Contamination OCD

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I wanted to start this thread in the hope it can become a safe space for anyone else who is suffering.

For years, since childhood (I am late 30’s now), I have been absolutely terrified of vomiting. Be it me, someone else, even if I hear someone saying they know someone who’s been sick. Which is very clear emetophobia right.

I started some therapy after reaching out for help because since having a child my phobia is out of control. Therapy helped me understand that what I am actually suffering with is contamination based OCD.

The reasoning behind this is because I am not frightened of someone vomits with a migraine (for example), or travel sickness, or pregnancy related sickness. It’s purely if I can “catch it”.

Due to unfortunate circumstances I had to pause my therapy and because it was via the NHS I’ve been told to just re contact them when I can continue and I will go back on the waiting list. Very frustrating as I was 6 weeks into therapy (CBT) and had high hopes of it helping me.

But I’ll be honest, I am the worst I’ve ever been. I am a lone parent with no support system and only a couple of friends. Of course they don’t get my fears so I am repeatedly told to just chill out or relax.

I wash my hands and put hospital grade gel on my hands if I have been near someone. I make my little boy undress himself after school the second he gets in and wants a snack. If I fear I’ve been contaminated I don’t eat for up to 48 hours because that’s the incubation time.



I am just in such a mess and I will be reaching out to my doctors in the next few days because I’m having intrusive thoughts about just not wanting to suffer like this any more. This isn’t a life I’ve got, I’m just existing in a huge scrambled brain mess of worry and I despise it. It’s lonely, isolating, terrifying and just exhausting.

I’m safe though, and my intrusive thoughts are just thoughts and I’m not in any danger.

But please if there is anyone reading this, and can relate, or offer me any advice, I would be so grateful.

I’ve only started this thread today because I’ve hit rock bottom after my son woke up today and has vomited 3 or 4 times, small amounts and it had no food in it (sorry tmi). He soon perked up and has been eating bland foods all day and drinking water and hasn’t been sick for almost 8 hours so I’m not sure if it’s a tummy bug or not? But now I won’t relax for 48 hours or eat because I feel like a ticking time bomb and I just want to run away and be off this planet.

Thanks for reading if you got this far
 
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swimming

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Londoncailín said:
This thread might be helpful for you

Emetophobia - any fellow sufferers? What do you do to cope?

How is everyone? Please help lol. We are on holiday at the moment in America and my 3 year old woke up vomiting today. And has been sick a further 3 times. not much I can say other than I am going out of my mind with worry. I couldn’t deal with it. Had to get my parents to do it. Complete...
tattle.life
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I am an avid commenter on that thread 🤣 But just wanted to start an OCD thread in case anyone here is the same
 
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C

Codiaeum

Hey,

I know me telling you that little kids are often sick without an obvious cause will make little difference immediately to your overall OCD, but maybe it helps you to get through the next couple of days when you can access doctors. Your son is still at an age where they simply sometimes throw up, as their digestive system is still developing, but there's often nothing behind it that you can catch. It's a good sign he perked up and hasn't been sick since, but I understand that you are worried. Of course you would be, you're his mum, you don't want him to be sick, you are a compassionate mum ❤ the OCD though makes it harder for you, so it's great that you recognize that you need help here and that simply waiting for NHS treatment might not be the best path forward for you right now.

I've found a UK-based charity that offers support for OCD: https://www.ocduk.org/ , there's also a discussion forum available, maybe this is an immediate help option you are comfortable with accessing over the long weekend.
Since you mention having intrusive thoughts, please also see this website: https://hubofhope.co.uk/need-help-now There is no shame in seeking help and it is the right thing to do if you aren't in a good place right now.

And please know that Tattle is here for you as well ❤ if you are okay to access the thread, Health Anxiety is also full of support and often a chatty place to help people through a bad time.
 
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swimming

swimming

Codiaeum said:
Hey,

I know me telling you that little kids are often sick without an obvious cause will make little difference immediately to your overall OCD, but maybe it helps you to get through the next couple of days when you can access doctors. Your son is still at an age where they simply sometimes throw up, as their digestive system is still developing, but there's often nothing behind it that you can catch. It's a good sign he perked up and hasn't been sick since, but I understand that you are worried. Of course you would be, you're his mum, you don't want him to be sick, you are a compassionate mum ❤ the OCD though makes it harder for you, so it's great that you recognize that you need help here and that simply waiting for NHS treatment might not be the best path forward for you right now.

I've found a UK-based charity that offers support for OCD: https://www.ocduk.org/ , there's also a discussion forum available, maybe this is an immediate help option you are comfortable with accessing over the long weekend.
Since you mention having intrusive thoughts, please also see this website: https://hubofhope.co.uk/need-help-now There is no shame in seeking help and it is the right thing to do if you aren't in a good place right now.

And please know that Tattle is here for you as well ❤ if you are okay to access the thread, Health Anxiety is also full of support and often a chatty place to help people through a bad time.
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Thank you so much for replying. I will have a look at those websites and see what it offers me.

Keep telling myself to take things one day at a time, even if that’s hour by hour
 
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NowIsGood

NowIsGood

Out of everyone online I would thoroughly recommend the Youtuber Mark Freeman (everyone has a brain). His advice, live videos and no nonsense approach really helped with my understanding of OCD and I'm in a completely different place than I was at my worst a few years ago.
It's no quick fix, but his stuff is super accessible and is a really great place to start ❤
 
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Hereforthehottea

Hereforthehottea

I’m currently sat in my bedroom freezing with the windows open, crying, while my lovely partner cleans (decontaminates) the downstairs of our house. A family member asked to use our tumble dryer and so my contamination OCD has gone OFF THE SCALE. I feel like I can’t breathe. No idea how I will decontaminate the dryer 😩😩😩
 
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swimming

Hereforthehottea said:
I’m currently sat in my bedroom freezing with the windows open, crying, while my lovely partner cleans (decontaminates) the downstairs of our house. A family member asked to use our tumble dryer and so my contamination OCD has gone OFF THE SCALE. I feel like I can’t breathe. No idea how I will decontaminate the dryer 😩😩😩
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What is it that’s worried you? Did the person using your machine have any illness?
 
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