Broodiness issues

[MissTeddy]

My husband had a daughter when we met, after a few months we had a BIG chat and I said that it was a dealbreaker. If he wouldn’t have another child then ultimately we didn’t have a future. Being a stepmother wasn’t enough for me - if fact if anything it made me realise how much I wanted my own child. As much as I loved him that biological need was stronger and would have walked.

 

[Trey93]

This happened to me. We had a child and he has a potentially hereditary condition. My partner said he didn’t want anymore after this, he found babies and children in general harder work than he thought it would be plus the potential for any further children to have the same condition wasn’t a risk he wanted to take. Prior to this, he had wanted two children while I had always wanted a big family but accepted two as what we would have.

It was actually really tough for a couple of years and I couldn’t get over it. Eventually I told him I would end up resenting him if we didn’t have more kids so I would have to leave for both our happiness. He then changed his mind and now we have 3 now he always says he put too much thought into it as he’s such a worrier and is so glad we never left our oldest as an only child.

I know this probably makes me look like a control freak but that was my experience.

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

I need to talk about this somewhere as can’t talk to my friends as they’re all on my side and can’t only talk to my partner as he’s only on his side.

What the hell do you do when you and your partner differ on children....after you’ve had a child!

I understand the idea of not having a child with someone who doesn’t want kids. But what happens when you have a child with someone who wants kids then they decide they only want one. You’re left there like a broody chicken clucking over nothing.

I know no one can help me but I’m so upset over the fact I can’t discuss this with anyone I just needed to make a thread. I feel so scared and trapped because I’m 36, I feel I need to make a massive decision soon.

 

[MissTeddy]

Ive always tried to count my blessings that I have a happy healthy child. She does have a great relationship with her half sister (albeit a 10 year age gap). She does get spoilt financially, rightly or wrongly.

 

[MissTeddy]

not wishing to hijack the thread but yes, in my case my husband never wanted the cost Of another child And 1 was plenty for him. I know some people engineer a ‘happy accident’ but I honestly never wanted another. I do sympathise with the OP.

 

[JoeBloggs]

When you first met, what were his feelings then? Have they changed or is this something you never spoke about?

 

[Holdmypoodle]

What are his reasons for not wanting another/ changing his mind?

 

[LaurieLaurie]

How old is your child?

Personally I’d rather keep my family of 3 than have to start from scratch with someone else.

 

[MissTeddy]

Yes this is how I felt and we had our child. The problem I have now is I want more. I want more babies

I can understand that. We only have one biological child together. That was my husband’s deal breaker that he only wanted 1 more child and he was very clear on that. As it turns out it was hard for me to conceive and I was happy not to go through it again. I got a dog. But if you crave a large family I really feel for you.

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

I totally feel like we’re in the same place! We’re a similar age and I also have one child plus a grown up step daughter. My husband is a no to anymore children as he’s done it twice now and is happy with that. We’re also not in a financial position to have another right now but the thought of never having another just makes me feel so disappointed.
it’s even harder as in the last couple of years nearly everyone I know has either had a second child or is pregnant and as happy as I am for them it hurts that it will never be me.
It’s so hard and I wish I had some helpful advice but sadly I don’t but will say I feel your pain and send hugs and support xx

Yes I feel such a pang of jealousy at every pregnancy announcement be it friend, family, colleague or celeb . I’m even jealous of my friends who aren’t pregnant but know they’ll have more kids eventually. I just hate that I don’t even have that glimmer in the future.

 

[Gimmethegossipgirl]

He says it’s financial, that he doesn’t want the extra burden of another child. That does annoy me as the breadwinner in our relationship but I do also see the logic and understand where he’s coming from. Doesn’t ease the broodiness though and the desire to love another child.

When I was pregnant we called it ‘Baby1’ as a nickname so definitely wasn’t the plan to only have one at that time.

I would never get pregnant without his agreement, I have the coil so we would need to make that decision properly and then me have that removed. I’m not ever going to do that behind his back.

Maybe I need to consider therapy to ‘get over’ this and count my blessings that I have a healthy child and step child.

I totally feel like we’re in the same place! We’re a similar age and I also have one child plus a grown up step daughter. My husband is a no to anymore children as he’s done it twice now and is happy with that. We’re also not in a financial position to have another right now but the thought of never having another just makes me feel so disappointed.
it’s even harder as in the last couple of years nearly everyone I know has either had a second child or is pregnant and as happy as I am for them it hurts that it will never be me.
It’s so hard and I wish I had some helpful advice but sadly I don’t but will say I feel your pain and send hugs and support xx

 

[Kim Mild]

Are there financial or health reasons why he thinks this?

Or does he just think 1 child is plenty ? ( I mean one then , and now one with you) .

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

Sorry I didn’t mention my partner has a daughter, my step daughter. Which is why he feels complete

I have the best relationship with my step daughter so there’s no issues there and in fact she begs us to have another baby as her mum won’t

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

This happened to me. We had a child and he has a potentially hereditary condition. My partner said he didn’t want anymore after this, he found babies and children in general harder work than he thought it would be plus the potential for any further children to have the same condition wasn’t a risk he wanted to take. Prior to this, he had wanted two children while I had always wanted a big family but accepted two as what we would have.

It was actually really tough for a couple of years and I couldn’t get over it. Eventually I told him I would end up resenting him if we didn’t have more kids so I would have to leave for both our happiness. He then changed his mind and now we have 3 now he always says he put too much thought into it as he’s such a worrier and is so glad we never left our oldest as an only child.

I know this probably makes me look like a control freak but that was my experience.

oh this makes me happy! I didn’t mention another reason my bf is funny about having another child is our child has speech delays. He’s 2 and doesn’t talk. I agree we should wait till we have this sorted but my bf seems to think we should just not have another child at all

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

He says it’s financial, that he doesn’t want the extra burden of another child. That does annoy me as the breadwinner in our relationship but I do also see the logic and understand where he’s coming from. Doesn’t ease the broodiness though and the desire to love another child.

When I was pregnant we called it ‘Baby1’ as a nickname so definitely wasn’t the plan to only have one at that time.

I would never get pregnant without his agreement, I have the coil so we would need to make that decision properly and then me have that removed. I’m not ever going to do that behind his back.

Maybe I need to consider therapy to ‘get over’ this and count my blessings that I have a healthy child and step child.

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

What are his reasons for not wanting another/ changing his mind?

Sorry didn’t make those clear but he has a child already and thinks he can just tick them off a list

My husband had a daughter when we met, after a few months we had a BIG chat and I said that it was a dealbreaker. If he wouldn’t have another child then ultimately we didn’t have a future. Being a stepmother wasn’t enough for me - if fact if anything it made me realise how much I wanted my own child. As much as I loved him that biological need was stronger and would have walked.

Yes this is how I felt and we had our child. The problem I have now is I want more. I want more babies