Coping with loss

[Justreading]

Dont know where else to write anything.
I really dont wish to upset or trigger anyone, nor do I want anyone to feel sorry for me. I simply need to get things out.

I lost my Dad. Very very suddenly last month. One day he was absolutely fine, the next he was gone. He died of natural causes but with no warning and I am devastated. I spend every minute of every day thinking of him, of the memories, of my regrets, of what will never be.

How do I ever get over this? It's been nearly 6 weeks, but I am still expecting my phone to ring, and still go to send him messages/photos of his grandchildren then realise he's gone.
I haven't gone through his belongings, I do what I need to and put everything back neatly for him. His bed and clothes are as he left them. What do I do next?

Does it get easier? I just dont know how I can move on.

I'm still off work, can't face going back - I'm too preoccupied by his passing and cant concentrate at all. I know I need to at some point. How long did it take you to feel ready to return to work? To feel ready to live a normal life again?

 

[Penguinandthepinecone]

I’m sorry to hear this, do you have friends or a partner who is looking out for you? You might find reading about the stages of grief and loss helpful, and also look at some modern diagrams of grief to understand how you will change as a person and live with the loss you are feeling. You won’t always wake up with that sinking feeling in your heart, and one day you will be able to look back on lovely times you shared without being overwhelmed by sadness. These things take time and you need to be kind to yourself as you pass through the different stages of emotions

 

[Blancmange]

I went through something similar 13 years ago when I was 18.

Don't ignore your feelings and take the time you need. Things become more bearable in time, don't be afraid to reach out for help if you need it.

Grief is definitely a process but there are no hard and fast rules and it's different for everyone. Be kind to yourself.

Thinking of you.

 

[lozzapaloozza]

Dont know where else to write anything.
I really dont wish to upset or trigger anyone, nor do I want anyone to feel sorry for me. I simply need to get things out.

I lost my Dad. Very very suddenly last month. One day he was absolutely fine, the next he was gone. He died of natural causes but with no warning and I am devastated. I spend every minute of every day thinking of him, of the memories, of my regrets, of what will never be.

How do I ever get over this? It's been nearly 6 weeks, but I am still expecting my phone to ring, and still go to send him messages/photos of his grandchildren then realise he's gone.
I haven't gone through his belongings, I do what I need to and put everything back neatly for him. His bed and clothes are as he left them. What do I do next?

Does it get easier? I just dont know how I can move on.

I'm still off work, can't face going back - I'm too preoccupied by his passing and cant concentrate at all. I know I need to at some point. How long did it take you to feel ready to return to work? To feel ready to live a normal life again?

Hi there, I’m so sorry for your loss. As a child nothing is worse than losing a parent, especially as it comes so out of the blue. But then, is there ever a right time or a time we would be ready? I don’t believe so. I lost my mum in January 2020, when people say “it gets easier over time” I don’t believe this is true. It doesn’t get “easier” but you learn how to live and go on without them, because you have to and they would want you to. Your dad would want you to go on in life and share his memory, his life and be happy!

Greif is different for everybody, there is no timeframe for greif and nobody can tell you when you will start to feel better, time does heal and you have to take it slowly and an hour at a time. In regards to what to do next, nothing! Do what feels right, when it feels right, you will know when you want to do something and when you’re not ready to. Some of the things my family and I have done to help us:
1. Have a notebook to write down any memories you have of you and your dad. Initially we panicked that we couldn’t remember but writing them all down was helpful
2. Listen to their favourite songs, films ect. Not straight away, but they can be comforting. Don’t be scared of the things he loved
3. We adopted an animal at Chester Zoo, is there anything your dad supported or loved to do? Any charities he would want you to continue supporting?
4. Talk to your family, share memories, it’s okay to smile and laugh when you want to, please don’t feel bad or guilty
5. Reading poems about greif really helped me, I was able to stay in contact with the lovely man who held my mums service and he has written books on greif

I can’t promise when things will feel better for you, but they will, in time. Look after yourself

 

[Giggling Squid]

Dont know where else to write anything.
I really dont wish to upset or trigger anyone, nor do I want anyone to feel sorry for me. I simply need to get things out.

I lost my Dad. Very very suddenly last month. One day he was absolutely fine, the next he was gone. He died of natural causes but with no warning and I am devastated. I spend every minute of every day thinking of him, of the memories, of my regrets, of what will never be.

How do I ever get over this? It's been nearly 6 weeks, but I am still expecting my phone to ring, and still go to send him messages/photos of his grandchildren then realise he's gone.
I haven't gone through his belongings, I do what I need to and put everything back neatly for him. His bed and clothes are as he left them. What do I do next?

Does it get easier? I just dont know how I can move on.

I'm still off work, can't face going back - I'm too preoccupied by his passing and cant concentrate at all. I know I need to at some point. How long did it take you to feel ready to return to work? To feel ready to live a normal life again?

I’m so so sorry for your loss


It gets easier, i promise. We lost my dad very very suddenly too, 4 years ago. I haven’t got over it, and I haven’t moved on, and I don’t think I ever will - but it does get easier, and you learn to live with it.
I didn’t take any time off, as I couldn’t face dealing with it at the time, and I still haven’t properly processed it I don’t think

take the time you need, there’s no right answer, and what’s right for you might not be right for someone else.

 

[Justreading]

I’m sorry to hear this, do you have friends or a partner who is looking out for you? You might find reading about the stages of grief and loss helpful, and also look at some modern diagrams of grief to understand how you will change as a person and live with the loss you are feeling. You won’t always wake up with that sinking feeling in your heart, and one day you will be able to look back on lovely times you shared without being overwhelmed by sadness. These things take time and you need to be kind to yourself as you pass through the different stages of emotions

I have my family, we are very close and my parents had separated so my mum, whilst she is grieving, is also a massive support because shes not in the thick of it. I have a partner and children. But despite all that I feel very alone.
I will look, thank you

I went through something similar 13 years ago when I was 18.

Don't ignore your feelings and take the time you need. Things become more bearable in time, don't be afraid to reach out for help if you need it.

Grief is definitely a process but there are no hard and fast rules and it's different for everyone. Be kind to yourself.

Thinking of you.

I'm so sorry for your loss, especially at such a young age

Hi there, I’m so sorry for your loss. As a child nothing is worse than losing a parent, especially as it comes so out of the blue. But then, is there ever a right time or a time we would be ready? I don’t believe so. I lost my mum in January 2020, when people say “it gets easier over time” I don’t believe this is true. It doesn’t get “easier” but you learn how to live and go on without them, because you have to and they would want you to. Your dad would want you to go on in life and share his memory, his life and be happy!

Greif is different for everybody, there is no timeframe for greif and nobody can tell you when you will start to feel better, time does heal and you have to take it slowly and an hour at a time. In regards to what to do next, nothing! Do what feels right, when it feels right, you will know when you want to do something and when you’re not ready to. Some of the things my family and I have done to help us:
1. Have a notebook to write down any memories you have of you and your dad. Initially we panicked that we couldn’t remember but writing them all down was helpful
2. Listen to their favourite songs, films ect. Not straight away, but they can be comforting. Don’t be scared of the things he loved
3. We adopted an animal at Chester Zoo, is there anything your dad supported or loved to do? Any charities he would want you to continue supporting?
4. Talk to your family, share memories, it’s okay to smile and laugh when you want to, please don’t feel bad or guilty
5. Reading poems about greif really helped me, I was able to stay in contact with the lovely man who held my mums service and he has written books on greif

I can’t promise when things will feel better for you, but they will, in time. Look after yourself View attachment 454409

The notebook idea is very good, simple but I hadn't thought. I am already feeling very panicked about forgetting little things so this will definitely help. Thank you and I'm very sorry for your loss

 

[lozzapaloozza]

I have my family, we are very close and my parents had separated so my mum, whilst she is grieving, is also a massive support because shes not in the thick of it. I have a partner and children. But despite all that I feel very alone.
I will look, thank you


I'm so sorry for your loss, especially at such a young age


The notebook idea is very good, simple but I hadn't thought. I am already feeling very panicked about forgetting little things so this will definitely help. Thank you and I'm very sorry for your loss

You won’t forget, ever! Still I’m remembering things that I never thought I’d remember! Greif can make our brains cloudy but it’s all there don’t you worry. You’re so welcome and thank you

 

[Justreading]

I’m so so sorry for your loss


It gets easier, i promise. We lost my dad very very suddenly too, 4 years ago. I haven’t got over it, and I haven’t moved on, and I don’t think I ever will - but it does get easier, and you learn to live with it.
I didn’t take any time off, as I couldn’t face dealing with it at the time, and I still haven’t properly processed it I don’t think

take the time you need, there’s no right answer, and what’s right for you might not be right for someone else.

I've am slowly realising what works for one, doesn't work for someone else. It's not something I thought of before, you think grief is grief but it's in so many forms. I'm so very sorry

 

[MaryX82]

Listening to podcasts on grief can be helpful
The Grief Coach
Grief Cast
Good Grief

 

[Fizzwhizz2020]

I lost my mum very suddenly with no warning and she was pretty young. I’m sorry for your loss. It’s so painful, especially when it comes as a massive shock. I don’t remember much about the first year after losing my mum. But the grief and sadness are so normal and how you feel is normal too. Even though you don’t want to feel it. It can be all consuming and it’s the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last before you go to sleep. You’re bound to feel heartbroken and completely lost. I used to think when people said that they’d died of a broken heart was a load of rubbish and then I realised what is was to have every piece of you shattered beyond belief. Nearly 15 years later I’m still finding pieces. Grief does get easier, I promise. You just learnt to live alongside it. But sadly there’s no time limit. I can promise that it won’t always feel as raw. There will always be a sadness but it won’t be all consuming. Time is your best friend and it takes time to heal. The only advice I could give is to talk about him when you want to, cry when you need to and let your feelings out. Go easy on yourself and don’t be in a rush to “just feel better”. It’s the worst feeling in the world feeling grief, but it’s one that has to be worked through in your own time. It can hit you at the most random of times too, sometimes, even now I’ll see something and it makes me feel sad that my mum isn’t here. And that’s ok, because it’s ok to miss her. It’s always ok for you to miss your dad, you always will. But each day will get a little bit easier x

 

[Holidaybobs]

I’m sorry for your loss, especially in such an awful time.

I lost my dad just before I turned 14, it was 12 years this January. It doesn’t get easier, you just learn how to adapt to life without them. Then, as time passes it becomes your new normal. I’d advise on sorting his things out sooner rather than later. As the longer you leave it the more distressing it usually becomes. Also, if a few of you are involved then it can become a lovely trip down memory lane. With your children, depending on their age, have you thought about doing a build-a-bear? When my nieces nana passed, my mum took them to create one in her memory. They were only 5 and 3 so don’t have the greatest memory of her but, they sleep with their ‘guardian angels’.

It took me a long time to grieve as I didn’t grieve until years after he had passed. I wouldn’t force anything and just act how you feel. Don’t pressure yourself or compare yourself. We are all different x