Christmas disappointment

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Polkadotshorts

Hi all,

I don’t want this to sound ungrateful, and maybe I just needed to vent, but I want to see if this resonates with anyone or if I’m just being ungrateful. This is my first Christmas since being diagnosed with kidney cancer, and I am really struggling. I always make a real effort with Christmas - the house is beautifully decorated, ordered in the best food and made sure husband and the kids (m18 and f15) have a thought out collection of gifts to open on Christmas Day. I prepped as much of the dinner as i could today before needing a sit down, and left the final 30min flurry of boiling peas and carving the turkey to husband and the kids. Fast forward 45 mins and the pigs in blankets have burnt in the oven, the gravy is all gungy at the bottom of the pan and he’s playing some new Xbox game with DS. After opening a new dressing gown and secateurs(?) as a Christmas present, I have to say I’m feeling really let down by the lack of effort from others this year.
All the “sit down, chill, we’ve got this” never seems to materialise into them actually doing it, and I seem to get a haphazard collection of gifts in return. I got a mug that says “coffee” on it from son (I don’t drink coffee…) and a blank notebook from daughter. They then sloped off to their bedrooms after dinner leaving husband to clean up. Am I being unreasonable here or is this just a bit tit?
 
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MrsGahan

MrsGahan

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this today. Men and teenagers can be thoughtless imo. With my husband if I don’t ask for help he will presume I’m ok even if I’m ready to burst. Take a step back and enjoy the rest of the day. I wish you all the best in your recovery.
 
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PurvyPanda

PurvyPanda

Polkadotshorts said:
Hi all,

I don’t want this to sound ungrateful, and maybe I just needed to vent, but I want to see if this resonates with anyone or if I’m just being ungrateful. This is my first Christmas since being diagnosed with kidney cancer, and I am really struggling. I always make a real effort with Christmas - the house is beautifully decorated, ordered in the best food and made sure husband and the kids (m18 and f15) have a thought out collection of gifts to open on Christmas Day. I prepped as much of the dinner as i could today before needing a sit down, and left the final 30min flurry of boiling peas and carving the turkey to husband and the kids. Fast forward 45 mins and the pigs in blankets have burnt in the oven, the gravy is all gungy at the bottom of the pan and he’s playing some new Xbox game with DS. After opening a new dressing gown and secateurs(?) as a Christmas present, I have to say I’m feeling really let down by the lack of effort from others this year.
All the “sit down, chill, we’ve got this” never seems to materialise into them actually doing it, and I seem to get a haphazard collection of gifts in return. I got a mug that says “coffee” on it from son (I don’t drink coffee…) and a blank notebook from daughter. They then sloped off to their bedrooms after dinner leaving husband to clean up. Am I being unreasonable here or is this just a bit tit?
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Not at all.

Being disappointed by certain members of my family relishing being grumpy on the day, and showing a distinct lack of effort when you bend over backwards has become an annual theme. I aways feel quite despondent about it by the end of the day.

Have a nice bath and read a book and treat yourself to something nice in the sales. Save that coffee mug to regift to your son next Christmas.
 
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TheGlossy

No, you’re not. I think it is normal to cherish holidays and family time, especially given your circumstances. Your husband and teenagers should have shown more empathy towards you and appreciated the effort you put into this day. Not to excuse their behaviour, but I think maybe they didn’t realize it mattered this much to you.

I think you need to have a talk with your husband and tell him how you feel. It’s not good to keep it all inside. Maybe they don’t even realize they hurt your feelings and it’s probably best to vocalize it to him so that it doesn’t happen again or linger on your mind.

Haha, I do like @PurvyPanda idea of regifting the coffee mug to your son next year 😂 You can make a family tradition of out it (gifting funny coffee mugs to them at Christmas).

Take care.
 
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illusionlife

I am sorry this happen to you. You have every right to feel this way. There i no excuse for your family to behave this way. Your husband needs to step up and your teenagers need to be more considerate.
 
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Ellamay87

I'm so sorry your day hasn't turned out as you would have liked. If it makes you feel any better I just overhears my mother telling my brother in the kitchen that I clearly had no life and no friends because I'm single. Charming. Iv just gone sale agreed on my first home and I haven't even told them yet as I know I'll just be made feel like crap about it.
 
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AlwaysSummer

Ellamay87 said:
I'm so sorry your day hasn't turned out as you would have liked. If it makes you feel any better I just overhears my mother telling my brother in the kitchen that I clearly had no life and no friends because I'm single. Charming. Iv just gone sale agreed on my first home and I haven't even told them yet as I know I'll just be made feel like crap about it.
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Congratulations on the sale of your home 🎇
 
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klarakluckbag

klarakluckbag

You have every right to feel hard done by, what a bunch of inconsiderate *****! (I don't want to swear during Christmas!)
However....teenagers are almost always self-centered and inconsiderate, at that age, it's in their genes, literally. Personally, I'd plonk the coffee mug down in front of my son, saying "Nope. I don't drink coffee as you well know. You can take that back and go and buy a decent present with a bit of thought behind it. You won't get a single drink or meal from me until you do. Now off you go, shops are open and there's a sale on. Good luck!" (Pat him on the head for extra humiliation!)
Thank your daughter for the notebook and tell her it will be useful to list the chores that she'll be doing in the New Year.

They probably are just lazy and thoughtless like the vast majority of husbands and kids, women always take on the bulk of the work and we get very little praise or reward. But your medical diagnosis has no doubt frightened everyone, especially the children. They might not want to acknowledge the fact that you might need a bit more help, it makes it more real, if you know what I mean? Us mums are supposed to be invincible, and your illness has shattered that illusion.
That doesn't give them an excuse to treat you like this though and you should make sure that they know this. Having said that, if you want or need help, make sure that you tell (NOT ask) them! Teenagers and men are very good at not noticing what needs doing, so spell it out. Don't be a martyr, especially at this time.

Look after yourself, and do talk to your family. I know that this must be a very difficult time, and Christmas always brings that added pressure to give everyone a wonderful day. But why should that be just your responsibility?
 
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