Birth Trauma

[Amylaauren]

I’m not sure if there’s any threads about this but last November I had a really traumatic birth. Thankfully baby is okay apart from being on the small side but I’ve really suffered mentally and physically since my birth. The whole time in hospital and the first few months have just been a total blur and I feel like I’ll never get those moments back.
Just wondering if anybody else had a traumatic birth and how they’ve manage to deal with it etc? A safe space to have a moan I guess!

 

[klarakluckbag]

I'm sorry to hear that your birth experience was so traumatic for you, but glad that your baby is ok. Were you offered a "debrief" appointment with a doctor or senior midwife? I work in midwifery and we know that going through the birth details with a professional can often help to answer some questions, as you tend to get swept up in events at the time. You or your birth partner may not have felt able to question decisions, or understood exactly what was happening, and having the chance to talk through this may help a little, and I've heard that most women find the appointment beneficial.

One of my midwife colleagues is a big fan of journalling. It can help to write your thoughts down, and to get them in some sense of order. This is a very good idea of you're thinking of making a complaint about your care (and if you think you have good reason to complain, I would strongly urge you to do so!) but even if not, research had shown that the very act of writing stuff down is therapeutic.

Try not to worry about missing these first few weeks, even if you'd had the most perfect delivery, you'd still be on your hands and knees, praying for some sleep. Those first few weeks pass by in a complete blur for everyone! You're often told that it's the "most wonderful time in your life", or that it's such a "special time". In reality, it's often a complete nightmare with painful breasts, CS wounds and/or perineums, not to mention back pain, swollen feet, bladder irritation, lingering PGP or carpel tunnel pain,.etc etc. Low moods are common, probably mostly due to the constant broken sleep, but also wild hormone swings, not to mention the sheer relentless workload of looking after a new baby.

Be kind to yourself and ask for help if you need it, especially if you're having nightmares, flashbacks, or physical issues that are still worrying you. Hassle your GP if you need physio referrals, especially if it's for bladder issues (I'm always banging this drum, bladder leaks are NOT NORMAL, and women shouldn't put up with them!!) And if this is your first baby, do try to join a mum and baby group, they're invaluable for just getting out of the house and talking to another adult. Babies are lovely, but they're a bit boring when you're stuck indoors with one all day.

 

[Amylaauren]

I'm sorry to hear that your birth experience was so traumatic for you, but glad that your baby is ok. Were you offered a "debrief" appointment with a doctor or senior midwife? I work in midwifery and we know that going through the birth details with a professional can often help to answer some questions, as you tend to get swept up in events at the time. You or your birth partner may not have felt able to question decisions, or understood exactly what was happening, and having the chance to talk through this may help a little, and I've heard that most women find the appointment beneficial.

One of my midwife colleagues is a big fan of journalling. It can help to write your thoughts down, and to get them in some sense of order. This is a very good idea of you're thinking of making a complaint about your care (and if you think you have good reason to complain, I would strongly urge you to do so!) but even if not, research had shown that the very act of writing stuff down is therapeutic.

Try not to worry about missing these first few weeks, even if you'd had the most perfect delivery, you'd still be on your hands and knees, praying for some sleep. Those first few weeks pass by in a complete blur for everyone! You're often told that it's the "most wonderful time in your life", or that it's such a "special time". In reality, it's often a complete nightmare with painful breasts, CS wounds and/or perineums, not to mention back pain, swollen feet, bladder irritation, lingering PGP or carpel tunnel pain,.etc etc. Low moods are common, probably mostly due to the constant broken sleep, but also wild hormone swings, not to mention the sheer relentless workload of looking after a new baby.

Be kind to yourself and ask for help if you need it, especially if you're having nightmares, flashbacks, or physical issues that are still worrying you. Hassle your GP if you need physio referrals, especially if it's for bladder issues (I'm always banging this drum, bladder leaks are NOT NORMAL, and women shouldn't put up with them!!) And if this is your first baby, do try to join a mum and baby group, they're invaluable for just getting out of the house and talking to another adult. Babies are lovely, but they're a bit boring when you're stuck indoors with one all day.

Thank you so much for this, this has been really helpful. So far I’ve requested my notes but there’s a back log in maternity from the recent news. We are definitely wanting to make a complaint and possibly take it further as there were a lot of mistakes and a lot of breaches of policies etc. we did have a debrief but it didn’t really help, the lady that did the meeting was just reading through our notes and a lot wasn’t documented correctly so my husband ended up contesting certain bits!

I’ve been referred for some mental health support through my HV who has been absolutely amazing. I was initially going to do CBT to try and get over my fear of birth again but we’ve decided absolutely no more children so I was discharged.

I’ve also been referred for pelvic floor physio and I do try and get out as much as possible but the trauma from my birth sometimes gets too much.

 

[klarakluckbag]

There's some useful information on the RCOG website:

Pelvic floor health | RCOG

This page aims to provide resources that improve women’s knowledge about the importance of maintaining a healthy pelvic floor throughout their lives, and increase awareness of pelvic floor dysfunction.

www.rcog.org.uk

Is it worth thinking about a second opinion for your birth injury? Reading between the lines, I'm assuming that you've had "repair" surgery, do you think that this needs to be reassessed or reviewed? You are perfectly entitled to seek a second opinion, and you can be referred to a different hospital if you wish. You'll need to speak to your GP but don't let them fob you off, you often need to be quite insistent!

Was it the IAPT scheme that offered CBT for your (understandable) fear of childbirth? If so, you can refer yourself again if you just need mental health support to deal with your trauma. If not, have a look at their website:

NHS England » NHS Talking Therapies for anxiety and depression

NHS England » NHS Talking Therapies for anxiety and depression

www.england.nhs.uk

 

[Amylaauren]

There's some useful information on the RCOG website:

Pelvic floor health | RCOG

This page aims to provide resources that improve women’s knowledge about the importance of maintaining a healthy pelvic floor throughout their lives, and increase awareness of pelvic floor dysfunction.

www.rcog.org.uk

Is it worth thinking about a second opinion for your birth injury? Reading between the lines, I'm assuming that you've had "repair" surgery, do you think that this needs to be reassessed or reviewed? You are perfectly entitled to seek a second opinion, and you can be referred to a different hospital if you wish. You'll need to speak to your GP but don't let them fob you off, you often need to be quite insistent!

Was it the IAPT scheme that offered CBT for your (understandable) fear of childbirth? If so, you can refer yourself again if you just need mental health support to deal with your trauma. If not, have a look at their website:

NHS England » NHS Talking Therapies for anxiety and depression

NHS England » NHS Talking Therapies for anxiety and depression

www.england.nhs.uk

I had an episiotomy but at my last appointment apparently everything looks fine but I’ve got a moderate prolapse, not sure if that could’ve been fixed? I was in theatre after for a huge bleed.
I was referred for talking therapies but I couldn’t attend the date and time they gave me so I was discharged. I’m waiting for an appointment with another local service to talk through things.

 

[Kim Mild]

It's important to remember birth trauma doesn't necessarily come from the medical interventions, it comes from emotional trauma. And emotions can be just as severe as physical.

 

[Hinchhater1442]

Hello!!
Firstly I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling, and I can totally relate although for different reasons.

I self referred to therapy and ended up being diagnosed with PTSD. I can’t lie, if I sit and think about it too much it still makes me very angry and horribly upset, but I have accepted that it’s something I can’t change.

I think for a while I felt ‘robbed’ of an experience, but it’s important to remember those posting their baby bubbles on social media don’t necessarily exist the way we see them. They’re still on their a with a newborn. I could post the good pics from our first fortnight with a cute caption and you’d believe I’d had a wonderful experience.

I am pregnant again but I’ve been very head strong this time about what I want and what I’m willing to accept. I probably seem like a right Karen but sadly in this situation I think it’s what’s needed, I recognise after the shitshow last time I really need to advocate for myself.

Is there anything in particular you feel you’re really struggling with that we could help with?