily 4+
The disgusted woman in me really thinks I should contact the girlfriend and inform her that Doctor is a waste of space and she can do so much better but equally they don’t live near me, I’m unlikely to ever get surgery at the hospital he works in and he’s very unlikely to fall unconscious and need critical care at the hospital I will be going to work at. So can I just ignore this, let her find out her boyfriend is a twit on her own especially because I don’t need someone domestic tit in my life? It was only ever supposed to be a random hook up anyway?!
Also my friend is also telling me I told you so here and BOY DID SHE TELL ME SO. Doctors, don’t date, hook up or marry them. They’re all arrogant twats.
So... I wouldn't contact her. She will either already have a hunch (or even know) and is choosing to stay with him. She's probably turning a blind eye to it all because she might think having a boyfriend is better than being single. But he'll be going behind her back with other women.
Oh bless you! Good on you for being brave even though it blew up. It’s her own fault for not listening. Yeah I’m gonna follow everyone’s advice and leave it be. As much as I get the ick over this, I’m not willing to have some random woman go off on me for something I didn’t know about back in March. It is sad though, she actually can do so much better than him because I guarantee I’m not the only one he’s fucked around with.
Aha I’m a doctor, so I won’t take that one to heart. But yep the male ones are mainly pricks. One of my old workmates used to take his bloody work ID on nights out to tell girls that. twit. However, as a girl I always found the opposite with guys; suddenly they became less interested when I told them I was a doctorI need to get this out because I feel ASHAMED and like, potentially need some advice.
So I’m now happily in a relationship which is the important part here. My past hoe behaviour, however, is catching up with me
I hooked up with a guy, let’s called him Doctor, back in March. Weird as duck, liked the whole idea I was a nurse way too much. Never saw him again and I was FINE with that. Messaged me a couple of weeks after, literally wrote boring sexts and that was that. I’ve since met someone who’s not weird or into that tit, and not in healthcare. Best thing I could have ever done.
He messaged again a week ago (after he last messaged in April - like I had forgotten about this man LOL) and something has been unsettling me like who just randomly gets back in touch 5 months later. Like I did my due diligence last time but apparently not enough because DOCTOR HAD A WHOLE ASS LONG TERM GIRLFRIEND. Like when I say years, easily 4+
The disgusted woman in me really thinks I should contact the girlfriend and inform her that Doctor is a waste of space and she can do so much better but equally they don’t live near me, I’m unlikely to ever get surgery at the hospital he works in and he’s very unlikely to fall unconscious and need critical care at the hospital I will be going to work at. So can I just ignore this, let her find out her boyfriend is a twit on her own especially because I don’t need someone domestic tit in my life? It was only ever supposed to be a random hook up anyway?!
Also my friend is also telling me I told you so here and BOY DID SHE TELL ME SO. Doctors, don’t date, hook up or marry them. They’re all arrogant twats.
I would not bother telling his gf. She’ll find out about his ways and may even already know. There’s no point you getting involved esp when you’re in a good relationship. They usually get caught out anyway!
I'm going to be odd one out here but I think you should tell her. I personally, after being on both ends of this situation, think women deserve to know sooner rather than later. No it's not fair that it falls on you and of course you are free to block and ignore and move on! However, in response to other people talking about how her reaction will be anger - of course it will be! It's much easier to put all of her anger and pain onto an unknown face than someone she thought loved her. But her response is not about you, it's about him just as is your reasoning for telling her is. He made his bed let him lay in it! He must have consequences but imo it's about women protecting each other. IMO you choose what to do with the info, handle it with grace with only caring intentions and the rest is not your responsibility.I need to get this out because I feel ASHAMED and like, potentially need some advice.
So I’m now happily in a relationship which is the important part here. My past hoe behaviour, however, is catching up with me
I hooked up with a guy, let’s called him Doctor, back in March. Weird as duck, liked the whole idea I was a nurse way too much. Never saw him again and I was FINE with that. Messaged me a couple of weeks after, literally wrote boring sexts and that was that. I’ve since met someone who’s not weird or into that tit, and not in healthcare. Best thing I could have ever done.
He messaged again a week ago (after he last messaged in April - like I had forgotten about this man LOL) and something has been unsettling me like who just randomly gets back in touch 5 months later. Like I did my due diligence last time but apparently not enough because DOCTOR HAD A WHOLE ASS LONG TERM GIRLFRIEND. Like when I say years, easily 4+
The disgusted woman in me really thinks I should contact the girlfriend and inform her that Doctor is a waste of space and she can do so much better but equally they don’t live near me, I’m unlikely to ever get surgery at the hospital he works in and he’s very unlikely to fall unconscious and need critical care at the hospital I will be going to work at. So can I just ignore this, let her find out her boyfriend is a twit on her own especially because I don’t need someone domestic tit in my life? It was only ever supposed to be a random hook up anyway?!
Also my friend is also telling me I told you so here and BOY DID SHE TELL ME SO. Doctors, don’t date, hook up or marry them. They’re all arrogant twats.
I recently had to do this because a man I dated yeeeeears ago kept popping up and talking about how he missed me and wanted to see me. We were never serious and he's been in a long term serious relationship for YEARS. It was very clear she was madly in love with him, her FB and insta plastered with the boring duck. He never posted her (always thought that was red flag) and he seriously was willing to destroy that for some girl (me) he dated for not even two months in 2015? pathetic. I initially ignored it thinking it's not my business and everyone tells you not to share it but men rely on us not to tell the GF/Wife. You think men would have the same audacity if they knew the GF/Wife would be told? I personally don't think so.
Men have no shame in protecting each other and their disgusting behaviours. So why shouldn't we protect each other with the same loyalty? but for good reason! Regardless of how small his disloyalty may be.
Anyways, the other week he pops up and says he's broken up with her, it didn't work out, he still loved me, wanted to be with me, he's never felt this way and just some other cringey and inappropriate sexual tit too. I obviously didn't believe him and so I searched for his "ex" GF... alas, her picture is them together, her relationship status is taken and only days ago they were celebrating her birthday with her family. This was the final straw for me, I couldn't ignore it any longer or look the other way (There's also a significant age gap which makes me uneasy, due to men preying on that gap so manipulation is easier) So I messaged, I told her and gave her the facts. I sent her the screenshots. I was gentle, calm and respectful as I could be - especially as she's younger than I but he's older than me. I made it clear I was on her side and I checked in with her regularly even though she was barely replying. I didn't enjoy it, I felt sick to my stomach - even had the shakes and anxiety shits lol but I did the right thing that aligns with my own beliefs and what I would want another woman to do for me.
My point is, whether she stays with him is not my business but I personally (as someone who has been cheated on in various ways - they are all betrayal and emotionally cheating is worse imo) couldn't live with that info and just move on. I did what I felt is right with as much grace as possible with kind intentions. Having slept next to a man I thought loved me unknown to his betrayals (however small one may think they are) it is gutwrenching and the humiliation is worse. Who knew text messages could hold so much power huh?
Yes it's painful for her but who knows, you could be the sign she needs, or be the thing she looks back on (after she stays with him a little too long) and thinks I won't ignore this again. You don't know how many months or even years you could be saving a woman.
I went on a tangent and I acknowledge it's a difference scenario of course and I hope I'm making sense but I wanted to offer a different perspective
(another loooong post sorry!)Oh it’s almost exclusively the male doctors. What makes it worse is this one went to a private school AND one of the Rahhhh med schools. I betrayed my council estate roots, the shame.Aha I’m a doctor, so I won’t take that one to heart. But yep the male ones are mainly pricks. One of my old workmates used to take his bloody work ID on nights out to tell girls that. twit. However, as a girl I always found the opposite with guys; suddenly they became less interested when I told them I was a doctor
I would not bother telling his gf. She’ll find out about his ways and may even already know. There’s no point you getting involved esp when you’re in a good relationship. They usually get caught out anyway!
The ID thing doesn’t surprise me in the least! Doctor also felt very much like that and liked lording it about.
I’m glad everyone has validated my “stay out of it” feelings with the sensible advice about this
@SpindleWhorl
For me, men on tinder are there with far more sexual intentions (and way less respect) but on Hinge and Bumble, it's more relationship / dating driven. Someone else said it, you do get the dickheads obviously but for me it's worlds different. The profiles are more personality based as well than tinder which is essentially just pictures. I would never use tinder UNLESS I was looking for a quick shag with a man I wouldn't miss lolI still wouldn't
For me, men on tinder are there with far more sexual intentions (and way less respect) but on Hinge and Bumble, it's more relationship / dating driven. Someone else said it, you do get the dickheads obviously but for me it's worlds different. The profiles are more personality based as well than tinder which is essentially just pictures. I would never use tinder UNLESS I was looking for a quick shag with a man I wouldn't miss lol
Yeah they’re such bellends. Most of them aren’t even fit. But the ‘power’ really goes to their heads and half of them aren’t even that good at the job. You’re not that special, mate. I would NEVER date another doctor. Lol. Obviously I feel VERY strongly about thisOh it’s almost exclusively the male doctors. What makes it worse is this one went to a private school AND one of the Rahhhh med schools. I betrayed my council estate roots, the shame.
The ID thing doesn’t surprise me in the least! Doctor also felt very much like that and liked lording it about.
I’m glad everyone has validated my “stay out of it” feelings with the sensible advice about this
I feel the same way about teachers, used to lording it over pupils all day then bring the same attitude home. Not a fan.Yeah they’re such bellends. Most of them aren’t even fit. But the ‘power’ really goes to their heads and half of them aren’t even that good at the job. You’re not that special, mate. I would NEVER date another doctor. Lol. Obviously I feel VERY strongly about this
Can confirm the majority are.
Also, I would just block and move on. It’s backfired on me before and I was then embroiled in a really angry tangle. Keep the drama out of your life!
- Status