Cheating

[MrsSoprano]

So I have a lot of people in my life who do cheat and have cheated and I’m talking married/have kids/live together and even cheating with people who both them and partner are friends with and will still hang out,

I’ve never cheated so I can’t really understand emotions involved, so for anyone who has cheated but happily staying with partner, what were your reasons? Did you regret it? Did you not? No judgement at all I just can’t get over the amount of people I know who do it and I want to know more

 

[roundzip]

I think humans aren’t necessarily designed to be monogamous; we weren’t put on this earth and programmed to only fancy and love one person so naturally there is always gonna be temptation because you’re going to find a lot of other people sexually attractive and form connections.

It comes down to morals and values - I think some can resist and some can’t and it often comes down to situation and circumstance and those “in the moment” times. I think I can be more understanding of one offs - I’m not saying I would personally forgive that, but I think it’s more understandable if someone had a weak moment. What I don’t understand is people who have long winded affairs - that’s not a moment of weakness. Just leave the person you’re with if you’re doing that. But I think I can understand that you could be completely in love with someone but you just have an Intense sexual connection with another and that’s when you have to decide what you really want.

 

[sapphiccharm]

Cheated once and only once. He was abusive physically and emotionally and I also realised I wasn't straight by that point (not out to anyone, not even really to myself) and I guess I had "fomo" and didn't want to spend the rest of the crappy relationship, however long it lasted, never having experienced sex with a woman - I was engaged to this dude and thought I was doomed to spend eternity with this asshole. I couldn't get past that want/need/desire, couldn't get it out of my head, would fantasise and dream about it... to the point where it was actually affecting me mentally/emotionally and I guess sexually as well. Met someone on Instagram, and long story short it was meant to be no strings attached but my dumbass got attached... Eventually got my heart broken and karma got me back. Wasn't a long winded affair, as soon as I realised I was in love with this new person, I ended the relationship with the guy and came clean about cheating. Gave me an excuse to get away in the end...

 

[Medusah80]

I thought I would get away with it,I didn’t .She caught us in bed, it broke her heart.She begged me to stop and think of our child but at that time I didn’t care .
its been 8yrs and I regret it .
if anyone is thinking of cheating STOP it’s not worth it, end your relationship first before moving on to the next one.

 

[Gembo]

In my 20’s I cheated on my ex, something I very much regret. I only slept with one person once (I was very drunk) but I kissed one or two others and went on what I guess were dates with a couple of others. It was a terrible thing for me to do and he deserved so much better. It’s one of my biggest regrets. I did it because I didn’t have much of a sex life with my ex so I felt frustrated, he never really wanted it and wasn’t very affectionate. Which is not an excuse. I should have talked to him or left. I also have incredibly low self esteem and it was always a real boost for me when someone was interested in me. I think that was probably the biggest reason, it used to make me feel good about myself. I try not to judge people now for cheating as I think the reasons can be complex but I would never do it again. The guilt was sickening and it really is a pretty terrible thing to do.

 

[Ohchristmastree]

Hmm not “physically” cheating but felt I was getting close to someone else and wanted to take it further so broke up with my fiancé at the time. I didn’t end up with either guy in the end and even though nothing physically happened until we had separated I still feel bad now over how I ended it with my fiancé, I was so heartless.

 

[HelloStereo]

No, but I've unknowingly become the "other woman" before. The guy was always quite cagey and never added me to social media or anything, and would only really contact me through private Skype messages and Snapchat. Sometimes he would disappear for a few days and then come back just saying he was busy.

I probably went full on stalker but I was suspicious so created a fake Instagram user account and there were pictures of him with a girl. He had her mum added as a follower on there which I think confirms it. There were a few other details too, he was tagged in pictures with her and she called him "bae" and on the snap map he sometimes was where she lived. He then had a picture with a caption that said he had a good taste in women.

I asked him about it and he denied it and said she was just a friend, but people were saying they looked like a couple hence the caption. Then he accused me of strange behaviour. To be honest I didn't buy it at all, too many things matched up. I wouldn't usually check up on someone but I just had a bad feeling about it all along.

I disappeared out of his life one day and I've not heard from him since. I always wonder if I should have told the girl he was with, but I know he would have just lied and twisted the truth.

 

[Gloria Roscoe]

I've been the other woman and I think the relationship between him and his partner has usually broken down anyway. Something isn't working and the love has obviously gone.

 

[Bleurghgram]

I always wonder if I should have told the girl he was with, but I know he would have just lied and twisted the truth.

This is something I think about a lot. I was the other woman for about 6 weeks (we are now together but it’s about 5 years and two breakups later), I ended it once I realised how serious he was with someone else. I often wonder whether she’d have believed me or whether he’d have lied his way out of it.

 

[HelloStereo]

This is something I think about a lot. I was the other woman for about 6 weeks (we are now together but it’s about 5 years and two breakups later), I ended it once I realised how serious he was with someone else. I often wonder whether she’d have believed me or whether he’d have lied his way out of it.

Exactly. Like how plausible would it have been to receive a message from a stranger saying 'your boyfriend is cheating on you'? Would they then confront him and he'd say something like 'oh we used to date and she still likes me and is trying to sabotage things'. If I sent screenshots would he lie and say they were photoshopped? I didn't know her so why would she believe a stranger over her boyfriend?

 

[Bleurghgram]

There’s no way is there... you’d get labelled as a mad woman. I actually told him we’re one bottle of wine away from me blowing your life up by messaging her, so you need to leave me alone. I got a typical ‘you’re right, this needs to stop for all our sakes’ reply back. He would have had his cake for as long as he could have gotten away with it. I can’t think about it for too long now or I end up punching him.

 

[Pinkblush]

Many years ago without my knowledge I was a 'side piece' for around two months until I found out he was shacked up with someone else. When confronted he explained that they had an unplanned child together and he hadn't wanted to settle down with her but felt he had to. He said he cared for her but wasn't in love with her. He managed to get those few sentences out before I got out of the car and walked away.

 

[HelloStereo]

Many years ago without my knowledge I was a 'side piece' for around two months until I found out he was shacked up with someone else. When confronted he explained that they had an unplanned child together and he hadn't wanted to settle down with her but felt he had to. He said he cared for her but wasn't in love with her. He managed to get those few sentences out before I got out of the car and walked away.

Well done for having the strength to walk away. For ages I used to doubt myself and when he lied I'd make excuses for him!

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

Where my partner works there is an awful lot of cheating, the men he works with are regularly cheating on their wives and girlfriends with girls they meet in clubs, prostitutes and colleagues. It's quite a masculine environment and there is considerable drug taking and I often wonder if that might be why it's so rife, there's a lot of oneupmanship so it can be quite toxic. However, where I work I have only heard of a couple of affairs in 9 years and both times it was seen as quite scandalous. I cheated on an ex boyfriend many years ago, however he had moved, albeit temporarily, 3000 miles away by this point, and I felt deserted and unloved, he dumped me a couple of months later, he never found out, the distance was just too much. I would never cheat on my partner now, we have been together 13 years and to put it bluntly the thought of sex with another man would give me severe anxiety but also, he's my soulmate.

 

[Johara]

I've been the other woman and I think the relationship between him and his partner has usually broken down anyway. Something isn't working and the love has obviously gone.

While I'm so against betrayal I believe you are right.

I have an unusual take on cheating.
I believe strongly that the cheated on partner has fallen out of love with the cheater before the cheater cheats.

I believe that the most insecure people cheat and they are so paranoid about abandonment that THEY notice when their partner is no longer IN LOVE with them.

Being loved by their partner is not good enough for them.

They need evidence of IN LOVE as plain old LOVE doesn't cut it for them. They crave passion/romance.

I've shared my theory with several cheated on women. One said it made huge sense to her. Others don't grasp the in love bit. They say "But I loved him" not realising my point was "were you still in love with him?".

There's a big difference.

I believe too that it is possible to remain in love with someone. That it doesn't expire for all couples.

There's a graph about passion, commitment, love & friendship that psychologists use to measure the passionate ratio of a relationship.

If it reduces too much trouble looms.

I

Many years ago without my knowledge I was a 'side piece' for around two months until I found out he was shacked up with someone else. When confronted he explained that they had an unplanned child together and he hadn't wanted to settle down with her but felt he had to. He said he cared for her but wasn't in love with her. He managed to get those few sentences out before I got out of the car and walked away.

Ironically for a deceitful person I think he was telling the truth. He was literally no longer in love and neither was she.

The in love part had died so he went trawling for a replacement.

No excuses for his deceitfulness.

 

[Pinkblush]

I always find it strange that its always the 'other woman' who gets the blame for 'stealing' a man and its usually women who blame women but never the straying man. As if somehow he had no say in it. Who could forget the trolling angelina got for 'stealing' brad off jen while no stuck to him. No one is going to get involved with someone who says they are happily married and blissfully devoted to their other half. More like brad spun angelina a line about not being happy and that their marriage was on the rocks or they're about to break up etc. I can see how someone can be taken in like that even tho its still wrong to hook up.

 

[Johara]

I always find it strange that its always the 'other woman' who gets the blame for 'stealing' a man and its usually women who blame women but never the straying man. As if somehow he had no say in it. Who could forget the trolling angelina got for 'stealing' brad off jen while no stuck to him. No one is going to get involved with someone who says they are happily married and blissfully devoted to their other half. More like brad spun angelina a line about not being happy and that their marriage was on the rocks or they're about to break up etc. I can see how someone can be taken in like that even tho its still wrong to hook up.

I think if people understood the reality there would be no blame.

As an analogy, if 2 people adore spending time together because they set off sparks in each other then we can say their love bond is based majorly on setting off sparks.

Now if the sparks stop being activated what's left?

Ideally a couple continue to spark each off romantically all their lives. It happens for some.

When that spark is gone for good it's gone.

People don't want to self examine. They'd rather look outside and cheat or blame.

Most cheated on people are no longer IN LOVE with their partner when that partner cheats.

But they don't realise it!

 

[Morequeries]

If we all payed more attention to each other and not take our partners for granted it could be avoided

 

[Gossipingginger]

I was the other women unknowingly for 3 and a half years. I accidentally found out about his actual girlfriend via social media stalk as things were not adding up. Needless to say I let her know after I had enough of his tit. Turns out he was leading a double life. I dont regret telling her as she told me truth of what was going on. Turns out he had a child with her, saving for a house etc, all while playing a victim to me. Needless to say I earnt a really hard lesson.

 

[Johara]

If we all payed more attention to each other and not take our partners for granted it could be avoided

I'm not sure about that.

In some relationships people disconnect after the other person's behaviour gets too hurtful.

Yet they continue, imagining that they can go on like that, no longer feeling connected but holding on to the commitment for whatever reason.

Some people are full of issues and eventually their partner is forced to disconnect. Then cheating starts.

What really needs to occur is for the disconnecting partner to say hey this is no good. It's so bad I have to exit.

But they don't often do that. Then it gets worse.