Christmas without your child/ren.

[Clementine]

Hi everyone, Just wondering if anyone has advice on this...

My little girl is 3 and this Christmas she’ll be spending it at her Dad’s. He lives in London (we live in Scotland). This will be the first time we’ll spend Christmas apart. I’ve tried to block out it’s happening and hoping due to Lockdown etc it might not happen but it probably will. It’s court ordered so there’s not much I can do. She’ll be away for a week and it’s just me and her at home

I could spend it with my extended household - my Mum and Stepdad who live around the corner but in all honestly I’ll probably just spend the week myself in bed eating chocolate.

What do you do if your kid/s are away at Christmas?

TIA

 

[BettyCrocker]

I’ve never had to experience this myself but why don’t you plan to have a Christmas with her when she gets home and literally do it again together exactly like you would on the 25th? She will love it and you get to experience Christmas with her just the same? And when she’s away you can relax, enjoy the day with your mum & stepfather, enjoy watching the tv with a glass of wine and some yummy food etc - pamper yourself and enjoy some time on your own and then look forward to having your Christmas with her when she comes home?

 

[C7645]

It’s hard, I won’t lie.

I have a court order for my 4 year old and we are 50/50 so I have 5 days with my son (over a weekend) then he’ll be at his dads for 2 weekdays, then mine for 2 weekdays and then mine for 5 days (over a weekend) before repeating.

However although that is the court order, the order allows flexibility so Christmas Day we have half day each (not easy with your locations)

I hate the 5 days without him but try to keep busy. At Christmas, I see my extended family but my little boy is never far from my mind.

Out of interest, is it just Christmas etc that your daughter spends a week in a block with her dad? Just wondered how school would work if it was a week each in the order

 

[Clementine]

Oh C7645, I feel for you.

How does your little boy find it? I guess he’s used to it?

She’s away for a week every school holidays - he’d gone to court as I didn’t want her going away at other times. He wanted to see her every 6 weeks.

Thanks for replying x

I’ve never had to experience this myself but why don’t you plan to have a Christmas with her when she gets home and literally do it again together exactly like you would on the 25th? She will love it and you get to experience Christmas with her just the same? And when she’s away you can relax, enjoy the day with your mum & stepfather, enjoy watching the tv with a glass of wine and some yummy food etc - pamper yourself and enjoy some time on your own and then look forward to having your Christmas with her when she comes home?

Don’t know what happened there ^ I did reply to you, Betty!

We’ll be celebrating Christmas either before or after she goes away and I’m planning on doing lots of Christmassy things with her before she goes away. It’s just the thought of her not being here on Christmas morning

 

[C7645]

Oh C7645, I feel for you.

How does your little boy find it? I guess he’s used to it?

She’s away for a week every school holidays - he’d gone to court as I didn’t want her going away at other times. He wanted to see her every 6 weeks.

Thanks for replying x

That make sense. I’ve had the court order for over a year and this is the second Christmas.

He finds it ok but he often gets upset when he goes to his Dads (which Dad believes I’m alienating him - I’m not )

 

[TJ90]

First of all can I just point on you’re an amazing Mum. It takes a lot of strength to be in this situation and although it had to go through court etc which must’ve been traumatic for you, your son has two parents that love him and want to spend time with him. And please spend time with your Mum and step dad - it’s been a tough year and you deserve a nice Christmas
think how excited your son will be to see you when he comes home, that first cuddle will be more magical than Christmas Day.

 

[Mayday]

I’ve never had to experience this myself but why don’t you plan to have a Christmas with her when she gets home and literally do it again together exactly like you would on the 25th? She will love it and you get to experience Christmas with her just the same? And when she’s away you can relax, enjoy the day with your mum & stepfather, enjoy watching the tv with a glass of wine and some yummy food etc - pamper yourself and enjoy some time on your own and then look forward to having your Christmas with her when she comes home?

I second this! Or you could do Christmas with her before she goes (depending on what dates it'll be) instead. That way you can see her open her presents and such then and still have a nice dinner. Maybe take one day to yourself if you feel you need to, or leave early, but at least if you spend some of the day with your mum + step dad then it'll keep you occupied.

 

[Hendrix]

My brother has a 7 year old daughter with his ex, they've been split up since she was 6 months old.

There's no court order in place, he gets her every second weekend on his days off and for Christmas they have always alternated, so one year she's at her mum's and the next she's with my brother.

My brother is a support worker so on the years his daughter is with her mum he works which keeps him busy, depending on his shift he will go to my mum's for dinner/company as he lives alone. I would suggest going to your mums for company, I wouldn't like to spend Christmas alone.

 

[Igiveup123]

I’ve actually just been to court today discussing this and this will be the first year I have to go without seeing my two daughters 5 and 3. I’ve never been away from them and the pain thinking about not seeing them is so awful it feels like a physical pain in my stomach. I don’t know how to get my head around not having them with me for every special event in their lives. I send you so much love as I know how it feels but it defiantly makes me appreciate every special occasion that we do have together. There dad moved three hours away when they were 2 and 1 and I’ve done everything so it feels so unfair to do all the sleepless nights and illnesses and the really hard graft for him to enjoy the special times.