Cutting off family

[KateESJ]

Wasn't sure where to post this. I'm not on any other social media other than FB and I obviously can't post this there

Has anyone cut off someone toxic who is also family?

I'm SO close to cutting off my aunt. She's a grade A asshole with a huge sense of entitlement and I'm over it. My husband thinks I'd be overreacting by cutting her off 'as she is family', but I'm fed up of her messaging me and being so horrible to me because I won't give in to her every wish (wishes that are completely unreasonable, I will add).

My husband thinks family comes first but I think him watching me cry over what my Aunt said to me last night over the phone almost swayed him.

Did you feel better for doing it? I feel guilty over the smallest things sometimes so I worry I'll feel guilty for it.

 

[stevienicks]

Sorry that this twunt is upsetting you. I have cut off my brother and my husband his entire family, his parents are divorced so really two families. It’s the best thing we’ve ever done! Blood isn’t thicker than water. People do not get a pass to treat you like crap because they are family! Be strong, be brave, you won’t regret it. Life is too short for toxic people!!!

 

[soberkind]

Yes, my Sister. I spent nearly all my adult life unhappy with my relationship with her. Last year I said enough, ENOUGH. It has caused problems of course but it feels good to finally be true to myself.

Do what is right for you. Life is too short to spend time with toxic individuals, family or not.

 

[Sandra_1984]

Agree with the other responses. There is absolutely no need for anybody to endure a toxic relationship, with anybody, regardless whether they're family or not.
Do what is right for you

 

[Gottago]

Do it, why be a virtual punchbag to keep the peace, you’re the only one who has the right to make this decision for yourself. Tell your husband it’s not something you WANT to do but rather something you need to do. I did it myself about 6 years ago to about 8 members of immediate family who were just so toxic it was effecting my everyday happiness, they continue to fight then make up and repeat and be the exact same as they’ve always been. I’ve been consistently happy and at peace in my life. It’s worth it.

 

[KateESJ]

My husband did admit that he's worried that she'll spread more BS about us on her Facebook like she already has done. When she doesn't get her way she retaliates by making up lies. She's never called us by name but she indirects us a LOT and it's tiring. When I wouldn't let her have son of my sons ashes (she hardly knew him), she posted online that my husband and I wouldn't let her go to his funeral when in reality I wanted her there but she went to a concert instead.

I will admit that I will also be worried about what she'll be saying about us if we do cut her off but I also know that everyone who matters in our lives already knows the truth....

She's just an exhausting person. Annoyingly I never message or call her first, she just does almost daily these days.

 

[Lars Guinard]

My husband did admit that he's worried that she'll spread more BS about us on her Facebook like she already has done. When she doesn't get her way she retaliates by making up lies. She's never called us by name but she indirects us a LOT and it's tiring. When I wouldn't let her have son of my sons ashes (she hardly knew him), she posted online that my husband and I wouldn't let her go to his funeral when in reality I wanted her there but she went to a concert instead.

I will admit that I will also be worried about what she'll be saying about us if we do cut her off but I also know that everyone who matters in our lives already knows the truth....

She's just an exhausting person. Annoyingly I never message or call her first, she just does almost daily these days.

I am sorry you are going through this. It is difficult as it is a family member, as your husband is finding, that is treating you this way. I think a part of us always feels the person may change...but I have found cutting off the supply of attention works best in the long term. Yes, things will be said about you but like you say, those that matter to you know the truth and know your character. It will be easier having the support of someone close for that initial period of lies being spread/retaliation...but stay strong. Focus on being mentally free for the long term, don’t give in and eliminate the negative. I hope you get some respite from this situation soon.

 

[BettyCrocker]

Yes. Several family members who were making life unbearable.

Don’t feel guilty. Just because you happen to be related to someone doesn’t give them any right to treat you badly or cause you upset. Some people are just arseholes and you can’t allow yourself to be hurt over and over again.

You will feel so much better if you cut them out if your life and move on.

 

[Dannie]

I have cut out a whole family and so much happier for it. It was bad enough being toxic to me but when I had my children I refused for them to be exposed to it so the decision was made easy. Recently I have done the same to my mother in law. Hubs has a similar background to mine so after years of the same nonsense .... she had to go too. Life’s too short to expose yourself to toxicity. It poisons you and will have a massive effect on your emotional wellbeing. Don’t ever feel bad when making steps to protect yourself.

 

[Ohthedramalama]

Yes we haven't had "family" for a while and been much happier just as our own little family in our own home. Your happiness is what matters. So do what makes you feel happy and at peace

 

[Rlaw1978]

I always say “if you wouldn’t put up with it from someone who isn’t family, you shouldn’t put up with it from someone who is”.
Just because your related doesn’t give them anyone the right to behave badly and you don’t have to put up with it.
I have cut “family” out for this reason, at the end of the day your happiness and peace of mind has to come first. Some might see that as selfish, I don’t.
No one has the right to treat you badly, increase your stress levels and cause problems in your life.
You have to do what’s right for you, what you can live with. It’s a hard balance with some family members. But don’t feel any guilt for cutting someone out, if you have simply had enough. Sometimes you have to put yourself first and you can bet they would.

 

[Bostonx]

Do it. I done it with my father and his large side of the family. I speak to one cousin on occasion. Apart from that I don’t entertain the others. I also stopped having a relationship with my aunt my mums older sister and her 2 daughters as they are truely disgusting vile people I can’t express how horrible they are on and off line. The sort of people who laugh at the homeless, have never understood struggle, take the piss out of mental illness. Troll people online. My life is happier without them

 

[Sickoflurking]

Yes me! It was my mother. I couldn’t take any more so a year ago I did it. I’m an only child and my dad passed away so it feels strange but it had to be done. Toxic people just don’t change

 

[Pickminy]

So sorry to hear you've all got experience of toxic family members. I'm struggling really badly with my mental health atm, have suffered since I was a teen but it's been particularly bad this last year. Resulting in bit of a breakdown to my in laws today. The source of it is from my childhood, my dad was physically and mentally abusive. I'm scared of the repurcusions from other family members if I cut him off

 

[Boogs]

I have not had any contact with my Mum in 9 years and don’t intend to ever again. I wish I’d done it years before but was always worried about repercussions. You really need to put your emotional well-being first.

 

[Sickoflurking]

So sorry to hear you've all got experience of toxic family members. I'm struggling really badly with my mental health atm, have suffered since I was a teen but it's been particularly bad this last year. Resulting in bit of a breakdown to my in laws today. The source of it is from my childhood, my dad was physically and mentally abusive. I'm scared of the repurcusions from other family members if I cut him off

Don’t be scared. Do what’s best for you. It’s an awful cliche but the ones that mind don’t matter and the ones that matter don’t mind. I hope your In laws are supportive! Sending you a massive hug and much love xx

 

[Pickminy]

Don’t be scared. Do what’s best for you. It’s an awful cliche but the ones that mind don’t matter and the ones that matter don’t mind. I hope your In laws are supportive! Sending you a massive hug and much love xx

Thank you for your kind words My in laws are amazing, I struck gold with them

 

[Elsass]

I’ve cut out a few people, it all came to a front at my wedding. My aunt’s husband’s behaviour was unacceptable and really upset me (I won’t go into details in case it’s a recognisable situation). He’s a horrible horrible man who had been very rude and toxic in the past. My mum told my aunt after the wedding that I was upset and my aunt said she’d call to apologise. She didn’t (these are “adults” in their 50s). I sent them a thank you card and put my number on it (though I knew they had it) and still didn’t hear anything about an apology. Then at Christmas they acted like nothing had happened. No. F off.

Another section of the “family” refused to come to my wedding because my slightly older cousin broke up with her boyfriend a few weeks before and they thought it would be too upsetting to see me be happy when it “should have been her”. So yeah they were gone as well. I just don’t have time for them anymore.

OP, life’s too short to waste your time on anyone who doesn’t love you and support you and anyone you don’t enjoy spending time with. Surround yourself with people worthy of your attention

 

[herefortheshipsandgiggles]

Not myself personally but my partner has cut all contact with every member of his family. It’s mostly his mother that is the issue but the majority of them are just awful, cruel people. He is honestly so much better with out them. You have to do what’s best for you & your own little family

 

[GiggleBee]

Ive just cut off my brother and his wife. Weve had a strained relationship since he got married. His wife is very manipulative.

I brought him a jumper for his birthday earlier in the year and he said he liked it but had alot of jumpers. She then looked at it said she didnt like it and told me to return it and theyll have the money. Needless to say that didnt happen and I gave the jumper away to someone else.

Now my mental health is at an all time low. I spoke to him and asked him to meet up and he agreed but when i messaged and said I needed to change the location to home as being in public makes me so anxious, he told me he wasnt going to pander to me and refused to meet up.

I now feel like im grieving for him as to me hes gone, dead. Harsh as it sounds I cant be dealing with that sort of relationship.
There have been more incidents than just those two I said. I end up hurt everytime and Im done.