I keep finding myself thinking about old age a lot these days. I think it's crucial to build a support system of your own, whether you have kids, a partner or not. There is no guarantee that anybody will be here for us just because it's their duty. I'm not a very social person so I sometimes worry that I may not be able to keep my friendships that long, although I try. When parents put all the responsibility on the child's back, do they not miss out on having hobbies, friends, a community of their own?My mother has been a judgy witch all her life about people without kids even though two of her own kids don’t have any. She’s always remarked into retirement that the neighbors across the street chose not to have kids (she has no idea whether they chose to or not, but she assumes) and now they are lonely. My mum’s husband (my abusive dad) died last week, and where are her kids to support her? I live thousands of miles away in another country, and the other two live an hour away and are resentful about visiting her and supporting her. Meanwhile those poor lonely childless people across the street get regular visits from their nieces and nephews and friends. Don’t bleeping assume your kids will be there for you, because it’s more than likely that they won’t.
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
same. i think a lot about it too (mainly because old age terrifies me) and i absolutely agree that it’s important to keep a support system, no matter how small that may be. i make a real effort to keep a close relationship with my (much) younger cousins for that reason, and with my friends (near and far!) and obviously my sister. i think workmates become quite important too as you spend so much time with them so i try really hard to build strong connections in work too. i love my own company, maybe a little too much, so i do really have to put effort in, but i think it’s worth it. hopefully!
too many people have children because they think it’s a guaranteed support system, and that always seems to blow up in their faces. that child could emigrate, stop talking to you, be an absolute waste of space, have needs of their own etc and then all the things the parents thought they were somehow entitled to never materialise.
Neither myself or my husband have a circle of family and friends, as I said before.
Of course we both have family who we both see, but no family that we “socialise” with like cousins and neither of us has nieces or nephews.
neither of us has friends either really. Acquaintances yes, but not friends as such.
ive always been one of those people that people tend to like, but don’t like enough to be friends, but I guess that’s because I’m not a warm person. I don’t want to be close to loads of people.
as I’ve said before, I’m putting myself in a retirement home when I get old and alone. Problem solved.
Of course we both have family who we both see, but no family that we “socialise” with like cousins and neither of us has nieces or nephews.
neither of us has friends either really. Acquaintances yes, but not friends as such.
ive always been one of those people that people tend to like, but don’t like enough to be friends, but I guess that’s because I’m not a warm person. I don’t want to be close to loads of people.
as I’ve said before, I’m putting myself in a retirement home when I get old and alone. Problem solved.
i think, as is probably the motto of this thread, you have to do what works for you. no choice is invalid and you should only ever do what makes you (and your partner) happy and comfortable
a lot of my feelings on it come from a general fear of old age which probably belongs on a different thread completely
Met my newborn nephew at the weekend and my dad keeps telling me I ‘look broody’ in the pics of me holding him…. I have never shown any interest in having kids. My husband and I have been together well over a decade and we have no interest.
I’m sure next time I’m going to have to sit there snarling at the baby to make sure I don’t ‘look broody’
I wouldn’t mind but my dad is horrible to me and my sister and makes almost zero effort with both of us! Of all the people that might tell me how good it is being a parent, he’s the last person I’d listen to!
I’m sure next time I’m going to have to sit there snarling at the baby to make sure I don’t ‘look broody’
I wouldn’t mind but my dad is horrible to me and my sister and makes almost zero effort with both of us! Of all the people that might tell me how good it is being a parent, he’s the last person I’d listen to!
Yeah it’s definitely an individual thing. I’ve been hurt a lot in the past by “family & friends” and I’ve just decided it’s easier to have as little people around as possible. Although it’s not like I have much of a choice anyway as like I say, people don’t usually want to be my friend or want to spend time with mei think, as is probably the motto of this thread, you have to do what works for you. no choice is invalid and you should only ever do what makes you (and your partner) happy and comfortable
a lot of my feelings on it come from a general fear of old age which probably belongs on a different thread completely
I’m dreading being old, but mainly because I’m scared to lose my independence. I’ve always done everything by myself.
I don't know if someone mentioned it already but why is it so hard to find a club as an adult?
There seems to be sports club only where I live. Most of the interesting activities (chess, astronomy, art & craft) are all for children/teens or knitting clubs for retired people.
What about the inbetweeners?
There seems to be sports club only where I live. Most of the interesting activities (chess, astronomy, art & craft) are all for children/teens or knitting clubs for retired people.
What about the inbetweeners?
Because we’re supposed to be at home, wiping bums (our husband’s or our children’s, it’s the same difference) and taking the older kiddiewinks to their fun activities.
An example of how kids can be utter brats...
My Mil started volunteering at her grandkid's school over lunches. The kids are 9 and 10. Well, when she was monitoring, she'd say hi to the grandkids and they would ignore her. Then one day the 9 year old wasn't being nice to another child so Mil corrected her. The grandchild snapped back and told her to go away. Mil said she went home and cried.
My husband said to her that volunteering at the kid's school makes for awkward dynamics although it was the kid's mother that suggested it.
Kids are weird and for them it's probably embarrassing to have granny at school but their behaviour is atrocious.
Mind you, the kid's mum has a strained relationship with Mil and talks tit about her in front of the kids so it wouldn't surprise me if her opinion influences them. Sil will use Mil for daycare but otherwise doesn't care much for her. A fine example of how people shouldn't rely on having kids to care for them.
My Mil started volunteering at her grandkid's school over lunches. The kids are 9 and 10. Well, when she was monitoring, she'd say hi to the grandkids and they would ignore her. Then one day the 9 year old wasn't being nice to another child so Mil corrected her. The grandchild snapped back and told her to go away. Mil said she went home and cried.
My husband said to her that volunteering at the kid's school makes for awkward dynamics although it was the kid's mother that suggested it.
Kids are weird and for them it's probably embarrassing to have granny at school but their behaviour is atrocious.
Mind you, the kid's mum has a strained relationship with Mil and talks tit about her in front of the kids so it wouldn't surprise me if her opinion influences them. Sil will use Mil for daycare but otherwise doesn't care much for her. A fine example of how people shouldn't rely on having kids to care for them.
Aw that’s so sad. My mum used to volunteer at my school and I loved it and was so proud of her making sure everyone knew she was my mum. Your mil must be heartbroken.
So many kids now have no respect. I wouldn’t have dared ignore anyone at that age.
It’s sad how much times have changed. Kids pretty much rule now and everything is child centred.
I hate to sound morbid but I turned 50 last week, another 20 years would be just fine
I know what you mean, I've always thought I would like to get to 65 then conk out, so to speak. It's not the sort of thing you can say to people though as they're like whaaaaat!!
I currently have an elderly parent on my hands and it's a complete and utter nightmare as they're clingy, manipulative, screechy and abusive. It keeps interfering with me getting on with my own life.
A friend recently had a baby. She's the type of person that has to always have an opinion on everything, is always advocating for some or other cause, etc. You know what I'm talking about lol. Well she is trying to "prove" on her social media that her life isn't over just because she had a baby and a couple of days ago she announced on her Insta stories that she and her husband were taking the baby to the new Black Panther movie. Why would you do that? You will annoy everyone in the cinema with your screaming baby, people have been waiting a long time to see this, and I doubt the baby will enjoy it - she's only a month old and action movies are not the most soothing choice for a newborn
I am also sick of older people telling me "when I was your age I had a house full of teenagers / was having my fifth child / etc and you have none!" Yeah? Too bad, I'm not you
I am also sick of older people telling me "when I was your age I had a house full of teenagers / was having my fifth child / etc and you have none!" Yeah? Too bad, I'm not you
The noise in the cinema is way too loud for a baby that little. Even I get a panicky in the cinema when the volume is so loud
poor child.Either accept your life will change when you have a baby or don’t have a baby.
Why in the world would she do that?
Black panther was so loud even I was uncomfortable at times.
She could have easily watched another movie from home.
"Having a baby won't change anything 
" people are the worst. It's all performative, to prove to themselves that life hasn't changed, except it ruins the fun for everyone else (who are too polite to say anything). My husband and I joke that the five words to ruin a party is: "Can we bring the baby?"
If you honestly believe that nothing will change by adding a totally defenceless human being to your family, who relies entirely on you for food, warmth and safety, then you're either negligent, foolish or both.
" people are the worst. It's all performative, to prove to themselves that life hasn't changed, except it ruins the fun for everyone else (who are too polite to say anything). My husband and I joke that the five words to ruin a party is: "Can we bring the baby?"If you honestly believe that nothing will change by adding a totally defenceless human being to your family, who relies entirely on you for food, warmth and safety, then you're either negligent, foolish or both.
"Having a baby won't change anything
If you honestly believe that nothing will change by adding a totally defenceless human being to your family, who relies entirely on you for food, warmth and safety, then you're either negligent, foolish or both.
I mean fucksakes, even getting a cat changed my life to a degree. When you have a living thing reliant on you to feed it, look after it, give it love and attention, ofc your life is going to change! Yes I’m going to make another human being and nothing about my life will change at all, it’s delusional
It makes absolutely no sense to me that someone who intends for their life to stay the same would even have a baby. Like what enjoyment are you getting from having kids if you want to live the same life you did pre kids, just with a child somehow in the mix?
- Status