Been feeling really low the last couple of days. I feel totally drained of everything right now. I'm tired of wfh, tired of never going anywhere, tired of not getting to hug my husband, tired of homeschooling, tired of washing clothes and trying to keep house somewhat tidy, tired of thinking about dinner every night and worst of all, I feel really tired of being a mum right now. I love my son more than life itself but at this very moment I feel like I desperately want to get away, just to be alone, not hear his voice asking for stuff all the time. He's had his tween meltdowns as all kids are and I know this is tough for him too. But I feel like I'm mechanically doing everything these days, all the hats I wear at home in lockdown, from cleaner to cook to mum to wife to worker to general dogsbody. I'm so tired of it all and not sure how to pick myself up out of it. Whichever way I look at it I feel like a witch.
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I am so so sorry to hear how much you are struggling. I don’t have children so I can’t fully appreciate all that you must be feeling but just as a human being with empathy I can grasp it a little bit. I dont know all your circumstances but sometimes when I feel really up against life, stressed, anxious, like everything is just too hard I let myself mentally surrender. And it feels good if you can do it fully. Maybe when little one is in bed, just lie down and tell yourself that for one hour it’s ok that the house is a mess, the laundry isn’t done, you are not the perfect home school teacher. It can be so restorative to do this you just have to give yourself the space and permission to let go for a short period of time. I don’t know if that will be much help but I just couldn’t read and run. Wishing you some peace today and a restorative nights sleep x
Yup. All of this. I don’t have any amazing advice I’m afraid, but wanted you to know that you’re not alone in feeling this way. The mental load is overwhelming. And exhausting. And has been a frequent conversation topic amongst my close friends. I miss being on my own and feel like I have become over sensitive to noise because it’s constant in my house. The only thing I can do that helps is go for a very long walk.
Just wanted to let you know, you’re not alone. I often feel this way.
1. Only at work 1/2 the hours of normal - behind and feel like I’m rubbish at my job
2. Homeschooling my YR Daughter - not a very good teacher, I’m not patient. Find it hard.
3. With the kids at home a lot of the time - have no patience; not a good Mum.
4. Trying to do the above - home is a mess - have no motivation to clean. Makes me cheesed off that I have to look at it, husband doesn’t see it.
5. Feel like I’m a food, drink and snack machine.
6. All I do is eat and drink - feel fat.
7. All of the above means I don’t feel attractive, am tired and therefore cannot be bothered being attentive to my husband. Viscous circle.
However, daughter has just gone to school, lockdown is easing and we can see family so feeling a bit easier. The mental load is tough but we can cope with it. Sending love xxx
1. Only at work 1/2 the hours of normal - behind and feel like I’m rubbish at my job
2. Homeschooling my YR Daughter - not a very good teacher, I’m not patient. Find it hard.
3. With the kids at home a lot of the time - have no patience; not a good Mum.
4. Trying to do the above - home is a mess - have no motivation to clean. Makes me cheesed off that I have to look at it, husband doesn’t see it.
5. Feel like I’m a food, drink and snack machine.
6. All I do is eat and drink - feel fat.
7. All of the above means I don’t feel attractive, am tired and therefore cannot be bothered being attentive to my husband. Viscous circle.
However, daughter has just gone to school, lockdown is easing and we can see family so feeling a bit easier. The mental load is tough but we can cope with it. Sending love xxx
@choccydigestive sending lots of love.
Honestly I'm m so over it . with one at senior school and one at junior the levels of work are so different . I'm allowing more time/freedom in the garden/Xbox etc ! I need to do it.
Hubby close to having a mental breakdown again , last one was January. It was heartbreaking
( work related)
He's WFH since then , I go to work worrying that hes not coping , thankfully only a few days a week.
I think I'm going through the menopause because my moods are up and down.
Parents are not teachers.
Home is not school. It'll get better for everyone eventually we just don't know when.
Sending hugs for anyone struggling. Xxx
Honestly I'm m so over it . with one at senior school and one at junior the levels of work are so different . I'm allowing more time/freedom in the garden/Xbox etc ! I need to do it.
Hubby close to having a mental breakdown again , last one was January. It was heartbreaking
( work related)He's WFH since then , I go to work worrying that hes not coping , thankfully only a few days a week.
I think I'm going through the menopause because my moods are up and down.
Parents are not teachers.
Home is not school. It'll get better for everyone eventually we just don't know when.
Sending hugs for anyone struggling. Xxx
No advice but yes to all of this. I have 4 kids aged 2 to 8 and I empathise completely. My mental health has taken a dive, I've been going to bed at 2am and not waking up until midday. The only thing keeping me going recently has been the shops reopening. I've managed to get out for some me-time in my favourite shops and it really helped me to get some normality back.
I definitely agree with the noise thing. I have become so snappy with the constant 'mummmmmyyyyy', the tale-telling, the inconsequential stuff they need to tell me. I sound like such a witch but it's nice to know I'm not alone. Silence is such a beautiful sound at the moment.
I'm not living in the UK at the moment and our lockdown here has eased, but I was feeling really like this by the end and still am to some extent as I still have to work from home. You are totally not a witch, I think what you are feeling is very normal. It was lovely at first having everyone at home and waking up without an alarm but after a while I just wanted everyone to GO AWAY. Getting my son to do his school work was an epic battle everyday and I am very happy that he is back at school now (respect to all primary school teachers, how do you do it?????)
It is such a weird and disorienting situation, you are absolutely allowed to feel overwhelmed and desperate. This is what helped me the most, just allowing myself to feel tit if that was the case, and taking some time away from everything when I could, even if that meant closing my bedroom door and watching something distracting on Netflix.
It is such a weird and disorienting situation, you are absolutely allowed to feel overwhelmed and desperate. This is what helped me the most, just allowing myself to feel tit if that was the case, and taking some time away from everything when I could, even if that meant closing my bedroom door and watching something distracting on Netflix.
I am not a mother so I genuinely cannot understand how you’re feeling. I just wanted to say that you’re not a bad person or a bad mum for feeling this way. You are human, and you’re tired and exhausted.
We see a lot in the media about lockdown impact on kids mental health, which is absolutely true. However, we’re missing the big gap here: the gender gap widening through lockdown. Men (largely) have continued with some form of routine but women’s lives have just spiralled out or recognition. And all the things you mention are a part of it.
Within my team at work there are two women with young kids. One of them is close to breaking point. Every call/video call she’s got kids swinging off her, shouting for things etc. As she has to work from her dining room. Whilst her husband sits up stairs in their office with his door closed, working.The rare times he’s had to “watch the kids” so she can concentrate he’s actually come into view on the video asking my colleague things. So bleeping disrespectful. Why is HER job and career less important than his?! Why is she expected to be mum and full time employee? Makes me raging.
My other colleague is night and day. Her and her hubby take it in shifts and he works a weekend day so he can watch their kids a full day during the week. To let his wife concentrate in their office.
I feel for my other colleague though.
OP please be gentle on yourself. You’re allowed to feel the things you do. You’re human, not a robot.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I think I do just have to stop and let everything go for a little bit. No work, no cleaning, no laundry, no homeschool. Just play a game or something. I hope you are OK too
You have described exactly what it feels like! I miss being on my own too, having the house to myself, driving somewhere alone because I have an errand to run. I get the oversensitivity too. The only time the house is quiet is at night when I am reading on my own and that is actually one of the things I really look forward to right now. Sending love to you also
Tick tick tick, all of this! I am so inpatient with the schooling also. My son is v fidgety and distractible (is that a word?) and is takes us ages to work through something because he's always fiddling with pens, laptop cable, his clothes, going off on conversations that have nothing to do with the work. He doesn't enjoy the school work and the number of times I've told him if he can just focus we'll be done in half the time. It is so frustrating. I agree also on the motivation on cleaning, eating, everything. It's that robotic feeling of looking at stuff and just having no reaction or no energy to think about how to react. So sorry you are struggling too but at least we know we are not alone
Could'nt have said it better. It reminds me of the baby/toddler days when I'd have to escape to the loo for a few minutes of NOTHINGNESS. Please don't feel like a witch, I know I said the same but I think we have to not punish ourselves for feeling crap? We can't be perfect mothers, wives etc in this situation, nobody can. Also you have an incredibly full plate with four little ones to care for! That's medal winning territory! Lots of love
Your first sentence is just perfect - i felt the same. It felt like a long summer holiday where none of us had anything to do, we could just make nice meals and watch TV and sleep in. But yeah, GO AWAY is now the theme tune. Comfort telly is a great suggestion, what do you love?
Such a great point about the differences for men and women. I do feel like women are wearing so many more hats during lockdown. My husband couldn't even work out how to get on our son's online school resources thing. I tried to explain it but it was so annoying and distracting and my son was loving the fact that it was going wrong that I had to take over. So sorry for you colleague too, with the hubby being king in the castle upstairs while she tries to muddle through downstairs. That is awful. I hope you are OK?
Thank you all for your lovely comments and commiserations. It has really made me feel a bit better about things. I feel like it'll be a slow road out of this (we still have the fricking 6 weeks summer "holidays" to come) but I really appreciate all the kind words and although I hate to hear of others feeing the same way, it does help to share the emotional fallout.
Gosh I can relate to everything in this thread! We’re not alone! I’ve been finding it hard for a number of weeks now. Homeschool has been a particular source of anxiety because I’m just not very good at it. I can not wait for the summer holidays so hopefully I won’t have to worry about it anymore. I’m not gonna lie I have been half arsing it with them the past couple of weeks and that has actually made it easier, taking the pressure off so to speak. They get 2/3 tasks a week and I’m happy as long as they complete at least one each, teachers seem ok with this I think they understand it’s not always going to be easy getting them to complete every task especially when you have more than one child. It’s not perfect but it’s better then not doing it at all. When the weather is hot all they want to do is play outside and in the pool which actually gives me somewhat of a break (aside from keeping an eye on them obviously) as they can entertain themselves in there and I don’t get asked question every 2 minutes.
My partner has been great but he’s back at work now. I struggle with housework as it is, I’ve never been a very good stay at home mum in that sense but it’s got worse over this lockdown with everyone being home all the time and I just can’t keep up with it all nor do I have the energy.
It has been very taxing, just the relentless of it all and literally never getting a minute to yourself. I have found that sometimes like others have said I just need to ‘hide’ away in my bedroom with the door shut for a bit so I can switch off. I see nothing wrong with this, we all need a break sometimes and spending an hour or two on our own doesn’t make us bad parents.
My partner has been great but he’s back at work now. I struggle with housework as it is, I’ve never been a very good stay at home mum in that sense but it’s got worse over this lockdown with everyone being home all the time and I just can’t keep up with it all nor do I have the energy.
It has been very taxing, just the relentless of it all and literally never getting a minute to yourself. I have found that sometimes like others have said I just need to ‘hide’ away in my bedroom with the door shut for a bit so I can switch off. I see nothing wrong with this, we all need a break sometimes and spending an hour or two on our own doesn’t make us bad parents.
I’m not so much near to breaking point with the children, but I am my husband and some one on one time with him.
just before the lockdown my 16 year old sister came to stay so I’ve got her and my 3 children. We also had almost 7 weeks where my husband was staying in our apartment near to work/when he got Coronavirus that we couldn't see him and although it’s quieting down in hospitals he’s still working long hours and as selfish as this sounds - I miss him.
He has handed his notice in an work but he still has 2 more to the to work. I can’t wait until I have him back completely (and I realise I should stop complaining as not everyone is lucky enough to be in our position to the point he can just quit)
just before the lockdown my 16 year old sister came to stay so I’ve got her and my 3 children. We also had almost 7 weeks where my husband was staying in our apartment near to work/when he got Coronavirus that we couldn't see him and although it’s quieting down in hospitals he’s still working long hours and as selfish as this sounds - I miss him.
He has handed his notice in an work but he still has 2 more to the to work. I can’t wait until I have him back completely (and I realise I should stop complaining as not everyone is lucky enough to be in our position to the point he can just quit)
I can relate with absolutely everything many of you are going through. Honestly have never felt so low in my life because of lockdown. Working from home with a stressful busy job, kids, schoolwork, rows, constantly cleaning and cooking...it’s monotonous and draining and I can’t see an end to it.
The mental health of my child has been really affected to, in turn I can’t be happy if my child isn’t. It’s like a never ending cycle of worry and anxiety and I’m counting down the days until September and hopefully the return to school.
Sorry, no help to anyone but just to say honestly you’re not on your own.
The mental health of my child has been really affected to, in turn I can’t be happy if my child isn’t. It’s like a never ending cycle of worry and anxiety and I’m counting down the days until September and hopefully the return to school.
Sorry, no help to anyone but just to say honestly you’re not on your own.
@Bitofthebubbly Totally get you, and you’re so right about schoolwork. Something is better than nothing! I think a lot of people have found the last few weeks particularly hard, I’m not sure why. Perhaps it is to do with partners going to back to work as you have experienced. Sending lots of love to you xx
@SunshineDreamer don’t feel bad at all, I don’t think it’s selfish for wanting your husband home and have done proper time together. Lockdown and all the variations on it with bubbling and shielding and limiting visits to houses has tested a lot of relationships. My husband and I have been sleeping in separate rooms since the middle of April because of shielding. It’s been really difficult but the rules change next weekend. Not long til you see your hubby properly too
@Happyvalley you're not alone either, I have felt just the same as you. My anxiety goes off the deep end too when my son is having difficulties. i guess it’s the protective mother bear mode but a lot of the time it feels like literal panic to me and i catastrophic everything. I agree september will be a godsend for then when they get some normality back!
@SunshineDreamer don’t feel bad at all, I don’t think it’s selfish for wanting your husband home and have done proper time together. Lockdown and all the variations on it with bubbling and shielding and limiting visits to houses has tested a lot of relationships. My husband and I have been sleeping in separate rooms since the middle of April because of shielding. It’s been really difficult but the rules change next weekend. Not long til you see your hubby properly too
@Happyvalley you're not alone either, I have felt just the same as you. My anxiety goes off the deep end too when my son is having difficulties. i guess it’s the protective mother bear mode but a lot of the time it feels like literal panic to me and i catastrophic everything. I agree september will be a godsend for then when they get some normality back!
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@Happyvalley you're not alone either, I have felt just the same as you. My anxiety goes off the deep end too when my son is having difficulties. i guess it’s the protective mother bear mode but a lot of the time it feels like literal panic to me and i catastrophic everything. I agree september will be a godsend for then when they get some normality back!
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Yes you’re definitely right, I’m the same, have thought about every worst case and catastrophe possible at 3am! Getting up now to attempt to do some work while everyone is asleep and I may even be able to drink a full cup of coffee in peace!
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Yes you’re definitely right, I’m the same, have thought about every worst case and catastrophe possible at 3am! Getting up now to attempt to do some work while everyone is asleep and I may even be able to drink a full cup of coffee in peace!
Yes I’ve been struggling too. I’m exhausted and the house is a bomb site.
I’ve got 3 aged 5 and under at home with me, plus I’m still working 3 evenings a week and partner is still out to to work everyday. I’ve missed being able to go out and about, and the children are soooo clingy to me.
It’s got slightly better now the eldest is at school again (only 1 day per week) and we’ve been going to my parents garden for a change of scenery.
I’m dreading the school holidays though.
I’ve got 3 aged 5 and under at home with me, plus I’m still working 3 evenings a week and partner is still out to to work everyday. I’ve missed being able to go out and about, and the children are soooo clingy to me.
It’s got slightly better now the eldest is at school again (only 1 day per week) and we’ve been going to my parents garden for a change of scenery.
I’m dreading the school holidays though.
Sending you lots of love @MrsJones83, because three U5s especially is a very full plate! Plus working and all the house stuff like you say.... I'm glad things have improved a bit with your eldest going to school, that's some progress at least and I expect will do them the world of good. I know what you mean about the school holidays. 2020 is an endless groundhog day year in my eyes right now.
Thank you, and to you. It feels endless, doesn’t it!
I’ve been feeling this. Been so so lucky that my other half has been able to work all through lockdown, when we knew that others in his field had been furloughed. But his 6 day weeks and long days have left me feeling lonely and sad. I’m struggling to get back to work as I need childcare for my youngest 2 who are primary school age (eldest is 13 but don’t want leave all 3 together, that would be carnage) and having to rely on family makes me feel bad. I’m just hoping the children will be able to get back to school in September and we might be able to get back to some sort of normality!
How are we all doing now that we are on... *checks notes* ...the third round of lockdown and homeschooling? Anyone managed to instil any new routines or ways of coping? Anything different to last time?
My kid's school are doing a lot more online stuff this time around which is great as I don't have to monitor them as much. But personally speaking we are clashing multiple times a day and totally sick of the sight of each other now, if I'm being honest. Admitting it absolutely sucks.
My kid's school are doing a lot more online stuff this time around which is great as I don't have to monitor them as much. But personally speaking we are clashing multiple times a day and totally sick of the sight of each other now, if I'm being honest. Admitting it absolutely sucks.
I totally feel you and have similar feelings. I still go to work as I’m a key worker and my son still goes to school so I feel very lucky that I actually get ‘out’
But during the xmas holidays I found it tough. Most days I felt like I didn’t even like my son and he didn’t like me. He’s 8. We argue so much. I’m finding everything very overwhelming atm ESPECIALLY what to bleeping cook/make every lunch time/evening! I think so many parents must be feeling this way atm, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
But during the xmas holidays I found it tough. Most days I felt like I didn’t even like my son and he didn’t like me. He’s 8. We argue so much. I’m finding everything very overwhelming atm ESPECIALLY what to bleeping cook/make every lunch time/evening! I think so many parents must be feeling this way atm, so don’t be too hard on yourself.