People were also more religious and they lived in ‘communities’ back in the day, we live very selfish lives now and people seem to keep themselves to themselves, it’s definitely like this where I live anyway
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Lately I've had a lot of free time to ponder and think about life, and what I desire for myself. Just the other day I was watching a character analysis on youtube and it just clicked for me, I also want stability and peace most of all (like that character). Which after growing up in a chaotic, toxic, abusive home, I'm finally getting there. I don't have everything I want right now, but when I look back on the progress I've made the last 4 years and how far I've come, and how much more stable and in control and peaceful I am because of it, I think I'm happy. Or at least starting to be. I'm at least happier then I've ever been.
I feel like I've only just begun living the last 4 years and it's such a happy/euphoric feeling really. Sometimes the best remedy is cutting out toxic people.
Now if we're talking about career goals, personal goals, material goals, well I don't have those things together yet, but I hope in time it'll work itself out.
I also got diagnosed with endo+hypoglycemia a couple of years ago and it's scary but it's a big relief to know what's wrong with my body and I feel vindicated knowing I was gaslit my whole life (being called lazy,victim, faker etc.) when I was right, and now I can work on managing my life around it.
I feel like I've only just begun living the last 4 years and it's such a happy/euphoric feeling really. Sometimes the best remedy is cutting out toxic people.
Now if we're talking about career goals, personal goals, material goals, well I don't have those things together yet, but I hope in time it'll work itself out.
I also got diagnosed with endo+hypoglycemia a couple of years ago and it's scary but it's a big relief to know what's wrong with my body and I feel vindicated knowing I was gaslit my whole life (being called lazy,victim, faker etc.) when I was right, and now I can work on managing my life around it.
I would say no. I have a good job and I'm married to my soulmate but I suffer badly with anxiety, and have been going through infertility for a long time now (and some other health issues).
All I really want is my own child (or the chance to adopt) and I feel that this may not happen - even more so now I'm rapidly going towards 40 and time is running out.
I do feel like if I could fulfil that part of my life, I could be happy - sometimes I wonder why I cant just be pleased with what I have as I'm luckier than most but most days I just feel empty, sad and anxious. Covid has made everything so much worse and I feel like im sitting in some pretty dark clouds at the moment.
In a month or so I'm due to come into some money from work and whilst it'll make my life 100x easier I cant even be excited about that - it's like there is nothing to be excited about because what's the point if I cant have children.
I think writing this post I didnt realise quite how unhappy I was - I have therapy tomorrow thank god so I will be discussing this as it's really made me think out loud.
For everyone else having a tough time - thoughts with you - let's hope things get easier soon!
All I really want is my own child (or the chance to adopt) and I feel that this may not happen - even more so now I'm rapidly going towards 40 and time is running out.
I do feel like if I could fulfil that part of my life, I could be happy - sometimes I wonder why I cant just be pleased with what I have as I'm luckier than most but most days I just feel empty, sad and anxious. Covid has made everything so much worse and I feel like im sitting in some pretty dark clouds at the moment.
In a month or so I'm due to come into some money from work and whilst it'll make my life 100x easier I cant even be excited about that - it's like there is nothing to be excited about because what's the point if I cant have children.
I think writing this post I didnt realise quite how unhappy I was - I have therapy tomorrow thank god so I will be discussing this as it's really made me think out loud.
For everyone else having a tough time - thoughts with you - let's hope things get easier soon!
I’d say it’s 50/50 around me of whether or not someone will acknowledge you if you say hello. I do think we’re all conditioned to be “what’s the catch” if a stranger is nice to you which is a shame.
Your posts always hit home with me. I hope you find your happiness and confidence one day you gorgeous soul
I find it difficult to answer this question - because: what IS happiness?
I feel that if happiness is dependent on external factors than are we truly happy? Wouldn't we always be anxious, fearing to lose this thing?
For example: A job and a house can be lost, a soulmate can fall out of love or leave/die, health can be lost, a child can fall ill or die or simply be very difficult, friends can leave, our looks/beauty can go, etc etc.
For me, happiness is similar to wisdom: it is something that has been acquired, that is a skill almost, that is not dependant on anyone or anything but resides inside of us.
Sorry - this might be non-sensical.
I feel that if happiness is dependent on external factors than are we truly happy? Wouldn't we always be anxious, fearing to lose this thing?
For example: A job and a house can be lost, a soulmate can fall out of love or leave/die, health can be lost, a child can fall ill or die or simply be very difficult, friends can leave, our looks/beauty can go, etc etc.
For me, happiness is similar to wisdom: it is something that has been acquired, that is a skill almost, that is not dependant on anyone or anything but resides inside of us.
Sorry - this might be non-sensical.
Happiness is an emotional state and not a static destination, feeling happy/content will ebb & flow naturally in the same way that all other emotions should. I don’t believe that anyone ever feels 100% happy all day, every day. I am happy and content with myself and my life as a general overview of my situation yes but within that there are of course day to day issues/problems/struggles that make me unhappy/stressed/worried etc
Nail on the head! Happiness is a journey and not a destination (did I really say that?! Yuck!) even those who say they are mostly happy will have times of anger and sadness throughout their day.
I remember sitting on a beautiful beach a few weeks ago getting really cross with myself because I felt like I should be beaming with happiness, but I wasn’t I had some weird feeling in my head and couldn’t let myself relax. No idea why. We’re a strange species!
This has resonated with me so much and has actually made me feel loads better! I’m probably struggling more than ever before at the moment, but when I think about it, I do still have moments of happiness.
This might sound daft but I have been kind of happy during lockdown, I don't really like people & was fine avoiding them.
I was diagnosed with depression over 20 years ago & had some tough times with it, still do.
Unhappy childhood, parents split, drank til I passed out often in my teens/20's/30's. I never 'stuck in' in school & have had a few different jobs since I was 16, but never felt truly happy in them, I even ran a Bar despite not enjoying listening to people
Have been with my partner 30 years now, she infuriates me at times, as I probably do her. A lot of my problems stem from childhood, an unhappy home unfortunately affects you for life.
Our dog & going outdoors & sitting in nature makes me/us happy.
Take care all
I was diagnosed with depression over 20 years ago & had some tough times with it, still do.
Unhappy childhood, parents split, drank til I passed out often in my teens/20's/30's. I never 'stuck in' in school & have had a few different jobs since I was 16, but never felt truly happy in them, I even ran a Bar despite not enjoying listening to people
Have been with my partner 30 years now, she infuriates me at times, as I probably do her. A lot of my problems stem from childhood, an unhappy home unfortunately affects you for life.
Our dog & going outdoors & sitting in nature makes me/us happy.
Take care all
I would say I haven't been in a long time, at the beginning of lockdown I was very happy, my bf had just moved in, I was furloughed pretty early on and loved being paid for nothing! However, after time my health anxiety became worse and worse, seeing ambulances everywhere etc, and said bf just said I was being ridiculous. My bf then broke up with me unexpectedly earlier this year and has now blocked me from everywhere so I cannot contact him. We had discussed getting married, having children etc, I am 35 this year and it is now highly unlikely I will be able to have children as I cannot even envision another relationship for years. To top it off, I (before lockdown) had a job I liked, it was badly paid but easy, so I was fine with it. Unfortunately my role was made redundant so I have been moved to another job within the same company, it is worse paid than my previous job and I know I will hate the role (which I begin next week, and my employer is not letting anyone wfh, despite it being easy to do so). However, I am going on anti depressents so hopefully I will feel better soon.
Sorry for the long rant, I just feel like my friends do't really want to keep hearing it
Sorry for the long rant, I just feel like my friends do't really want to keep hearing it
Sure, nothing is too personal, I tend to overshare on here anywayMight I ask what those steps would be? I am hoping that the discussion will inspire me to figure out what steps I may take. Though each person's journey is different, just the conversation may spark something in those of us who are feeling a bit lost. Of course, you are free to ignore the question if it is too personal.
My dream job is a university lecturer, I want to teach part-time, possibly do some research but also have time for personal life and creative work. In order to do that, I need a masters in a field that is completely different from what I’m studying now and a PhD to boot. So basically I need to retrain while also working part time and trying to keep my stuff together - I’ve been depressed for ages and never know what to expect.I’m okay with not being a millionaire, but I want to be able to support myself and pay my rent. Ideally I would love to be able to travel a bit and maybe find a partner, but I’m not pinning my hopes on anything or anyone at the moment.
I completely feel your pain and tbh I wish I could leave.. I would hate to look back in 10-15 years or so and think wtf did I do with my life but the reality is not as easy..I am truly happy in my own life; i have worked hard to be content in my career and I know i am doing well and working in the right area. It took me a long time to figure it out but i have the view that all the tit jobs and struggles formed who i am today and why i enjoy my career so much now.
I love my children and take great pride in them and all they do. Dont get me wrong i am “normal” and they drive me bloody insane at times
Life is short and i spent many years trying desperately to figure it all out and searching for happiness. Now i take the tough days on the chin, try to see what good i can, and be kind to myself if it ain’t a great day. Its only a day. Onwards and upwards.
where I struggle is my marriage and i can understand your loneliness @bexgreen1983, i am married but very lonely and in hindsight i made a poor decision but for many reasons i cant leave. I just try to find happiness in as many other places i can, children, friends, work & nature. I feel somewhat sad reading back what i have written and if i was speaking with someone in a lonely marriage i would wish they would leave and fulfill their lives but its life isn’t it. Sometimes its not easy.
I feel guilty to say it, but no. I feel like I live to work at the moment. I'm in that toxic cycle where every week I think 'when work quietens down it'll be alright' and it never quietens down. I am very fortunate to do what I do and everything else in my life is great so I feel very guilty for even thinking it. But having worked throughout the whole pandemic, the work/life balance disappearing due to WFH all the time, not being able to go on holiday...I am well and truly fed up.
This is an interesting thread, I have a question for the people who said no...would more money make you happier? I don't mean for material things but money can help cant it?
I think that happiness comes in moments rather than being a state of mind. Life is challenging for all of us in various ways and I don’t think being happy constantly is obtainable.
I do feel grateful for what I have, for my family and our pets and our home. I have a cuddle from my kids every day and feel full up with love. I don’t go around beaming with happiness though because a lot of life is a means to an end- paying the bills, doing the housework, etc etc.
I do feel grateful for what I have, for my family and our pets and our home. I have a cuddle from my kids every day and feel full up with love. I don’t go around beaming with happiness though because a lot of life is a means to an end- paying the bills, doing the housework, etc etc.
i find strength in saying to myself that i did what i could given the time and support, or lack of, that i had. I do look back at times and wish I could whisper in the ear of my younger self that i should take my time and believe in myself i dont need to go through with the marriage. That said i dont regret the last ten years i try to find strength in each decision made knowing that it was what was in my ability at that given moment.
Its not easy but it gives me a sense of freedom.
i hope you find happiness in other areas of your life, dont let your relationship all consume x
Yes as it would give me the freedom to get out of my marriage and stand on my own two feet
I’ve been really struggling the last few months, my anxieties over things have manifested themselves out of control, I never did well in crowds or busy places and felt absolutely fine the whole of lockdown, it is really hard to say you thoroughly enjoyed such a horrific period of time, but I did. Having returned to work, I’ve just struggled with my thoughts. I get so irrationally angry at people not wearing masks, or people not getting the vaccine, when it really shouldn’t annoy me so much. I feel like everyone’s come out of lockdown a little bit insane too. I’ve had to turn off my bbc breaking news as it was one bad thing after another being reported. I don’t leave the house on my days off, because I just don’t want to see people or deal with the world right now. I think I’ve just managed to scare myself of everything. I think it’s time I went to my gp to be honest, but I just keep putting it off.
Keep doing what you are doing, sounds like you have a great relationship with your kids.
I cannot recall my mother ever hugging me, and my father was always out.
I take my hat off to you
Money would make me happier in the sense that it would make me feel more secure. Not for material things but I wouldnt have to worry about how to pay my next bill etc