Grab a cuppa it's a long one..
I'm friends with a couple I've known many years. I spend time with both of them together and apart, I'm closer with the wife of the couple (hereby referred to as A) but also have a really close bond and great friendship with her husband (B), and were also part of a wider close friendship circle.
About 6 years ago A told me that their marriage was facing some problems and that she had kissed (and gone further, but not all the way) with the partner of a couple in this wider friendship circle on a few occasions spanning months. I told her at the time that I thought it was terrible and she said the whole thing was over and would never happen again, I didnt mention it again as I just wished i didnt know.
At that time i had a lot going on in my own life that i was preoccupied with and kind of naturally drifted away from her/them (looking back now I think my feelings toward her cheating played a part) but I had too much to deal with in my own life to give it that much thought.
Fast forward 5 years and we've ended up all reconnecting and spending a lot of time together. The problems in their marriage had sorted themselves out (largely due to husband working on himself massively and really becoming a better person) and everything seems great. I ended up looking back on distancing myself from the friendship and feeling guilty thinking maybe I'd judged too harshly. Few months ago me and A had a few drinks and she confessed to me that she had kissed the same guy again on a night out. I was shocked and told her it was crappy and that whilst it's not an excuse I could kind of see the reason she did before when their marriage was in such a bad place. She said that she felt awful it's never going to happen again etc when I asked why she did it she said (quite nonchalantly) that she was so drunk she didnt know what she was doing, which doesn't ring true to me at all. I've known her for a long time and know how she behaves when drunk which is not that different, we've even spoke about it cos were similar in that way)
A also told me that B had found out years ago about the cheating and chose to put it behind them which was a surprise to me.
The conversation abruptly ended then as we were joined by other people (far as I know I'm the only one who knows about this - lucky me) and we haven't spoken much since (my doing).
Im no perfect person and usually am far from judgemental but I have very strong morals when it comes to cheating and a strong sense of justice toward people being treated unfairly in general, anyone who knows me well knows that, which makes me wonder why she chose to confide in me. I feel burdened with the info.
I've now been looking back and noticed so many things over the years which have made me
. A made a huge show of confronting someone she knows for cheating (people in glass houses and all that), shes borrowed money etc and not returned, asks for pretty big favours often, shes made a massive victim of herself when shes felt shes been treated unfairly (in situations minor in comparison like petty work dramas) but the one that is really bothering me is she is friendly with the partner of the person shes cheating with (to the point where A has been her shoulder to cry on when having relationship problems). A will tell you shes an 'empath' and any given opportunity, which is odd given her behaviour in these situations looking back.
When you choose your friends it's often on the basis that they hold the same values as yourself, it's sad when you realise they dont. But then part of me is torn thinking she has been a good friend in other ways I shouldn't write someone off like that. But mostly I feel bad for B, and keep wondering if he knows I know. It genuinely keeps me up at night.
I've been on the receiving end of cheating and the knowledge that other people knew about it was just as painful as the cheating itself.
I'm currently battling ptsd i dont feel like I have the mental capacity to confront A about this but shes making it near impossible for me to fade into the mist so I dont think i have any choice.
Any advice welcome
I'm friends with a couple I've known many years. I spend time with both of them together and apart, I'm closer with the wife of the couple (hereby referred to as A) but also have a really close bond and great friendship with her husband (B), and were also part of a wider close friendship circle.
About 6 years ago A told me that their marriage was facing some problems and that she had kissed (and gone further, but not all the way) with the partner of a couple in this wider friendship circle on a few occasions spanning months. I told her at the time that I thought it was terrible and she said the whole thing was over and would never happen again, I didnt mention it again as I just wished i didnt know.
At that time i had a lot going on in my own life that i was preoccupied with and kind of naturally drifted away from her/them (looking back now I think my feelings toward her cheating played a part) but I had too much to deal with in my own life to give it that much thought.
Fast forward 5 years and we've ended up all reconnecting and spending a lot of time together. The problems in their marriage had sorted themselves out (largely due to husband working on himself massively and really becoming a better person) and everything seems great. I ended up looking back on distancing myself from the friendship and feeling guilty thinking maybe I'd judged too harshly. Few months ago me and A had a few drinks and she confessed to me that she had kissed the same guy again on a night out. I was shocked and told her it was crappy and that whilst it's not an excuse I could kind of see the reason she did before when their marriage was in such a bad place. She said that she felt awful it's never going to happen again etc when I asked why she did it she said (quite nonchalantly) that she was so drunk she didnt know what she was doing, which doesn't ring true to me at all. I've known her for a long time and know how she behaves when drunk which is not that different, we've even spoke about it cos were similar in that way)
A also told me that B had found out years ago about the cheating and chose to put it behind them which was a surprise to me.
The conversation abruptly ended then as we were joined by other people (far as I know I'm the only one who knows about this - lucky me) and we haven't spoken much since (my doing).
Im no perfect person and usually am far from judgemental but I have very strong morals when it comes to cheating and a strong sense of justice toward people being treated unfairly in general, anyone who knows me well knows that, which makes me wonder why she chose to confide in me. I feel burdened with the info.
I've now been looking back and noticed so many things over the years which have made me
. A made a huge show of confronting someone she knows for cheating (people in glass houses and all that), shes borrowed money etc and not returned, asks for pretty big favours often, shes made a massive victim of herself when shes felt shes been treated unfairly (in situations minor in comparison like petty work dramas) but the one that is really bothering me is she is friendly with the partner of the person shes cheating with (to the point where A has been her shoulder to cry on when having relationship problems). A will tell you shes an 'empath' and any given opportunity, which is odd given her behaviour in these situations looking back.When you choose your friends it's often on the basis that they hold the same values as yourself, it's sad when you realise they dont. But then part of me is torn thinking she has been a good friend in other ways I shouldn't write someone off like that. But mostly I feel bad for B, and keep wondering if he knows I know. It genuinely keeps me up at night.
I've been on the receiving end of cheating and the knowledge that other people knew about it was just as painful as the cheating itself.
I'm currently battling ptsd i dont feel like I have the mental capacity to confront A about this but shes making it near impossible for me to fade into the mist so I dont think i have any choice.
Any advice welcome
