Best friend having a baby.

[RoseBush23]

Hey all! No judgment please

my best friend is trying for a baby. I’m obviously very happy for her but I’m also feeling weird about it as I know she isn’t ready yet, and she’s worried her boyfriend will end things if she doesn’t start trying.

I also lost a best friend of over 10 years when she had a baby, I was so supportive to her but she dramatically changed when she had a baby, shut me out and hardly had friends anymore so I guess I’m petrified of this happening again. I know the advice would be speak to her about it, but we get on so well via text but recently in person she just seems angry all the time. She never tells her boyfriend when he’s upset her or pisser her off, she takes it out on everyone else.

just feeling a bit low and lost tbh

 

[Renata]

I think the friendship may be challenging after she has the baby as your lives will be so different.

Have you tried to find new (single) friends or activity partners?

I don’t think she will disappear but at the same time I wouldn’t expect too much.

 

[justheretoread99]

I know how you feel. And it’s awful. I felt so guilty for feeling upset and abandoned when my closest friends settled down and had babies.

Having a baby is probably one of the most challenging and life changing experiences to happen to a woman. Your priorities completely change. And the single baby-less friends are left feeling behind.

But, if you ever feel shut out just remember you are now at different points in your life. Some friends will want more time away from their “old life” and some friends won’t. Some friends probably can’t wait until the baby is old enough to be left with a babysitter or grandparent so the mother can have some time away with her friends.

A true friend will incorporate you around their new life and responsibilities. If your friend does get pregnant, just try and make an effort with her throughout the pregnancy and when the baby Is here. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.

The key thing is “my friend is trying for a baby”. She isn’t actually pregnant. So try and live in the moment and not over think about the future. I know it’s hard, because I often feel low and think “what about me, all my friends are in relationships and I feel lost and left out.” It truly is a horrible feeling.

But try and focus on your own hobbies and interests. Do what makes you happy. Don’t think about what your friends are doing in terms of family and relationships. Try some mindfulness, chat to people on here, go for walks, runs, little days out alone. Get comfortable with your own company. A little shopping/salon day and treat yourself. Travel to a new city and explore. It’s easier said than done but all these things help when I’m feeling a little lonely and lost.

True friends will always be there for each other no matter the circumstances.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Not everyone changes after a baby, I’m the only one to have a child and my friends are still as close to me as they always were.

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

Hi lovely, I’m going to play devils advocate here. You sound like a great friend and super supportive and I’m sure your friends with kids absolutely love you for it. However, I’ve really struggled to maintain friendships since having children. Not because I don’t/didn’t absolutely adore my friends but once you have kids your entire whole universe becomes about them weather you like it or not, especially when they’re very young - you wake up worrying about them, planning their day, when they’re going to eat, what they’re going to do, are they playing enough, are they stimulated enough, have they had enough sleep...you get my jist and the list goes on. When your friends don’t have kids they quite literally can’t comprehend how much of your life it takes over, quite often you’ll find them kind of just glossing over it like babies/kids can just be put in a cupboard for a few hours while you catch up/respond to a text/spend hours on the phone this is obviously not your fault but you shouldn’t resent your friends for putting the most important thing ever in their lives first over you or even breaking away from a friendship simply because they don’t have the mental capacity for it (sorry if this sounds harsh, I don’t have any other way to articulate!) But it is really hard and I have found if someone causes me even the slightest bit of hassle one too many times I’ve just had to let it go and move on from the friendship because I simply don’t have the brain space for it (definitely not saying you are one of these people but just trying to make a point).

Have you ever considered that maybe your old friend had PND and shut everyone out as a result? My PND and subsequent on/off depression and OCD has meant that I find it REALLY hard to respond to messages and reach out for no particular reason, in fact I’m writing this now and I still have 3 peoples messages to reply to from a few days ago for literally no reason. Ghosting people is hideous but it genuinely wasn’t my intention but days turn to weeks and weeks turn to months and before you know it you feel like you can’t reach out when the fog lifts.

I’ve lost friends as a result of having children but the fact of the matter is some people get a bit weird about it and don’t know how to react which instantly causes a rift too. I’m sorry about your friend who is taking everything out on you etc, it does sound like you need to just ask if everything’s alright - she might have lots of grievances to get off her chest as trying for a baby is a really emotional time for some, especially if she feels slightly pressured into it.

Anyway, sorry if this is all utter nonsense and makes no sense but trying to give the other side of things. Sending love to you and I hope you get to the bottom of what is making your friend so upset. Keep being a great pal, you really sound like you are Xx

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Hey all! No judgment please

my best friend is trying for a baby. I’m obviously very happy for her but I’m also feeling weird about it as I know she isn’t ready yet, and she’s worried her boyfriend will end things if she doesn’t start trying.

I also lost a best friend of over 10 years when she had a baby, I was so supportive to her but she dramatically changed when she had a baby, shut me out and hardly had friends anymore so I guess I’m petrified of this happening again. I know the advice would be speak to her about it, but we get on so well via text but recently in person she just seems angry all the time. She never tells her boyfriend when he’s upset her or pisser her off, she takes it out on everyone else.

just feeling a bit low and lost tbh

so you say you “know” your friend isn’t ready to start trying for a baby… how do you know this? Has she actually expressed this to you? Or are you just making an assumption? Has she actually told you that she’s worried her partner will leave her if they don’t start trying or again is that just an assumption you have made?

from what you’ve written it seems that your main problem is actually with her boyfriend- I’m guessing you don’t particularly like him?

 

[RoseBush23]

so you say you “know” your friend isn’t ready to start trying for a baby… how do you know this? Has she actually expressed this to you? Or are you just making an assumption? Has she actually told you that she’s worried her partner will leave her if they don’t start trying or again is that just an assumption you have made?

from what you’ve written it seems that your main problem is actually with her boyfriend- I’m guessing you don’t particularly like him?

how come you’re always so removed? I know it because of what she’s told me. And yes she’s told me, hence why I wrote it.

 

[Oohthedrama]

how come you’re always so removed? I know it because of what she’s told me. And yes she’s told me, hence why I wrote it.

If you can’t handle replies, don’t set up threads,
These particular threads get heated, buttons are always ALWAYS being pressed, you can’t set up a thread, get six responses and then call on staff to silence members that don’t give you the reply you want, then attack them and call them horrible.

I get you’re in a bad place and worried about your relationship and your friends relationship with you/her partner, throwing a baby in. Sounds like a low budget ITV drama that never ends well.

It’s hard seeing replies when you’re feeling low, but you can’t hurt other members just because you’re hurting.

hit ignore on users you find hard to communicate with.

@BettyCrocker please choose not to reply and let this go.

both leave it there and use the options the site offer you,
Ignore,
Hit report when necessary.
That’s that Love to you all.

 

[HumphreyB]

No one is really ever ready to have a baby so her concern about not being ready isn't necessarily a red flag. This is her life, her relationship and her future. Be happy for her. Be her friend. Thats all you can do. This isn't about you.

When someone has a baby life does change. Even for mums to want to still have their own life, maintain a sense of themselves. Your time is less, your busier, things take more planning. There will always be women who have kids and vanish. They want to be in their bubble and thats whats important to them. But there are also women who are more than capable of balancing out their life.

 

[mcfeez]

No one is really ever ready to have a baby so her concern about not being ready isn't necessarily a red flag. This is her life, her relationship and her future. Be happy for her. Be her friend. Thats all you can do.

Being concerned your partner may leave if you don't give them a baby sounds like a red flag to me.

 

[Renata]

Agree - don’t be rude to others when YOU post the issue

 

[Tea_Time_12]

Priorities change when a major life event takes place such as getting married or having a baby because it now involves another person who has wants/needs of their own. The friendship will change but they evolve and change over time anyway.

Is your issue about your friend being pressured by her boyfriend to have a baby? Or is the issue a baby in general creating a wedge in your friendships?

 

[Raininvain]

I'd just step away TBH and look towards making some other friends. She shouldn't be taking anything out on you, that's wrong. I'd just tell her that she needs to be polite and respectful at all times. Full stop. If she then was rude after that I'd dump her, no problem.
When people have babies their lives change and all their focus is on that baby. That's a fact and its part and parcel of life. You might continue to see her but she will be talking all the time about her baby and its not very interesting basically if you are single and haven't got kids. I'd do other things and put her on the backburner TBH. Her path is hers alone, its not yours.