I had similar issues. Whenever we had to take turns reading I would just sit there like a little ball of anxiety until my turn came round and then people would whinge that my voice was too quiet. I think a lot of the 'just doing people a favour' is actively traumatic to us, like forcing us to socialise when we just...can't.Years later at high school I had issues reading in front of the class in English. I would refuse to take a part if we were reading a play to the point where my teacher would have silent conversations with me while the rest of the class was reading, trying to convince me to take a part that only had one word out a short lineI would usually agree them sit there full of anxiety waiting for my turn to come around. I think both teachers thought they were doing me a favour, but it traumatised me to the point I still think about it 30 years later.
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Hey hope everyone is ok! I still havenāt heard anything back from the assessment place. But I managed to get a telephone number so Iām going to pluck up the courage on what to say.
I havenāt posted here in ages. I have referred myself for an assessment after it was brought up once again at therapy that I exhibit some autistic traits and my therapist sent me a link for self referral for an assessment. iām doubting myself as they sent out two questionnaires - one for me and one for my mother, based on my childhood. Most of what my mother ticked off about my childhood would suggest I am not autistic but it is completely different to the questionnaire I filled out.
The place which I referred myself into said they looked at both questionnaires and accepted my referral - now I just have to wait.
but I am really scared. Doubting myself. Also, does anyone know how long I will be waiting for the assessment?
The place which I referred myself into said they looked at both questionnaires and accepted my referral - now I just have to wait.
but I am really scared. Doubting myself. Also, does anyone know how long I will be waiting for the assessment?
Iāve been told two years mine was accepted officially a couple of weeks ago
A few years ago I read an article about a woman being diagnosed with autism as an adult and a lot of it resonated with me, and I did a lot more research and I suspect that I could be autistic. For a long time I haven't been sure whether it's worth trying to get an assessment, but over the last few months some things have changed and I've started to feel more and more like having a diagnosis would help me. I've been feeling more and more like I need accommodations/support at work lately, but I don't want to outright say "I'm autistic so I need these accommodations" when I don't have an official diagnosis, and I feel like I can't properly explain my struggles otherwise.
But to be honest I'm sort of put off by the fact that even as an adult, you need to get your parents involved in the assessment. I know they need to find out about what you were like as a child, but I'm just not looking forward to having to tell my parents about it. I can just see them being like "you can't be autistic, if you were we would have known when you were little, you seem fine to us" or something.
And another thing is, if I did go for an assessment I'd have to decide whether to go through the NHS or to go private. Do I want to spend potentially 2 or 3 years on an NHS waiting list, waiting to find out for sure? On the other hand, obviously there's the money aspect of going private, but I also worry about the fact that people might not take a private diagnosis as seriously as an NHS one, and people would think that I'd just paid for them to tell me what I wanted to hear.
Basically I don't know what I'm going to do. And I haven't ever talked to anyone IRL about any of this, so I'm telling strangers on the internet.
But to be honest I'm sort of put off by the fact that even as an adult, you need to get your parents involved in the assessment. I know they need to find out about what you were like as a child, but I'm just not looking forward to having to tell my parents about it. I can just see them being like "you can't be autistic, if you were we would have known when you were little, you seem fine to us" or something.
And another thing is, if I did go for an assessment I'd have to decide whether to go through the NHS or to go private. Do I want to spend potentially 2 or 3 years on an NHS waiting list, waiting to find out for sure? On the other hand, obviously there's the money aspect of going private, but I also worry about the fact that people might not take a private diagnosis as seriously as an NHS one, and people would think that I'd just paid for them to tell me what I wanted to hear.
Basically I don't know what I'm going to do. And I haven't ever talked to anyone IRL about any of this, so I'm telling strangers on the internet.
Last edited:
It's interesting that an assessment as an adult needs parental involvement. Surely for people who's parents are no longer with us then there must be a way around it, so I don't see why they can't proceed without parental involvement?
As a teenager I spent a number of years under what would probably be closed as CAHMS now. I saw a child psychologist and spent some time as at a Child and Adolescent Mental Health unit as a day case and attended support groups. At the time I had a diagnosis of depression, I was struggling to fit in socially at school and had some anxiety / obsessive behaviours. Looking back now I suspect I actually have autism and I would love to be able to see my notes and ask if Autism was ever a consideration. This was 1995, so I don't think it ever was, especially as I am female and it is often undiagnosed for a lot longer. I think if it had been considered, my teenage years and my early 20s might have gone a lot differently!
As a teenager I spent a number of years under what would probably be closed as CAHMS now. I saw a child psychologist and spent some time as at a Child and Adolescent Mental Health unit as a day case and attended support groups. At the time I had a diagnosis of depression, I was struggling to fit in socially at school and had some anxiety / obsessive behaviours. Looking back now I suspect I actually have autism and I would love to be able to see my notes and ask if Autism was ever a consideration. This was 1995, so I don't think it ever was, especially as I am female and it is often undiagnosed for a lot longer. I think if it had been considered, my teenage years and my early 20s might have gone a lot differently!
How did I not know about this thread? Two autistic kids here, one autistic husband in denial (thatās my assessment anyway) and Iām totally convinced Iām autistic too.
Iāve been through all the stages of acceptance. In my early 30s I first did the AQ test, just for fun. I wanted to prove what I already knew - that I would score pretty high for autistic traits but not over the threshold for āmaybe actually autisticā. The threshold is 30 IIRC? I was expecting to come in at the mid to high 20s. Imagine my horror when I scored something like 35
I didnāt take it well. I thought it was a load of crap and we were clearly pathologising normal personality traits if someone like me, a nerdy, obsessive, massively socially awkward person could actually score as autistic. Nope. Thereās nothing wrong with me.
So I left it at that.
Several years later I had a toddler boy who wasnāt talking and my gut was telling me it might be autism. Spent a long time in the NHS system (who wanted to āwatch and waitā) but when the paediatrician suggested we go on the waiting list for an autism assessment I had to revisit my own traits and this time I admitted to myself it could explain a lot about me. And, this sounds weird, but I felt a sense of relief wash over me. I hadnāt acknowledged up until that point how much self-hatred Iād been carrying around since I was a child. My whole life Iād mostly felt like an oddball who never quite fit in with anyone. I had very few friends who I kept at a distance and rarely saw. I always knew that people, on the whole, just didnāt warm to me. Suddenly I understood that maybe it wasnāt my fault?
Once my son got diagnosed I had to look again at my daughter. Again, my gut had told me that she wasnāt like her peers from quite a young age, but no one else in the family agreed with me. Teachers never had any concerns either. But I knew something was up. I started researching autism in girls and saw her - and me - reflected back. She got diagnosed a year after her younger brother.
Iām thinking of going down the private route because I just canāt face having to justify myself to a GP and then potentially get rejected on the basis of being too articulate and being married with kids.
I used to think there was no point getting myself diagnosed but the older I get the most autistic I seem to be? Covid has obviously exacerbated my traits as well, so itās hard to know what is behind it all.
Iāve been through all the stages of acceptance. In my early 30s I first did the AQ test, just for fun. I wanted to prove what I already knew - that I would score pretty high for autistic traits but not over the threshold for āmaybe actually autisticā. The threshold is 30 IIRC? I was expecting to come in at the mid to high 20s. Imagine my horror when I scored something like 35
I didnāt take it well. I thought it was a load of crap and we were clearly pathologising normal personality traits if someone like me, a nerdy, obsessive, massively socially awkward person could actually score as autistic. Nope. Thereās nothing wrong with me.
So I left it at that.
Several years later I had a toddler boy who wasnāt talking and my gut was telling me it might be autism. Spent a long time in the NHS system (who wanted to āwatch and waitā) but when the paediatrician suggested we go on the waiting list for an autism assessment I had to revisit my own traits and this time I admitted to myself it could explain a lot about me. And, this sounds weird, but I felt a sense of relief wash over me. I hadnāt acknowledged up until that point how much self-hatred Iād been carrying around since I was a child. My whole life Iād mostly felt like an oddball who never quite fit in with anyone. I had very few friends who I kept at a distance and rarely saw. I always knew that people, on the whole, just didnāt warm to me. Suddenly I understood that maybe it wasnāt my fault?
Once my son got diagnosed I had to look again at my daughter. Again, my gut had told me that she wasnāt like her peers from quite a young age, but no one else in the family agreed with me. Teachers never had any concerns either. But I knew something was up. I started researching autism in girls and saw her - and me - reflected back. She got diagnosed a year after her younger brother.
Iām thinking of going down the private route because I just canāt face having to justify myself to a GP and then potentially get rejected on the basis of being too articulate and being married with kids.
I used to think there was no point getting myself diagnosed but the older I get the most autistic I seem to be? Covid has obviously exacerbated my traits as well, so itās hard to know what is behind it all.
Sorry, I realise this is an old post I donāt think thatās entirely fair. A woman who has spent years considering the possibility that she might be autistic is far more likely to present for a private assessment than someone who is unsure. Because who would waste that kind of money is they werenāt absolutely convinced? Private clinics also screen people before taking their money and putting them forward for assessment, because thatās the only ethical way to do it. Whatās to be gained from getting a diagnosis of autism when you know youāre not?
Last edited:
I am absolutely sick of hearing about the self diagnosing not being taken seriously. Yeah, there are always some numpties with everything but this is different.
My nephew is autistic but we never thought anything else until I had my then 10 year old daughter assessed for dyslexia and she mentioned she felt there was some autistic traits. I looked into it in girls and EVERYTHING made sense. Iāve never got anyone to take me seriously in it because she can make eye contact
Iāve told them that I can tell she is often vaccine behind that though. Iāve had school back me up about things, she was seen by a local charity therapist for a year and he wrote a statement for the paed and still nothing. My sister has since been diagnosed in her late 40ās and as we were going through her form I could see so much of myself and my daughter in it. So much makes sense about who I am and why I really struggle with things at times. Unless you are autistic, no one can really understand just how that overwhelm can feel at times. I have been laughed at for being unsociable at work but itās too much. I can do 1-1 ok but if thereās a group I hate it. Thereās a lot more to it but Iāve definitely accepted that I am autistic and Iāve become ok with that. Wasnāt easy and the conversations Iāve had with my daughter havenāt been easy but now sheās reading how it effects girls she can see herself in the literature too.
My nephew is autistic but we never thought anything else until I had my then 10 year old daughter assessed for dyslexia and she mentioned she felt there was some autistic traits. I looked into it in girls and EVERYTHING made sense. Iāve never got anyone to take me seriously in it because she can make eye contact
Iāve told them that I can tell she is often vaccine behind that though. Iāve had school back me up about things, she was seen by a local charity therapist for a year and he wrote a statement for the paed and still nothing. My sister has since been diagnosed in her late 40ās and as we were going through her form I could see so much of myself and my daughter in it. So much makes sense about who I am and why I really struggle with things at times. Unless you are autistic, no one can really understand just how that overwhelm can feel at times. I have been laughed at for being unsociable at work but itās too much. I can do 1-1 ok but if thereās a group I hate it. Thereās a lot more to it but Iāve definitely accepted that I am autistic and Iāve become ok with that. Wasnāt easy and the conversations Iāve had with my daughter havenāt been easy but now sheās reading how it effects girls she can see herself in the literature too.
I'm an autistic woman myself. So happy to see this thread!
Iām glad to have stumbled across this thread. Iāve not read all the posts here yet, but just the few I have read had me nodding my head and feeling a sense of relief. Iām certain that my OH has a form of autism (Please forgive me if I donāt use the correct terms; I have a lot of reading around the subject to do); Iāve only recently realised that itās probably the explanation for his inability to display real emotion, his fixation on routines and habits, etc.
But Iām now feeling that I have probably always had traits too. In different ways though, such as massive social anxiety, labelled as extreme shyness; becoming hooked on things for a space of time before moving onto something else; I so resonate with the comment earlier in the thread about having to rehearse small talk before meeting up with acquaintances (I have no close friends)
Iāve done a self assessment and scored 36.
For those who have an official diagnosis; does it help in any way? Are you given any help in managing situations differently? Or is it simply a case of being able to understand yourselves better?
Iām wondering if itās something I could pursue, although I feel itās probably a bit late in the day for me.
But Iām now feeling that I have probably always had traits too. In different ways though, such as massive social anxiety, labelled as extreme shyness; becoming hooked on things for a space of time before moving onto something else; I so resonate with the comment earlier in the thread about having to rehearse small talk before meeting up with acquaintances (I have no close friends)
Iāve done a self assessment and scored 36.
For those who have an official diagnosis; does it help in any way? Are you given any help in managing situations differently? Or is it simply a case of being able to understand yourselves better?
Iām wondering if itās something I could pursue, although I feel itās probably a bit late in the day for me.
I was hoping after my diagnosis that I'd receive some help, hence asking for a diagnosis. I was told to speak to social services who have no understanding of Autism and sensory issues. They refused to work with me because I'm "awkward" because I don't like loud noise and needed more than 5 minutes warning of an appointment.
I have had to use my diagnosis to explain certain things to people. (I have great difficulty with my understanding of language) But other than that, it hasn't really helped.
I have decided (at 30) not to pursue an autism diagnosis. The reality is, my mental health is really good, mainly due to avoiding tit that makes me uncomfortable/exhausted and I don't really need any accommodations at work. The accommodations I need are more in my personal life and my partner is generally pretty good about it all. I think an autism diagnosis, due to the lack of understanding and stigma surrounding it, could potentially do me more harm than good. I'm not against it in general btw, just thinking about my own unique situation.
I have noticed that since returning to the office recently, my issues around eye-contact and sensory overload with things like noise are quite a bit worse than before lockdown. I don't know if this would always have been the case or if learning more about autism has made me more aware of it? I can barely mask eye-contact nowadays. Oh well, if anyone points it out at least I can explain why it's happening. My job attracts quite a lot of neurodivergent people so I'm hardly the only one.
I have noticed that since returning to the office recently, my issues around eye-contact and sensory overload with things like noise are quite a bit worse than before lockdown. I don't know if this would always have been the case or if learning more about autism has made me more aware of it? I can barely mask eye-contact nowadays. Oh well, if anyone points it out at least I can explain why it's happening. My job attracts quite a lot of neurodivergent people so I'm hardly the only one.
Eye contact has always been a big issue with me. I can barely make eye contact with my own family. I get hugely embarrassed by it because I know people notice, and I do try to work on it.
Iāve never really thought about sensory overload before but I hate the tv or radio to be too loud, and I canāt bear when the tv is on and thereās a radio on in another room.
Someone mentioned earlier that people donāt warm to them. Iāve always felt like this, for as long as I can remember. I think no matter how hard I try, I come across as stand offish. Like I put up barriers without realising Iām doing it.
I honestly feel so relieved to have found this thread.
Iāve never really thought about sensory overload before but I hate the tv or radio to be too loud, and I canāt bear when the tv is on and thereās a radio on in another room.
Someone mentioned earlier that people donāt warm to them. Iāve always felt like this, for as long as I can remember. I think no matter how hard I try, I come across as stand offish. Like I put up barriers without realising Iām doing it.
I honestly feel so relieved to have found this thread.
I took the AQ test that someone up thread mentioned and it came back as lightly Aspergers. Nothing very shocking. I come from a long line of engineers; itās what theyāre famous for lol. So thatās why Iām hereā¦ also to share a book recommendation and some back story: I opened up to my brother about my anxiety around feeling different to other people and not wanting the same things other people want like a boyfriend, husband or kids. He eventually came back with a book recommendation that was ultimately so positive and reassuring. I feel so much better having read it. Anyone else that ever felt guilty for marching to the beat of their own drum, specifically avoiding the minefield of traditional relationships, I recommend reading Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata. Itās a short, excellent read. 
Last edited:
I remember doing a CPD course at work in my 20s and having to do some sort of role play āinterviewā or some nonsense (which is enough to make me want the ground to open up and swallow me whole as it is) and getting the feedback that I wasnāt making eye contact much
I had no idea then! I used to just berate myself for being crap at life.I wonāt force it anymore, and I wonāt force my kids either because I know how it feels. This is why diagnosis is important. At least you can say (if youāre comfortable and itās the right context) āIām autistic and eye contact is difficult for me, but I promise Iām listening if Iām looking away - if anything Iām listening better!ā
I mean why is eye contact so important anyway? Itās just a neurotypical norm.
Yes to coming across as stand offfish. Again, as Iāve got older and started to understand myself better, I just donāt care anymore
But Iām a stay at home mum (avoiding going back to work because the social demands of having a job, and the executive function demands of juggling kids, a home and work is honestly too much for me, embarrassing as that sounds) so I can deliberately make my life pretty small and Iām happy with that.
Hi 
I'm in my 30s and this year been diagnosed with ASD on nhs, waited 3 years. Paid private and was diagnosed with ADHD, waiting list in Merseyside was 5-7 years lol. It's been a roller coaster of emotions with the diagnoses, a confirmation that I'm not 'strange, weird' or any other derogatory comments about my way of being, etc etc 
I'm in my 30s and this year been diagnosed with ASD on nhs, waited 3 years. Paid private and was diagnosed with ADHD, waiting list in Merseyside was 5-7 years lol. It's been a roller coaster of emotions with the diagnoses, a confirmation that I'm not 'strange, weird' or any other derogatory comments about my way of being, etc etc 
I'm not diagnosed and at 43 I wonder if I'm too old to pursue it. Iāve always felt 'different' but it wasn't until recently that I suspected I may be autistic. My 2 nephews are autistic and were diagnosed as kids, and I thought I knew the symptoms but then I found out that girls present very differently- my 22 year old niece (from another sister) has just been given a preliminary diagnosis and is being referred to a specialist, and when she talks about her symptoms they're just like mine.
Iām diagnosed and never disclose. But my god it is hard to mask 
Being treated as the shy one or closed-book is the best you can hope for sometimes. Itās like youāre not working with the same tools so the usual self-help solutions donāt click. How can you focus on things in the room beginning with the letter ākā when your brain feels like itās spinning on its axis. Iām going to check out an ASD support group this week 
I do think itās important to get a diagnosis. Waiting lists are long and a lot of us had to sit it out for years, but Iād never label myself something without a diagnosis.
Being treated as the shy one or closed-book is the best you can hope for sometimes. Itās like youāre not working with the same tools so the usual self-help solutions donāt click. How can you focus on things in the room beginning with the letter ākā when your brain feels like itās spinning on its axis. Iām going to check out an ASD support group this week I do think itās important to get a diagnosis. Waiting lists are long and a lot of us had to sit it out for years, but Iād never label myself something without a diagnosis.
What does everyone do for work? Iām looking to branch out
IT systems improvement- loads of us are neurodivergent.