Bereavement

[Giggling Squid]

So, we lost a very close relative on my partners side at the start of the week. He’s from another country, so is going home to be with his family.

I don’t know what to do, whether to go back with him or not. I lost my dad, and a few other close relatives quite recently so if I’m honest I’m struggling to hold it together. I really don’t want to go, I struggle to cope with my own losses at the best of times, and I really don’t think I’d be able to cope with all the grief and emotion there will be but equally I don’t want to offend my in-laws by not going.

Am I being selfish? He knows how much going will affect me, so totally understands me not wanting to go- but I just feel like I’m making the wrong decision in not going.

 

[standupsitdown]

It’s a really hard one. I’ve been there so totally understand. It feels like a mountain that you’re don’t feel ready or strong enough to climb. Grief is like a wound.

When my friends brother died soon after my own loss and I was feeling too fragile to face the raw emotion I just attended the funeral (bawled inappropriately considering I had never met him) and then escaped. I wanted to support her but couldnt handle the full experience.

No one would blame you if you didn’t attend, you can find ways to explain and send your respects.

 

[Giggling Squid]

It’s a really hard one. I’ve been there so totally understand. It feels like a mountain that you’re don’t feel ready or strong enough to climb. Grief is like a wound.

When my friends brother died soon after my own loss and I was feeling too fragile to face the raw emotion I just attended the funeral (bawled inappropriately considering I had never met him) and then escaped. I wanted to support her but couldnt handle the full experience.

No one would blame you if you didn’t attend, you can find ways to explain and send your respects.

Thank you so much for replying, I really appreciate it.

I’d love to be able to just attend the funeral but it’s logistically not possible, it’s either go and stay with the family for 5+ days, or not go. I also don’t think I could handle it , but I would at least be able to show my respect. I’m hoping it’s streamed so I can at least feel part of it.

they all understand me not going, I don’t think they’ll even notice I’m not there if I’m honest and my other half has actively been encouraging me not to because he knows I won’t cope (and I totally get him not wanting me there in this state because he can’t be constantly worrying if I’m ok on top of everything)… and yet I still feel like I’m letting him down

 

[standupsitdown]

Thank you so much for replying, I really appreciate it.

I’d love to be able to just attend the funeral but it’s logistically not possible, it’s either go and stay with the family for 5+ days, or not go. I also don’t think I could handle it , but I would at least be able to show my respect. I’m hoping it’s streamed so I can at least feel part of it.

they all understand me not going, I don’t think they’ll even notice I’m not there if I’m honest and my other half has actively been encouraging me not to because he knows I won’t cope (and I totally get him not wanting me there in this state because he can’t be constantly worrying if I’m ok on top of everything)… and yet I still feel like I’m letting him down

You’re welcome. Stay home and look after and nurture yourself, let go of the guilt. You’re not letting him down. It’s lovely your partner understands and you can support him over the phone and when he gets back. And you’re right, it will make no difference to the others. Make your decision not to go and be at peace with your decision. You’re only human and can only cope with so much.

 

[37BBL]

There is no rule book for how you grieve, you just be how you need to be.
We lost a very close family member about 3 and a half years ago, every time a friend has mentioned losing a relative since then its bought back all those feelings. I really struggled at a colleagues funeral 2 years later because it triggered me.
Nobody will judge you for not being able to go. You just be how you need to be x

 

[rainbowlemon]

My brother didn't go to my grandmother's funeral. It was the right choice for him. Like the others have said no one will judge you. Trust your gut feeling for what is right for you.

 

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

I just lost my grandmother and I’m finding it really hard to navigate the grief this time. I found her so that’s all been quite traumatic, but I’m finding some people are expecting me to be fine now (it hasn’t been 2 weeks yet) so there’s been no funeral, it’s all a slow process and I’ve mostly taken on all the official stuff as my mum is understandably struggling with losing her mum. I think people just think oh it’s s a Grandparent that’s sad, but we were so close I saw her everyday and as much as I thought I was prepared for it having already lost my grandad but I’m just not. She was the pillar of our family, I’m finding it harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning and I know I have things to do. Meh I don’t even know why I’m writing this. Sleep is not currently my friend.

 

[Jojoo]

I just lost my grandmother and I’m finding it really hard to navigate the grief this time. I found her so that’s all been quite traumatic, but I’m finding some people are expecting me to be fine now (it hasn’t been 2 weeks yet) so there’s been no funeral, it’s all a slow process and I’ve mostly taken on all the official stuff as my mum is understandably struggling with losing her mum. I think people just think oh it’s s a Grandparent that’s sad, but we were so close I saw her everyday and as much as I thought I was prepared for it having already lost my grandad but I’m just not. She was the pillar of our family, I’m finding it harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning and I know I have things to do. Meh I don’t even know why I’m writing this. Sleep is not currently my friend.

I don’t have any wisdom but didn’t want to just read and no reply. Sending you lots of love and support