bf gets angry at video games

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my bf is generally a very calm person, nothing upsets him, he's the chillest person i know.

however, technology not working, and especially losing at video games makes him irrationally angry! he throws the mouse, punches the wall, etc. sometimes he scares me with the sudden noises, and our cat as well. he's like a completely different person then. it's been an issue in our relationship for years, so much so that a year ago he actually intentionally broke his laptop and threw it away to show me he's sorry for this behaviour (which i also think is crazy lol), then proceeded to get a crappy replacement from his grandpa which barely works, and now he gets even angrier because it doesn't work properly! in a desperate attempt to make this better, i agreed to contribute to a good new laptop this black friday but now i'm regretting that because i doubt it will help.

i just really don't know what to do! usually he's fine in like 5 min and then he's very apologetic but it makes me really anxious and on edge whenever he's around the laptop. i feel like i'm going around in circles and like it will never stop :(

anyone had an experience like this? any tips?
 
Have you spoken to him about it? Or do you just dodge the subject? My husband gets sweaty and loud when something isn't working or when say someone cuts him up in traffic but he says he just needs to get it out and then it's out and done. The difference is that he doesn't damage anything, it's a verbal release and it doesn't scare me and isn't aimed at me.

Do you feel personally unsafe? If so then it needs to be properly addressed.

If not then at a minimum I would certainly not contribute to fixing the consequences of his actions. He should learn that any damage he causes is damage he has to pay for.
 
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Have you spoken to him about it? Or do you just dodge the subject? My husband gets sweaty and loud when something isn't working or when say someone cuts him up in traffic but he says he just needs to get it out and then it's out and done. The difference is that he doesn't damage anything, it's a verbal release and it doesn't scare me and isn't aimed at me.

Do you feel personally unsafe? If so then it needs to be properly addressed.

If not then at a minimum I would certainly not contribute to fixing the consequences of his actions. He should learn that any damage he causes is damage he has to pay for.
thank you for taking the time to reply! yes i've spoken to him about it, i don't dodge it because it annoys me so much 😂 however i don't feel unsafe at all, it's just when he hits the wall or something when i'm not expecting it, it scares me. i agree with you about the last part and have talked to him about it and he also agrees. he's a very reasonable person in general! it's just when he's gaming he's impossible and i'm sick of it 🥴
 
I don't have much advice but every single partner I've been/male I've known with has got this angry at video games.
I play myself and I really don't get it!
My partner used to wake the baby up and it used to annoy me so much!
My ex broke the TV by throwing his controller at it.
My partners brother has just bought a new controller because he broke that throwing it at the wall.
The list goes on.
I have no advice but you're definitley not alone.
And it's definitley not uncommon. Although ridiculous!
 
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I don't have much advice but every single partner I've been/male I've known with has got this angry at video games.
I play myself and I really don't get it!
My partner used to wake the baby up and it used to annoy me so much!
My ex broke the TV by throwing his controller at it.
My partners brother has just bought a new controller because he broke that throwing it at the wall.
The list goes on.
I have no advice but you're definitley not alone.
And it's definitley not uncommon. Although ridiculous!
tbh this does make me feel better even though it's ridiculous 😅 i also play myself and never, ever get that angry! i always tell him, we play games to have fun and feel relaxed, not to feel angry. when you start to feel like that, that's when you should stop 🤷‍♀️
 
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tbh this does make me feel better even though it's ridiculous 😅 i also play myself and never, ever get that angry! i always tell him, we play games to have fun and feel relaxed, not to feel angry. when you start to feel like that, that's when you should stop 🤷‍♀️
I am yet to meet a male that doesn't get angry. Regardless of their normal temperament.
It makes no sense to me. And I'm sure there are some out there that don't but I'm yet to come across them.
My Partners Mum is always complaining about how noisy my partners brother and nephew are when playing and how she hates when they're playing games because they get so angry!

I just don't understand why you'd play something if it makes you feel that way! 😂
 
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I am yet to meet a male that doesn't get angry. Regardless of their normal temperament.
It makes no sense to me. And I'm sure there are some out there that don't but I'm yet to come across them.
My Partners Mum is always complaining about how noisy my partners brother and nephew are when playing and how she hates when they're playing games because they get so angry!

I just don't understand why you'd play something if it makes you feel that way! 😂
my point exactly 😅

i just don't know how to approach it anymore: trying to calm him down doesn't work, ignoring doesn't do anything, getting angry back at him makes it worse!
 
my point exactly 😅

i just don't know how to approach it anymore: trying to calm him down doesn't work, ignoring doesn't do anything, getting angry back at him makes it worse!
I honestly don't know if there's a way to stop it.
Personally, after my ex broke the TV, I told him that until he starts to calm down, I don't want him playing the certain games that make him angry.
Literally had to talk to him and treat him like a child.
As soon as he got angry, I'd get up and turn the xbox off 🙃
Told him I wasn't living in an environment where he's shouting his head off and the fear he's going to throw or break something.
 
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My husband used to be like this.
My theory is things like video games, driving, tech not working, playing sport, watching your football team lose etc are ‘acceptable’ ways for men to let out negative emotion so that’s how they do it. But it is the release of general anger/resentment.
It turned out my husband was not allowed to express anger/disappointment etc as a child so it was all bottled up. As we talked through a few things (in a neutral setting like a walk around the park, talking in a low key way) he realised how he was taught to hold stuff in at home as a kid. The anger gets stuffed down because it has nowhere safe to go.
It sounds simple but it can be a big thing for some people to say to themselves in the moment ‘I’m feeling hurt/angry/disrespected’ which goes a long way to prevent outbursts at something unrelated.

Of course whether someone is open to those realisations is an entirely different matter. But if it’s important to you then hopefully he will want to have a gentle conversation about it.
 
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My partner is like this too. Not just with playing games but when building furniture. He literally loses the rag if something doesn't slot into place like the nstructions say so or its taking him longer to build than he expected. He will shout really loudly at the inanimate object and it scares me and the cat. Same with video games, the game or else the machine or else wheover he is playing is a 'bleeping bleep'! It really does my head in. He is normally such a chilled guy and I've grown used to it. Thankfully it doesn't happen all the time. Sorry I can't offer advice but just know you aren't alone x
 
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I play a ton an used to feel myself getting to that point where anger was starting to come out, I can sorta understand where it comes from, you get so invested in a game an when something goes wrong which usually it's something totally stupid or out of your control like the controls being delayed or a glitch etc it can end up making you mad especially when it's been or is something quite hard or is caused by troll players

I'll admit I've never went that far where I've broken anything or punched walls etc but what I do now is pause the game an either walk away an get a drink if I can't save it then come back an save an quit or save it there an then an put it off for the night, I get it's not possible to do in the middle of a multi but maybe you could ask him that when he's starting to feel the frustrating to either save an quit or pause an cool down before it gets into the anger stage, an if it's a multi to finish the fight/quest/mission etc then come off
 
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thank you everyone 💗

he's said from now on when he feels it building up he will move away from the laptop. and he's decided not to buy a new one until he can control this! i was quite sceptical at the beginning but giving up on the new laptop until he works on it gives me some hope 🤗
 
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