Dad getting a new partner?!?

[Babyjane123]

Just after some advice really!

So my mum and dad were married for 35 years and sadly my mum died just over 2 years ago. So a bit of background my mum suffered with sever clinical depression & OCD among other things so in their relationship it was pretty much my mum being the boss and my dad going along with everything she said or wanted. I definitely understand he feels quite free now and as much as I loved my mum our lives are a bit more easier without her problems.

My dad has made a few comments about meeting someone else and he’s now told me he’s met someone and to be honest I feel a bit wierd. I totally don’t begrudge him any happiness but I feel it would be so strange to see him with someone else. Does anyone have any advice on this? Also fully aware I’m 34 and he’s entitled to live his life

 

[Tuxedo33]

I think it's totally understandable you would feel weird as it's a new experience for you. Your parents were married for a long time so it will take a while for you to adjust to someone new. Don't force yourself to feel a certain way about things, it's ok to take time to get used to a new situation that might feel unsettling and uncomfortable for a while. If your dad ends up seeing this woman for a while maybe meet her and try and get to know her a bit better. I hope everything works out for you all

 

[Orange Creme]

My dad met someone a year after my mum died. My only advice is to let her in slowly. It all happened too fast for me and I'm at the stage now where I've told my dad I dont want to see her anymore. For context my mum died 4 years ago so I put up with her for 3 years.

 

[Annie101]

My dad passed away 3 years ago. My mom phoned me everyday for at least an hour crying and i never grieved properly as i was making sure that she is looked after. Now suddenly a new man appears in a life the same age than me. As soon as i found out i stopped talking to my mom, as i am so disappointed and embarrassed. It feels strange not talking to her every day, but i feel that i cannot accept this man in her life. Am i selfish?

 

[JoeBloggs]

It’s going to be a hard adjustment seeing someone new in his life, be open with him about your thoughts and let it be a slow process.

My dad passed away 3 years ago. My mom phoned me everyday for at least an hour crying and i never grieved properly as i was making sure that she is looked after. Now suddenly a new man appears in a life the same age than me. As soon as i found out i stopped talking to my mom, as i am so disappointed and embarrassed. It feels strange not talking to her every day, but i feel that i cannot accept this man in her life. Am i selfish?

Not at all! Your mum used you to burden her grief and feelings on without allowing you to reflect on yours. Now she’s moved on and that can be hard, especially if he is your age.

 

[Aliceinherpalace]

My dad met someone else about 7 months after my mum died and they had been married for 30 years. I found it very hard to begin with and looking back may have been a bit off with her, but never intentionally rude. I was more upset with my Dad who hid it from me to start with. I still lived at home then (my 3 brothers didnt) and she moved in after a couple of years. Our relationship is much better now I have my own house and they have been together over 7 years now. She is actually 5 years older that my dad and had her children quite young, so her daughter is around 13 years older than me and her son 11 years older, we don’t see them much which is fine by me, I’m not particularly fond of her daughter. It is such a hard thing but at the end of the day I just want to see my Dad happy.

 

[Babyjane123]

Thank you very much for the replies!
I suppose I’m quite lucky he’s been honest with me and we are very close. I include him in everything we do so I understand he’ll want some adult company.
He’s been talking to this lady and they’re going to meet up when lockdown is over so at least I have more time to come to terms with everything.